


Autumn Term at Clarifloors

by RewaAllana



Series: Mithridates - A History of a Micronation [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Boarding School, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Micronation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 118,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RewaAllana/pseuds/RewaAllana
Summary: It's the start of a new term at the (in)famous private school "Clarifloors" - the historic and most successful school build by a micronation. Traditions are respected, corporal punishment is still in effect and there are many Guilds to join.For Joan - an "outsider" with a target on her back - it will be an eventful year.
Series: Mithridates - A History of a Micronation [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1500803
Kudos: 2





	1. Intro

Mithridates was a strange country. The rest of the world certainly thought so.

Mithridates was a notorious secretive micronation founded off what was an uninhibited island where the closest town or city was Northumberland in England.

If you were to look up the word “micronation”, this may be the description you get:

[ _Micronations_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micronations) _, sometimes also referred to as model countries and new country projects, are small, self-proclaimed_ _entities that claim to be independent sovereign states but which are not acknowledged as such by any recognized sovereign state, or by any supranational organization._

There was one micronation that had gained a notoriety from its early days to the present. Being one of the first well-known of its kind, the world debated its creation with rumors of nuclear weaponry or torture of its citizens. It was a very secretive community which did not like outside interference and was very proud of its own history.

Over a hundred years old, it was founded by a retired English politician who, after failing to start his own independent party, suddenly vanished to the almost forgotten Island with some of his old friends. Founded in the country of Britain’s era of the four Georges, the micronation was condemned by many governments yet managed to gain interest to unsatisfied families who moved to the Island from all over the world. Much to the bewilderment of the British, families started to move over until parliament was telegraphed of the birth of the micronation.

The man was Joseph P Obair and with his millions, re-built the town known as “Knocklivet” and built himself a Mansion called “Ravenhall”. He publicly stated he didn’t agree with the way Britain was ruled and felt he could do a better job.

For starters, men and women could marry who they pleased. To prove his point, he found a priest who agreed to marry him and his long-time lover – another man. His long-time wife stayed with him in the mansion with their children however and the family painted themselves as if this wasn’t out of the ordinary for the times.

The strange country bewildered but also drew people in as it slowly established itself to the world. Horses were mostly used for the cobble streets. Education was vast but discipline was harsh. Trading became easier. Business boomed. People from all over the world learned to live together. Obair built more houses until he was sure he could not provide anymore. His community was complete. They were free to move about if they so wished if they did not talk to newspapers or anyone else trying to paint his great “country” in a negative light. He was remembered today as an eccentric but good ruler and his great-great-great-great-great grandson – Lord Riando Cross - now lived with his family in that very mansion.

It wasn’t without a black moment in its history however, with the dictatorship of “General” Tiberius Selby bringing the unwanted attention the community did not want. Once he was taken care off, it was agreed by his son to have a committee who were voted in by the locals to avoid anything like that again.

Mithridates called itself a “micro-state” but the rest of the world had yet to agree with that statement.


	2. First Day

While most of the world cared little about it or it’s tight-knit community, there was one thing about the Island that seemed to attract “outsiders”.

Clarifloors.

The historic, infamous High school. Welcome to local children and “outsiders” who admired its reputation. It was one of the few ways outsiders – young people anyway - could get onto the Island and even then, these students found they did not see much of how the residents lived. On a hill outside Knocklivet, it oversaw the town and two small farms. Really, it saw what was to be seen on the Island. You could also sometimes see England from afar in good weather.

It was built around the same time Mithridates became a real community, therefore a building the locals were proud of. With a lot of children, it was decided to build a school for the locals. The teaching became just as famous as the odd Island it lived in, the tolerance for other religions and acceptance of LGBT and “poor kids” from its start was applauded and scorned, rich “outsiders” gave donations and their own children attended and soon it became a force to be reckoned with for teaching standards.

However, much like its home, Clarifloors was rather controversial. One, being in Mithridates and two, for sticking to the old-fashioned ways of the private school system despite the times– including the use of “fags” and corporal punishment. However, most students left without much trauma and many old “Clarries” were very proud to have attended and missed their days studying, playing together and the Island itself. Very few former students had much to say to reporters looking for a story to discredit or vilify. Those who did say bad things found a lot of opposition from their old classmates.

There was a rolement of 350 – 178 of the students were locals, the rest sent from outside Mithridates whose parents admired the “old” and “traditional” school style as well as the excellent education offered. There was great sense of tradition and history that couldn’t be denied. The school was founded by Mithridates’s founder – Joseph Obair and three of his “staff” – Thea Hapus, Anita Ferox and Richard Aprender who all gave their names to the “Houses” in which students were separated and competed in competitions together.

The present day and nothing much had changed for the school, but the community itself had. Sixty years had passed since the era of General Selby – the relative of Joseph Obair who almost single handily ruined the micronations reputation. Many had compared his rule to Nazi Germany, and it was a part of history the locals weren’t proud off. In those sixty years, Clarifloors continued to thrive well under a different system. No longer a dictatorship, it was now run by a committee voted by the community. All of them were old “Clarries” who remembered their school days fondly and so the teachers and staff were very well paid, and students learned things many schools couldn’t offer and the competitions for “outsiders” became fiercer every year.

In this new term, the Headmaster was Dr Christopher Brookes, a local man who had taught in schools around the world. He knew many languages and was delighted to be back at his own school. He had now been the school’s Headmaster for about twelve years. Students feared and respected him. The locals too. Even the committee though they kept quiet about that. Like all Headmaster’s before him, he run the school with a firm hand but made great effort to be approachable to his students. Unlike most Headmaster’s before him, he was also not afraid to challenge the committee if he felt a decision they had made was wrong.

It was the first day back in his office and as he always did at the start of term, he was writing down the names of his news “team” – the four students who would be Head Boy, Head Girl and the two deputies beneath them. They would represent the school body, lead the school’s own student led committee – known as the “Court”, serve as good role models and share ideas to him. They would also lead the Prefects in duties and create a link between teachers and pupils.

Some students had applied or sent letters begging him for the opportunity, but Dr Brookes was always rather unpredictable with who he picked. Most of the time, that strategy paid off, sometimes, if rarely, it didn’t.

Last year had been a disaster. He hoped this year would be better.

Hoped.

Dr Brookes was a traditionalist but sometimes he liked to “flip the script” as his predecessor would say. Even if that meant a student or teacher would find themselves with a role they didn’t want or hadn’t worked for. Or this case, hadn’t prepared for.

Under his authority were the four teachers assigned as “House Master” or “House Mistress” for the four houses – Aprender, Obair, Hapus and Ferox. He wrote to them to tell them which one student from each House would be on the team. Despite having a computer at hand, he stayed by tradition and sent a second-year student from each House to deliver a note to their House teacher.

House Aprender had John Read, also the Head of Music and a very talented violinist. Unlike most of the teachers, he was not a local and had left his wife and young son in London, England to teach at the famed school. Like most music teachers, he wore glasses, his much too short hair never seemed tidy and he always walked and sat with his back too straight to be believable. You could tell by listening to him that he – according to a student in the school’s “Comedy Guild” – was born with a gold spoon in his mouth. Mr Read did not find that funny and had the joke writer and the chief of the Guild sent to the Headmaster for the cane.

He was not a popular man. And anyone with no sense of humor and a high opinion of himself deserves to be unpopular.

As their House Master was also a music teacher, House Aprender naturally excelled at music competitions. As with all the Houses, they also had their own rules dating back to the school’s very first year. The school body wore ties, but Aprender’s wore bowties instead and their colour was blue during sport activates. Younger boys from first to third year wore caps and girls were told to not wear Jeweler (except a watch) or make up on their hands. Older students were simply asked to keep Jeweler away from the common room or from Read’s sight. Competitions – especially music – were just as serious as exams. Any Aprender who received lines or a send up (merits giving for good work or behavior) would be chastised or praised in front of the common room, and while rare now, back in the day the common room witnessed many a cane thrashing.

The Aprender’s were kept in line by Mr Read who was by all means, a very good teacher but had little patience with anyone who messed around. Often you would hear the cane fall as you walked past his office and not many Aprender students had escaped his arm. It was often joked – again by the “Comedy Guild” - that Aprender’s were the most miserable students because of their House master. Richard Aprender himself had depression, a well-documented case that unfortunately got the better of him in his later years. The Aprender’s themselves would defend their House Master from the mockery by pointing out that there were hardly any troublemakers compared to the other houses who all had the odd school problems with bullying as one example.

Dr Brookes had always admired the younger teachers drive to teach, but things in the man’s private life were bad and he wondered if a meeting should be called about it. Read was easily stressed and bothered and sometimes pushed incidents further than they should be and his colleagues – some older and more traditional in their ways – had voiced their concerns about him. Read told them all he was fine. He would teach for as long as he could. His wife spoke with him every day. His young son would hear his voice. He was fine.

Dr Brookes still didn’t like it. Yes. Maybe he should try to have words with him. Maybe even speak to the wife and get her real opinion.

For now though, the only message he was sending Read was to tell him that Aprender had a new Head Boy.

For the role of Head Boy, Dr Brookes chose a “safe” option from the list of students. In truth, he had picked this young man ages ago.

James-John “Jim” Barry Morrison. 5th Year.

An “outsider”. His parents were obviously fans of “The Doors” and he himself had got into Clarifloors with a music scholarship. Though having met his parents – two successful business partners who were never seen out of suits - you would never have guessed their love for “controversial” music.

Jim had been deputy Head Boy the past year. Well liked, a typical competitive yet bright boy in his fifth year. A violinist who was, to Mr Read’s dissatisfaction, not one of the best in his House. But he made up for it in sports, helping to win some competitions against the other Houses.

Ironically, it was Jim who had penned the joke about his House Master and the gold spoon. He had been a first year at the time and wanted to give comedy a go. After getting the cane, he quit the Guild. Although he still talked to his old Guild friends, Jim had now joined other ones related to sport and music and he had been a prefect since his third year. His old comedy guild friends joked that Read had killed his sense of humour. His newer friends sometimes wondered if he had any at all.

No one was surprised he was now Head Boy. Jim himself had half expected it. The Headmaster had hinted that he would try him again. For House Aprender, it was something to give a cheer about since Aprender hadn’t had a Head Boy or Girl in well over ten years. Mr Read invited the boy to his office; shook his hand and told him he deserved the “honour” but to be careful of his “co-workers”.

“You mean the rest of the team?” Jim asked him to clarify.

“Yes. Brookes has picked a rather…. colourful bunch this year for you to work with.”

In Read’s mind, only Jim was the acceptable “member”. The other’s must be a bad joke on the Headmaster’s mind.

The only way for Jim to know who was on his team was to go to the Aprender common room and check the board for himself. He entered to a few claps from his fellow Aprender’s and waited until the same second year – Lauren O’Brien – who had given Mr Read the message, now went to the board and stuck on a new notice for all to see.

The small girl couldn’t help but say to him; “You have some interesting people to work with.”

He had a look.

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

As he finished reading, he heard the room around him go quiet. He turned to see a fellow fifth year called Ron Wade had entered. His little “team” – a third year boy named Beau Clark and Wade’s second year sister Ruby – scattered a little, silently intimidating the students.

Jim was fed up with people like Wade. He gave outsiders a bad name. The fact the rumor of who he was also dating turned out to be true…..

First note as Head Boy – to make life difficult for students who intimidated others.

In another common room, the mood was very different with cheers and congratulations for the new teammate. Even the House Mistress was enjoying the student’s cheerful mood.

Mrs Linda Oliver’s was Head of Obair. A gym teacher in her early sixties who would be seen jogging around the school at five in the morning. She was a local and widower with two grown up sons who had moved out of the micronation to also teach. Mrs Oliver’s had many friends in the town and when she had some free time, she would go down to the only local cafe and chatter with her old school friends or even the children she would teach in the future.

The Obair House was the closest to the Gym rooms and the other Houses found they could barely match them in many sport events. House Obair was fiercely competitive and was often on top of all the rest after each year. Mrs Oliver’s encouraged the competitiveness to a healthy degree, always reminding her students that it was ok to lose – but try not to.

Most of her own students would agree that as a P.E teacher, Oliver’s could be intimidating. Like Read, she wasn’t afraid to use corporal punishment to keep the rowdier members of her House in check. Gym teachers are the physical sort anyway. Those who had been on the receiving end confirmed that her arm was heavy. However, she was a warm, kind person that showed she cared a lot about her student’s well-being. She could be strict but didn’t seem to mind the odd prank even at her expense. She even kept a single picture of herself that one sixth year group had made copies of a plastered all over a corridor. The only bad thing she had to say about it was that it wasn’t her “good side”.

Wearing their yellow colours proudly on the field, the students of Obair’s unique feature in the classic “Carry” uniform was their straw hats which they were instructed to carry if not wear them. If you lost your hat, even if someone stole it. you were in trouble. They also wore black socks instead of the usual white which was a uniform policy. How that tradition came about no one could remember, but it helped House Obair to show itself over the other Houses.

Within House Obair, Dr Brookes chose his Deputy Head Boy:

Dean Parks.

Another fifth-year student. Another “outsider”.

Known as “Clare” in his first year, Dean was now known as probably the most competitive boy in Obair. He was friendly, sociable, liked pranks and had a good sense of humour. A very popular student who had proven to be a good prefect. Those cheering for him in the common room did so because they all felt it was well deserved.

With his humour, Dean fit in well in the “Comedy Guild” and his love of games had him being seen everywhere on the field, in the pool and even in the library playing the quiet game of snakes and ladders. He did enjoy the odd computer game, but he was a little short sighted to enjoy it. He had been involved in almost every sport related Guilds in his four years in the school. He would have liked to be involved with everything if schoolwork didn’t come first.

Mrs Oliver’s could just imagine what some of her friends would say about Dean being “Deputy Head Boy” but she didn’t care. She had been Dean’s moral support while his parents weren’t there to help him understand his identity and she found him to be a considerate and caring young man. And after the disaster of a Head Boy Brookes had chosen from the House last year, it was nice to have someone who would represent House Obair in a more positive light.

The cheering died a little, but the congratulations kept coming for Dean. He was proud but still apprehensive.

“You’ll be fine.” His close friend Celia Spencer – a fellow prefect and leader of the “Fighter’s Guild” – told him. “So long as you watch what you say in front of Brookes.”

“You know I always say the wrong thing when I’m nervous.” He answered, grinning.

Harper Bines, the disgraced former Head Boy just glared at everyone and left the common room. No one tried to stop him.

The Obair Board finally got the note he had been waiting for and he checked to see who was on his team.

Celia and a few others gathered round; “Morrison again.” She was pleased; “at least that poor sod got another chance.”

“Language Miss Spencer.”

They had forgotten Mrs Oliver’s was still in the room. She came and looked at the note too; “So any thoughts Parks?”

Dean didn’t know what to say; “Uh… Morrison I kind of guessed would be back. But the girls….”

The teacher and students looked. Then they looked at each other with a mix of confusion and amusement.

“Well this will be another eventful year.” The teacher said before retiring. She had a few sport events to plan ahead of schedule. She knew her students were already thinking and planning for them just to beat their rival Houses – the biggest being House Hapus. House Obair’s claim to fame was its high wins in sport, but House Hapus still managed to beat them at a few games and was a worthy competitor.

Deputy Headmaster Thomas Clive Zimmerman was the House Master of Hapus. A local man with the typically Mithridates strict upbringing; he had taught in England and after that, America and still had a faint accent from his time there. A quiet specialist with a reputation for his no-nonsense approach to troublemakers and slackers. He was just as feared and respected as his Headmaster.

Hapus members were always found in the science department or making notes of the school notice boards if they weren’t training hard to keep their friendly rivalry with House Obair going. All members wore a green “H” on the left of all their clothes including skirts and trousers and their ties showed a green stripe. Boys wore green head bands while girls wore a tight green bobble in their hair during physical activity. As their common room was close by, they would take their own clothes to the laundry to save the staff some time. Zimmerman was always happy to give extra private lessons to his students which of course, helped boost their academic achievements. He was quite popular with both his students and the other Houses, but he was not one to get in trouble from. Detentions with him was miserable and corporal punishment was painful. He did not care for students who misbehaved or did not seem to care about studies.

Dr Brookes decided to give his deputy headmaster a surprise. He even chuckled to himself when he gave the innocent second year his note to give to Zimmerman, imaging his good friends face when he read the name.

He picked Ebony Vicker’s to be his Head Girl.

A Fifth-year prefect – leader of the girl’s football team which sometimes competed against other schools. Vicker’s was a local girl – noted by know-it-all students and teachers, the ONLY local in the team this year - who knew nothing of the world outside Mithridates.

She was also student who had had a lot of slips and somehow always ended up on the wrong end of someone’s cane – usually Zimmerman’s - by the time the year was up, but she was well known and popular with students and Dr Brookes was always fond of students who put in the hard work.

No one was more surprised than Ebony herself who already felt lucky that she was still a Prefect. She had sent an application, not expecting much but she was shocked and pleased though she took care not to show it. Zimmerman, giving her the traditional “blessing”, which was just a handshake and a congrats, wished her luck but warned her she had to remember her conduct.

“As Head Girl, you have a responsibility to behave like one and represent this school well. Do not let your House or the school down.” He told her.

“I will try sir.”

“You won’t try. You will.”

It was when she left the room that Tom Zimmerman bothered to read who else was in the team. Head Boy - Jim Morrison…. Expected. D.H.B - Dean Parks… a little unexpected but a good choice…. There was Ebony as Head Girl and the deputy head girl was -

Wait.

He had to read the last name on the list again. And again, just to make sure. The Deputy Head Girl who Brookes had chosen from House Ferox was….

This must be a mistake.

He gave the House Mistress from that House a quick call to ask her if she’d received the news.

She hadn’t.

By coincidence, the Ferox student came in with the note and she read it.

“Do you have another note for me?” she asked the second year.

The second year- Ivy Simmons – shook her head; “No Miss. Dr Brookes said that this other note has to go on the board.”

“Well do it then.” She went back to the phone; “I’ll give her a moment and then speak to her. And I’ll talk to you afterwards alright?”

They finished the phone call and the Head of Ferox – Miss Sarah Ramsey, wondered what to do. First, she decided she had to find the student that was going to represent her House, for better or worse. She left her office and followed Simmons to the common room.

The students of House Ferox stayed in the “Ferox tower” which had been added during England’s Victorian era and had since been renovated due to the rise of students. The tower was called “Tower Amica” (named after the then leader’s daughter) but everyone called it the “Ferox Tower”.

House Ferox was not a competitive House at all, but each student excelled in their favourite subjects and the House was very close to the school’s gigantic library so if you needed to find a Ferox student, you could go and find them there. The colour red represented the House. The uniform added epaulettes with two red stripes, the students did not wear ties except for formal events, but they were asked to include the epaulettes on their shirts and blazers. Because of the stripes, the locals called them the “soldiers” or “sergeants” of the school but a student would point out that A, the stripes on the school uniform were not together and B, a sergeant had three stripes, not two. Despite the soldier appearance, the girls could wear their hair in any way they wanted and there were quite a few who had chosen to dye to even shave their head. Nose piercings and some jewellery were not allowed under school rules but the Ferox students enjoyed a lot more freedom of expression than the other three. Jealous students called Ferox students “lazy”.

The uniform had certainly made Miss Ramsey’s reputation as a strict, no nonsense teacher clear enough without the stories of her lectures that bought sixth year boys to tears being known. However, there were very few Ferox students who could say a bad word about her. They viewed her as firm but fair and she was loyal to her students. She was the first to get behind them if she heard of someone – student, colleague or even a local - bullying her students and she was extra hard on anyone who misbehaved telling them they represented a House whose excellence in study should also match the excellence of their behaviour and if they didn’t, then you fell short. Then you would have to answer to her arm. And it was a strong arm. Some speculated it was stronger that Zimmerman’s, Read’s or even the Headmasters.

Despite their lack of competitiveness, they did excel in one important competition. And that was because of Joan Miller – a fourth year “outsider” who had almost singlehandedly brought some gold to the table after nearly twenty years. The sole undefeated champion in the “Chess Guild”, no one had defeated her ever since she arrived as an eleven-year-old. When not competing, she would act as judge for other games, offer help when asked and teach newcomers of the game some techniques that she had perfected before crushing them when they played her.

Outside the Guild though, Miller’s life was lonelier. She was notorious for being shy and awkward to talk too and not getting involved in class. She did not like being the centre of attention and preferred to stay in her room during the breaks. She also spent every holiday at school, often not talking or interacting with any student or local. Not that many actively seeked her out unless it involved the Chess Guild.

It was Joan’s name that had caused Zimmerman and more than a few teachers and students to check that they read it right. No one understood Dr Brooke’s decision there.

Miss Ramsey found a group of prefects loudly debating if the note Simmons had put up was a joke. They stopped when they saw their teacher and she confirmed it was very real.

“And I’m sure you’ll all be respectful to your new deputy head girl and try not to make things difficult”. She said with a hint that anyone who did, would regret it. “Where is she?”

No one knew.

“If she comes in here, tell her I want her in my office. I’ll check the rooms.”

“Do we congratulate her Miss?” Simmons asked.

“Well I doubt you’ll get much of a response but it’s only polite.”

The prefects still seemed unsure if this was really happening.

Miss Ramsey eventually found the new “D.H.G” of the school in her room where she liked to hide away when not in class or playing chess. Miller – as Ferox tradition - saluted as the teacher came in but couldn’t quite hide her annoyance at being disturbed.

“At ease.”

The girl relaxed but only a little.

“Well Miller, had a good day?”

“It’s been ok,” was the mumbled reply

“What did I tell you about your voice Miller? Please speak up.”

No response.

“Have you seen the school notice board Miller?”

“No Miss” the student quietly replied. “It’s a bit busy down there.”

Joan avoided crowds when she could.

“Are you aware of the news?”

“Someone dead?”

“Was that supposed to be a joke?”

The awkward silence told the teacher it wasn’t.

She got to the point; “Our Headmaster has chosen you to be the deputy head girl.”

Joan didn’t respond as she fiddled with her chess pieces. The House Mistress had just interrupted a game she was playing with herself, a technique she used to help her stay sharp in a real game.

“Well do you have anything to say?” Joan shook her head, “at all?”

“No Miss.”

Most students would have been thrilled, pleased, nervous or shocked. Maybe all four. Joan just looked bored and eager to be left alone.

“I thought you told me you wouldn’t send your application to be a prefect. What changed?”

The student frowned; “Nothing Miss, I didn’t send it.”

“So, you didn’t ask for this role?”

“No Miss.”

Joan would have rather have just said “no” but all the teachers liked it if you called them “sir, miss or madam.” Some would even go as far as to report you to your House Master or Mistress where you would have to choose either “Odd Jobs”, detention or corporal punishment if you forgot to be polite. Miss Ramsey herself didn’t really care if you were a good student but Joan didn’t take her chances. She was just one of many students who was familiar with Miss Ramsey’s arm.

Plus, it would have been rude of her. Joan liked politeness. Miss Ramsey was a teacher who had earned her respect. After all, she had already put up with her for three whole years. Joan knew she hadn’t changed much despite her going to be sixteen. She wondered how other students her age could be so far ahead, yet she seemed to relate better with the first years.

Miss Ramsey sat down on the hard-backed chair that every room had; “I find that hard to believe unless the Headmaster wanted to give you a nice surprise.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Miller, I’m talking to you.”

The student looked up with worry; “I don’t know what to say to that Miss, it might be a mistake.”

“I’ll see to it. As for yourself, don’t worry about it. Do you understand me?”

Joan just nodded.

She didn’t want to think about all this for now. Too overwhelming. Too new.

As well as the student’s social awkwardness, Miss Ramsey was dealing with one who had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Autism. A spectrum disorder. Joan was the only student in the whole school with that disability and not a lot of the staff had much training or much knowledge on the condition when the girl first arrived. Miss Ramsey wasn’t shy in admitting this to Miller and had asked the girl to be honest if things were becoming difficult for her. Something the student found trouble doing.

And added to that, the circumstances at this student’s home life. Joan hadn’t returned to her own home in Northumberland, England in over four years. It was no secret why she couldn’t go back – which was a main reason why Joan kept herself isolated. Too many unwanted questions, too many stares. Far too much interest in something that should have been a private matter.

Miss Ramsey was always worried about her, but Joan seemed to be doing well in her classes and had yet to fail a test set by the school. She was a very intelligent student who managed to have mostly good relationships with other teachers. She wasn’t failing any school subject since she was allowed to leave P.E lessons and the extra support provided by Miss Ramsey in private seemed to have helped. Like most autistic people however, she found talking to people her age a struggle and although she had friends in Ferox and other Houses due to her involvement in the Chess Guild, she preferred to be alone in her room with her chess board, her teddy bear and her books. This was how Sarah Ramsey described her to the Headmaster who she met after making sure Joan was ok before leaving her alone;

“Joan is a very gentle girl who is very easily swayed by people she trusts, and she’s been a favourite target of bullying in the past. My issue is that no one will take this seriously because she is in the team. The fact you gave her this role without her giving you an application will get leaked somehow.”

“The role of the deputy head girl doesn’t need to involve public speaking.” He replied, “and look, if the girl suffers from shyness, it’s a good opportunity for her to learn to be more open and perhaps reintroduce her to her fellow students.”

“This is a girl with autism sir, she cannot be left alone to face this new role. I am happy for her to accept but you must understand that she will need more help than the others. She should have been prepared for this in advance.”

“I’ll ask about it in their first meeting with me,” Brookes was too busy to even look at Miss Ramsey, “in the meantime, you can deliver the good news.”

Miss Ramsey realised he wasn’t really listening. She had told him Joan already knew. She decided not to argue.

“I had a lot of trouble picking among the Ferox students who wanted to join.” The Headmaster continued; “Most of them would be too busy in sport or other activities to care for this role.” He finally looked at Miss Ramsey; “I don’t want another repeat of last year and Miller is the least likely of the bunch to have this get to her head and muck things up.”

Last year’s team had been a disaster. A few idiots in the town had blamed the fact that none of the four were locals but most could see it was just a poor choice with two of the team members. Susan Anderson, the Head Girl and James-John Morrison, the then deputy head boy, had tried their best with two impossible team members and they at least managed to keep some control and a good relationship with the locals, the committee and their fellow students. The then Head Boy - Harper Brines, an Obair, had been suspended and was now often found sulking in the stands. Then there was the Deputy Head Girl – Amelia Kitt whose actions got herself expelled.

She wondered if Joan could even stand returning to the team’s office after…..

It made her angry just to remember it.

Miss Ramsey went back to the Ferox common room for roll call. The new first years wouldn’t arrive for another week but everyone else was there. She noticed the odd looks Joan was getting and the rather mild applause she got when the teacher announced the news. Joan didn’t seem bothered by it and was eager to go back in her room.

Miss Ramsey was quick to keep the prefects in the room together and again tell them to respect the chosen team member. The order was met in silence, but Gail Hampton nodded which eased the teacher a little. At least one student was willing to give Joan a chance. Even if it was just another Chess guild member.

She hoped the rest of the team would do the same.

Hoped.


	3. Paper in bowl

Jim Morrison was in familiar surroundings when he entered the team’s office. An almost hidden small room on the ground floor with a small glass window on the well-worn door. It was close to the Ferox tower and the Headmaster’s office and far from noisy corridors.

As he entered, he remembered the infighting of his Head Boy and Deputy Head Girl and the nasty way they bullied poor Susan, the Head Girl. He had been surprised to see on the notice board that Susan hadn’t been given another chance despite the tough experience they shared and yet she led him through it with as much dignity as she could earning respect from him and the school. She was now a court member, a high position under the deputies, but she deserved more. It was a shame.

He was happy to learn he would be working with Dean Parks, the girls, not so much. Parks was in a few Guilds with Morrison and he always made things entertaining while still respecting others boundaries and the rules. Ebony had been a rebel, causing difficulties for Susan in the last year despite their close friendship, and Joan was……

He didn’t really know Joan, but he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her again. The last time they were in the same room – this very room – had not been pleasant for the both of them.

Kind of a sad person, he supposed.

Dean and Ebony were already sitting at their new desks throwing crisps at each other when Jim arrived. Fierce enemies in competitions but able to be friendly in lessons, they were both “troublemakers” that Jim had disciplined as a Prefect in the past but rather liked them personally. Ebony could be less -

“Congratulations!” Dean shouted, throwing a crisp at Jim, “I have your old desk and you can move up one. Better make sure the staff wiped that seat. Harper sat on it.”

“I’d have smelt it by now.” Jim joked. Harper Bines was known for his gas.

As the boys laughed, Ebony suddenly groaned, “she’s standing out there.”

Dean looked over and saw his fellow deputy, staring - obviously nervous - out of the small window by the door. He quickly got up and opened the door; “Hi Joan! Just come in. These two don’t bite. I might but I like you.”

“Could just leave her out there” Ebony muttered but quietly. She put her feet up on her desk with a thud, satisfied when the younger girl flinched a little at the noise.

“If the Headmaster saw you do that, you’d be in trouble.” Dean responded, staying close to Joan until she was sitting down at her new desk – the furthest away from Ebony.

“You’re not one to enforce rules.”

“I’m just telling to watch yourself.”

Ebony knew that Dean was really telling her to stop scaring Joan. The younger girl was already on edge being back in the same room where Amelia and Harper had had their “fun” with her.

Joan leaned on her new desk with her left elbow and held her hands tightly, using her eyes to watch the three students she was being asked to work with.

This was all different. And Joan took time to adjust when things were different.

Out of the three, Joan was only “friends” with Dean. For a long time, he had been the only Obair to try and beat her at Chess for the House competitions – always miserably failing. She never really spoke much, but he could always tell that she wanted too and would always try to bait her into a lively conversation when they competed. The few times he managed to get any words out of her, he found her rather interesting and thoughtful. Joan appreciated the gesture and although it took her a while to understand his jokes, she liked his sense of humour. The fact he was playing mostly for fun was a nice change too. Sometimes House Obair was so sports filled that he could be overwhelmed so it was nice to find someone who was merely competing for fun rather than glory. Even if she did slaughter him and anyone who dared challenge her without mercy.

Both were outsiders in a sense – she, having autism, with her backstory being in the national press so she was effectively in hiding while he was born a girl but now identified as a young man and whilst not a secret, he didn’t parade it to new friends and no longer participated in “stupid” conversations about the LGTB community in the school. Both had been bullied mercilessly for their differences but now both were in positions of power. And they knew it. 

So, it was inevitable that Dean was the first to go over and welcome her kindly while Ebony glared from her desk and Jim stayed put, observing the strange girl. Joan didn’t mind, she was very used to that kind of reception, so she smiled as best she could and sat at her new desk, placing the teddy bear on the table – much to Ebony’s obvious disgust. Joan again ignored that.

Dean could see the other two’s discomfort and chuckled; “not shy, are you?” he turned to Joan. “You’ll get on well with these two. They’re very shy.”

Jim took the hint; “I’m sorry to say he’s right.” He went up and shook Joan’s hand; “Do you remember me?”

Joan nodded. Her eyes wondered to Ebony’s desk.

That was not a pleasant memory. But she’d suffered worse.

She didn’t want to remember those moments actually -

“I reckon Amelia would be angry now that you’re on the team.”

“Is that good?” Joan finally spoke.

Her voice was much lower than you would expect so Jim was a little taken aback before recovering;

“I suspect so.”

“Of course, it is!” Dean put an arm around them both; “first thing we’ve got to do is the questions. Then we need to work together to kick House Hapus’s arses.”

“Questions?” Ebony was confused.

Jim picked up a glass bowl that was full of broken bits of paper from his desk; “Yeah. This one.”

Ebony remembered; “The Court’s questions. Right. Do we really have to?”

Joan privately wondered the same thing.

“I thought you locals were obsessed with tradition.” Dean joked.

Ebony scowled but sighed; “Fine.”

The tradition for the new team was to receive a bowl with questions on pieces of paper which was provided by members of the new committee of prefects – or the Court - and some of the teachers who had time on their hands. It was a bonding exercise for the new team and an insight to what the court and perhaps the school in general expected from them.

As it was his second time on the team and he was Head Boy, Jim took it upon himself to place the bowl on a small table in the middle of the room. The four students would then take their chairs from their desk and make a circle around it and between them, would pick out a piece of paper and read the question aloud. Then each person would answer. This would go on for fifteen to half an hour so not every question could be read.

Jim remembered how Amelia and Harper had made him fear for his life with some of their answers. At least this lot would perhaps use this time for fun. Even if Ebony clearly wasn’t in a good mood and Joan was still uneasy to be there.

Dean helped himself to the bowl; “they don’t have fun with these do they Jim?”

“No. They’re all a bit difficult to answer.” He turned to Joan, “if you struggle to answer or have trouble understanding them just let us know.”

Joan nodded. Secretly, she wanted to tell him he was not her teacher. But that would be rude. And at least he was trying to be nice -

“Jim’s talking to you.” Ebony suddenly said in a rather confrontational way to her deputy, “you could have the common curtesy-” 

“Shut up Vicker’s” Dean said it in a jokey way, but his eyes showed he wasn’t having a laugh.

“She acknowledged me. It’s fine” Jim said. He saw Joan shake a little, but she didn’t say a word.

He seriously wondered how this one was going to cope at all. Being the deputy was hard enough -

Dean read his piece of paper; ““What can you learn from the last team?””

“Don’t be a dick to the prefects” Ebony immediately answered. She’d been punished a lot for insulting them.

“Listen to the court” was Jim’s answer.

“You pal?” Dean encouraged Joan.

“She doesn’t have anything to say.” Ebony said.

“Show some patience” Joan quietly but bluntly replied to the question while looking directly at Ebony.

Jim and Dean were impressed. Joan Miller did have some fight in her.

Ebony awarded her deputy with a warning glare to watch herself.

“I’ll cheat and take all your answers as mine too.” Dean gave Joan the bowl, “do you want me to read it?”

Joan appreciated that; “I’m fine thanks.”

“Oh, now your being polite?” Ebony asked with little hidden aggression.

“Only to those who’ve earned it really” Joan responded in a polite but mischievous tone.

Dean giggled.

“Speak to me like that again, we’ll have you over my desk again.”

Ebony was rewarded by the boys giving her their furious glares.

“if you say so.” Joan mumbled, going through the bowl.

Jim silently ordered Ebony to apologise.

She did so, reluctantly; “Sorry Miller. I’m not in the best of moods.”

Joan gave her a glance but didn’t respond. She picked up a question and had a look.

A few seconds went by.

“Well read it out then!” Ebony impatiently ordered.

Joan read the question quietly; ““Is it right that someone who has no experience as a prefect should be made a member of the team?””

The other three looked at each other awkwardly.

Joan shrugged as she silently re-read the question to herself; “probably not.”

“But what would you say to defend yourself?” Jim asked.

“I used to participate as an audience for the committee meetings way back in first year, so I know the rules and what a prefect is supposed to do. Because I haven’t been made a prefect, I am perhaps more aware of students we may need to watch out for, and I know some practices that perhaps the three of you wouldn’t know because no one would dare tell a prefect. I would suspect that the three of you would be willing to help me in some things. And in any case, I must have made an impression on the Headmaster and I don’t want to disappoint him or the people who look after me in not accepting – or my Dad.”

Silence.

“Did that make any sense?” Joan looked worried.

“It did, yes” Dean spoke for the other two. “Someone should have written it down. You should say the same speech in the first committee meeting. Give that cheeky bastard, whoever it is, a telling off.”

“It was probably Blair or Darci” Jim responded as he took a quick peek at the names of who was in the court that year.

“Blair? Blair Stillman is in Court?” Ebony was surprised and not pleased.

“He’s not very nice.” Joan shared her Head Girl’s feelings.

“He’ll get himself kicked out soon enough.” Dean assured them.

“Here’s hoping,” Jim turned back to Joan, “will you remember what you said? Or should we write it down now?”

“I’ll remember it” Joan promised, not thrilled about the idea of talking to a group of students who had clearly shown they were not happy with her on the team. Then again, it wasn’t a surprise to her.

“And if anyone gives you grief, I’ll beat them up” Dean teased as Joan gave the bowl to Jim. “Remember when I locked Gladys Hillman in your locker?”

It was the first time the team saw Joan smile.

“That was you?” Ebony asked.

“Joan and me actually” Dean boasted.

“It was my locker and I had the key” Joan confessed, holding back the urge to giggle about it. It was a very pleasant memory.

Dean gleefully threw a crisp at Ebony; “your old friend was teasing Joan, so I went up behind her and gave her a scare. Then I pushed her in Joan’s locker, I shut the door, Joan gave me the key.”

“She teased you first” Joan corrected him.

“Yeah ok, but you know I like to portray myself as a hero”, Dean responded, smiling at her and managing to get the shy girl to chuckle.

“Did you get in trouble?” Jim asked.

“Yes. Mrs Oliver’s got me on Odd Jobs – cleaning duty, I had to clean one of the gym halls – this was before I became a prefect, so I didn’t lose my privileges.”

“You didn’t pick corporal punishment or detention?”

“I can’t waste my Saturdays and my parents won’t let them use CP” he turned to Joan. “what happened to you?”

“Nothing really.”

After hearing about Dean’s punishment, she didn’t want to admit that the usually strict Miss Ramsey only gave her a light scolding. Very light. Too bad her custodian had made sure she didn’t sleep on her stomach for two nights when he heard about it. It was still worth it.

“Whilst I’m pleased that happened, if you call that bitch my old friend again, I’ll strangle you” Ebony warned Dean.

“She was your friend.” Joan pointed out, “I remember you both -”

“Shut up” Ebony’s voice went dangerous.

Jim quickly read out his question; “What do you hope to achieve personally in your role?”

“I didn’t even know I was being made Head Girl” Ebony replied, “I haven’t thought of it yet.”

“Maybe a sense of enjoyment despite how serious this is?” Dean answered, unsure. “I wasn’t prepared to be here either.”

“Confidence” was Joan’s simple answer.

“Tough one.” Jim admitted, “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“It’s such a Susan Anderson question.” Ebony complained. She loved her best friend, but she could be predictable.

“Looks like her handwriting” Jim said as he gave her the bowl.

“Figures,” she picked her paper; ““Would you be happy to watch someone receive corporal punishment?”” Ebony looked up; “wait, we have to watch?”

“Yeah,” Joan answered, “I had the Head Girl watching in my first year and then Mr Zimmerman or the House Matron have been there instead. She cried a lot.”

Ebony was stunned; “Wait, you mean they watched _you_ getting it?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re an angel though” Dean quipped, surprised that a girl was openly admitting to having been disciplined in that manner.

Joan shook her head at that and they both chuckled.

“Most choose Detention or Odd Jobs so it’s not something you see all the time.” Jim responded, “the Head of Houses prefer to use teachers or the Matrons.”

Except in very serious cases, student who broke the rules could pick three options of discipline - Detention, Odd Jobs or Corporal Punishment or “DOC”. Detention meant a Saturday or two in a class room with a teacher who would add on days if you were late or misbehaved out of boredom and you had to do the eight hours in silence doing prep– Odd Jobs meant your House Matron or another member of staff would make you do some “activity” to “benefit” the school while corporal punishment usually meant a quick, but rather painful five to fifteen minutes with your House Master or Mistress who all had their favourite objects. Mrs Oliver’s had her small wooden paddle and slipper, Mr Read had his cane, Zimmerman had a leather strap and cane while Miss Ramsey had her slipper or just used her hand. They were all known to wield anything that they kept in their dreaded “punishment cupboards”.

The worst thing to get was to be sent Dr Brookes which meant he chose your punishment and it was usually always the cane. And Dr Brookes was a graceful caner. When a student was sent to the Headmaster for corporal punishment, it was a huge talking point for the gossips. House Hapus’s news team would write a story of it which Mr Zimmerman didn’t approve off. It didn’t matter what age you were; it was always going to be six or more on the hand or backside from Dr Brookes. Your House Master or Mistress would watch or a team member who represented your House would.

Out of the four new team members, Ebony had to admit she had suffered from C.P the most thanks to her temper and natural mischief. Jim had only had the cane three or four times (which was still very little for an Aprender) and Joan was rather vague with her response when asked.

“I think I’m the only one here that’s never got it then” Dean sighed, “my parents told the school not to use it so I’ve suffered through a lot of detentions and Odd jobs.”

“Do you want the third option”? Jim was surprised.

“I’ve suffered rugby and football injuries worse than a few strokes of the cane, I’m sure of it.”

“It’s not so much the pain, it’s the fact it makes you feel ashamed of yourself. It’s humiliating.” Ebony added.

“Isn’t that the point anyway?”

“Do you remember Camilla Robertson?” Joan asked, derailing the conversation a little. “She was the Head Girl that witnessed my first slippering. Miss Ramsey ended up comforting her afterwards. She was a mess. But the teacher said that was part of her job so that’s how I know.”

“Unless it’s Gladys Hillman, I’m not sure if I could cope myself.” Ebony admitted.

“Or Ron Wade”. Jim added, “I’d like to see that bastard getting what he deserved.”

“Ron Wade can go fuck himself.”

The two deputies looked at each other, uncomfortable with the language used.

“To be honest Miller, I find it hard to picture you getting the slipper” said Jim. He privately wondered how Miss Ramsey was allowed to use CP on a disabled student. Joan seemed fine with it, but it still didn’t sit well with him.

Especially when he remembered how Amelia had beaten Joan only last year….

Joan understandable seemed embarrassed; “Yeah I….” She had a sudden energy as her eye itched and she scratched it; “I think you will be coming to Miss Ramsey’s office when I get it again Ebony.”

“Why do you sound like you’re sure you’ll get it?” Ebony looked worried.

“Usually it’s because someone says I’ve said something out of turn or I do things that Miss Ramsey really doesn’t like – say you don’t wear a certain part of your uniform – that can get you one Saturday or two or sometimes even six with the slipper.”

“Don’t you take the detention or jobs?” Dean asked.

“I never do. The first time I went to detention, I had a breakdown so they took me out– I have them sometimes because of the autism….”

“Yeah” Dean nodded, showing her that someone was interested while Jim and Ebony rather rudely looked keen to move on.

Joan appreciated the gesture; “The woman that was running it gave me two extra days, so I spoke to Miss Ramsey and she changed it and I got the slipper instead. Always chosen that over detention since.”

“Wasn’t that woman Mrs Forest and she got fired that year?” Jim asked, eager to try and change the conversation.

“Yeah, she was a brute” Dean responded, “picked on Susan Anderson, didn’t she?”

“She did” Ebony confirmed.

Susan, last year’s Head Girl and Ebony’s best friend, was from a rather upper-class English family but very respected by both students and teachers. She was deaf but could read lips and carried a hearing aid when she had trouble. Sadly her experience with Mrs Forrest had been rather traumatic. Mrs Forrest was a brilliant history teacher, but she had students who weren’t her favourites – Ebony and Susan had been two of them and both were glad when they complaints were listened to by Dr Brookes who agreed that on several occasions, she stepped out of line. Joan and Dean had even quit doing history to get away from her, but Joan had since retaken it and had easily caught up with everything.

“Hold on,” Jim remembered something and turned back to Joan, “did you say _Mr Zimmerman_ has witnessed Miss Ramsey punish you?”

“Yeah”

That was odd. Why would a grown man come to watch a girl being disciplined in that way?

“What’s he doing in the Ferox tower in the first place anyway?”

“Well I don’t know if it’s a secret or not but both of them have been going out for some time.”

“You ought to do the Ferox papers,” Dean joked, giggling at Ebony’s mouth-dropping reaction to the reveal, “you’re here all the time so you know everything.”

“Mr Zimmerman also knew my father; they were in this school together. He’s my guardian when school’s over and while Dad’s…. He’s kind of like my uncle if I had one. Except he’s not.”

Jim relaxed. He didn’t dare say what he was thinking beforehand.

“Does he punish you if the school punishes you then?” Ebony asked.

“Not unless I do something really bad – say like lying or playing truant.”

That was a white lie. But Joan felt that question was a little too personal from someone who had antagonised her only five minutes ago.

“You play truant?” Ebony was surprised.

“I have – some days just can’t be bothered being in here. I’m here all the time and Ebony…. It’s no excuse but there you go.”

Ebony – reluctantly - started to like Joan. Clearly, she had the same teenage spirit. It was just very well hidden from view, only escaping by pieces.

Too bad Ebony didn’t think she could be friends with her; “Address me as Vicker’s, not Ebony.”

Joan decided she didn’t like her Head Girl.

“We have ten new locals in our House,” said Jim, interrupting Ebony’s thoughts. “One of them is called _Consus_.”

“Roman God of grain and harvest.” Joan spoke up, though she shared Jim and Dean’s unimpressed reaction.

“What’s with the locals naming their kids after Roman God’s or whatever fancy thing they can think of?” Dean asked aloud.

It was a running joke that if you wanted to guess who the local students were, you just had to find the “weird” names in the register, and they would point out the “normal” named ones out of frustration. As a local herself, Ebony had heard that joke too many times including the “hilarious” – “are you sure you’re a local? Your name is too ordinary!” She often responded with “do you know anyone else called Ebony? No.” It wasn’t a hysterical response, but she didn’t care.

“I hate my name. It’s so old fashioned, it’s not funny.” Joan complained. She was rather fond of the unusual names of the locals.

“Don’t you have a middle name?” Dean asked.

“ _February_ ….” Joan answered through gritted teeth.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Joan _February_ Milller?” Dean squirmed in his seat with delight; “What about we just call you Jo? You know I’ll do it anyway.”

“It just sounds like I’m an old man.”

“You’re an old soul Jo.”

“Shut up”.

Jim tried hard not to chuckle but seeing this, Dean rushed over and pinched his cheeks until both of them were laughing loudly. Joan grinned at this, rocking gently in her chair while Ebony just stared. Joan saw her stare, her grin faded, and she turned away. Satisfied, Ebony finally laughed with the boys.


	4. The First Meeting

Now the new team had to face their very first meeting as four, with Dr Brookes. The man who had chosen them.

Apprehensive all of a sudden, Ebony asked for Joan to let her and the boys do the talking.

“Why?” Joan was confused.

“Because you’ll say the wrong thing and you’ll end up looking like an idiot.”

Joan felt rather offended.

“You sound like one,” Dean defended Joan, “the Head will be a bit confused if she doesn’t answer him.”

“I’m only saying what we’re all thinking.”

“What you’re thinking-”

“Guys.” Jim stopped the bickering.

Now Joan felt apprehension.

“Maybe just talk when he talks directly to you ok?” Jim suggested.

“Ok” Joan answered, still not happy.

Ebony huffed but nodded. Dean patted Joan as the left their office as an apology both for his and Ebony’s behaviour. Joan wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to do this anymore.

It was always going to be tricky first meeting. Everyone was very guarded. The Head expected this – so when they stood up outside his office to greet him and enter, he’d already made the tea. Joan was given a can of cold coke as he’d been told she didn’t drink tea. No one told him she didn’t drink coke either, but Joan tucked it in her pocket and wisely said nothing.

Dr Brookes looked at his young team. They were certainly all different – Morrison was the responsible one, he was sure of that. Park’s was the competitor, the joker, who had an eye for detail. Vicker’s was the opinionated one who knew all the student’s thoughts and feelings. Miller…. He wasn’t sure. The Wildcard he decided. It was up to her to show what she could do.

“First of all, I want to say it was a difficult choice picking this year’s team so the four of you should be proud of yourselves. This is an important duty with a lot of power – power that you may never have again once you leave the school. What I want to make clear is that I don’t want a repeat of last year’s shenanigans. Understood?”

“Yes sir!” The boys and Ebony said. Joan remained quiet.

She privately wondered why Harper and Amelia’s actions were being referred to as “shenanigans” when Miss Ramsey had openly accused the then D.H.G of torturing the students beneath her. That wasn’t meer “shenanigans,” an accusation of torture was serious. She knew Amelia would have agreed with her on that – beast as she was……

She didn’t notice Dr Brookes give her a side eye when he noticed she hadn’t spoken. He kept quiet about it; “Morrison, you and Miss Anderson did well with what you got. It’s my unfortunate lack of knowing all my students that got you both in that position and I apologise yet applaud you for how you dealt with the situation.”

When are they going to stop talking about it? Joan wondered. She wished she had her bear, but the rest of the team had made her leave it behind in the office. Being reminded of Amelia was making her uncomfortable. She started to chew her hand, unaware of Ebony’s glare.

“Parks, you’ve proven to be a hardworking and capable young man who found himself in his first year and has shown his peers how strong he is. I hope this role will help reinforce your confidence in yourself.”

Joan felt a punch under the table. She looked at Ebony who was sitting next to her. The older girl just scowled.

What had she done? Joan couldn’t figure it out.

“You are one of our locals aren’t you Miss Vicker’s?”

Ebony’s face changed; “Yes sir. I live near where the boat goes out.”

“You have younger brothers and sisters?”

“Yes sir – two brothers and one sister. One of my brothers will be in the first-year next year.”

“And the other one?”

“He’s in the year below my brother. My sister had just started nursery”

In Mithridates, the primary school and nursery were run by the locals. Local children only. The younger children didn’t need to worry about corporal punishment there, but it was no secret to the outsiders like Jim, Dean and Joan that the children of Mithridates would be often over their parents’ knees. Apart from that, they found it was an ordinary kind of town – minus the “squirrels should to be shot on sight rule” rule and the very recent ban of the world press.

Joan knew that was partly her fault.

Or her parents’ fault.

She shook her head at that thought. It was never good to think of them when she should be concentrating on giving the best presentation of herself.

Even if that was severely lacking…….

“You also have an older brother and sister above you who have left the community yes?” Brookes asked his Head Girl. “What were their names again?”

“Gaios and Zoseime”.

She heard both Dean and Jim chuckle under their breath. She also saw Joan’s smile creep in as the younger girl looked down to try and hide it.

Sometimes she hated outsiders.

“They’re both studying medicine sir.”

“Do you plan to do so yourself?”

“I’m still not sure yet.”

“You have time. Some of us only find out what we want to do years after we leave our schools.”

Nice to know, Joan thought. She didn’t have a clue what she wanted. Other than play more chess.

Brookes finally turned to Joan.

“I haven’t heard one word out of you yet Miller.”

He could see Miss Ebony Vicker’s looked worried already. Miss Joan Miller on the other hand remained as still as a statue and said nothing.

“Miss Ramsey warned me that your very quiet and I can see she wasn’t wrong.”

Still nothing.

“Are you a little afraid of me Miller?”

“Answer” Ebony sneered quietly so only Joan could hear.

“We’re waiting Miss Miller.”

“A little”, the girl quietly yet clearly answered. “Guess so….”

“You guess so? Why?”

“You have a very hard, scary face sir. You could smile more often. Everyone looks better when they smile.”

Brookes silently chuckled at the horrified expressions of the older students as they stared at the unabashed fourth year who clearly hadn’t seen anything wrong with what she said.

“Someone told you that before have they?”

“My Gran sir. She used to make me practice in the mirror.”

“Do you still do that?”

“Not really. I did until… Maybe the end of third year?”

“That’s a long time.”

“I usually need help to keep a habit and smiling in mirrors got tiresome after a while. My face isn’t very interesting. Mirrors are only there to show if you look presentable.”

Brookes leaned forward towards her; “You can manage to do your duties to its fullest while still being honest. That is a troubling yet surprising good trait to have.”

Joan didn’t really understand that statement.

“Miss Ramsey said you may need help but that can be arranged. Do you think you can grow into your new role in this school?”

“I’ll try sir.”

It was the first time Dr Brookes did not get a “yes” response from this new team.

Brookes silently eyed the other students in the silence that followed. Everyone but his new deputy head girl was now on edge. Then he noticed Miller’s choice of footwear and went back into character.

“You will. Trying makes me question if you can.” The Headmaster put his hands together; “When you come to my office, I expect my students to be in their shoes at all times.”

Ebony looked down at Joan’s feet.

Shit.

She turned to the boys. How in the hell had they missed this?

Both boys were thinking the same thing and Dean’s blank mind tried to figure out what to say to get his fellow deputy out of trouble.

“I want you to go and find your shoes and come back. Can you do that?” Dr Brookes asked his deputy Head Girl.

“No sir.”

The Headmaster turned on the glare; “Excuse me?”

“I can’t do that sir.”

“And why not?”

“I don’t have any just now.”

Joan showed little fear in her voice when announcing that.

“Then go to your room and find them.”

“They’re not there.”

The Headmaster went silent, staring hard at his deputy head girl.

Joan turned to Jim, completely unaware of the tense atmosphere her words had created; “are we supposed to speak?” Then she noticed his face change to disbelief at her question; “What’s wrong?”

“Miller, you can stay where you are.” Brookes tone was quiet; “the rest of you – go outside until I call you back in.”

“sir-” Dean attempted to speak.

“Now.”

The other three left quickly, eager to get away from the potentially angry Headmaster.

“Great start” Ebony muttered once the door was closed.

“I didn’t see that!” Dean sensed his friends’ displeasure; “If I had, I would have said something.”

“She’s going to be difficult, isn’t she?” Jim mumbled. A bad meeting with the Head didn’t reflect well on him.

“She’s not going to last.”

“Ebony -”

“I’m just telling the truth. She won’t be able to handle to workload, she’s never been a prefect, she has no idea how this all works.”

“As far as I’m concerned, none of you know how this works. Just me.” Jim said firmly. He agreed with some points, but he had to be honest; “This isn’t going to be easy for us and we need to learn to work together.”

Ebony sniffed but said nothing else.

Alone with the fourth year, Brookes gave himself a moment to observe the fifteen-year-old girl who had brought a lot of attention to the school and onto the Island itself in recent times. Joan stared back at him, feeling alone without the other students.

“Do you know why I’ve sent your fellow team members out Miller?”

Joan scratched an ear and innocently answered; “you want to speak privately to me. Do you?”

Brookes quickly realised Joan hadn’t attempted to be cheeky. He decided to move on to his main concern;

“Who took your shoes?”

Joan’s eyes looked away and the Headmaster finally noticed some nerves.

“Don’t look away, I know enough about you to know you’ve been victim of petty theft in the past. Do you know who took them?”

“No sir.” Joan managed to answer.

“What size are you?”

“I usually wear large shirts, but I prefer extra-”

“Your feet. Just your feet.”

“I’m size 7 but I usually wear size 9.”

“Why?”

“My feet get claustrophobic”.

Brookes was secretly enjoying his talk with the student; “No wonder if you trip often.”

“I’m not sorry to lose them sir”

Brookes decided to become firm; “I can’t have the new deputy girl wearing nothing on her feet. It’s not proper in my school.” He noticed Joan’s hand was digging into her wrist but decided to try and ignore that for now; “Do you remember last year’s deputy head girl?”

Not this again, Joan managed not to roll her eyes;

“I was caned by her.”

“Do you know why?”

“No sir.”

“She wrote in her records that you insulted a first-year student and gave you two strokes on the hand.”

Joan shook her head; “It was on my legs actually.”

“And it was a lot more than two wasn’t it? The Head Boy held you down – sat on you in fact - so you couldn’t escape. And you had to get sent to the school nurse, didn’t you? Miss Ramsey sent you when she saw the damage.”

“She said I was hit too hard.” Joan tried not to be bothered by the memory. That wasn’t a good day. Not the worst. But not pleasant to remember.

“There was blood running down your legs.”

“I’d never been struck in the legs before sir, the Head Girl told me that was normal.”

“Did you believe her?”

“No sir. But sometimes people say stuff that I know isn’t true but they like to insist I’m wrong, so I didn’t say anything.”

“And I knew that girl was lying about you because the time you were supposed to be insulting that student, you were actually in the library with a fellow Guild member preparing for the House chess competition.”

Joan suddenly grinned; “Yeah I won that.”

 _That_ was a good memory.

“Is working in the same room this happened going to cause problems?”

“No sir. I don’t like it, but I’ll get used to it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m going to have get used to a lot of new things. I don’t think being in that room will be the hardest.”

“The fact that you’re a very honest young woman – and I’ve been told that you are easily caught out when you’re not truthful - means I don’t need to fear any lies with this year’s team. At the same time, I’ve never had a student who has not yet been made a Prefect been placed on the team before. Do you feel you can do this without help?”

“No sir.”

Brookes once again appreciated her honesty; “I see.”

“Miss Ramsey said I need as much help as I can get but I am willing to put the effort in.”

“I know that. What you lack in experience, you do make up for it with your enthusiasm. You could learn to watch your tongue but it’s nice to hear from someone who is known not to talk at all.”

“I usually don’t talk because I need to watch what I say. I don’t know how else to watch it.”

Brookes decided to change the subject; “I will ask for someone to come into the school and measure your feet for proper shoes – that uniform, when was the last time it was washed?”

The Headmaster had clearly hit a nerve and he saw her eyes narrow at him; “last night.”

Brookes didn’t believe her; “Did you give it to the staff to wash last night?”

“No sir.”

“You need to do that if you don’t want to get made fun off.”

“I don’t like giving the staff my clothes sir. I usually just wash them myself.”

Brookes was stunned; “What?”

Joan didn’t speak.

“You wash them yourself?”

Joan’s eyes were wide; “The staff don’t really like me sir.”

“Why not?”

“They told me last summer. I don’t know why really – one of them said they all didn’t like me. They were tempted just to rip them up because I annoy them so much. I don’t want them ripped because I’ll get in trouble.”

“I see. Have you told Miss Ramsey this?”

“The lady told me not too.”

“But she didn’t tell you not to tell me. Did she?”

Fair point; “No sir.”

“And who is this?”

Joan’s jaw shook.

Outside the office, Jim, Ebony and Dean had been waiting to hear the cane fall but so far, nothing had happened. Brooke’s secretary was also keeping an ear out so there was an uncomfortable silence.

Brookes wrote down the name Joan reluctantly gave him; “Well that’s one good thing you’ve already done for this school. We don’t like members of staff who insult the students. But that leaves no excuse for you not to hand in your uniform and I’ll let Miss Ramsey know what you’ve told me.”

Joan didn’t look thrilled to hear that.

“Something wrong?”

“She’s in a rather bad mood with me today sir.”

“Do you know why?” Brookes pressed a button to let his secretary know that the other students could come in.

“I don’t think she wants me to be in the team to be honest.”

“I’m sure she does,” he welcomed Jim, Ebony and Dean back in, “I’m sure Miss Ramsey is just a little worried given that you are one of our vulnerable students. Having this condition that will affect your life as well as circumstances with your family.”

Joan’s eyes went small again; “Sir, I’d rather you didn’t mention that with the other students in the room.”

Brookes could see the “other students” apprehension. All three of them clearly hadn’t expected Joan Miller to be this outspoken. He hadn’t either. She was supposed to be too shy to talk to anyone she didn’t really know. It was both a nice and nasty surprise to everyone.

“Very well, I’ll try not too but as Headmaster I do take an interest in my student’s life’s.”

“There’s been too much interest in mine sir. I don’t even need to introduce myself anymore, people do that for me.”

Dr Brooke’s back straightened, deliberately pausing before he could answer. It only visibly scared the other three students. Miller just stood up, waiting to be told to leave. She’d had enough.

“Fair point. You’re all excused.” He looked back down at Miller’s feet; “And the next time you walk in here in your bare feet, I will take the cane to you.”

Once all four students were gone, Dr Brookes made a call for Mis Ramsey to see him at once.

Dean waited until the door was closed to say; “I think you just escaped his hand there.”

“Is that the worst thing that can happen?” Joan responded, clearly not bothered at all and very pleased to have that experience behind her.

It would have been more welcoming if his office got a brighter paint job, she thought to herself.

The students went back to their new office. Joan immediately picked up her bear and Jim, his book.

“Why didn’t any of you notice she wasn’t wearing shoes?” Ebony hissed at the boys.

“I don’t stare at people’s feet,” Dean answered.

“Where are your shoes anyway?” Ebony asked Joan, although she knew the answer.

“Taken probably.”

“You don’t sound bothered.”

“I’m bored with the nonsense really.”

“It’s happened before?” Jim felt concerned.

“Too many times.” Ebony answered for her deputy, “Mr Zimmerman caned more than one girl when her shoes ended up in the Hapus common room. The girls would pick the locks and hide them in the sofas or even among the first-year shoes. They’re probably there now.”

“You seem to know a lot about it” Jim pointed out.

Ebony answered him with a glare.

“Maybe now your deputy head, it’ll stop.” Dean said hopefully. He had been a victim of this “nonsense” in his second year, so he knew how annoying it was.

Joan suddenly seemed tired; “do we need to go to classes today?”

“We don’t,” Jim answered, “we’re supposed to plan on meetings and so forth but Ebony and Dean want to go over the sport events, so I thought you and I could let them do it.”

“Jim has no care unless he’s on a team,” Dean teased, “and Joan - you don’t care for sports, do you?”

“No” Joan bluntly answered, much to the others amusement.

“Joan’s beaten both your Houses in chess,” Jim pointed out to the others.

“And yours!” Ebony shot back. “Aprender students aren’t known for their intelligence.”

“Music is actually a second language so that’s a bit unfair.” Joan responded for Jim, reminding them of Aprender’s reputation for musicality.

“Maybe so but do you want to wear a bowtie like Jim?”

“No.” Joan had to admit that. She hated anything that went around the neck. She remembered that fear was called “pnigophobia” but kept that to herself. She wasn’t yet comfortable with this group despite being quite friendly to her. Not yet. Dean was nice to her. Jim, she wasn’t sure of and Ebony was……

Quite frankly being a bit of a bitch to her.

It was the nicest thing Joan could think of.

Which kind of bothered her.

“Or have my House Master?” Jim asked, continuing the debate. “Would you like to have him as your Head of House?” He grinned sadly at the three shaking heads his question received.

In his office, Chris made a call to the school’s Housekeeper or “caretaker”; “Can you please tell the maid that goes by the name of “Anne Kilguar” to get herself out of my school? What do you mean what for? Any staff member that threatens my students are not welcome here. It’s come to my attention that this woman made remarks to a Ferox student – oh you know who I’m talking about? I appreciate she was disciplined but I don’t want her in here anymore. Her actions have caused unnecessary distress and - Thank you. I know this will be tough for you, but I trust you will carry it out.”

He then put the phone down and turned to Miss Ramsey; “there we go.”

The Ferox House Mistress was satisfied; “And how was it? Meeting Miller without me?”

Dr Brookes drank from his coffee; “A rather surprising young lady. Very blunt but very polite. Told me I needed to smile more. Didn’t seem scared to tell me off but a little apprehensive talking about her problems. She didn’t want to tell me about this maid, took a lot of coaxing to get any information.”

Miss Ramsey wasn’t surprised; “My student is a rather unpredictable person.”

“I know. I saw it for myself. Didn’t you tell me she was shy?”

“She is. She has a funny way of showing it sometimes but being around a group is stressful or at the very least a tiring experience. She does try to fight it-”

“With some degree of success, pity about the manners part,” He cleared his throat, “Sarah you need to make sure she doesn’t leave her room barefooted again, we can’t have that.”

Sarah put her hand on her head; “I’ve talked to her so many times about that sir and I -”

“She has trouble doing as she’s told?”

“Sometimes she does.”

“Have I made a mistake putting that girl on the team?”

“I honestly don’t know sir. She’s a quick thinker, very intelligent girl and very respectful towards teachers and staff but that respect is not rewarded by more than a few students and that affects her behaviour as well as her confidence”.

The Headmaster suddenly remembered his deputy; “What about Tom?”

“You asked him not to get too much involved in her school life since he’s her guardian while the father is still recovering.”

Chris shook his head; “Forget it – he can help her out now.” He went back to his desk; “I want to give that girl a chance while she is still here – we can’t let her gifts go to waste – but she will need as much help as you can give to one student.” He gave her a note; “I’ve written down the size of shoes she requested-”

“Size nine?”

“Apparently her feet get claustrophobic.”

Sarah didn’t see the humor in that; “oh for goodness sake….”

He hid his grin; “I have sent for someone from town to meet tomorrow and help find some shoes for her. The school will pay. The students were the ones who took them anyway.”

“At lunch time?”

“Yes. If you want to be with her.”

“I will yes.”

“And Sarah – she said some things that she probably didn’t realize got her very close to getting the cane. Luckily for her she made it clear she didn’t intend any cheek but it’s something that should be discussed. I can tolerate it when we’re alone but not in front of the other students.”

Sarah sighed; “what did she say?”

In the past, the Head Boy and Girl and their deputies got a new room to stay in. Since these rooms were no longer used, each new team member just went back to their old rooms. After a very tiring day, Joan was glad to be back in hers. Her eyes felt tired and she was looking forward to bed.

She wasn’t thrilled to hear Miss Ramsey’s unmistakable hand knocking on her door, but she quickly got up and saluted as the teacher entered.

“At ease” Miss Ramsey said, allowing Joan to sink back into her bed, “you enjoy your new bed then?”

“It’s ok Miss”

A little too comfortable for someone who had to get up early most mornings, but it beat the wobbly one she had to put up with in the last few days of term.

“Just too much new things to get to grips with?”

Joan was sometimes a little freaked out that Miss Ramsey seemed to know what she was thinking.

“Yes Miss.”

“It’s a good opportunity, but don’t feel you need to take all of this on your own. Alright?”

“Yes Miss.”

Joan wondered when she would be left alone to enjoy her sleep. Her head was very sore.

“Now…”

Oh God, another lecture.

“Just because you are deputy head girl doesn’t mean that the rules regarding bed time don’t apply to you anymore. That means your uniform must be off by eight and you should be in your bed by ten. And I want the staff to wash your uniform. I don’t want to hear of you washing it yourself. And I can see why Dr Brookes thought you hadn’t even done that.”

Joan wasn’t as self-conscious about her appearance as most girls were so Miss Ramsey wasn’t surprised at Joan’s lack of embarrassment at that remark.

“And Miller – if you dare leave this room in your bare feet again and especially when meeting the Headmaster, I will personally slipper you in front of him.”

Joan flinched a little and thought quickly; “What will I use for now?”

“You still have your old gym shoes – I saw the staff put them in the drawers.”

Joan lifted herself up from the bed; “What gym shoes?”

Miss Ramsey fought hard to keep her patience; “Don’t tell me they’ve been taken too?”

Joan’s hands fidgeted in anxiety.

“Does Mr Zimmerman know your shoes are missing?”

“He never said anything.”

“You mean you didn’t tell him, did you?”

Joan didn’t respond.

The teacher sighed; “you have to tell us these things Miller and not leave us to discover for ourselves. This is why I get worried.”

Joan just hoped she wouldn’t have to talk to Tom about this.

Miss Ramsey knocked on the door of Joan’s next-door neighbor - Gail Hampton, the fifth-year court member, a Chess Guild member and one of the few students who felt comfortable to talk to Joan – and asked for some spare shoes. Thankfully, she had size seven which could fit Joan and eager to help, said she could keep them. Miss Ramsey pointed out they were much better than wearing size nine and warned Joan to be careful with them, refusing Gail’s kind offer for her to keep them.

“You have these until tomorrow. We’ll meet with the man at lunch time – you come to see me in my office, and we’ll help you pick ones that both fit you and are safe. I don’t like you wearing size nine shoes, but we can get you one pair and a pair with your normal size.” The teacher turned to the fifth year; “and if her other shoes do turn up, I want to know their location and preferably, the names of the culprits. I have a feeling they might be in one of the Hapus’s rooms.”

She meant that Gladys Hillman was her main suspect. And Gail knew the teacher had reason to suspect her.

Hillman had picked on Joan from the moment that the girl’s odd behavior caught her eye and had carried on tormenting the younger girl from there onwards. Her behavior especially had been a driving force for Joan’s “loner” status and now that the fourth year had beaten Gladys to getting on the team, Gail knew that Gladys now had a bigger grudge against the weaker, vulnerable girl. Just because Joan had more authority meant nothing for her safety.

Miss Ramsey knew this too. She had done her best over the past three years to keep Joan safe and made it clear to House Ferox and the other Houses that if she caught anyone causing harm to Joan, they would be lucky to survive her wrath. There was only so much she could do with over sixty students to watch over as well as her own teaching job. And so she had to rely on other students to watch out for the fourth year.

“I want Miller to feel safe enough to tell you if things are going on. She might be blunt sometimes, but she has trouble reporting on things that happen to her.”

Once Miss Ramsey was gone, Gail turned to Joan; “You stay away from Gladys when you can. If I’m in the area, come close to me.”

I’m not a baby……

But Joan hid her thoughts, just nodded politely and went into her room.

The start of a new year. She wondered if it would be the best or worst. She wondered why she even cared to think that.

She quickly took off Gail’s shoes and felt ten times better. Then she sunk into her bed and fell asleep.

For once, she didn’t have a nightmare.


	5. The Bike Shed

Ron and Beau snuck out that very night to smoke. Ruby had wanted to go with them, but Ron wasn’t keen to give his little sister his habit.

For a summer night, the air was bitter, and they ran and shivered all the way to the bike shed.

“Could have brought a coat.” Ron muttered.

“Honestly,” Beau struggled with running; “I’m still frozen.”

Ron ran ahead and let himself into the bike shed – a large wooden building that was once the old stables, now renovated to both a bike and go-kart shed.

It was also one of the popular hideouts for the “Smoker’s Guild”. A “secret” Guild for smokers. Ron had been a member since his first year.

His girlfriend Gladys was there to greet him with a newly lit cigarette; “Where’s your coat?”

“I left it.”

“Fucking idiot.”

Gladys Hillman. A fifth year Hapus student. Local. Always a compassionate person. Ron sometimes wondered what he saw in her.

Beau found his ex-girlfriend turned good friend Millie Smart. Both of them weren’t smokers but they got a kick out of breaking rules with their friends. Millie’s best friend Rebecca Samson was taking the mock register. No one really knew how many smokers on the school there were, but the usual gang was there – Ron Wade, Gladys Hillman, Bea Clark, Millie Smart, Rebecca Samson….

And two new people. Harper Bines, the ex-Head Boy, who no one hang out with and Juno Olwen, a tall Ferox student who was new to cigarettes.

Hillman, Smart, Bines and Olwen were locals. Wade, Samson and Clark were the outsiders. If Ruby was there, there would have been another outsider. But no one was there for a fight.

“Why are they here?” Ron asked, having never spoken to Bines or Olwen.

“Juno’s my new friend.”

“A Ferox?”

No one in Ferox liked his girlfriend.

“Juno knows that House loyalty doesn’t mean that it’s right that someone like Miller is still in school.”

Ron sighed; “Can you not just drop your obsession with that girl?”

“Can you not ask stupid questions?” Gladys turned to Juno; “tell him why you don’t like Miller.”

Juno tried to hide her shyness around her new friends good looking boyfriend; “everyone knows she’s a favorite despite what she did.”

“Her parents did.” Beau dared to correct her.

“Sticking up for a fellow outsider?” Millie teased him.

“Just pointing out the truth. The rules that followed what happened didn’t necessary happen because of one -”

“It doesn’t matter.” Gladys shut him up; “because of her, we can’t get newspapers and we can’t get into certain websites anymore.”

“We never could anyway,” said Ron; “not the sites I wanted anyway.”

“The main thing is she’s a classic example of why some locals don’t much care for outsiders” Juno then responded; “And the fact she lied about not contacting the police, I think she’s stupid.”

“She’s retarded.” Ron shrugged; “I don’t know any retards who aren’t stupid.”

“You don’t know any retards but me.” Beau teased.

“Don’t call yourself that.” Ron wasn’t joking; “Harper on the other hand-”

Harper went to swing at him, but he tripped and fell. Everyone just laughed.

“Fuck you all” he mumbled. His cigarette lay uselessly on the ground; “can I have another?”

“No.” Rebecca, a heavy smoker, had used them all.

“Why weren’t you expelled?” Millie bluntly asked.

“I don’t know. I suppose I wasn’t the one who actually thrashed Miller.” Harper turned to Gladys; “Has Amelia contacted you?”

“No. We weren’t on speaking terms after what we did.”

“It was only Miller.”

“Amelia knew going after Miller in the open was a bad idea. No one cares about Miller, but they like to pretend they do.”

“You’re pretty open-”

“I wasn’t on the team. If I was, I would have been more careful. Miller has an attitude about her that I don’t like, but at least it comes with this pride that she won’t tell on us.”

Harper sniffed.

Ron took out his lighter; “Got something to say?”

His girlfriend and the others now glared at Harper.

“Amelia did say talking to you all made her brain cells die.” Harper backed up a little as Ron got close; “I was just remembering!”

Gladys went near; “and you believe that?”

“No. I thought it was stupid.”

He'd lost his nerve.

“Talking with you is killing our brain cells right now Bines.”

Before Harper could respond, he felt a kick to his ribs, and he cried out. Then he felt punch after punch from five students.

Gladys Hillman just stood back with her arms folded, smiling before yelling at them all to stop.

Harper lay on the ground, scared and in pain.

Gladys bent down; “We’re not friends Bines. I suggest you stay away from us. And if I hear you’ve been grassing – telling on us – we will do this and more.”

Harper ran out, clumsily tripping as he did. He heard Millie giggle.

Her boyfriend groaned; “please tell me there’s an extra packet?”

She gave him one with a smile; “Where’s your sister?”

“I don’t want her smoking.”

“Such a nice brother.” Millie teased; “she could have hung out with me and Beau.”

“And do what, kiss?”

“I save that for Rebecca when her mouth doesn’t smell.”

Rebecca coughed; “We do not kiss!”

The group laughed.

Beau checked his watch; “We should really start heading back. A staff member checks the shed at eleven.”

“Hold up.” Gladys took Juno’s wrist; “Juno is new to you guys, but she is very loyal and will follow my orders. She will also look out for all of you and report on anything we need to know. Be nice to her.”

“If we must.” Millie joked.

“ _You will_.”

A little fear appeared on the younger girl’s face.

“I don’t mind who you add,” Ron spoke, “so long as she doesn’t start dating you.”

“I won’t.” Juno shook her head.

“I’m not scared of beating up girls so -”

Gladys stopped him; “Cut the act. She’s not even into girls.” She smiled at Juno; “Welcome to my little cult then.”

Harper’s luck didn’t get any better as he was caught red handed by a staff member before he could sneak back to his room. He was sentenced to Odd Jobs - three weeks of helping the staff to help change every bed in the Obair House under strict supervision.

He did not tell anyone about the gang that had formed in the bike shed that night.


	6. The Chocolate Bar

The Deputy Headmaster, Head of House Hapus and one of the most feared and respected teachers under the Headmaster put his pen down and sat silently at his desk before he spoke;

“Are you sure you didn’t send Chris an application?”

Joan was sat on a sofa that covered the middle of the room; “I already told you no.”

“You can answer without being cheeky young lady.”

No response.

He leaned forward a little; “Answer me properly – Are you sure didn’t send your Headmaster an application for this role?”

“No Tom.”

“That’s better.” Tom sighed; “you don’t help yourself with your attitude.”

Joan wasn’t quite sure what he meant but stayed quiet. Despite his reputation, Tom did not scare her – not as a teacher nor as a guardian - but he was difficult to read and that made her feel a little…. Inferior.

It was the end of the term’s first week and as usual, Joan was with her guardian to escape the strict regime of the school to enter Tom’s little world. A weird world where he suddenly wasn’t just another teacher but someone who her Dad had trusted to watch out for her.

They had just had lunch together and now came the routine “week check” in which she had to sit through five mins to half an hour of him looking through his own work and then reading any reports a teacher had sent. This was his way of finding out how well she was doing and if there were any problems.

Joan had not yet told Tom about the shoes. She wondered if Miss Ramsey had or not. Once he knew, he would have his say.

She wasn’t in the mood for lectures. In fact, she found as she was getting older that she sometimes thought they were a waste of time.

Must be a part of being a teenager, she thought to herself.

That, and she was always tired after a long week. The first week was always the hardest. Especially with so much change.

Tom was at least understanding; “I am very proud of you. I hope you know that.”

That was good. She guessed.

“But I am worried you’ll find it difficult. Especially if you haven’t prepared for it. Believe me, I have been asked to do things I haven’t prepared for and it’s never pleasant.”

“I told him I would need help.”

“Well done. I hope he appreciated your honesty?”

“He said he did.”

“Good. How did it go anyway? Chris likes to put on a performance.”

Joan knew he was still talking about her Headmaster; “It was a bit scary, but he gave us tea and I got a coke.”

“You don’t like coke.”

“I didn’t want to tell him that. I still have it if you want it.”

Tom gave her a friendly smile; “What have I told you about tempting me with such things?” He shook his head; “Put it in the fridge for now. Adams is in there so let him know.”

Joan left through a door marked “PRIAVTE” which led to Tom’s living room and kitchen. Another door led to his bedroom. It reminded Joan of a rather cheap but nice hotel room. With the money Tom earned, he could afford to have “nice” things but chose to have a “normal” looking room with a square television and a rather unkept kitchen.

Joan liked it. It sometimes made her forget she was stuck in a school.

Adams, Tom’s butler was cleaning up the recent mess Tom had left the kitchen in. Tom liked to experiment with food when he had the time but sometimes, it didn’t work out.

“Hello Miss Miller,” Adams smiled when he saw her, “is that for me?”

Joan shyly shrugged. Adams was nice, but he was a member of the “Staff” – the cleaners, dining ladies, etc – and since all the “Staff” were locals, Joan was a little uncomfortable to talk to him.

Adams – Geoffrey Adams – understood her fear and took no offence; “just leave it in the fridge. I’ll remind Mr Zimmerman it’s there for him or me. Congratulations on your new role by the way.”

“Thank you” Joan managed to mumble.

Meanwhile, Tom was on the phone to Miss Ramsey.

As Joan had said, both he and the teacher – in private, he called her Sarah – were very good friends. Joan sometimes heard them bicker lightly, but it was always over their health and how much work they did, so she understood that they cared for each other.

Since Miss Ramsey and he started courting, Tom had been much more comfortable to talk to than before. Joan welcomed it. She liked to see Tom relaxed. Being deputy Head, House Master to a lot of kids and being Head of maths was stressful. And she couldn’t help him herself. She was just another thing to be stressed about.

But this phone call obviously didn’t make him relaxed or happy when she came back in.

He saw her and his eyes narrowed. And while talking to his colleague, he pointed to the large window behind his desk.

Joan understood.

She walked to the window, crossed her arms behind her and stood still.

“I’m glad Miss Hampton was prepared to do that,” Tom said down the phone, “and I’ll let Chris know I’m grateful for the school paying for it. I will talk to her yes, but don’t worry – no, don’t worry. She’s fine.”

Joan knew Sarah – Miss Ramsey – was obviously feeling bad but this was part of her job.

She just hoped this next conversation would be brief.

When he put the phone down, Joan didn’t dare move.

“So”.

A long pause.

“what happened to the shoes?”

Joan couldn’t get her brain to come up with an answer she thought was good.

“I’m waiting.”

Shit.

Joan forced herself to think quickly;

“They got taken.”

She heard a bang and guessed he had hurt his hand on the desk. She never quite understood how he did that yet never seemed in pain.

Still, she was glad she had managed to get a decent answer out.

“Was it Hillman again?”

“I don’t know.”

She heard him get up and saw on the window, a reflection of his chin near her shoulder.

“Why on earth did you think it was a good idea to go and see the Headmaster in your bare feet?”

“I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“Then why didn’t you ask to borrow some? Think these things through!” He sighed, “you’re something Joan. You really are.”

Joan felt deflated but said nothing more to him. Even small scolding’s like that made her feel small.

She then felt a grip on her skirt being lifted up a little.

“Stay still.”

Her hands tugged at her sleeves as she grit her teeth.

Tom struck each leg from behind until he saw they were both red from his hand. He let the skirt fall back into place and took a hold of her shoulder.

“That,” his voice was very firm, “was for trying to hide all that from me. Understand?”

She nodded.

His grip softened. He stroked her hair and then kissed her head; “When you don’t tell me these things, it makes me worry that your suffering. This school, this…. Community has not been kind to you. Your father – your Grandmother – have put their faith in me to look after you. And I know I’m not your Dad, but you’re going to have to start trusting that I have your best interests at hearts ok?”

She didn’t respond.

“Look at me.”

She obeyed.

“I prefer it when you answer back to your silence.”

Still no answer.

It always surprised Tom how Joan never seemed to have tears in her eyes no matter how sore or how much shame she felt. She just always looked unsure of herself. Lost.

He decided to leave her to her thoughts. He took out a chocolate bar from his desk; “I confiscated this from one of Hillman’s cult members. Eat it. We’ll have our fish and chips tonight. We won’t talk about this again unless you repeat this mistake. And the next time, it won’t just be my hand that will show you my disappointment” As he left, she heard him mutter; “with my patience, it will be soon.”

He left her alone.

The only thing she was wondering about was why he had stroked her hair and kissed her. It felt odd. She didn’t know why he felt the need to comfort her after the discipline. Mum and Dad didn’t, not even Gran did it.

Not that she didn’t like it. It was nice of him.

Just. Why?

Wasn’t he supposed to be angry until maybe….? Next week?

Joan wasn’t quite sure what to think. Thinking made her remember things she didn’t want to remember.

Right now, she just wanted a fish and chips.


	7. The Past

Meanwhile, Jim and Ebony were in their office. As the new Head’s, they were expected to have a meeting to plan how they would go about introducing the new students to the school and also plan their meetings in assembly. By tradition, some meetings would be held in Latin while some would be short and sweet with little to no warning. Clarifloors had a long history and everyone liked to hold onto some form of the past.

Instead, both of them decided to gossip about their life’s, their friends and their deputies. Jim, the responsible one of the pair, didn’t see anything wrong with it. Apart from knowing she was a “beast” in sports, he didn’t know much about Ebony, so this was a good chance if any. And Ebony was curious about his life outside of Clarifloors.

“I always ask outsiders about their lives,” Ebony explained, “as a local, I only know so much.”

“My parents aren’t that exciting really. They run a local business in clothing that’s been there for at least four generations. I have a younger sister – Sophie - who can sew. She sends me pictures of her latest work every week. I send her pictures of the town.”

“But not the locals.”

“No.”

Sending pictures of Mithridates was fine but by law, Jim could not send any pictures of the locals to the “outside”. The locals were sensitive to all that, especially the older generation.

“I actually first met Dean while taking pictures. He was playing truant. Mrs Oliver’s had him by the ear and was taking him back to school. He was Claire, but even then, I was like, “why is that boy dressed up like a girl?””

“He was wild.” Ebony smiled at the memories, “I first met him when he poured a cup of water into Hillman’s bra when she made fun of his new name. Celia told me it was the only time she’d seen him angry.”

“You were friends with Hillman at the time, weren’t you?”

“No. We’d fallen out by then.” She sniffed; “It was Joan that actually started it. Our breakup.”

Jim was surprised; “Oh?”

“The thing is, Gladys is one of those people you can’t help but watch and even follow. She has this aura that unwary people notice and can’t help but be taken by her. Back then her hair was in a ponytail and she looked like a girl straight out of an Enid Blyton book. She worked out in the gym, she was very friendly, and she was already in the girl’s football team in her first year. Everyone liked her. Worshipped even. We bonded over our love of sport and I would take her around town. My parents did not like her – they probably saw exactly who she was, but I didn’t care.

And then – second year - after the Christmas term, she’d changed. I saw it straight away, but I stupidly decided to stick with her.”

“By change…?”

“She started her nonsense. Gail Hampton told me that she heard someone in the Chess Guild say it was a divorce or something – her mother works outside the Island as a representative or something and she was in her father’s care. But then after the divorce, he left the Island, leaving her with other family members without telling her, but whatever reason, she began acting up in class and started picking on others. And I stupidly joined in.”

Jim did not hide his disgust.

“Oh, I know. But listen, the people she was bullying at first were people no one liked. Bullies themselves even. People who no one really cared for. And then… Obviously Joan got her attention after the whole Daddy thing happened and she became Gladys’s favourite target. Us locals had been told by the committee that she had nearly caused real trouble to the Island so of course, I joined in the teasing and twice tripped her up in the corridor.”

“But-”

“I know. It wasn’t really her fault.”

“The police should never have called her, even if she says she never got it.”

Ebony didn’t want to feel more ashamed about it; “Yes.”

“And then?”

“Gladys and I found her at a locker. We were tormenting Blair Stillman when we saw her. And I don’t know or remember what I said that got her angry, but her fist hit me in the mouth. There was a lot of blood. I got sent home. Dad gave me the longest spanking I’ve ever had and then Dr Brooke’s caned me and Hillman. I deserved it obviously.”

“You still haven’t exactly been friendly to Joan.”

“We haven’t spoken since she hit me.”

Ebony didn’t want to work with Joan. She felt guilty and didn’t like it. Joan showed no resentment, but she was clearly uncomfortable being in the same room as her and kept her distance.

“Can’t the pair of you learn to get along?”

“For now. No.”

“She’s a little afraid of you.”

“Let her be.”

“It’s just strange. She didn’t look at all scared when Harper and Amelia brought her in here.”

“You’re talking about -?”

“Yeah.”

He was talking about the moment Amelia Kitt and Harper Brines lost their positions as Deputy Head Girl and Head boy.

Kitt had been a Ferox student. A great prefect. She had hidden the dark side of her personality well from her teachers and other students but soon, as Deputy Head Girl, reports of her using the first years as her personal slaves got to the teacher’s ears. “Fagging” was only allowed for a week in a whole year for the first years and they were merely asked to send messages or to help tidy rooms. They were not allowed to be forced to clean the rooms by themselves, go out to town to collect things or any other job that the staff didn’t already do – and certainly for not more than one week.

“Susan and I had secretly reported Kitt to Miss Ramsey and we had the Obair members speak to Mrs Oliver’s.” Jim explained, “But before either could act, Amelia decided she was going to study in the library.”

The then third year Joan was practicing in the library ahead of the school House chess competition finale against House Hapus. Gail Hampton, a prefect, chess guild member and now one of this year’s committee (court) members, had been helping her as a “competitor” when the noise of the pieces had apparently got to Kitt and she threw one of the schoolbooks at the much younger girl. It struck her hard on her right ear.

“Can’t you take that into the common room?” She had yelled, much to the librarian and quite a few students displeasure.

Gail had given her former friend a glare before shielding Joan from the curious looks by standing up and going close to the third year. As a prefect and Ferox student, Miss Ramsey had told her and the others that Joan’s needs were important, and the less other students could be allowed to stare or make fun of her, the better. Thankfully, Joan knew what to do when anxious and she simply held herself and quietly counted to twenty as Kitt sneered at both girls and walked out. Gail then gestured to the on lookers to mind their own business.

“Amelia comes storming in and tells Harper that they have a new “toy” and she tells him to keep me and Susan in the room. We were there for twenty minutes and then she brings in Joan. Harper recognised her, saying his “friends” had it in for her.”

“He means Gladys and her cult.” Ebony grumbled; “Heard they got sick of him too.”

Jim remembered that the third year was clearly confused, having just been grabbed in the corridors and pulled in. He knew who she was of course, everyone in the school did, and he wondered what his “evil” teammates planned for someone who had already suffered a lot.

“You’re here so we can teach you a lesson on disturbing the peace,” Amelia jeered.

All her victims had cried or begged already. But not Joan. She just stood, confused as ever.

It was Susan who burst into tears and begged for Joan to be left alone; “Her Dad’s not well, you shouldn’t torment her!”

Her outburst clearly rattled Joan and Harper took the moment to grab her and pull her over his desk.

“Harper literally gets on his desk and sits on her back and he starts pulling at her ears. And then Amelia takes out the cane that we keep in that cupboard and whips her legs.”

Susan escaped and got Miss Ramsey in just as Joan was starting to whimper. Jim remembered the rage from the woman and the fear on Harper and Amelia’s faces when they were sent to the Headmaster’s.

“When Amelia and Harper were out the room, Joan just got up and started putting her books back in her bag. Miss Ramsey turned to her and told her to stop and Joan sort of froze and then collapsed. She had blood flowing down her legs, and you could see the purple bruising as well as the marks. Miss Ramsey freaked out and told me to get the nurse. I didn’t see Joan after that, and no one told me what I may have missed. Just that Amelia was expelled, and we no longer had a Head Boy either. By the time I got back, everything had been cleared up as if nothing had happened.”

“My God……”

Jim saw that Ebony’s face was very white; “Susan didn’t tell you this?”

“Not in that much detail. She cried in her room about it but all she said was that Kitt had done something dreadful to that “poor girl.”” She sighed, “I just thought she was being overly dramatic.”

There was a pause.

“Did Joan cry?”

Jim folded his arms; “No. She didn’t. She didn’t even fight back. Squirmed a bit, but nothing else. She was just starting to whimper when it was interrupted.”

“I don’t really want to say this Jim, but if I was her, I would ask you why you didn’t try to step in.”

“Honestly, I was just too shocked to think. I know that’s a bad excuse.”

“And I wouldn’t know what to do anyway.” Ebony shrugged; “If she seemed fine – I mean she still went ahead and slaughtered my House in the finale the very next day - then there’s nothing to feel guilty about.”

Truth be told, Jim did feel very guilty. He was not one to admit that he was afraid but there and then, he knew he was. Susan had been the real hero, immediately trying to get Harper and Amelia to stop. She received a cut for her troubles and was threatened with trouble if she didn’t stay quiet. But instead, she ran out, calling for someone, anyone. And she found Miss Ramsey.

The guilty Amelia learned the hard way not to mess with Joan when Miss Ramsey decided to do away with her slipper and instead use her often-unused cane to give her a little taste of what Joan had suffered. The students in the Ferox common room could hear Kitt’s screams from the teacher’s office which many enjoyed. And as Ebony said, Joan won the trophy for Ferox despite feeling very ill and in pain after the confrontation.

Despite Kitt’s expulsion, she never went back to the library to practice or even study again. Even Miss Ramsey hadn’t been able to talk her into going back.

Jim hadn’t spoken to Joan until their first meeting as Head Boy and Deputy Head Girl, and he knew the memory of that day was still very fresh in her mind. She was probably more embarrassed than she wanted to admit, maybe even questioning why he hadn’t tried to help. Now that he was to work with her, Jim was apprehensive and unsure how to give orders without possibly upsetting her.

Yet in the short time they had worked together, he found there was something oddly fascinating about the Ferox student. He knew too much of her private life, no thanks to what happened at her home, but he realised he didn’t really know the girl herself. Someone who had showcased her resilience to pain yet still looked like you could snap her in two. Someone who was shy yet had talked the feared Headmaster down. She was sensitive yet at the same time, unaware of her surroundings.

An odd girl.

He could understand why Ebony felt unsure of her. But not the resentment.

“You have to find some way to work with her you know.” He said, “if I imagine Zimmerman as her guardian, he would not be happy if she quit. And if she says you’re the reason, you’ll lose this opportunity.”

Ebony sighed; “you’re always right Jim. I hate that about you.”

Then she stormed out.

Jim shook his head. Everyone told him he was smart, but he was sure he would never understand girls.

He went pack to his prep and to his surprise, his head began to ache. Then his thoughts wondered.

He threw his papers down and covered his face.

God he missed Sophie.


	8. The First Years

The biggest duty for each team member on their first month was to welcome the first years who joined their house. That meant Jim, for the second time, had to deal with the new Aprender students and the rest would welcome those joining their own houses.

None of them felt confident.

Dean, whilst a popular student was no public speaker and he would get nervous talking to a large group. Ebony had little patience for younger students and Jim just hoped he could make a good impression.

For Joan, being near first years bought back memories she didn’t care to have.

Joan had had a difficult first year from the start. As an eleven going on twelve-year-old outsider, she was in a land she didn’t know which was both terrifying yet exciting. She was not homesick like most of the students who came from elsewhere, but that didn’t mean Clarifloors wasn’t intimidating to her.

Knowing she would have to show this new group around was stressful. She was no public speaker which worried the rest of the team.

Thankfully, Miss Ramsey decided her student wasn’t going to do it alone. So, she found the time to sit with the new team members in their office.

This didn’t suit Dean and Ebony as they had to behave but Jim was grateful to see her. Miss Ramsey was a formidable figure to most, but Joan was clearly comfortable to be around her. She was a lot less stressed than usual which made her easier to work with. And privately, Jim was pleased to see Ebony put in her place. Her attitude towards Joan since the beginning had also not gone unnoticed by Dean who agreed it wasn’t fair for the deputy head girl to put up with it.

“I remember doing this for the first time,” Jim tried to make conversation to the others, “I was scared but once I done it, I felt good.”

“I’m sure you did.” Ebony dared to snark. She was surprised when Miss Ramsey said nothing.

“I’m just surprised Mr Zimmerman isn’t in here to make sure you behave” Dean joked. He turned to Miss Ramsey, “is that why you’re here Miss? To make sure Joan behaves herself?”

Joan had to resist to give him the finger and bit her tongue hard. Dean smiled at this.

“I’m here to help Miller. What the rest of you say and do in this room is none of my concern unless you harm each other.”

“We can ask our own Head of House for help as well, can we?” Jim asked.

“You can go to your House Masters or Mistress for help if you want. They shouldn’t simply leave you all to stand there with a bunch of twelve and thirteen-year olds.” The teacher leaned back in her chair, “did Mr Read leave you alone to do that?”

“Yes Miss.”

“Strange, he should-”

The teacher suddenly felt herself fall as the chair collapsed. Joan, Ebony and Jim rushed over to help while Dean tried his best to hide the giggles.

“These chairs are a death trap” the teacher groaned, “I’ve been telling our Headmaster to get rid of them for years.”

“Leaning back might have caused-”

“Miller” Jim warned the deputy head girl to watch her tongue.

“She’s very much in the right Morrison.” Miss Ramsey sat on the more comfortable sofa by the window, “if Mr Read doesn’t or can’t help you, I can arrange for someone to stand in.”

“I just assumed we’d be doing it on our own like last year Miss.”

“No. No it shouldn’t be that way.”

In truth, she had a funny feeling that Mr Read simply just didn’t care enough for his students to even bother welcoming them himself. John was a good teacher in class, but he was a rather adequate House Master and in Clarifloors, “adequate” was just as bad as failure. Now adding his problems at home……

Sarah was often worried for the Aprender students, but her raised concerns were met with shrugs by the Headmaster and her other colleagues since nothing terrible was going on. Just a bunch of kids who seemed miserable a lot. It was John’s choice to take what she felt was a much-needed break. It was a shame she didn’t know his wife, Sarah would have tried to speak up for her behalf.

“Will you work with Miller on her speech?” Jim asked the teacher.

“My name is Joan.”

It was the first time Joan had talked back to her Head Boy in this annoyed tone.

“Watch it.” Ebony warned her.

“He doesn’t need to call me “Miller” just because she’s here.”

“That’s your Head of House.”

“I know who she is.”

“Miss Vicker’s,” Miss Ramsey firmly told the Head Girl to back off, “Morrison, Joan doesn’t like other students referring to other surname – a certain student called Hillman likes to do it.”

“oh,” Jim felt bad, “I’m sorry, Joan never told me.”

“Joan doesn’t like talking about her problems. And as much as she’s admitted she will need help, she’s quite reluctant to say when. Is that right Miller?”

Joan was getting fed up being the center of the conversation; “Yes Miss.”

Ebony waited until Miss Ramsey was gone before she scolded Joan; “don’t talk to Jim like that again. He’s Head Boy -”

“Leave it.” Jim ordered.

Dean quickly changed the conversation; “do you remember your first-year tour Ebony?”

Ebony sniffed; “yeah. My mum is a child physiologist, so I’d been there more than once before I became a student. If Dad was busy, I would be here with my toy blocks or storybooks.”

“I was scared.”

“Me too” Jim admitted.

“Joan?” Dean gave his fellow deputy a friendly smile.

“I never did a tour” Joan admitted. “Mr Zimmerman picked up me by ferry and took me here.”

“So how did you find your way round?”

“He and Miss Ramsey showed me. I got a map as well.”

“So, you missed the “getting to know each other” part then?” Ebony frowned; “no wonder you have barely any friends in fourth year. The tours mean you get to know everyone.”

“I don’t regret not doing it. I wouldn’t have coped. Too much change.”

“To be honest, I’m jealous.” Jim admitted. “Most of the friends in my year are in other Houses.”

“The Aprender’s are miserable” Dean joked, “you’re a pretty dry person yourself but at least you have a bit of character.”

Jim threw a pencil at him and Dean, deciding it was a good idea to catch it, leapt in the air and came crashing down on the floor.

The four students laughed. It was a good end to a stressful day.

The first years were to arrive on the Tuesday of the second week. On the Monday afternoon, Miss Ramsey sat at her desk and read and re-read Joan’s intended speech and made readjustments. A lot of them. Joan – who had only two lessons in the morning and was free that afternoon - sat opposite her and silently watched. Her teeth unconsciously gritted every time she saw the teacher score out a sentence or a section.

Miss Ramsey finally spoke; “I like that you talk about the guilds and the activities that they can enjoy but you don’t need to talk about how Tuesday’s lunch is always bad or Prep can be a waste of time. That’s silly.”

“It is a waste of time. I mean -”

“That’s your opinion.”

Miss Ramsey knew Joan well enough to know she was not trying to be rude.

“Dr Brookes said he liked my honesty-”

“There are things they can find out for themselves. This is only a welcome speech – not a list of what Joan Miller likes or dislikes.”

Fair enough.

“And why do you need to talk about the discipline in the school? That’s hardly going to make them want to come in every day.”

“I only mentioned they could choose between this and that Miss-”

“Again. They can find out for themselves.” Miss Ramsey saw Joan’s hands clench, “now, now – no need to get upset. This isn’t an exam and I’m not criticizing what you’ve done so far.”

“You are interrupting me a lot Miss.” The student replied, her voice showing no sign of any impatience she was feeling inside. The teacher wasn’t fooled;

“Yes. Yes, I’m sorry about that. I just want to make sure your prepared and won’t be made a laughingstock from this.”

Joan’s answer was to just stare at her teacher. It took a while for Miss Ramsey to realize what she was doing.

“What are you thinking Miller?”

“Nothing Miss.”

The teacher’s voice went firm; “What did I tell you about lying in my office?”

Joan’s shoulders went high; “Don’t.”

“Because?”

“Because you always know if I am or not.”

“The Headmaster made a big deal about your honesty, so I don’t understand why you’d try and lie at all. You certainly seem to choose to be honest when it’s least helpful to you.”

Joan bit her lip and looked away.

“Don’t do that to yourself” Miss Ramsey gently scolded, “I know it’s difficult and it’s a big change, but you’ll be fine-”

The student suddenly left the room.

“Joan?”

Miss Ramsey got up and followed her. She found the student bent over on one of the seats left outside with her face in her hands. The teacher bent down;

“Do you want me to do most of the talking?”

Joan just nodded, not showing her face. Miss Ramsey held out a tissue and Joan took it without looking. Her eyes were dry, but Miss Ramsey could see she was fighting with herself. The tissue was something she could clutch at instead of her hair.

Miss Ramsey sat on the chair next to Joan; “If I’d known this was going to happen, I’d have had more time to prepare you for this. I’m sorry but I’m doing my best and I can see your trying to keep up. If it’s too much you can also resign but I think this is a brilliant opportunity for you.”

Both suddenly heard coughing and looked up to see Madison Kostas – Ferox’s chief editor for their House paper.

“What do you want Kostas?” Miss Ramsey asked impatiently. Joan quickly got up.

“We’re doing a story about the new team. Was just wondering if you wanted to say something about the chosen person to represent our House.”

“Other than I’m pleased to see Miss Miller is been given this opportunity.”

“Despite not being a prefect?”

“She’s never had the chance to apply because she always visits her father around that time,” the teacher looked at Joan, “is that right?”

“Yes Miss”. Joan didn’t hide she was very annoyed that her father had been bought up. Miss Ramsey knew that, but it was an ace card to make other students leave her alone.

She turned to Madison who was writing in her notes; “And I’m sure her House will get behind her once she’s comfortable in her own skin. It might take time, but you all know how to be patient with each other.”

Madison couldn’t stop herself smirking, “we’ll try Miss.”

“You won’t try – you will.”

Even Joan noticed the change of tone in the teacher’s voice. Madison went pale, but she nodded and hurried away.

“Let’s go back inside before more of them harass us.” Said Miss Ramsey, taking the girl’s arm who was also eager to get back in.

“So, let’s go back to this. I’ll do the explaining and introductions and what I want you to do is explain who the teachers are for each section of the school and then you can make a small list of activates you or someone you know likes. Drama – sport. Anything.”

Joan just nodded.

“Too tired to talk Miller?”

“A little Miss.”

“I can see that. Well I won’t worry you with this again but Joan, please remember the shoes and brush your hair.”

Joan just shrugged and excused herself. Miss Ramsey shook her head. If it had been another student, she would have been offended but she was used to Joan. She meant no malice.

Tom thanked her as soon as he had the time. He asked her to let him know how his ward did when it was over, and she promised him she would. Good or bad.

Despite the teacher’s instructions, Joan struggled to sleep due to worry. Public speaking was difficult and was one part of her English exam that she had real problems with. Drama was different since all the talking she did on stage was always someone else’s work and no one but Tom and Miss Ramsey came to see her perform anyway.

There was only one time she was asked to do a prepared speech and that was the traditional “first year talks” in which all first years talked about themselves and their family to the rest of their chosen House. Joan had surprised everyone with hers by not preparing anything and just talking.

Although visibly nervous, she talked about her Asperger’s – Autism as she preferred to call it and other facts just to avoid talking about her family and life. She did mention she lived in Northumberland and her Gran was her favourite person but that was about it.

The reaction to her speech made her uncomfortable. It was well received enough but she noticed the odd looks she was getting. And the scary teacher who turned out to be Miss Ramsey was suddenly a lot nicer than before. Most of the teachers certainly seemed to be less strict with her. It was the students who got scary. No one seemed willing to talk to her and then came the bullying. Even when she revealed her talent in chess and was welcomed as a Ferox champion, things hadn’t improved as much as she liked.

First year had been hard. Everything was different. Most of it in a good way but the bad sometimes felt bigger. And then to top it all, something happened at her home which made then then twelve-year-old vilified in the eyes of the locals and its committee.

Remembering it made Joan shake I bed and she tried to calm down.

Joan’s mother and a group of friends attacked her father, beating him so badly that he ended up in hospital. His attackers – including her mother - were now serving sentences from up to five years. The attack made headline news around the United Kingdom and was picked up by other countries and then the press team of the “Mithridates Gazette”.

Joan remembered the Mithridates Gazette informing her and the entire school about what had happened. The newspaper – now banned – would be delivered at breakfast. Everyone had breakfast in the large hall were tables separated the houses. Joan had noticed she was getting a lot of attention as she ate and was very confused until she tried to hide her face in the paper and saw her father’s photo.

Her mind went blank as she read what had happened.

The Head Girl had to step in to rescue her from the approaching attention. As the enormity of the situation hit her, she remembered Tom and Miss Ramsey holding her down as a painful meltdown took over her body.

It was not a good day.

She remembered the fall out over the police “invading” Mithridates to talk to her. She didn’t want to talk to them. She just wanted to know what was to happen to her parents. And Gran. Who was going to visit her now? Make sure she was ok?

So many questions that were never properly answered.

The nasty looks she got in church the next Sunday by a few locals did nothing to help her. The locals of Mithridates were “protective of their Island”, Tom had told her. Miss Ramsey and Tom had told her to ignore it, but you couldn’t.

She worked out quickly that the Island’s Committee blamed her for the “invasion.” She was still in the dark as to why. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

For most students, they would have been sent back home but Joan, to her own relief, didn’t need too. Her father had a friend who had since become her guardian while he recovered. Or tried too.

Thomas Rudy Zimmerman. The Deputy Headmaster of Clarifloors.

Zimmerman was just as intimidating as his boss, perhaps more so since he was regularly found in the gyms with Mrs Oliver’s at early morning before class. Not to mention how many students had left his office in tears after receiving a lecture and or feeling the weight of his hand. He could make eighteen-year-old “men” cry just as quickly as Miss Ramsey.

He was Mr Zimmerman in class but “Tom” when they were alone. Joan didn’t see much change in him in private. He was a friendly man who offered help to any student and he was easy to talk to but unlike Miss Ramsey, he had no time for patience. He was strict. Firm. Any misbehaviour would be punished severely. Joan – usually a good and very sensitive person - had learned this the hard way from the very start.

He had a system which Joan found herself in from the moment she arrived on the Island. Miss Ramsey was ordered to write in a “report” for each week on the girl’s behaviour. Friday afternoons and Saturdays, Joan had to visit him in his private quarters or his office. He would make or order her dinner before reading Miss Ramsey’s report. Most weeks, Joan – being an intelligent and good student - had nothing to worry about and he always praised her when she got a good report. If you failed to live up to his standards, he made his feelings clear. Sometimes with his arm but most often, and most feared for Joan, his words.

Joan rather liked Tom’s quarters. He was a lover of art, so the walls were covered with different types of paintings and so on. It made many of the rooms in the school look dull in comparison. He also kept a lot of books and had his own model train collection which she was allowed to touch but never dared too. And when she knew she wasn’t in any trouble, it was nice to get away from the school environment just for a while.

Too bad Tom didn’t quite know how to drop his teacher act around her sometimes.

Tom came to her room early Tuesday morning to check on her. She was tired and her chest hurt.

“It’ll be fine” Tom said, “they’ll be more scared than you will be.”

And he was right. Joan stood by Miss Ramsey’s side as the first-year students of Ferox arrived in the common room and were given a tour. They were all white in the face.

“It’s not that scary you know” she suddenly found herself saying before Miss Ramsey could speak, “takes some getting used too but that’s true with everything.”

She then put her head down and looked to the teacher to start. Miss Ramsey gave her a small smile and began.

Joan allowed Miss Ramsey to take over the tour, only talking when the teacher gave her a look to do so but she noticed a lot of the small children looking at her and whispering. The tallest boy with the light black hair was the one who seemed really interested in her. She didn’t know what to think.

When they finally got back to the common room, Joan was ready to go to her room. Miss Ramsey had promised her she wouldn’t have to go to class that day and she was eager to be away from everyone.

“Joan Miller here is the school’s deputy head girl and our representative of House Ferox. If you have any problems that the team should fix, she is the person to go too. She will either sort it out herself or inform me or Dr Brookes.”

Joan rubbed an eye and stood to attention. She was praying for this to be over.

The tall boy put his hand up.

“Yes?” Miss Ramsey’s attention was drawn to him.

“Can I ask Miller a question?”

Joan told herself not to panic.

“Go ahead.”

Joan suddenly hated Miss Ramsey.

“Do you remember me Joan?”

What?

Mind you, that accent…

Joan hadn’t heard that from anyone else in a long time.

“Are you from Northumberland?” she asked, forgetting to project her voice. Not that it mattered.

“Yes. My Mother knew your parents. They send cards to you. I was wondering if you got them.”

Miss Ramsey realised her mistake.

Joan thought quickly; “I keep a lot of them in a safe place because I work a lot in the school, I’ll get around to it eventually.”

Miss Ramsey had to admit that was a good lie – even if she could see it and the kids couldn’t.

Joan continued; “But I think it would be better if we talked in private about our families. I’m not sure if anyone understands how it feels to have your private life being speculated because of someone’s actions within the family. I would rather not talk about it to a crowd of you to be honest.”

The young man’s eager face nodded.

“Well, I’m Sam Halop.”

Joan finally remembered; “Nice to see you again.”

Sam went to the same church and Sunday school and sometimes sat with her, but they never played much since he had his own little friends and Joan had no interest in making any.

She remembered that he noticed a large black bruise at the front of her neck as she was scratching one day and had kept asking questions. When the Sunday school teacher finally told him off, she then started asking which prompted the then ten-year-old to escape.

Mum and Dad were pleased she didn’t tell anyone how she got the bruise. Mum had given her an ice cream for it and even taken her to work instead of school. Joan was glad they were proud of her; it was a rare moment of bliss with the three of them.

Just a shame they never went back to church. Joan had always enjoyed going. Dad said they could pray at home instead.

Home was more stressful than school for Joan Miller. Even she thought that was odd.

“Can I at least tell Mum you’re ok?”

Miss Ramsey spoke up; “I’m sure the both of you can talk about it later.”

Sam was disappointed but his knowledge of Joan had clearly sparked an infectious interest with more whispers confirming it.

Miss Ramsey finally decided to rescue Joan; “Alright. You’re going to follow me now where I’ll show you your rooms. Miller your dismissed.”

Joan just nodded and left quickly. Only to be suddenly stopped in the corridors by Madison and her two henchmen – Daniel Serigo and Simon East who all jumped out in front of her and frightened her into stillness.

Although Joan was in the year above, the three third years were taller and Simon’s athletic build made him a little intimidating.

“Sorry to scare you,” Daniel said, seeing her wide eyes.

Joan really couldn’t be bothered to talk to anyone at that moment; “I don’t like being jumped at.”

Simon came near; “We said we’re sorry.”

“I told you we shouldn’t have done that” Daniel muttered to his friends, feeling a little bad for Joan.

“You did alright Miller,” said Madison, “some thought you’d cock that up, but you did well. The kids seem to like you.”

“I guess…” Joan wanted to go but Simon suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled it behind her.

Madison struck him with the notes; “I told you we weren’t doing that anymore.”

“She was going to run for it!” Simon moaned.

“It’s our lives on the line if a teacher catches us doing this again.” Daniel explained. “Remember last year?”

Simon let go but not without pushing the smaller girl; “a joke really. Wearing that badge.”

Daniel gave his friend a slap on the arm; “Don’t be mean!”

“Do you think you can turn everyone’s opinion of you around?” Madison asked Joan, going back to her notes and ignoring the girl’s discomfort.

“Not if they’re dead set on thinking of me as an idiot,” Joan answered, holding her arm.

Madison looked up, surprised by the answer, “hey look Miller, you’re a chess player. No chess players are dumb. You have no friends yes but you’re not stupid.”

“You’re retarded”

Daniel gave Simon a bigger slap. Joan appreciated that;

“Look, I’m going to try hard but I’m not going to change everyone’s minds overnight.”

Madison shrugged; “Fair enough. Now what about the Committee’s response to you being on the team?”

“The what?”

“The Mithridates Committee. Didn’t you hear what they had to say?”

“You three!”

The students flinched and the third years tried to make a run for it.

“Stop there!”

It was Tom. Joan felt some relief as the other three students reluctantly stopped and with bowed heads, walked back.

“You should all be in class or doing prep. Not harassing the deputy head girl!”

Madison spoke up; “Sorry sir but our paper is meant to come out on Wednesday-”

“Get going!”

The three fled.

Tom turned to his ward; “Are they among the group that you have problems with?”

“They’re the paparazzi so they’re allowed too.”

“Where are you going?”

“To bed.”

“It’s only eleven-thirty Joan.”

“I want to rest-”

“You should be doing Prep too girl. Go on. If I find out you’ve spent all day in your room, I’ll make a note of it for the weekend.”

That was a code to tell Joan he would take his hand to her.

“Miss Ramsey said I could-”

“Don’t argue with me.” Tom told her slowly. He started to walk away.

“What did the committee say about me?” Joan suddenly asked.

Tom stopped and turned around; “what about them?”

“They were saying-”

“Forget it. What did I tell you about those people?”

“They’re insensitive idiots.”

“And most sensible people like you and me know it. So, don’t worry about it.”

Then he walked away.

Disappointed, Joan went to her new office. She wished for her bear, but it had been left in her room.

Jim was there, having finished his tour. The other two had yet to come back.

“How was it?” Jim didn’t really care to know but decided to be polite.

“It wasn’t too bad;” Joan admitted. “One of the boys recognised me but Miss Ramsey helped me.”

Jim looked up; “From the papers? A local?”

“Worse. He’s from the same place as me.”

“That’s bad luck.”

“He seems decent.”

“Better keep an eye on him though. If any new rumours come it’s most likely from him.”

“I’m not going to stigmatise him for being-”

“Joan I’m trying to help. No need to get mad.”

Joan looked confused, “I’m not angry.”

“Your annoyed at something.” He saw Joan’s confused expression, “you’re just tired?”

“Yeah…” Joan couldn’t be bothered explaining.

“I’m tired too really. Why not go to your room?”

“Zimmerman told me not to.”

“I’m sure Miss Ramsey will allow you”

“She has.”

“Then go to your room.”

“He won’t let me.”

“But he’s not your House Master….” Jim remembered, “Oh that sucks.”

Joan rubbed her eyes; “Do you have a newspaper or something?”

“If you mean the “Mithridates Gazette”, it’s been banned again this year.” Jim then slowly pulled one out from under his desk; “you can keep this one. I’m done with it.”

Joan was a little shocked; “You still collect these?”

“Only for the crosswords and the games.”

“That’s a terrible excuse.”

Jim chuckled at that; “Just don’t ask how I got it. And if you get caught, I never saw it.”

Joan found the section she wanted, read it and hiding her reaction, put the paper in her bag; “thanks Jim.”

Jim heard a stammer but thought nothing of it; “Just to warn you, there’s already a buzz about the chess tournament. Apparently one of the new students in Aprender won a youth event in chess and we’re hoping to beat Ferox.” He chuckled again, “hope”.

Joan sat up. She liked a challenger. Especially when she beat them.

“What youth event?”

“I know it wasn’t a world event – probably a local thing or something. Obviously confident in his skills.”

Oh really?

“He’s joining the chess guild, right?”

“Yeah you’ll meet him.”

Good.

“I watch how they play. Everyone gets comfortable with one way of playing chess but that won’t help you win all the time.”

“I know nothing about chess, and I don’t really care too.”

He had heard of Joan’s vast knowledge on the subject and was in no mood to hear it.

To Jim’s relief but guilt, Joan doubled down and started to rub her eyes in silence.

They didn’t speak again that day.

And both of them felt very bad about it.

They both wondered why.


	9. The Court

The team’s next hurdle to tackle together was the first meeting with the school committee – “The Court” - which was held on the Wednesday after classes. It always started the week the first years started though the prefects involved in the court would already be carrying out their assigned duties.

You could join the court in your fourth year but there were certain rules to even get a seat. First, you had to have had your application to be a prefect confirmed by the Head of House. Second, you were interviewed by your House Master of Mistress who would then nominate you to Dr Brookes. He would then pick the court members after he had picked his team.

As instructed by Jim, the team met in their office first.

“I haven’t had the time to find out who got in,” Jim confessed, “but I doubt they will give us a harder time than the Head did.”

“Are you bringing that?”

Ebony’s outburst caused the boys to look at Joan.

She had her bear in her arms.

Dean and Jim shared an exasperated look. Great start.

“I’m talking to you.” Ebony persisted, “are you bringing that?”

“Yeah.” Joan just wanted to go.

“Why?”

Dean was not impressed; “If she needs the bear, let her. At least she’s wearing her shoes.”

“She looks like an idiot.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you?”

“She would -”

“We don’t need to talk like she isn’t in the room.” Jim responded. He didn’t want his deputy head girl with a bear, but he really didn’t want her to be nervous either.

“Does she have to talk?” Ebony then asked.

“Of course, she can, can’t you Joan?” Dean hid his own worry.

“I’ll try.” Joan responded.

“That’s good enough for me.” Jim said, “you’ve done well so far Joan, don’t worry about it.”

Dean’s sharp eyes noticed Joan’s leg squirm a little. He grinned.

The team entered the room located by a blue door with the words “Court”. They had hoped by getting there as early as possible, they could have a moment to themselves, but the room was already full when they got there. They had no choice but to mingle.

Jim was relieved and pleased to see some familiar faces from Aprender – Jasmine Bean, an outsider from Turkey from the year above was back. She had helped Susan emotionally during the difficult past year. She was now leader of the Strings Guild, which he was a member of since first year, and he thought of her as an easily nervous but kind girl. Then there was Tom Chance, 5th year, an outsider from Wales who was one of the top musicians in the school. He was a trombonist, pianist, celloist and percussionist and always seemed to be practicing whenever people searched for him. The fourth-year representative was a local who Jim recognised as Maureen Krass – one of Amelia Kitt’s favourite targets. He grinned. She would have a lot to say if she knew “sour” Maureen had made it on the Court. Maureen had a lot of confidence to gain but she seemed comfortable with her new role.

“I didn’t want to be a prefect again, but I thought I’d give it another chance.” She explained, “nice to see Miller doing well.”

“You don’t mind that she’s on the team?” Jim asked.

“I’m a little confused why but I’m not annoyed by it.”

“Why would anyone be annoyed?”

“You’d have to ask them Jim.”

Jim looked around at the group of prefects and wondered what to do.

Understandably, Joan was a little hesitant to say hello to anyone and Jim found she stuck by him, holding the bear tightly. Considering his manners, the other day, he was a little surprised with that.

Why didn’t she stick with Dean? He was the one who was nice to her from the beginning. He hadn’t done anything to make her feel comfortable around him.

The only other student in the room who bothered to come over and say hello to the new deputy head girl was Gail Hampton. Gail had always been friendly to Joan. The other Ferox students in the room included a sixth-year boy called Titus Hartley who had already turned eighteen. Joan often saw him coming out of Miss Ramsey’s office rubbing his buttocks whenever the teacher caught him deliberately teasing the girls or pulling their hair or some other pranks. He didn’t much care for Joan however and he was already staring out the window watching some girls play badminton with his tongue out. Joan also noticed that Gail wasn’t thrilled to see him there.

To be honest, she thought it should have been more surprising that he hadn’t yet lost his prefect privileges.

Then there was the other fourth year – Blair Stillman.

Joan felt her chest go hard and she counted in her head to calm down.

Blair was as anti-social as she was but unlike Joan, he didn’t care to be polite. He could be nice, even funny but most of the time, he went out of his way to make people uncomfortable. He was not very popular in House Ferox because of it.

Ebony wondered how the _fuck_ he had been chosen.

“Miss Ramsey wanted a girl to be in” Gail said to her, “but Dr Brookes said Blair might start to understand responsibility.”

“So, we have a bad Andy Kaufman in the court and a spastic on the team.” Ebony grumbled.

“Ebony, no” Gail shook her head. She too was nervous about Joan’s ability to help lead the school, but calling her names was out of line.

Jim agreed; “you call her that again, I’ll be speaking to Mr Zimmerman.”

Ebony made a face but one look from the Head Boy and the Ferox representative told her to watch herself. Joan had overheard their conversation but didn’t react. She merely held the bear she had bought a little tighter.

“I need to mingle for a bit ok?” Jim politely told her.

She blinked; “I didn’t realise you were staying close to me.”

“I thought….” Jim decided to drop it; “if you need me, I’m close by. So is Dean.”

She nodded, watching his go up to the Aprender’s and leaving her to observe the others silently.

Dean meanwhile was chatting away freely to the three Obair representatives. Tina Alan was the sixth year – the former Head Boy’s now very much ex-girlfriend and an “outsider” from New Mexico. Then there was the shyer Malcolm Prenger in fourth year who was Obair’s best archer and horse rider, winning yet more prizes for the competitive House.

Then there was the local fifth year representative - Darci Sheffield, a fellow footballer who had supported Dean as he transitioned. Darci was credited for stepping up when the former deputy head girl had floundered so many were surprised – including herself - when she wasn’t made the deputy head girl or maybe even the Head Girl this year.

Darci caught Joan’s eyes and gave her a look intended to make Joan uncomfortable. Joan was too busy marvelling at the prefect’s rainbow hair to notice the disdain. She liked rainbows.

Dean noticed Darci’s eyes and looked over to see Joan. He quickly realised what was going on;

“Don’t to that Darci, come on,” He scolded; “you know it’s not her fault.”

“She won’t speak in class, how the hell do you expect her to talk today?”

“That’s hardly our main concern with her either.” Tina said, “I like Joan, I think she’s a very sweet kid but she’s out of her depth.”

“So, we help her.” Dean shrugged, “and she’ll be fine.”

“I just don’t want her to be the laughing stock of the school. She doesn’t deserve that.” Tina turned back to Darci, “please don’t do that.”

Darci reluctantly obeyed. Joan’s attention had already gone elsewhere so she thankfully didn’t notice or hear the gossip.

Ebony only knew Susan Anderson, the former Head Girl turned representative for the fifth year. Susan had a hearing aid, but Ebony knew enough sign language to communicate with her.

Joan silently leaned against the wall, her bear close to her chest and watched on. Susan gave her a gentle though worried smile when she saw her. Ebony didn’t bother to acknowledge her deputy.

“Did the Head not want you back on the team?” she saw Ebony sign to Susan.

“Yes” Susan responded with her hands, “but I didn’t want to do it. I was much happier being on the committee. I know Harper and Amelia made things difficult but even without them, I was struggling.”

“And now you have been replaced by me of all people,” Ebony said before gesturing to Joan; “have you seen the deputy?”

“She’s watching your hands.” Susan warned.

“She's an Outsider, she won’t know sign language.”

Susan looked at Joan nervously. Joan put her bear under her arm;

“I don’t think she likes me at all.” She signed.

Susan tried to smile. It was a pleasant surprise to find a student from "the outside" who understand sign language – it just wasn’t the right time as Ebony ranted with her hands, not seeing Joan behind her watching carefully.

“Ebony for Christ’s sake, she knows what you’re saying!” Susan signed to Ebony, shutting her up, “now leave her be!”

At least that made two people who were on her side, Joan thought to herself. Gail and Susan. And then Dean. Jim. And maybe Tina who had smiled at her bear.

The two Hapus students Ebony did manage to meet was a sixth-year local girl called Yve Traverse, Head of the Strings Guild and who was one of the top students in maths – Zimmerman’s obvious class pet - and a fourth year “outsider” called Richard Seller whose parents worked in Dubai and he had some interesting stories for the locals.

Joan decided to sit at her seat before anyone else and try to settle. From her chair, she suddenly noticed how long the table really was and she also realized that her feet barely touched the floor. It made her feel smaller.

Jim saw Joan’s unease and, not really knowing what else to do, interrupted Dean’s lively chat with the Obair’s and asked him to check on her. He noticed Darci roll her eyes but said nothing.

Dean went over; “you’re going to do good ok?”

She just answered with a small smile.

Dean gave her hand a friendly pat before reaching for a small bell at the table and ringing it;

“Sorry to interrupt but we’re going to need to start soon. The quicker we get this over with, the quicker we can get our cakes and drinks. And I’m starving! Both Breakfast and Lunch sucked today. Bloody beans and potatoes!”

Laughter from most of the prefects.

“Good luck pal.” Dean whispered to Joan.

There was no audience for the first meeting as par Clarifloors tradition which Joan was secretly grateful for as she watched some of the prefects take their seats and look at her, Dean and the two Head’s.

For someone who apparently wasn’t good at lying, Joan was a natural at appearing fine when deep down she wasn’t. This was something she herself wasn’t aware of, so she was a little surprised that no one was making any comments about her – yet. Though Blair and that girl Darci weren’t giving her the friendliest of looks.

But when Ebony sat next to her, she was visibly uncomfortable. Ebony sniffed at her and sat up straight, eager to get this over with.

The prefects kept murmuring until Jim got up;

“I think I ought to start by apologizing first of all to everyone for the handling of last year’s team.”

Joan silently groaned and closed her eyes.

“As you all know, the court of last year did a lot of stepping in when the team itself should have sorted things out for themselves. Susan and I found ourselves with an impossible task of handling people who shouldn’t have been put in those roles in the first place.”

A murmur of agreement.

“We ought to thank Joan actually” Susan suddenly spoke up, getting a few odd looks from the others, “she’s the reason we finally managed to get rid of Amelia.”

Joan blinked in discomfort.

“Imagine her face seeing you on that team eh?” Gail tried to joke, mostly to ease the younger girl and shame the few snickers she heard, “I already know you can do better.”

Joan managed to smile at her as a silent word of thanks.

But Jesus, could they stop talking about it?

“Alright – so as tradition, the four of us will get up one at a time and say something to you all” Jim looked at his team, “anyone want to start?”

Joan’s own discomfort suddenly seemed to vanish, “I can if you want.”

She was rewarded by the three of them staring at her in surprise. She didn’t notice the prefects doing the same as she waited for a response.

“Ok” Jim finally said, unable to hide his confusion at her sudden burst of bravery.

He regretted the way he said it. He wondered why.

He was quick to notice a few eye rolls from the Court as the deputy head girl got up. Gail and Susan were the only ones who were nice enough to sit up straight, give encouraging smiles and give her full eye contact. Joan’s head looked round at them all, chewing her lip a little too hard but she quickly relaxed her jaw and spoke quietly but clearly;

“I’m very much aware that my input and placement is under question by every single person in this room including myself. I did not apply for this role, nor have I ever applied to be a prefect. When I asked for the reasons, Dr Brookes only said he liked honesty and apparently last year’s team - with the exception of Susan and Jim - left a bad taste in his mouth. We -” She closed her eyes as she remembered “-talked about my situation with Amelia and Harper. He said – unlike them - I would not be able to hide anything from him if things went wrong and that he knew I would do my best.” Her eyes opened. “Despite this, I have requested help both from him and the team. I told him I wouldn’t be able to this without help, having no experience as a prefect, and I’m being encouraged to ask – demand I suppose – that if I do have questions or if I need help, someone will respond _without_ mocking me for it.”

Joan suddenly noticed that everyone was still. Very still. She didn’t know why. She wondered if they were still unsure of her so tried something else;

“I’ve sat in these meetings as a spectator since first year. I’m aware of how Prefects are to behave and what they do. I was never able to apply because of personal situations-”

“Don’t bring up your Dad for sympathy”.

All eyes turned to the only other fourth year Ferox student in the room. Blair Stillman.

“No one cares anymore.”

Dean was pissed and whispered to Jim; “Really? Can we just throw him out now?”

Jim looked up at Joan and noticed her cheeks were a little rosy. He didn’t know what to do.

Even Ebony seemed annoyed at the rude interruption.

Pleased with himself, Blair spoke to his fellow prefects;

“It’s always about him. Miss Ramsey even had a meeting about it with the first years. “Miller should not be asked about her father or the situation with the local committee. It’s -”

A book suddenly struck him, hitting him right in the ear.

Everyone turned to the culprit in shock.

Joan’s eyes flashed at Blair; “You finished?”

Blair was too stunned to respond.

Jim got worried; “Joan -”

Joan almost leaned forward to address him; “You will not bring up my father in any discussions in this room, especially in any attempt to denounce what I have to say to you or your fellow prefects. I dare say you wouldn’t want your parents’ names being dragged into discussions to question your belonging in here, so I won’t and will not tolerate his name being used against me. I hope to show you I can learn quickly, and I hope you will show the same patience and understanding Miss Ramsey spoke to you of.” She turned back to the other prefects who were now sitting up straight; “that includes the rest of you. I’ve had one first year announce to his peers that his parents knew mine which was bad enough to deal with – I have locals who are still pissed about the police coming in – I don’t care for any of you to bring that up to me. I don’t need to be reminded every time and I don’t understand why the hell I’m talking about it.” She grabbed her own head, took a deep breath and turned back to Blair; “thanks a lot.”

No one was rolling their eyes now.

“I know a lot of things that goes on that has been hidden from the prefects. Since I’ve now joined the team and basically been given a pass to be prefect now – I know where some students keep their cigarettes or where they sneak off to town during school hours and how they end up getting past the staff’s eyes. I’m happy to pass on that information. At the same time, I’m open to hear what each of you have to say in improving the school – it’s teaching staff, competitions and complaints, I have no problem letting the Headmaster know about it even if he won’t like it. Any help from you would be appreciated as I don’t want to rely on our teachers every time, I’m unsure of something. I hope you can offer me that and I’ll do my best to make it worth your while.”

Silence.

Joan looked at Jim; “When do I sit down?”

Her voice had gone quiet. Unsure.

“You finished?”

“Um… yes I think so.”

“Sit down then.”

Joan did, ignoring the astonishment in the room as she closed her eyes, put her fingers in her ears and breathed loudly and slowly.

No one said anything for a long minute, and everyone was fixated on their deputy head girl.

Jim realised he couldn’t just do nothing, so he got up and went to her side; “Joan, are you ok?”

She didn’t reply.

He reached for her wrist but found resistance, so he let go; “alright take your time.” He saw her bear lying at her feet, picked it up and, without knowing why, stroked her arm with it.

As he did, he saw her shoulder go down and her fingers leave her ears. She kept her eyes closed but she was relaxed. Jim put the bear in her arms and went back to his seat, feeling the rest of the student’s eyes on him.

“She’ll be ok, she just needs a moment” he said, his voice shaking with unexpected nerves, “this uh… this is a lot for her. I’m sure everyone understands.”

No one replied.

“Did she just hit me with a book?” Blair finally broke the silence.

“She did” Dean responded quickly; “well deserved Blair. You don’t talk over us. This isn’t a Guild meeting.”

A murmur of agreement followed.

“I’ll be telling Miss Ramsey about it.” Blair warned.

“No need. The Head Girl will deal with me” Joan suddenly mumbled quite clearly, holding her bear tightly.

Ebony silently swore.

“You ok?” Jim asked again.

Joan managed to nod. She wanted to sleep.

“Don’t worry about us Joan.” Darci, with an unnatural gentle smile on her, spoke up, “if you need to leave early, we’ll understand.”

Another murmur of agreement.

Jim and Dean shared a moment of relief and pride. Joan had done it. She’d got the Court’s respect.

Just not her Head Girl.

“I hate you so much…” Ebony whispered to her deputy as Jim announced her turn to speak.

She got up, “I have to admit I’m really scared because my best friend – Susan – was a great Head Girl and what happened last year reflected how good of a person she is.”

Joan felt a kick on her shin and looked down at her feet. Then at Ebony.

What was wrong with this girl?

Maybe she was nervous.

Joan really didn’t understand people sometimes.

Jim had seen the kick and felt insulted for Joan’s behalf.

He suddenly wondered why he did.

He didn’t care about Joan.

Joan focussed in not showing her pain so missed the rest of Ebony’s speech, all of Jim’s rather typical Head Boy speech and only came to reality when the group started laughing at Dean as he finished the team’s speeches with one joke after the other, expertly mocking the awkward tradition while still being respectful. The Obair’s – always the cheery bunch - gave him a standing ovation as he mockingly bowed to his “subjects”.

The meeting that followed was boring, but much needed. Then there was the tradition of each member coming forward, hand raised and pledge allegiance to the team. Only Blair scowled at Joan as he did his pledge, but Joan felt a little better when she found herself getting her hand shaken by nearly everyone. Darci and Gail even offered themselves as people to find if she needed help.

She had won most of them over.

She guessed that was a good start.

“You did well pal” Dean said to her once the team were alone in their office.

“Apart from throwing that book at Blair.” Ebony pointed out. Her mood still foul.

“He deserved it.” Dean responded for Joan.

“Just don’t make that a habit” Jim warned the deputy head girl.

“I’m sorry, I was -”

“Forget him,” Dean said to his fellow deputy, “he’s been kicked out of a few guilds, just not done enough to get his badge removed. It will though, and you won’t need to worry about him.”

“Ebony will deal with you ok?” Jim then said.

“Why me?” Ebony glared at him.

He returned the glare; “You didn’t seem to mind giving her a kick under the table.”

Ebony couldn’t respond to that.

Jim turned back to Joan; “you tell me if she does that again ok?”

Joan nodded. She felt a little better.

The two boys had to leave for their own activities – Dean had swimming club while Jim had orchestra. So Ebony was left alone with her deputy.

“Don’t you have somewhere to go too?” The Head Girl asked, hopefully.

“No, I just do chess. That’s not until tomorrow.” Joan put her bear on her desk and stroked its ears, seemingly oblivious to the tension.

“I didn’t need the details.”

Joan looked at her; “are you in a bad mood?”

Ebony threw her own book to the floor.

“Are you?”

“Are you that dumb?” Ebony put a finger to her head, “it’s your fault. I don’t want to work with you, you’re useless.”

Joan picked up her own book, frowning at her Head Girl as she jumped from her desk and rushed towards her face.

“Dean and Jim might not want to use the tools, but I will use them when I feel it’s deserved. That includes you.”

Joan didn’t react.

Ebony was disappointed; “You don’t care for what I’ve just said do you?”

Joan shrugged; “If that’s how you want to work-”

Ebony sighed; “you didn’t have to tell everyone I was going to deal with you….”

“As Head Girl, you are expected to keep your deputy in line. It is only fair is it not?”

“Can you not talk like a teacher?”

“ _I don’t_.”

That seemed to have annoyed Joan. Ebony felt a little better;

“Have you been caned before?”

“Miss Ramsey and the deputy head girl did.”

“What Amelia did was assault.”

“The difference? I mean she was deputy head-girl, she was allowed to, right? Harper sitting on my head felt more like assault to me, I could have suffocated.”

Ebony shook her head at that response; “I can’t tell if you’re deliberately making it awkward for me or not.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“What happened with Miss Ramsey?”

“It was kind of deliberate.”

“What?”

Joan bit her tongue for being loose but then shrugged; “I deliberately missed a whole day. This was my uh…. second year and it was just after the chess competition. I won, and I got these letters threatening to jump me, so I stayed in my room. Just got – got really scared. I don’t even know why I was scared just…. I guess it’s different on paper. I didn’t tell Miss Ramsey why when she asked. She gave me two strokes on the palm. I was supposed to get the full six but then I felt a pain in my chest, and she had to stop cause uh…. I woke up on my bed. The nurse was there. They all thought it was a heart attack but thankfully it was just a bad anxiety attack.

She’s told me she’ll only use the cane again for really serious issues – but it wasn’t even that that caused it – it was a nursery cane, it wasn’t the normal one either - it was whoever sent the letters you know? I just wondered during the caning if they would keep coming and that did it.”

Ebony was silent.

“You know who it was? The person who wrote and sent them?”

“No.” Ebony wasn’t convincing.

She heard Joan click her tongue.

“Don’t do that!” The Head Girl stood up. Her knees felt like they would fail.

Joan decided to play dumb for now; “You could just tell Miss Ramsey what happened today, and she’ll discipline me, and you can watch.”

“You’re taking detention,” Ebony decided. She went to the detention file and filled in a report.

“No, I’m not.”

“I’m not hitting you with anything,” she pushed the paper in Joan’s face, “sign it!”

“No.”

“Joan.”

Joan shook her head.

“Joan please.” Ebony put the paper down, “what about Odd Jobs-”

“ _No_.”

“I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want one of them hurting you.”

“As Jim pointed out-”

“Please!”

She suddenly saw Joan gaze over her shoulder. She turned around.

Mr Zimmerman.

Joan wondered how a big man like him could move silently.

She also wondered if Ebony had meant what she said.

Considering….

The deputy head invited himself in; “I heard the arguing. Something the matter?”

Joan waited for her Head Girl to speak.

“Well?”

Ebony didn’t know what to say as her Head of House gave her his full attention;

“Well Miss Vicker’s?”

Joan decided to end both their torment her way; “I threw a book at one of the prefects during the Court meeting.”

Zimmerman looked at her; “excuse me?”

“I threw a book at Blair Stillman. Deliberately. Intent of shutting him up. Hurting him really. Ebony wants me to take detention or Odd Jobs, but I don’t want too.”

The Deputy Headmaster glared at her.

Ebony was very used to seeing that glare and felt fear.

Joan ignored his eyes; “She doesn’t want to use the alternative though. So, I think she ought to speak to Miss Ramsey or maybe even you about it.” She scratched her head; “though I suppose there’s no point since I’ve just told you.”

Mr Zimmerman went towards her.

“Sir, he kind of bullied her into doing it…. I don’t know what to do sir” Ebony sounded and looked frantic, “She won’t take the other options, I’ve been trying to get her to take a detention instead. She didn’t really hurt him at all, he asked for it really.”

Her Head of House pulled out a ruler from his gown.

“Sir?” Ebony was confused.

“Miss Miller is what your Head Girl said give you any excuse for your behaviour?”

Joan didn’t seem fazed; “No not really.”

“That is correct.”

Zimmerman calmly took Joan’s wrist, told her to open her hand and he quickly brought the ruler down on it three times.

Ebony flinched at all three blows but quickly noticed Joan’s lack of reaction. Joan went straight back to reading as if he had merely asked if she wanted a cup of tea.

“Always the hand that threw the object” Zimmerman said to Ebony. “But if she does that again, you report it to Miss Ramsey.”

“She will let you know about it anyway -”

“I’m not talking to you Miller.” Zimmerman turned back to the Head Girl; “Just don’t go overboard like you saw or maybe have heard the last team members do.”

“No certainly not sir.”

The Head Girl noticed Joan shake her head in response to hearing about the last team yet again.

Ebony shared her deputy’s resentment on being compared to that team. It was unfair on Susan and Jim, they’d done their best. Every time she saw Harper, she wanted to give him a kick. A hard one. He should have got expelled too. Not just Amelia. He had taken part in the assault after all.

“You better write in the corporal punishment book then” Zimmerman said, “but you need to talk to the team about what objects you require.”

“We spoke about it, but no one really wants to do it-”

“One more word out of our mouth and you’ll get more.”

Ebony was surprised at her House Master’s tone towards her…. Well not friend but Joan wasn’t doing anything wrong in her eyes.

“Honestly sir… I don’t really want to cause my fellow students any harm.”

She ignored the look Joan gave her by quickly turning to the book and writing the details.

“I don’t really want to harm any of my students when they do something wrong but often or not it’s well deserved. You yourself are no stranger to my strap or the cane and you’ve been over both Mrs Oliver’s and Miss Ramsey’s lap in my presence.”

Ebony blushed a little; “yes sir.”

“And unfortunately, if they do something wrong, they get the final say in most cases. Obviously, allegations of bullying or the more serious things go straight to their House Master of Mistress.”

“As long as they don’t bring up Dad again during the meetings, there shouldn’t be any more problems-”

Ebony flinched again as her teacher sharply turned to the muttering deputy head girl; “Do you ever take a telling?”

Joan looked up; “I’m sorry?”

Ebony could see the younger girl didn’t seem to realise what she was doing.

She was glad she wasn’t born this stupid.

Well not stupid just….

Ebony didn’t know the right words.

“I can see why Miss Ramsey despairs at you sometimes.” He took her wrist; “hand out.”

“Sir!”

Zimmerman looked at the Head Girl who had stood up.

“I….”

Why couldn’t she find the right words?

Joan remained calm; “When you’re talking about things regarding the team, my voice is important and needs to be heard even if I’m in disgrace.”

“You’re not in disgrace,” Zimmerman replied.

A glint escaped Joan’s eye; “Then why are you acting like this towards me?”

That was, Ebony had to admit, a very good question.

“Because after you say one thing wrong, you always have to make things worse for yourself.”

“I thought what I said made complete sense-”

Zimmerman prodded her hand with the ruler in response and once Joan reluctantly opened it, she endured a further six.

Ebony, gritting her own teeth as she witnessed this, finally saw a fleet moment of pain as the last stroke caused Joan to look away and bite her lip hard. The Head Girl knew from experience that biting your lip was a tried and tested technique to stop the yelps coming out of your mouth. It worked for Joan. She managed to keep quiet.

The deputy headmaster put the ruler back in his pocket and his eyes caught Ebony’s. Ebony looked at her feet, feeling uneasy.

“Watch your tone with me and your Head Girl. You don’t help yourself at all sometimes.” He let Joan go and walked to the door, “you’re very lucky Miss Ramsey has the patience of a saint. It’s something Ebony knows well that I struggle with.”

“ _I know it very well too_.”

Ebony’s mouth dropped.

Zimmerman just glared; “I hope the rest of your day goes well for you two ladies.”

He marched out.

Ebony didn’t know what to say.

Zimmerman was usually more patient than this – even with someone like herself who had disobeyed a lot of rules in the past.

Why had he been so strict with Joan?

Joan couldn’t exactly help being this stupid.

Must be because he looks after her, she guessed. Joan must be an irritation in private as well as in school.

Still, it felt wrong.

Ebony shook her head. Why was she feeling sorry for Joan? She didn’t care.

Joan carried on reading until she visibly flinched while turning a page and gave her hand a look;

“Nine’s a new record for me. On the hands anyway.”

Much to her own irritation, Ebony couldn’t help but show concern; “Didn’t that hurt?”

“A little.”

“Let me see.” Joan showed surprise at Ebony’s interest, “go on.”

She examined her deputy’s red hand. He hadn’t hit hard, but Ebony knew from her own experiences that the marks were causing some discomfort. Nine was a lot for one hand. Joan would struggle to write the next day and her hand would be visibly marked for a good two or three days.

Ebony remembered when Joan had hit her with this very same hand two years before and how surprised she was of the then first year’s strength. These hands would have been great at rugby or tug-of-war if Joan was at all into sports.

“You ok?” the younger student asked as Ebony went silent.

“Yes I…. I’m just surprised he did that.”

“Ok.” Joan seemed confused by her concern.

“That was harsh. Zimmerman is no pushover, he is quite strict and all but…. but I’ve never seen him treat another student like that. That strictly I mean. He always tries to avoid using corporal punishment, but he went straight in with you.”

“You know he’s my guardian too?”

“Yes, but that…. If that’s how he is to you as a teacher, I worry for you in private.”

As a local, Ebony was used to having strict parents, yet hers had a lot of patience for her antics. She was quite sure Joan – despite her quirks - would have been a model daughter for them.

“It’s not so bad.” Joan shrugged, “It usually involves him doing more work at his desk, chatting about golf to people on the phone while I practice some maths or chess or read a book. Then we order a fish supper which I really like, or he cooks which is dull but he’s pretty good at it. After this, I don’t think he’ll be ordering any fish supper. I like the chip shop here, it’s better than home.”

“But he is rather strict with you, isn’t he?”

Joan thought that was a rather odd thing to say, coming from a local of a micronation notorious for its old-fashioned strictness towards its children; “When you go home, and your parents have found out you’ve been disciplined, does that mean they punish you?”

“Yes” Ebony nodded. “No telly, no tea or if it’s really bad, I, uh, my mum or dad deal with me.”

“In other words, your parents spank you.”

Ebony flushed; “yes.”

“I get disciplined if Miss Ramsey has had to punish me or if my report isn’t up to his standards. Sometimes he does it on the spot – like uh, no fish supper or a lecture. But if the report is really bad, I go over his knee. Or sofa. He uses that ruler or something else. He used to use his hand, but he stopped when I turned thirteen.” She flinched when she accidently touched her book with the sore palm; “What you saw was him being teacher but now I have to wait till Friday or Sunday for more. I just hope it’s not the fish and chips punishment. I hate that. I like fish and chips.”

Joan clearly wasn’t embarrassed to admit any of what she had to go through. Ebony felt like a coward. She didn’t like it. But she also didn’t like what she’d heard;

“That’s…. fair I guess. But none of the other outsiders have to deal with that.”

“I’m not really an outsider. I was. I’m not anymore.”

Another fair point. But still….

“You’re still sheltered from our way of life. The only place you go too out of school is the church. That’s probably the only “normal” thing we as a community do together.”

“What’s “normal” here?”

“The old men on a Friday night go skinny dipping and the women stand by and sing songs about getting old.”

“Are the women naked?”

“No. Thankfully.”

“How come?”

“Because that would be weird. To us anyway.”

“I have seen you and your sibling go out at Halloween dressed up. That happens elsewhere -”

“Yes, but we’re not given sweets. They give us vegetables and mum will make us soup from them. Mithridates once had a famine so that’s where that came from. It’s meant to be thanksgiving mixed with ghosts I guess.” Ebony suddenly felt hungry, “we’re told that if someone gives us sweets then that’s a sign they want to take you. The ghosts or whatever chase the little ones with the sweets and the game is not to accept them until the mask falls off.”

“Wasn’t there a child murdered when he was given sweets?” Joan had read a history book.

Ebony nodded; “Valens Adora. A man called Drusus Beliar lured him into the woods. Beliar was hanged after he confessed”.

“The boy was deaf too. Now there’s a law requiring at least one child in the family to learn sign language, so everyone can feel a little safer.”

Ebony nodded; “exactly. My parents made me, and all my siblings learn it. I know a little of other languages – I can speak Spanish very well, but sign language has been the most useful to learn.”

Ebony then noticed Joan seemed uneasy.

“You ok?”

Joan took her time; “I know sign language too. I taught myself in my room back home.”

Joan’s tone hadn’t changed but her face paled a little at the change of atmosphere her words had caused. Ebony looked pissed. And that scared her.

“Oh.” Ebony tried not to show how bothered she was, “and your point is?”

Joan decided to go for it; “I know you don’t like me, but I do hope we can still work without any issues.”

“Without issues?” Ebony glared at her, “you didn’t have any right to be part of the team. Susan should have had a second chance like Jim.”

“I agree.”

“Then why did you agree to take it if you knew it was unfair? Huh?”

“I was told I would disappoint a lot of people if I didn’t.”

“So, they shamed you into it?”

“I don’t know. Apparently, Susan didn’t want to do it….”

Joan’s voice was calm, but Ebony could tell she was scaring the younger girl.

She didn’t care; “I won’t lie and say I was happy to see you on the team. I’m not prepared to give you a chance because you’re unable to prove anything. You’re not ready – if you need help from us then why are you even on the team?”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Just don’t expect me to help you,” Ebony said, picking up her school books and putting them in her bag, “And don’t expect me to listen to any advice you give me because I know it will be stupid.”

“Your handwriting is familiar to me too.”

Ebony felt her skin crawl.

Joan’s tone was disproving, “you’re not a very nice person.”

Ebony threw her pen at her; “Shut up!”

“Maybe keep your voice down when your House Master is outside the room.”

“what?”

Joan pointed over at the door. Mr Zimmerman was right there. Frowning at the Head Girl through the window.

Joan wondered how long he’d been there.

Hopefully he hadn’t heard her talk about their private life together. That would almost certainly mean no fish and chips. Or – preferably – her other hand getting the ruler.

Maybe it was both.

“Could have told me” Ebony whispered angrily.

“You wouldn’t have listened.”

Ebony gave her deputy one last glare before leaving the room. Joan, disgusted and disappointed, watched her go.

Why do idiots like her exist?

“Her” as in Ebony.

Well, maybe she meant her. As in Joan.

Joan sighed at herself. Frustrated. It was frustrating being Joan Miller. Joan Miller was indeed stupid.

“Sir.” Ebony spoke to her House Master, “sir I’m very stressed today, I know I shouldn’t have talked to her like that-”

“My office”

“Sir-”

“My office”.

He couldn’t resist giving the deputy head girl a look she didn’t like as he followed Ebony to his office.

Joan wondered what she had done.

She wondered why she had to wonder all the time.

She wondered if she’d get her fish and chips.

She wondered why that thought had suddenly got to her head.

God she was frustrating.

Ebony got her first detention of the year. Zimmerman told her to not raise her voice against Joan again. That would mean a lesson at home when her parents found out. After that, she decided to ignore her deputy for the rest of the term when they were not acting on the team.


	10. The Best Friend

Tom Zimmerman had met Keith Miller, Joan’s father, in his third year of Clarifloors. Keith was in the year below, but they were both Aprender students and they sat together as trumpeters in the Brass Guild. Somehow, the loud and brash young “outsider” Keith and the quieter, more serious “local” Tom, became the best of friends and both moved in together in England while training as teachers. While Tom took to teaching like a duck on water, Keith eventually quit the profession after only two years; but he was skilled in fixing cars, gutters and clocks and soon he was running his own company at the young age of twenty-two.

Then he met Tammie, then in her final year at school and a champion on her school’s wrestling team. Keith fought off a group of men bothering her in a pub and offered her a lift back to her house. Once she graduated, they moved in together.

Tom went to their wedding as his best man before accepting a teaching role at Clarifloors. And soon, he was sent a picture of Keith’s little baby girl. Keith proudly wrote in the back of the picture that he’d named the child after his Aunt who he was very close too and Tom’s own sister, February.

Joan February Miller. Tom still had the picture in his wallet. She had big eyes for a baby, but Tom had to admit she was beautiful. It was the only picture he had that didn’t show the girl looking uncomfortable to be photographed and was actually smiling. Joan rarely smiled much but when she did, it was always a beautiful sight to Tom.

Tom remembered seeing the young girl from afar when he would visit the family. The little girl never spoke to him despite Keith’s encouragement. For his part, Tom never tried to get to know her. She was simply Keith’s daughter.

And a little terror apparently.

Keith, through phone calls and letters, told him horror stories about his daughter. The things she apparently did towards her mother which got her sent to her Gran’s – the things she did to her Gran which got her sent back to him. Too intelligent for him, Keith had said. Too cunning. Too Angry. The girl had no respect. A liar. Manipulative. Worried her Grandmother to the point of retiring early. He claimed the doctors told him that there was nothing wrong with her. She was just that way. And he loved her so much that it pained him that he couldn’t help her. Nothing he did as a parent seemed to work.

Tom was the one who suggested sending her to Clarifloors – their old high school and him now it’s deputy head. Keith eagerly agreed, happy it seemed for his daughter to get a new chance and to give his long-suffering wife a break.

Oddly enough, Tom never heard if Tammie was happy with the arrangement, nor her side of the story.

Tammie was a sweet, young, very loud girl when she met Keith and as far as Tom could see, doted on her daughter. She was a wrestler, having wrestled since she was fifteen and would sometimes take the little girl to the ring and show her off to the local fans. Tom even had a picture of Tammie holding Joan up on one of her shoulders as she smiled and waved at the crowd while her then three-year-old daughter looked a little afraid if curious of the attention.

She never said anything about Joan’s supposed bad behavior to Tom. Nothing.

He should have been suspicious.

Keith gave Tom his blessing to be his child’s “guardian” while he and Tammie would be separated from her. Tom reminded him of how the Mithridates children were brought up, telling him it was the only way he knew. Would he be sure that’s what he wanted his child to go through?

“Treat her in any way you want.” Keith had said; “she’s volatile, so do anything you think will keep yourself safe and her in line. And besides, perhaps a sharp shock would make her see some sense.”

When the child finished her final year at her local primary school, the entrance exam was sent to the Miller’s. Tom was surprised but pleased to receive it back almost straight away. The exam tested each new student from outside Mithridates and those who got over 50% got a discount on uniform and activities. With that out of the way, Tom, who had yet to meet Keith’s child in person after many years, looked up recent photos of her sent to him and examined the rather unremarkable looking child. The most up to date picture was her final school photo and in it, she looked eager to get out of the room. Tom was sure her teachers were glad to see that violent child out of their school.

Then came the day he met her.

He watched Keith berate her as they walked to the pier with her suitcase. He was loud, but she was silent. Apparently, she had said something out of turn that had upset her father. She barely acknowledged him or Tom when she was reintroduced to him. Only when the boat finally left the pier and Keith was already in his car did she relax and give Tom a shy but friendly nod.

The ferry’s horn made a loud noise that startled the girl and Tom saw that she didn’t stop shaking for a good minute afterwards.

He gave a moment to just look at her.

He hadn’t been prepared for Keith and Tammie’s supposedly hard and angry child to be this shy, gentle, quiet child. Her hair was untidy, she carried what he learned later was Albert – an ugly looking bear – in her arms and she seemed reluctant to use the sink, but he could see straight away that this was an intelligent girl. She passed her entrance exam with flying colours, saving her parents and him a lot of money.

The complete opposite to her more easy-going, loud parents. Tom would certainly not have guessed that this was Keith’s daughter. It almost seemed the girl was relieved to be away.

This was not normal for a then eleven-year-old. Especially one with autism.

And why didn’t Keith tell him about her autism?

Still unaware of the diagnosis at the time, he had introduced himself to Joan as someone she would learn to respect and fear if she did anything wrong.

“Your father has told you about this Island?” He had asked as they sat outside, waiting to see the view of what would be, her new home.

Her voice was gentle but low for her age; “He says it’s strange sir.”

“Good to see you know how to address me.”

He waited for a glare or some sort of retort, but she didn’t take the bait.

“It’s an Island that holds many traditions that England would find strange. You like your history?”

Her face brightened; “yeah”

“It’s a mixture of Victorian and modern times. The school you will be residing in has many things expected of a private school. But we still have corporal punishment and will use it if you disobey a rule. As my ward as well as your teacher, I warn you that if you step out of line, I won’t hesitate to use my hand.”

No reaction.

“Do you understand me?”

She scratched her head; “you’re my parent while I’m here.”

“Exactly. Your parents have given me permission to treat you as I wish.”

“Ok.”

“ _Sir_.”

“Ok sir.”

He got the respect, but Joan didn’t really fear him. Only a little anxious but not afraid. At least that was his perception.

Once they got to the school itself, he showed her the new room she would be sleeping alone in. It was a normal one-student room and he offered to help her unpack. She shook her head politely, so he left her alone.

He then had Sarah introduce herself. He had told Sarah about Keith’s description of his young “terror,” so Sarah – acting the part of a strict, no nonsense teacher to perfection - walked into Joan’s room and firmly warned her that any misbehaviour was swiftly dealt with in House Ferox.

Sarah admitted to Tom later that Joan had surprised her as well. Most students with a reputation of disrespect either answered back or glared at their teachers. Joan had done neither. She just seemed like a girl who was unsure of herself.

“Did you speak to the father about if he felt she could cope with boarding school life?” she asked.

“I did. He felt it would do her and the family some good if they were separated with the bonus that she had the chance of a good education.”

Sarah gave him some papers; “her school reports show she had high grades in almost everything. She is a bright young girl and the comments say she’s a quiet student who does not seem to want to engage with other children. And yet you’ve been told she’s violent by the parents.”

“We’ll be finding out what Joan Miller we’ll be getting soon enough.”

He secretly wondered if Keith had told him any truth regarding his own child.

The year then started, and Joan – despite her father’s insistence that she would - didn’t appear to change her behavior. Joan was no troublemaker. Like most first years, she took a while to get used to the school and to speak to anyone, but from the start, she always seemed happy to be away from home. She did have a temper, but it rarely showed its ugly head and it usually aimed at herself and in the privacy of her room. She didn’t even talk about home. When Miss Ramsey tried to encourage her to write regularly to her parents, she politely but stubbornly refused. She was reluctant to call her father when Tom insisted, and afterwards almost begged Tom to not have her to do so again.

He knew he should have been more observant. More suspicious. Instead he lectured her that she was being very unfair on her parents.

Tom attempted to find more evidence of Joan’s supposed obnoxious behavior, but it was clear she was just an often-misunderstood little girl. Complaints from teachers often included the girl being unable to raise her hand in class or her inability to ask for help or speak at all yet she was passing her classes with flying colors to the point where she was taking what was supposed to be her second- and third-year classes at age twelve. She remembered things from books, what her teachers said and created original essays. And on top of that, she was now a highly valued member of the chess guild, getting a win for House Ferox which shocked the school to the core yet earned her some respect from her indifferent peers.

The only bad thing to happen was the bullying. Joan did not talk of it, but it was clear that things were happening to her. Kind students told Miss Ramsey and Tom the names with one standing out – Gladys Hillman. Tom made sure to make the older girl fear him. With some success. Not enough to fully stop the nonsense.

Tom did his best to praise his ward, but she was too modest to accept it. That, and she looked a little surprised and uncomfortable when he said something kind.

It was like she wasn’t used to being praised.

Or being shown any kindness.

And Sarah noted she got the same reaction as her teacher.

That was really when he did seriously wonder if something was seriously wrong with Joan and her parents. The little girl was thriving without them yet the mere mention of them bought about a cloud that caused unease and stress to the point where Tom was careful with his questions.

He told himself he was being stupid. Children always felt hard done by. Another year, and she would be begging to go home. She would admit she missed her parents.

Whilst it wasn’t yet clear why she had been sent to her Grandmother’s; it was clear Joan had caused no trouble for the frail old lady. The only time Joan showed any signs of homesickness was when she asked if her Gran was ok.

“You miss your Grandmother?” He asked.

“I do.” She admitted.

“Didn’t you live with her for a time?”

“Five till about eight.”

“Why didn’t you stay?”

“She’s got Alzheimer’s. So I had to go and live with Mum and Dad. She couldn’t look after me anymore.”

It was the first Tom had heard the news.

The old woman, who was one of the best cooks Tom had ever met, was very strict and brash towards her son but gentler and very loving towards her granddaughter. Tom vaguely remembered the pair holding hands and the then two-year old crying when the mother took her off the Grandmother.

They had been very close. Joan’s teddy bear was created by her Gran and though she spoke little of her, it was clear Joan had felt safe at her Gran’s home.

Tom did some phone calls and found the home where Joan’s Grandmother was. Her Grandmother was indeed dying of Alzheimer’s, but the nurses mentioned that there were moments where she remembered her Granddaughter and begged them to take her back from “that monster”.

Was the monster Tammie? Joan’s mother? Or someone else in the family that he wasn’t aware of? Had they done something to Joan? The old woman no longer could make much sense. The nurse mentioned that one of her walls was covered with pictures of Joan, but not of her father or mother. Nor anyone in the family. Sometimes she reached for a picture of her Granddaughter and sang gibberishly to her before breaking down in tears. Then she would forget everything, even why she was crying. 

Tom realised that yes, Keith had indeed lied to him. He had said his mother brought her in to “help” him and his wife but had given up. He had not said anything about his own mother being too ill to continue.

And Joan was no liar. When she did, it was obvious. Tom decided to keep what her own father had said about her from her. This kid didn’t need to know.

Despite being a magnet for some teasing, Joan managed to stay out of trouble for her first two months. But around October or November – Tom couldn’t remember which month - she was attacked by two older girls and in retaliation, punched one – Ebony Vicker’s - in the mouth. Since they were Hapus students, Tom caned the two responsible. Vicker’s – who earned a fat lip - never went near Joan again until they’re recent promotion to the team. The other girl was Gladys Hillman. She had yet to leave Joan alone at all.

Sarah then sent him a note telling him she had slippered the girl for the punch and to show some leniency. Joan’s retaliation was understandable. She did not need any more punishment. She advised her then new lover to just scold the child and leave it at that.

He had ignored that advice.

His own father had been harsh on him and his temper. He would be no different to a girl who had one too.

He asked his ward about the incident and was quite surprised at the honesty she showed. She did not try to explain away her actions either. What was done was done in her mind.

“You know I have to punish you for this?” He had told her.

He noticed her usually lazy eyes flick sharply to him. Was this nerves?

“You don’t have to sir, Miss Ramsey did.”

“Your father has instructed me to deal with you when you get in trouble at school.”

The little girl sucked her hand; “Miss Ramsey told me you wouldn’t get angry with me.”

Tom remembered thinking that Sarah really had to stay out of his business. What did she know about this girl?

“I am not angry girl. I’m merely doing my duty as your guardian. You get punished at school, you will be punished by me.” He took her arms and pulled her over his lap; “I’m only using my hand today but next time, I will be using my ruler or my cane. I hope that my hand will serve as a warning that my arm is just as strong as Miss Ramsey’s.”

Tom had no problems with what he was doing. He expected this day to come – maybe earlier than now but it had happened. A girl who supposedly ran riot at home deserved nothing less.

What he didn’t expect was the silence that greeted his firm hand at each blow. The only resistance was the fidgeting right knee. Even when he bared the girl’s rear and used a little more force, he heard nothing. She merely lowered her head and only wriggled a little by the time he felt she’d suffered enough.

Then there was the silence that greeted him when he told her to get up. There was no tears nor apologies. Just silence. And Joan didn’t even look at him.

Tom observed her closely. Yes, there were no tears, but the young face was white as a sheet. This was not normal behaviour.

Sarah would later tell him she had shown the same resilience during and after her slippering. In fact, the Head Girl who had been asked to witness the punishment was the one who needed comforting. Joan’s silence and the facts behind the punishment made her feel very sorry for the younger girl.

At least Joan earned her first friend out of it. And a place in the Chess Guild which did wonders for her self-confidence and her standing within the school. A good thing to come out of this sorry affair.

But for now, she was recovering from Tom’s hand. And after a long minute of silence, Tom still couldn’t see any tears.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

“I think so.”

The young voice was unsteady but clear.

“You took that very well. I didn’t expect that from you.”

The child didn’t know what he was talking about; answering with a black stare and a confused expression. It made him pity her.

“You’ve been punished like this before, haven’t you?”

“Not like that sir.”

“But you have been struck for your bad behaviour before?”

She nodded.

“I wondered. I’ve not been aware of how your parents discipline you. Your father told me your mother and grandmother tried everything to keep you in line.”

Joan said nothing, but her face told him everything.

“You really don’t understand me, do you?”

“No sir.”

He decided to tell her:

“Do you know what his biggest complaints about you were?”

“He doesn’t like me being quiet or in the room when mum gets upset with him. I’m not allowed to cry or look scared. I’m not very good at not showing fear so I uh – I get punished a lot.” Her lip trembled, “I don’t mean to be scared all the time. I don’t mean to be like…. Like _this_. But I’m not a bad person. Ok? I’m not a bad person.”

If the alarm bells hadn’t rung yet, they did now.

“Why aren’t you allowed to cry or look scared?”

“I think it bothers him. I guess it would. I don’t like hearing people cry. I get scared and that makes things worse. But I don’t mean to be. I’m not a bad person.”

Tom frowned; “He tells me your very loud and uncontrollable at home.”

“He might have been talking about Mum. He says that all the time about her. You know my mum?”

“Tammie. Yes. She loves you very much.”

“Does she?”

He was stunned at how surprised she seemed by his statement.

He should have tried to find out more right there and then. He realised that now.

Instead of wasting his energy making the poor kid anxious.

“If you weren’t so badly behaved, you’d would know that better.”

“I’m not a bad person.”

He remembered the frustration peeking out through her voice.

“Watch your tone.”

“I’m not a bad person.”

She was shaking.

“Do you want to get back over my knee?”

“I’m not a bad person…”

“Joan!”

He grabbed her arm only for her to pull back, muttering.

“Joan?”

The young student reached for her hair and began to pull. Whimpering pathetically. His touch hurting her. He let go, allowing her to fall to the ground and stepped over her to leave the room. He slammed the door and sat at his desk, trying to calm down.

It was the first time he’d felt this much guilt after striking a child. He didn’t understand why.

That kid had been a nightmare to her own family. Why should he feel like this?

He wanted to believe Keith’s lies. He wanted to believe he had been fooled by that little girl.

But he knew he was very much in the wrong.

By chance, Sarah arrived and mentioned Joan’s speech to the House. By tradition, the first years introduced themselves to their House after a few weeks. He hadn’t been able to go and support her.

And now Sarah asked why he hadn’t told her about her autism.

Autism?

He hadn’t known.

And now, thinking about it….

It was obvious now.

He felt pain in his chest as the news set in.

Sarah suggested he should have a word with the Headmaster to tell staff members about the child’s condition as well as call Keith or the mother. Find out why it wasn’t on the child’s papers. He promised to do so.

When he came back to his rooms, the young girl was still on the ground, but she was fast asleep.

Her white little face was wet with tears.

Now with the new realisation, he was a lot more careful when he woke her up and helped her up. She was dazed and a little afraid, but he couldn’t blame her for that.

“I’m not a bad person” she managed to say after a lengthy silence.

“I know that.” He made her sit down; “Your father has told me a lot of things about you Joan. But he didn’t tell me you’ve been diagnosed with autism. When did that happen?”

That was an easy question to answer; “Gran took me to a doctor. I was seven.”

“You were living with her at that time?”

“Yeah.”

“Did she tell your parents?”

“The doctors wanted to know if Mum had drunk or taken drugs, so they called her and asked. She wasn’t very happy.”

“Did you assume that I knew about your disability?”

“Dad said you know all about me.”

“I did not. And Miss Ramsey didn’t know until you said something at your first-year talk. Do you know why it was left off your papers?”

Joan apologetically shrugged her shoulders.

Of course, she wouldn’t know. She was just the child.

She was so different to her parents.

She was so different to any child Tom had known.

“Had I known about this; I would have been more mindful with how I spoke to you when we first met. I must have come off as a someone who didn’t care, and I don’t want you to think of me as such.”

Joan had kept quiet.

“You don’t have to call me “sir” all the time, you can call me Tom when I’m not in my gown or on duty. And I’m going to work closely with Miss Ramsey to make sure you’re happy here. That doesn’t mean that when you do behave badly, that I will change how I deal with you. You are still expected to treat the school and its staff with respect.”

Joan shook her head; “I don’t know if you’re a nice person just now.”

Tom felt hurt; “I’m the adult who is in charge of you while your away.”

“You don’t have to be. You don’t seem to want me.”

“What gave you that impression?”

“You don’t seem to like me being around.”

She said this in a very matter of fact of tone, that it somehow made Tom feel worse;

“Then your mistaken. I am pleased to help your parents with you, I only wish I was told the truth.”

“I thought you knew.”

“I should have known, but that wasn’t your call to tell me. You’re not the one in trouble over this Joan. Go on. I think we’ve had enough of each other.”

He didn’t like that she was visibly relieved when she was dismissed.

The phone call with Keith that he had afterwards struck him as rather odd. His friend told him he deliberately didn’t write down his students’ condition as he feared she wouldn’t get in.

“Keith, even if the staff have little training, there are students with different disabilities and with its wealth, they can help Joan. Why you didn’t tell me in the first place?”

“I always thought it was obvious.”

“As in?”

“She’s a little character. Eccentric. Doesn’t talk to anyone. They’re all like that. Mad as a hatter.”

Tom would have chuckled if this wasn’t so serious; “You told me she was trouble at home, loud, obnoxious and yet I haven’t seen that side of her yet.”

“You wait Tom. Just you wait. She’ll be plotting something. Joan’s got her mother’s mean streak.”

“Tammie? A mean streak?” Tammie always seemed friendly to Tom. “What do you mean?”

Silence.

“Keith?”

The phone was put down on Keith’s side.

Strange.

Joan gave him no further trouble in her first year. Reports he got from Miss Ramsey found that she was a very intelligent student but seemed distant from other students. She was uncomfortable to talk in class and some classmates teased her about her shyness and her frail Northumberland accent. His other colleagues liked her dedication to work, but they weren’t quite sure about her as a person.

In private, Joan appeared to be quite comfortable around him when she was quiet. She liked to read on his sofa and she obediently ate everything he gave her. He was pleased to find that she shared his interest in history and a trip to the local museum had them both discussing and debating like old friends.

She was a good kid.

But – against his own judgement - he still found himself trusting his best friends’ word. The Keith he knew, was always a good judge of character. He was the one who correctly predicted that their old school bully, Roald Homolka, would run his own newspaper to carry on his bullying ways.

That paper happened to be “The Mithridates Gazette”. The very paper that would cause a lot of harm that year and was already on Dr Brooke’s last patience.

The next thing Tom remembered was getting the phone call from the Headmaster that told him the unbelievable news. Police at the pier, looking for his young ward.

Keith had been hurt. Badly.

Tammie, sweet and friendly Tammie had tried to kill him.

She and some friends of hers had trapped him in the house. Beaten him up. Keith was tortured and bludgeoned, yet he’d somehow survived. The women all arrested. Now awaiting trial.

Apparently, the police had called Joan to let her know they were coming. They were now waiting at Ravenhall Mansion to talk to her.

Joan hadn’t said a word to him about any phone call. Tom knew she would have said something. So why hadn’t she now?

The Mithridates council were angry. It’s leader, Lord Riando Cross demanded she be brought in front of the committee or punished by the school. They saw the “outside” police force as an “invasion”. They viewed her almost as a Benedict Arnold.

Dr Brookes – usually a pushover when the council got involved - had told them he would not discipline or hand over the student until he learned the full story.

Tom felt his stomach heave as he then heard that the committee had realised a statement denouncing the young girl for “her foolishness and outright dangerous act”.

And there it was in the “Mithridates Gazette” on his office table.

He felt sick as he read it.

He called Northumberland for information and then went to find Joan. To his relief, she had been taken into the team’s room by the Head Girl who wisely kept her from being questioned by curious students.

The images of that day came flooding back….

He was just about to knock when he heard her young voice;

“I’ve seen the story.”

Camilla Robertson, the Head Girl at the time and Joan’s first real friend, felt her blood freeze; “what?”

“I saw my mum’s picture. I know what happened.” Joan looked at her right to the window; “what should I tell Tom?”

“Who’s Tom?”

“Mr Zimmerman. He knew my Dad. I don’t know if he knows.”

“He’ll certainly know.”

“You’re the one who took time to find me.”

“Maybe they’re calling him now. You only found out through the paper; he’s probably trying to find out what happened.”

“The papers have made things quite clear.” Joan wasn’t wrong. “What isn’t clear is how this affects my place here. I have no home to go back too. My Grandmother is ill with Alzheimer’s, my mother’s family does not talk with us and I have no recollection that my Dad has any other family except his mother – my Gran. All I have is Mr Zimmerman and that’s how I see him – Mr Zimmerman. I think I may just be another student to him, but I hope I’m wrong.”

Tom tried to push away the guilt he was feeling and knocked on the door. Camilla let him in;

“She’s here sir.”

Joan didn’t acknowledge him.

“Miller?”

“I already know.”

“Miller-”

“I already know” Joan’s voice went firm, “I’m fine.”

She covered her ears and curled up where she sat. Her Grandmother’s bear was strangled by her grip.

This couldn’t get any worse.

He spoke to the Head Girl; “Thank you for getting her away from the others,” he turned back to Joan, “Miller, please, I want you to come to my office.”

Joan rubbed at her teddy bear’s fur.

She then started to quietly sing “Sandy Girl” to herself.

“Miller.” Zimmerman turned to the Head Girl with urgency; “could you go and find Miss Ramsey?”

Camilla quickly left.

“Joan. Talk to me.” Tom begged, forgetting to be his usual stern self. Joan was scaring him. “Joan? Please.”

Joan scratched an ear, “I wonder how Dad’s going to explain this to me,” she gave her father’s friend an odd smile, her fingers at her chin; “she planned it. How can he blame her depression on that? How could I be the problem now?”

Depression?

The problem…...?

“What are you talking about?”

“I knew this would happen.” As suddenly as it appeared, Joan’s smile vanished “yeah….”

“Do you have your phone?”

“No.”

“Where is it?”

“It got taken about a month ago.”

He knew she was telling the truth; “you only found out through the paper?”

Joan nodded. Her hand began to dig into her face.

He gently scolded her as he put her hand down; “now listen, we’ve got to work together to get through this ok? You and me. You need to tell me exactly what you know-”

“No.”

“Joan.”

“I can’t. Dad said not to tell you.”

He could hear her breathing change pace.

She was panicking.

Tom couldn’t hide his fear; “Joan? Joan?”

Tom jumped out of his skin when her fists suddenly went for her own face and then her hair. Her nails attacked her skin. She whimpered, unable to control herself, her teddy bear fell to the floor.

This was the first time Tom had witnessed Joan’s violent side for himself. Yet she didn’t try to hurt anyone but herself.

Tom rushed over and found himself on the ground restraining a child who seemed desperate to scratch herself to death. He manged to get her on her back and lean on her while trying to keep her hands away from her head, yet Joan’s anxiety was slowly getting the better of both teacher and student.

He could see she was trying to fight it.

He felt her pain.

“You’re ok, deep breaths, come on,” he struggled with her strength; “I’m here. You’re going to be ok, we’ll get through this. You and me. We’ll get through this.”

Joan never heard his words.

He didn’t know what else to say. He felt helpless

Sarah and Camilla arrived quickly, and the Head Girl watched her two teachers try desperately to keep her young friend from hurting herself. It was too much for the eighteen-year-old to watch and she sat, numb at her desk and covered her ears as Joan’s animal-like whimpers replaced the muttering. Her body was soon too tired to struggle against the two teachers and Tom was able to hold onto her in a hug while Sarah – sweating and in tears herself - gave Camilla a tissue and thanked her again.

“I think we need to give Joan some space, so I would ask you keep what happened in here to yourself.”

By the time Tom and Sarah had carried Joan into the deputy’s office, she was fast asleep. He placed her on a sofa and Sarah covered her with a blanket. She didn’t wake up for three hours.

“I didn’t know what to do” he moaned to Sarah as he sat at her side, “it happened so suddenly.”

The police then arrived, and they were less than polite towards a young girl who had almost lost her father. They had just met Lord Riando - who was furious that they were there - and in Tom’s eyes, were pushing the “blame” on Joan. They were adamant she knew they were coming yet it was very clear to Tom and to Sarah – a human lie-detector - that she hadn’t.

Joan did have a phone, but she never used it. Tom never even managed to get a call from her or get an answer when he called. And she would never answer a stranger’s call.

Come to think of it, her phone had long since been missing.

One of the policemen did mention that her voice was different to the one who received the call.

That could mean….

But they dismissed that idea quickly. Joan had to have known. Sarah had to remind them that they were dealing with a vulnerable child who was going through a difficult time and to back off. Her anger alone seemed to change their behaviour towards the girl but Joan didn’t give much answers in return.

It hurt Tom seeing what was happening to his ward. As intelligent as she was, it was too overwhelming for one girl to take. He kept her out of classes for the last few weeks though she insisted in returning to the chess guild and made her sleep over in his rooms for fear of letting her out of his sight at night.

Tom had many friends in the town who called in and kept him up to date on the council. Despite being told that the girl who supposedly forgot to inform the Island of the “outside presence” was an autistic twelve-year-old who had just received shocking news about her parents, they still wanted to go ahead and press charges. A statement was sent to the Mithridates Gazette which denounced “those who forget their place in our community such as J. Miller whose recklessness should be dealt with accordingly.” 

A date was made but Tom kept the news from Joan and with Dr Brookes and a few sympathetic locals on his side, refused to go.

The council did not like this, so they went ahead and passed sentience.

Guilty.

They banned Joan from leaving “their country” until “the education she receives here finishes. If she chooses to leave then, we will not be disappointed.”

He hadn’t yet told Joan about this “sentence”, even when she asked to see her Grandmother who was across the sea. She already guessed correctly that a few members of the community didn’t like her; he didn’t want her to know about this.

A disgusted Dr Brookes responded to the sentence by banning the local paper from the school and holding a meeting with the few concerned parents; telling them Joan was far from a danger to the security of the Island and was the only one who had suffered. He would not persecute her when the press and the council had done enough.

Keith, injured in hospital, had asked him to take care of her and treat her as he wished but since then, had shown little interest in seeing his daughter. He didn’t even want to talk to her on the phone.

Mind you, Joan hadn’t asked to see him either. Not even when he was admitted to another hospital, realized and then put back in the same place for another much longer stay. She didn’t even ask why he was back in when Tom told her. She just asked again if they could visit her Grandmother.

Ever since that day, Tom had tried to do better. He was no parent and an autistic child who he now knew had suffered “problems” at home yet would not talk of it and was now an infamous celebrity on an infamous Island with a close community was not an easy child no matter how hard she tried to be, or he tried to make her. He tried to keep some stability for her, creating a system in which he could monitor her work and behavior, praise her for her good work, scold and punish her for anything wrong and treat her as the most important person in his life but it wasn’t as easy as he hoped.

She was now nearly sixteen. She had grown stronger, smarter and a little braver, but her height was too low, and she was a little overweight. It was like she didn’t go past her thirteenth birthday. It worried him as he watched her and wondered what was going on in her young brilliant mind.

And like most teenagers, she was struggling with mood swings and with growing up. But unlike most teenagers, she did not make demands or go out with friends. Responsibilities seemed to frighten her. She still kept a teddy bear and had to be reminded to bathe. It was like she was doing everything in her power to stay a child.

Sometimes he despaired at the huge responsibility as a legal guardian. Tom wanted Joan to still have a “normal” school life. Tom wanted her to forget what had happened. He knew she never would.

He did care for this kid. He just wished he was better at showing how much he did.


	11. Four Years On

From the beginning, Joan found Clarifloors as well as the Island it lived on a rather fascinating if odd place.

“Odd” was maybe too polite.

She’d first heard about it that time she woke up in hospital….

She shook her head to forget that.

She came up with a better story; she found out about Clarifloors and Mithridates through her father. He had been a student there. He said he lived his best years there. He said it was very strict but offered a lot of privileges that a normal High school couldn’t give to someone like her. Primary school had been too easy. The teacher’s, though nice and encouraging, ill prepared for her. Joan had already passed exams meant for her third year in High School by the time she left. She was just wasting her time day in, day out and she did not seem to care to make friends. She didn’t care for school, but at least it got her out of the house…

Joan just wondered if her parents could afford to send her away.

She didn’t think about missing either of them.

Perhaps Gran, but Gran was already so ill by then, that Joan was keen to not be around when she did finally die.

She missed Gran terribly now. Or at least the Gran she knew before she got ill.

The exam came, and Joan finished it at her school in less than an hour. Her teachers made her look over it repeatedly. After all, her doing well meant lots of discounts and made her old school look good.

And of course, she got over 90%.

Both Mum and Dad were very pleased. There was no arguing. No fight. Mum even hugged her without it hurting. That made her feel good.

Dad was more stressed than she was when it was finally time to go. He didn’t stop asking if she was going to miss him. He didn’t mention Mum or Gran and eventually, knowing there was nothing he could do, she stopped responding to him. He made a fool out of himself in front of Tom. It was kind of funny but – and Joan realized this as she remembered – not the best impression for her.

Tom was…. Large, frowny and dressed well. She remembered him a little from the past, but they had never spoke. Now he was her “guardian” and he made it clear he expected her respect.

Joan wondered if he was trying to scare her.

She guessed it kind of worked.

Dad had warned her that while he was very friendly, he would be very strict. Stricter than Gran ever was.

Joan knew that was supposed to scare her. But it didn’t. She had learned long ago not to take her father seriously. Only when he was angry, her mother had told her, should she take him seriously. And Gran would laugh anytime he tried to fight her.

Gran had been strict with her, even after her diagnoses. She had told the then seven-year-old that autism did not exclude her from being disciplined for bad behaviour and that she would be treated like any child. Joan had nothing to fear since she was a good kid. Her few slip ups were normally met with a scolding and Gran only raised her hand if it was well deserved – like the time Joan shut the cat in the oven when it’s meowing hurt her ears. Gran had her grounded for a week and made use of her hairbrush. That hurt.

The cat was probably the only thing Joan hated about staying at Grans. The pest had got her in enough trouble. When it finally died, that was when Gran’s memory loss got worse.

Mum and Dad also had a cat before she went to live with Gran, but the less she remembered about that the better.

She was glad to see no cats when Tom took her to his office.

And in the end, if he was trying to scare her…

Well he wasn’t exactly Mum or Dad.

He was quiet but he was very polite and when he did speak, Joan felt calm. He had a typical teacher voice – commanding, clear and stern. Most young girls would have been afraid of it. But not Joan.

It was nice to hear something other than harsh shouting from the people who were supposed to look after you.

Even if their first conversation in his office was a bit…. Weird.

Joan remembered feeling apprehensive at the then new surroundings. Everything was bright and the air smelt old. She kept her mouth shut as she felt the man’s eyes on her.

“We’re not in Northumberland here.”

Joan thought that was another odd thing to say.

“Before you came into this school, your parents gave me permission to treat you as if you were my own. I don’t know how they bring up children in Northumberland, but this Island brings them up in what you’re Grandmother would have called “the old-fashioned way”.”

Joan’s brain was empty.

“Since this school will be your home for a year, you will retire to your bedroom by 8pm every day. On Fridays and Saturdays, you will come to my rooms where we will assess your work and your behaviour. Should one or both fail to meet expectations, you will be punished. Physically. That is the way we do things here.”

Tom had expected resistance. Anger. Fear. But the little girl had only looked at him unassumingly.

“Do you have any questions?”

She shook her head.

“I would like to hear your voice girl.”

She finally frowned at him; “no sir.”

A very quiet voice for someone who was supposedly difficult and loud.

“Any problems, you can speak to me or your teacher. You have met Miss Ramsey?”

“Yes sir.”

Strange man, she said to herself once she escaped.

And then there was Miss Ramsey.

Miss Ramsey had made an impression. Tried to scare her she supposed, but Joan hadn’t felt fear. A teacher who demanded respect meant quiet classrooms which suited her. And eventually the teacher was a lot nicer towards her, especially after she was forced to do that speech.

That was a stressful day.

“Stressful” was too light of a word.

Even with her high IQ, “descriptive words” were not Joan’s strong point when trying to explain her feelings. She was never asked how she felt at home – but by God, did everyone in this school keep asking how she “felt” and were disappointed by her answers.

By tradition, the first years had to introduce themselves to the rest of the House they were in. You were supposed to write one down, but Joan couldn’t and so improvised. She remembered how Miss Ramsey had challenged that decision but, in the end, let her get her way. She was eager to leave once she’d done.

Then Ebony and Gladys had to ruin her week further and she suffered both the slipper and Tom’s hand. Both had hurt but it was the unnecessary drama that was worse. The Head Girl crying and then Tom’s…

She guessed he was surprised that she didn’t cry. Even if there was nothing to cry about. Not until he accused her of being bad. That hurt worse than anything.

Joan wasn’t always sure of herself, but she knew she wasn’t bad.

Fuck Mum and Dad and what they thought.

At least the Head Girl had become a friend and introduced her the chess guild. Which meant a place that she could play with others and not just herself. And somewhere to earn respect from other students as she slaughtered them in every match until she was the first student in Clarifloors history to win the top prize in first year. A Trophy and honour she had kept since with little competition. It certainly got her Brownie marks from the rest of Ferox.

What stayed with her was Tom’s changing attitude towards her after her punishment. He had always been friendly if foreboding but now he seemed to have lost his confidence. He sometimes troubled and then he was asking her personal questions which surprised her. She had assumed Tom knew all about her. But he didn’t.

She wondered if he’d been more welcoming – or at least more careful – when they first met. At least he now knew she was not a monster.

Why had Dad told him those lies?

Why?

And why didn’t he want to talk to her?

And why hadn’t mum reached out?

Joan sighed. The world was so confusing.

Maybe she could find an Island and -

A knock on the door.

It was a friendly one.

Joan got up from the ground where she was lying; “Yes?”

“It’s Sarang.”

“Who?”

Joan was careful to open the door to see who it was.

“I’m Sarang Rinder. Please to meet you.”

Joan recognised the younger girl. She was a first year and she had stood next to Sam Halop during the first year’s welcome. She had been the most animated of the girls, too excited, forcing Miss Ramsey to ask her to calm down.

Sarang….

Either a local or a Japanese girl. She was tanned, wore glasses and was very small even for an eleven-year-old. Her accent was “posh English” just like a typical local but….

Honestly, you could never guess right off the bat. Joan decided not to waste time trying to work it out.

She checked for anyone else in the corridor; “Is everything ok?”

“I’m here for duty.”

What.

“Duty?”

“The first years are sent to their seniors to do chores for the week.”

What.

Joan opened the door and let her in. Then she quickly shut it;

“Right. Please tell me this isn’t a joke to get some guys in here because if so, I’ll keep you in here.”

Sarang blinked; “Miss Ramsey gave me the order.”

Joan felt her head spin; “But I’m too young for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not even a senior. I’m in fourth year.”

“You are Deputy Head Girl.”

Joan felt her brain steady itself; “ok.”

This school and its rules were weird.

“So…. What would you like me to do?”

Good question.

“Can I think about it if that’s ok?”

“Sure.”

What a nice kid.

She was going to have to wait a while. Joan couldn’t think.

Joan looked out her window and decided to try “conversing”; “are you a local?”

“I am. I live near the port. I walk to school every day. I have an older brother in House Aprender. He says I’m lucky to be in this House. I’m not sure yet. Miss Ramsey is nice, but I’ve heard about her arm.”

This girl liked to talk. That wasn’t a problem in this school – words seemed to bother the teachers more than talking. Sometimes Joan felt the “strict” part was a little exaggerated.

“Just do as your told and you won’t feel its power.” Joan awkwardly gave some advice.

“I could pick detention anyway.”

“I wouldn’t. Waste of time.” Joan changed the subject; “I was wondering about the school down there. Is it a primary or a secondary or…...?”

She really needed to work o her conversation choices that weren’t to do with bloody chess.

Sarang seemed to agree with her; “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

At least she was polite about it.

Joan tried again; “How old are you when you go there and how old when you leave?”

“Oh – well it’s for five to eighteen years but most kids leave at eleven or twelve to come here. Very few who stay there, study till eighteen. I left last year to come here. Mother said I could get more opportunities – maybe even see the world if I work hard.”

“They use our swimming pool and our pitches. Why don’t they just come here?”

“It’s up to them. Some find change difficult and they learn enough I suppose. Me, I know I’ll get a good education here and I’d like to know more about the outside world by learning and meeting people like yourself. Besides – most of the kids who stay there end up working at Ravenhall or here at the school as servants or they work at the stores. I want to be a doctor or a famous musician. I don’t wish to leave my home, but it would be nice to see the world.”

“How strict is that school?”

“Compared to this one, not really. There’re only three teachers. The Headmaster – Mr Shaw – he has a cane but that’s really for the older kids and if you do something really wrong like fighting. He’s nice to everyone, even the bullies. Mrs Saxon – she’s mean - has a ruler which she uses every day and Miss Black – she looks after the really little ones – she only tells you off. If you do something bad, they’ll send a note to your parents and – well you know how our parents are. I think this school isn’t even twice as harsh as my parents can be, but that’s not to say I would like to grow up anywhere else. I love it here. When I come back from school, Mum makes me a cup of tea and Dad cooks the best meals. I have a younger brother too and he’s much more of a handful than I am. Most of the punishments are just groundings but if we’re really bad or we get a note from school, that’s when they can be harsh.”

“Do you get punished with a sink?”

That was an odd question for Sarang. Not for Joan.

“Um…. No. A hairbrush sometimes. What do you mean by a sink?”

Joan shut down the question; “I guess I’m too curious for my own good.”

Sarang looked round the room; “Are you sure you don’t want me to at least make a time table for your wall or something? All the bedrooms have pictures and timetables, but you have nothing. Except that chess board there.”

Joan felt her spirit jump for joy. Finally, something she could easily talk about;

“I do chess.”

Sarang politely nodded; “I’ve heard you’re the best in the school.”

“I am. That’s not me being big headed, it’s just true. Maybe you should join and try it yourself.”

“I’ve joined the String Guild.” Sarang said apologetically.

“One of those huh?” Joan wasn’t fond of string instruments.

“I’m the youngest one by three months. I play the viola.”

“And here I thought we’d be friends.” Joan smiled; “That was a joke.”

Sarang wasn’t offended; “I’ve heard it all before.”

“You deserve it.”

The younger girl chuckled; “You know, some of the students said you were difficult to talk to but you’re not. You’re really nice.”

Joan was a little surprised; “Nice?”

“Well you’re not miserable like they say you are. And if you are, you’re not letting it show. I think you’ll be a good deputy head girl. All the first years in our House like you. Sam’s been telling everyone how nice you were back where he’s from.”

“That’s… Good to know.”

Just how much did Sam know about her?

Hopefully not much.

“The other years will like you too.”

Joan thought quickly; “It’s not about being liked I’m afraid. I have to earn their respect and uh… I’ve not had to experience of being a prefect and I avoided a lot of school events -”

“Not your fault really.”

“I have to earn everyone’s respect. I can’t promise I’ll do that, but I’ll try my hardest.” She looked at the wall; “if you find any pictures of famous chess players, I wouldn’t mind having them on my wall.”

“I could use a computer in the library. Do you want to come?”

“I was attacked in the library once, so I don’t go down there anymore.”

“One of the girls said you get bullied by a girl called Hillman.”

Joan felt her teeth grit together.

 _Fucking_ Hillman….

“Hillman is the main one, but I’ve had others. Locals and outsiders. The outsiders are the worse. The locals do it once and they get caught and they don’t bother me again. Usually.”

“I don’t think they will go for you now you’re on the team.”

“I can only hope.” Joan had no hope, “If I am miserable, I don’t mean to be. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel sad.”

“Because of your Dad?”

Silence.

Sarang realised she said something wrong; “uh… I mean…. Because…...?”

Joan pulled herself together; “A lot of things really. I miss home. I miss having a family and I miss my old school even though I didn’t much care for it. Teacher’s weren’t as smart or dedicated as they are here. And uh….” She realised she was talking too much; “please don’t repeat anything you’ve heard.”

“I’m no gossip Joan.”

“Good to hear. And if you can’t find any pictures, you can just come to me with any rumours I ought to know.”

“What kind?”

“Anyone out to get me. I like to know before they strike.”

“I’ll do my best.” Sarang gave the Ferox salute; “is that all?”

Joan wondered if she should ask but dived in anyway; “Sarang, what do the locals think of me?”

The first year suddenly seemed nervous; “Um….”

Joan waited.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“Yeah.”

She wasn’t sure if she did. But what she felt didn’t matter.

“Lord Cross said some mean things about what happened. Mum and Dad told me that you weren’t to blame, and I had to be nice to you if we ever met. I think most of the locals know what happened with the police wasn’t your fault. They shouldn’t have called you; they should have called the school or the council. It’s a just a vocal minority who think you should have been held responsible – maybe punished by the school or our court of law but then again -”

“Ok.”

Joan didn’t want to hear anymore. She’d been fine until “court” had been mentioned.

Both Mum and Dad used to use that threat when they were angry. Joan was smart enough to know they wouldn’t do such a thing. But she could now hear their angry voices and felt sick.

She wondered what had happened when she left for school.

They were supposed to be doing better without her.

How did it come to _this_?

She suddenly forgot about Sarang.

“We shouldn’t pass judgement when we know little of what happened, and I think we did. Or they did.”

Sarang noticed Joan had switched off so wisely left the room, feeling more than a little sorry for her deputy head girl.

Joan was remembering that awful day.

The “Gazette” lying at her door ready for her to pick apart it’s puzzles only for her to see her mother’s name on page 2. She started to read, wondering if mum had finally won….

She had to sit down for a long five minutes before she had the courage to leave her room.

The Head Girl at the time – a very nice person called Camilla - stopped her at breakfast and took her into the office. It was just as well she did. Her head exploded not long after.

There were so many questions in her head but mostly a single word pounded her head?

Why?

Joan didn’t understand why the police had told the community that they had called her and got an acknowledgement that they were coming. She didn’t have a phone. Someone had taken it. Miss Ramsey had even told the police she wasn’t lying. Miss Ramsey always knew if she was lying. Yet they still didn’t believe her.

And then Lord Cross had sent an open statement saying that she should be severely dealt with as soon as possible. “Watched” and “questioned.” Dr Brookes had to tell him to back off.

She wasn’t even supposed to know about Lord Cross or the committee. The then Ferox press team were the ones who told her when trying to question her. Tom made sure they paid dearly.

Then the Gazette. The Gazette and it’s statement. The statement that got the paper banned. It was now an object the “Black Market Guild” sold to students who risked facing the cane immediately.

But all she cared about was Dad.

She knew she should have worried about Mum, but at least she was now away from him. Prison would be a good place for her to get the help she needed.

Dad was not in a good state. He still wasn’t. Not that Joan had seen him at all.

Poor Tom and Miss Ramsey had to deal with her nonsense. She didn’t mean to be anxious so much, but it was impossible. At least she didn’t cry. She was proud of that. Dad wouldn’t have liked it if she cried.

That whole week was awful too. That whole week, month, _year_. The three police men were not at all gentle with her, asking questions she didn’t want to answer until both Tom and Miss Ramsey ordered them to either show some respect to a girl who had nearly lost her father or go away. They then bought in a woman who was much nicer but again, Joan didn’t want to talk. They were liars for saying she had answered a phone call. Why should she trust them?

And Dad had told her not to say a word. She could not betray his trust.

She didn’t even have a phone on her.

Tom was very much on her side, telling the police that even if they did call her, they should have approached an adult or the community land line to alert them. And her father had Tom’s number, why didn’t they call him?

It was a long time before Tom allowed Joan to go out of the school and back to church. That was horrible too. Too many stares from the locals. Most were very sympathetic; she was given a card and some chocolate by a two random old ladies but some were angry. Joan knew because they glared or tutted. The Cross family were at the front, the council sat near and they didn’t even look at her. Tom told her to ignore the “rude” people, but she couldn’t.

When she got to the school, she went to Miss Ramsey’s office and fell asleep there. Miss Ramsey was kind enough not to wake her and left a lemonade out. The Head Girl was there and offered to escort her to the chess guild which were having a final party together before the summer and she agreed. She was the champion and should have arranged a speech, but no one said anything about it. The guild didn’t ask about her Dad, they only got the leaving sixth years to play one last game with her to try and beat her. They couldn’t of course, and they all shook her hand and told her she was great.

No one offered any support except Camilla who promised to send letters, a promise she hadn’t kept as well as both girls had hoped.

Joan guessed that they all agreed to carry on like everything was normal.

But it wasn’t.

And now four years on, Joan wondered if she had ever recovered from the shock.

She also wondered why every summer, Tom said they were going to see Dad only for each trip to be cancelled.

She knew it was probably because Dad didn’t want to see her.

She didn’t really either.

But she knew there was something else.

And so behind Tom’s back, she collected and read every “Gazette” she could and find out anything she felt she should know.


	12. The Rehearsal

A “Guild” was a club that was either run by a teacher or a student. Some Guilds only lasted a year, but others had been at the school since it’s beginning. The Chess Guild - Joan's lone commitment besides school work - being one of them.

Dean and Ebony were in several sports guilds and Jim was in quite a few himself. His favorite being the “String Guild” – the club for the string players in the school.

Most of the music-based guilds had an Aprender as it’s “Head” but this year, Yve Traverse, the sixth-year committee member had been chosen to organise the guild by its predecessor. Yve has a very talented celloist and well spoken but it was clear she had a little problem talking over the others. Her fellow top celloist and Hapus student Hugh Borden helped her out on that. He was soon chosen as second in command.

The only downside for Jim was that he had to sit next to Tarquin Raybould, a sixth year Obair who was all muscle and had no self-preservation. He had already broken a stand which annoyed Yve though Hugh had to step in to berate the taller boy. Also, Tarquin liked to talk to everyone and Jim was not someone who liked to chat on the fly.

“So how is it?” Tarquin asked him during a break in action.

“What?”

“Being Head Boy?”

“Stressful.”

Jim didn’t really like Tarquin when stressed.

“Because of Miller?”

“What about her?”

“Your Head Girl was moaning about her.”

Jim bit his lip; “Vicker’s is causing more problems than Miller at the moment.”

Ebony was not putting in much effort in the team’s meetings. She was more interested in her Guilds and if she had the time to spend with her friends. Dean and Joan had offered they’re off the wall ideas which Jim appreciated but Ebony always seemed to have something to say against them – especially Joan’s. He did not like the way she talked to Joan. Even Dean had stopped joking about it and stood up for his fellow deputy if he saw so much as an eye-roll.

On the other hand, Joan was very hesitant when talking which grew more and more annoying for Jim. It wasn’t just her learning disability; she was not used to the competitive ways of being a Prefect. Her competitive nature as a chess player didn’t seem to shine yet through her role as the Deputy Head Girl. He could see she was trying hard but as she struggled day in and day out, he felt himself losing his patience. Her bluntness and tendency to ask questions he felt she should know also got on his nerves. Ebony often voiced what he was thinking, even if it didn’t need to be said. Most of the time, Joan didn’t respond to her Head Girl’s rudeness but lately, she was starting to answer back which only escalated Ebony’s temper.

Those girls were going to be a real problem.

It was always the girls.

“Dean’s a great laugh. Miller’s a nice kid – I once rescued her from a group of girls two years ago. One of them grabbed her hair and they tried to get her into the girl’s toilets. She showed a lot of strength though and held back. I blocked them, and they let go and ran. Me and Miller don’t really talk but she does smile at me if we see each other in the corridors. Not in a sexual way I don’t – fancy her and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even know how to love.”

“Why did you step in?”

“I don’t like bullies. I like to tease girls but Miller’s a different story. You shouldn’t say bad things to that one.”

The students all stood up as Mr Read entered the room. Yve did a quick curtsey as he went to her stand;

“How is the first rehearsal Traverse?”

Hugh, seeing Yve was nervous, spoke up; “We’re one a break just now sir but we’re going over a few new songs.”

The teacher glared at Hugh; “I was talking to Traverse, Borden. Unless Miss Traverse does not have a voice and you’re speaking for her?”

“She’s-”

“I’m not looking for you to answer me boy. Sit down.”

Hugh raised his eyebrows but obeyed.

“Well Traverse?”

“Um, Hugh said what I was going to say.”

“Speak up!”

Yve did, though she stuttered badly.

Mr Read leaned against the conductors stand, staring icily at her; “A good leader has a strong voice. You need to get into the habit of talking for yourself or not many will take you seriously.” His face turned to Jim; “Isn’t that right Morrison?”

Jim wanted to sink into the floorboards; “yes sir.”

“You’ll need it to control your deputy head girl I’m sure.”

The three Ferox students in the Guild took that as an insult but they too kept quiet.

“No sir” Jim found himself saying, “Miller’s doing well sir.”

“That’s a pleasant surprise.” Mr Read at least looked sincere, “well I won’t bother you anymore, but I’ll be back next month to listen to you all. Yve, take control alright?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Good day.”

“Good day sir” the students responded, watching him march out.

“So, what’s up with him?” Tarquin asked around, his gaze reached all the Aprender’s in the room.

“We don’t know” Jim responded. None of the other Aprender’s wanted to talk about it.

“He’s mean,” Sarang, in her first rehearsal, openly complained.

“He’s a lot worse than he was last year” Tarquin said. “Why does he need to carry that cane everywhere?”

“Honestly, I don’t know how you guys deal with him,” said Hugh, “I wanted to knock his teeth out.”

“He’s just strict. Zimmerman is just as strict on you, isn’t he?” asked Rehan Anne, a third year Aprender. He took out his reading glasses to see his music better.

“He’s not out to frighten you, that’s a difference.” Hugh replied, “also a little uncalled for, what he said about Miller. The kid’s a smart one, she does her best-”

“Guys” Yve cut the conversation short, “let’s just continue.”

They played a few old tunes, but no one seemed to be enjoying themselves now.


	13. Hillman

“According to Mr Harrow, you have neglected to be in on time and today you forgot to hand in your essay you were supposed to hand in.”

Aelia Cooke, a second year Ferox student stood before Miss Ramsey in her office and rubbed her left leg with her right foot nervously.

Joan rested her back against the wall with folded arms. Her toes felt numb but that wasn’t what was bothering her. Being in the same room with Miss Ramsey scolding someone was.

Thursday was a good day timetable wise.

Joan had a long lie in with her first class starting at 11:30 am. And then there was only one more in the afternoon. Both had been dull. Joan was so well ahead in her year that she was taken classes for older students. Tom, as her maths teacher ignored her during their hour except to mark her paper. Full marks as usual. English started out normal enough until a boy pulled a girl’s hair ribbon out and was promptly put in detention. Joan was glad that the excitement of her new role seemed to have died down and she felt like a normal student again. Just lonely. But that was normal.

Then after classes was the first chess guild meeting and Joan met some old faces and some new ones. There was no official leader this year through two Ferox students - Gail Hampton and Alejandro Fernández - pretty much acted like a team. Gail was always nice to her and Alejandro, a seasoned veteran of chess, respected her. She then met the student Jim talked about who seemed eager to prove he could easily beat her. He lost. It was too easy. Good player for his age but that was about it. He cheered up when Joan showed him some old tricks. It would certainly make the matches more fun if or when he would play against her in the actual competition. There was still no Obair’s in the guild, but Dean had put a head’s up to say he would compete – much to everyone’s amusement – and would show up when he could. Joan was looking forward to it. Even if he was an easy opponent, at least he was fun.

Then to ruin the day, she was called by Miss Ramsey to be in the same room as this second year who had the misfortune of being on the dreaded “cane list” – a list of students in which parents had ordered the school to only use corporal punishment on their offending children. It was a small list, but it was much feared and those on it were shown a lot of sympathy. Poor Aelia had managed to avoid slipping up until now.

Joan was very glad that her parents hadn’t seen that part of the forum when putting her in this school. Not that it mattered really.

At least the teacher had the decency to apologise first to Joan before the poor kid came in. Apparently, the Matron was busy, Ebony was doing some “Head Girl” duty and by the rules of the school, someone had to witness. No one else was available.

Joan had to watch the girl cry and shake as Miss Ramsey calmly yet firmly told her to go over her desk. When it was clear she wouldn’t obey, the teacher got up, turned the student around and gave her a few slaps on the back of her knees. Joan was no stranger to that from both Miss Ramsey and Tom, but it felt oddly much worse seeing it being done on someone else. Aelia’s silly fussing didn’t help.

Maybe that was why Camilla had cried.

She understood now.

But she didn’t cause a fuss. Not like Aelia. She did as she was told, took the blows and didn’t complain.

Aelia was making things difficult, Joan decided. It wasn’t fair on her and it certainly wasn’t fair on Miss Ramsey who never liked to use her arm.

The girl was ordered to kneel on the hard-backed chair kept in every office. She then leaned forward and put her hands on the floor. Joan noticed that the student was having a hard time holding that awkward position. She wasn’t familiar with that at least – a new thing that she decided she didn’t want to find out for herself.

“Now you can see why you should have gone over my desk when I asked you” Miss Ramsey scolded as she took hold of the white shirt and patted the students rear with the slipper; “and extra two for disobeying me.”

“Oh Miss!” The student squirmed.

“Now, now. Be brave. Don’t be silly.”

The teacher mercifully made it short, ignoring the rather intolerable howling and squirming that followed.

Joan unconsciously looked away from what was going on as a memory appeared in her mind. It wasn’t a nice one. It made her sweat. Perhaps the girl’s yelps were to blame for that. She put her fingers in her ears, biting her lip hard until the yelping and the sounds of the slipper stopped. She didn’t notice Miss Ramsey watching her during the breaks of the three last strokes.

“I’m sorry Miss!” The second year cried as she hopped on the spot. After a brief scolding, the student saluted and walked out, her face red, rubbing her sore backside once she was out of the office.

“Hopefully that’s the last I see of her in here.” Miss Ramsey said to Joan. She now folded her arms, “You look as if you were the one punished – not that girl. That lip of yours is going to get a mark on it for a while.”

Joan suddenly felt embarrassed; “I’m sorry Miss.”

Miss Ramsey just looked concerned; “Yes, well I can see you’re no use as a witness. No point asking you in here again if it’s going to upset you.”

“I don’t feel like crying Miss-”

“You’re not causing problems admitting you found that too much. The only reason I asked you was because Matron is busy. I now know I should wait until she’s ready or I ask the Head Girl.”

Joan felt relived. She looked it.

The teacher put the slipper away, “what happened to your hand?”

Shit.

“Mr Zimmerman Miss.”

Sarah felt her stomach drop.

Every time she learned that Tom had punished Joan, she got worried. He was not a cruel man, but he was stern, heavy handed and sometimes, in her opinion, gave more blows than was necessary, especially to someone like Joan.

“With what?” She asked, watching her student carefully.

“Three with the ruler.”

Miss Ramsey detected a lie, but kept quiet; “What did you do?”

“I was doing my address at Court and Blair Stillman interrupted me, so I threw a book at him. Head Girl wasn’t sure how to deal with it, so he did.”

The teacher didn’t respond for a minute until she swallowed; “Why did you throw a book for?”

“He interrupted me to tell everyone about Dad. I didn’t get upset but it was the only thing I could think of to get everyone’s attention back.”

Joan was a puzzle to Miss Ramsey at times, “you didn’t think of letting your Heads of the team deal with it?”

“Jim was very nervous, and I doubted Ebony would help.”

“Perhaps I should have been there.”

“The Head Girl said I should not be using any help as it shows I’m not ready to do this.”

Miss Ramsey shook her head; “You have earned more respect these past four years from your fellow students than Miss Vicker’s has in her five. Don’t repeat what I’ve said, but there are students here who have your back. We teachers have yours. And if you need help, there’s no shame in asking.”

“Are you angry with me Miss?”

“No Miller – I’ll be clear with you on that. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, so I won’t ask you to witness again. I’ll ask Matron next time.”

“I wasn’t expecting that much tears.”

“You’re not one to yelp and make a fuss Joan – you’re an exception. I do prefer it when you girls do voice your discomfort, it helps make the sting subside.”

Joan wasn’t sure.

“Of course, I would prefer it if you chose to take detentions or double – also if you didn’t give me cause to use it at all.”

Typical teacher to give you a dig at your conduct. Joan was a good student, but she did have her slips. A lot of them. Slips that she couldn’t blame on her autism. The book incident being one. That was just being stupid. Joan had to admit that.

“And if I hear of you throwing school property at your fellow students again, you know what to expect.”

Miss Ramsey patted the chair the second year had kneeled over.

“Yes Miss.”

Privately, Joan wondered why Miss Ramsey, or any teacher felt the need to threaten their students. In her case, everyone knew she wasn’t afraid of the slipper or any implement.

None of them hurt as much as….

She coughed to get the lump out of her throat out.

Sometimes she really hated having a good memory.

Miss Ramsey decided she had lectured enough; “I have some cans of lemonade in my fridge over there, you can take one or two with you on your way out. You’re dismissed.”

Joan didn’t move.

Miss Ramsey knew from experience that Joan wanted to tell her something. So, she gave her some more time. She gave the girl’s hand another look, “if that doesn’t calm down in the next three days, let me know.”

Joan went for it; “I found out who sent the letters that scared me Miss. Remember second year? After I won the championship for Ferox.”

The teacher didn’t respond.

“Miss?”

Miss Ramsey didn’t want to talk about that day. She had been disgusted at herself for not trying to find out why Joan had played truant and instead forced the girl to take the cane. Although Tom had given her his blessing to do so, saying the girl could cope, Joan suffered a severe anxiety attack after only two strokes, an image that still haunted the teacher. She had thought the girl had had a heart attack.

She had not been happy when she found out Tom had later disciplined Joan after what they had learned. He used one of his own canes on the same hand she had struck the child on. The girl, usually a very forgiving one, was silent with both adults for a week. The fallout had been huge when Sarah told Tom that he had little empathy for the child. They reconciled quickly, but it was still a sore topic and Sarah had yet to use the cane so quickly after that.

“Miss? Do you want me to tell you who it was?”

Miss Ramsey collected herself; “Who?”

“The Head Girl Miss. I saw her handwriting.”

Ebony Vickers?

That didn’t seem possible.

The girl could be an idiot, but surely……

“Are you sure?”

“She didn’t deny it when I told her my suspicions. She threw a pen at me. This was after Mr Zimmerman hit me with the ruler. He saw her throw the pen and she’s got detention.” Joan suddenly held the teacher’s sleeve with her marked hand, “I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama Miss, but I don’t like you blaming yourself for what happened. I wasn’t very good at explaining the situation to you.”

Joan always seemed to believe that everything was somehow her fault, no matter how many times you tried to explain to her that it wasn’t.

“I should have tried harder to help you.” The teacher responded.

“That’s not your job.”

“It is” Miss Ramsey became firm; “As a student in my House, your needs are my top priority. I failed you that day. I should not have used the cane to fix the issue.”

“I’ll try not to behave like that again-”

“That’s not the point Joan. You suffered. Corporal punishment may hurt but it shouldn’t cause that amount of suffering. I should have heard you out first. And I’ll repeat myself by saying I won’t use that on you again unless you give me no choice. But thank you for bringing this to my attention. On you go.”

Joan went to her new office and saw that everyone on the team was there.

As usual, Dean was the first to greet her followed by Jim. Ebony ignored her. Joan didn’t mind.

“You ok?” Joan asked Jim, immediately noticing he seemed down.

“I’m fine pal. Thanks.”

Jim had hoped for a smoother year.

He knew this team he had to lead could not be worse than last years. He certainly was not prepared to put up with what he put up with before.

None of his team were making it easy though.

Dean, whilst friendly and easy to like, was also rather lazy with his work and the added pressure of being in the team hadn’t changed him. He ended up sorting out work last minute which got on Jim’s nerves.

But worst of all was the drama between the two girls.

Ebony, whilst hard working with a lot of good ideas, was snappy and irritable when Joan was in the room. Joan mostly took it in silence but sometimes answered Ebony’s impatience with a dry toned petulant comment that did little to help the situation.

Both were in the wrong, Jim thought, but he was inclined to side with Joan.

Ebony was not putting in much effort in the team’s meetings. She was more interested in her Guilds and if she had the time to spend with her friends. Dean and Joan always offered they’re off the wall ideas which Jim appreciated but Ebony always seemed to have something to say against them – especially Joan’s. He did not like the way she talked to Joan. Even Dean had stopped joking about it and stood up for his fellow deputy if he saw so much as an eye-roll.

Joan was a natural at speaking to the younger students. It didn’t matter what House they were in, they all came to her. They found her easy to approach and so a lot of reports of problems ended up on her lap. She was a hard worker. Jim caught her writing a full page of issues to send to his House Master long after she was supposed to heading to her room for bed.

“Miss Ramsey told me you’re supposed to be in your room by eight o’clock.” He’d told her.

Joan was visibly annoyed; “Why did she tell you that?”

“I guess she’s looking out for you,” he shrugged. “Since it’s my House, I’ll give it to Mr Read. I’ll make sure to credit you.”

He’d noticed her hand was newly red. Ebony had told him it was from Zimmerman. Since the Head Girl got detention over it, she was far from sympathetic.

He had then looked over the paper and was surprised at how detailed it was. Joan’s good memory served her well. She remembered names, ages and if they were locals or outsiders.

Certainly, more detail than was needed.

He showed the paper to Dean and Ebony. Dean moaned that it made him feel motivated. Ebony just sniffed and carried on with her Maths prep.

“You weren’t late getting back to your room?” Jim then asked his deputy head girl.

“No, I got there in time,” she answered, drawing cartoons and doodles on a piece of paper.

“Don’t you have prep?”

Jim flinched at the tone Ebony used when she talked to Joan.

“No.”

“You’re supposed to have something to do then. Go and walk around the corridors or something. Don’t stay in her and make rubbish.”

Joan put her head down and carried on drawing.

Ebony slammed her book down; “Your hand is still sore from Wednesday! Just stop! You’re only hurting yourself!”

Joan quickly left the room.

“Before you start -” Ebony saw Dean’s mouth move, “she got me detention.”

“Zimmerman caught you giving her a hard time.” Dean said. “I have to report right here.”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe we ought to caution you.” Jim was not impressed, “I can’t deal with that kind of behaviour Ebony – Amelia started doing this and it only got worse. I’d rather we all tried not to make this uncomfortable for everyone.”

“Can you not speak like a teacher?”

Joan suddenly came back in; “we have a problem.”

“Tell us then. Don’t just say it without telling us.”

Jim kind of wished Joan would throw a book at Ebony. Blair’s surprised face came back to him and he hid a chuckle.

But Joan was serious; “It’s Hillman.”

Shit.

The room froze.

Ebony got up; “I’ll deal with this.”

“She’s in the Ferox common room. I’m going to have to go with you.” Joan apologised. The door slammed shut in response.

“Play nice you two.” Dean, despite knowing it was no laughing matter, couldn’t help but tease.

Jim wondered if he should follow; “I don’t want Joan getting in any more bother. Not with Ebony and Hillman.”

“She wants to do her part Jim, let her try.” And Dean went back to his Prep, “they both need to learn to work together.”

Jim knew he was right.

But he was still very worried.

It was Sam Halop who Ebony met outside the office. He’d run from the common room, found and told Joan what was happening. Now the two girls followed him back;

“She went after Daniel and now she won’t leave. Madison told me to get one of you. She said she’s not allowed in there. Her being a Hapus and the common room is for Ferox students only.”

“If it escalates, get Miss Ramsey” Ebony told Joan, forgetting to be condescending. Dealing with Hillman was a lot more serious than their squabbles.

“Are you allowed in?” Sam asked the Head Girl.

“She is, she’s Head Girl.” Joan answered for Ebony.

“He can see that” Ebony couldn’t help it.

Meanwhile, Ebony’s House Master went into Joan’s House Mistress’s office in search for his ward.

Miss Ramsey had a question; “Did you strike Joan this week?”

Tom blinked; “You noticed?”

“Her hand. I asked her and she said you hit her with a ruler, three times.”

“Nine”

Sarah was annoyed; “why on the right hand? She has to write with that.”

“It’s the hand that threw the book. I gave her only three with that but then she had to give me lip.”

“And no doubt she didn’t realise she was.”

Tom wasn’t in the mood for this, he was already a little ashamed of himself; “I don’t know.”

“You’re not going to discipline her twice are you? You already struck her in front of another student.”

Tom had punished Joan in private in the past for any punishment she received by the school.

“No. I’ll be cooking our tea which should be punishment enough.”

Sarah had to smile; “She won’t like that.”

Joan’s love of fish and chips was well known.

“I don’t use my hand as much as I used to. Sometimes I’m ready to do so when she aggravates me enough but then… I don’t know. I just can’t do it.”

“You have been almost like a father to her.”

“She will never see me that way. Not while Keith is still alive.”

“You know,” Sarah bit her lip, “someday you’re going to have to tell her the truth.”

Tom knew what she meant,

If a statement wasn’t enough, the committee had granted a sentence on Joan. She was forbidden from leaving the Island even with a companion until she was eighteen. This of course meant she couldn’t visit her father without her or Tom facing jail or the law’s birch.

Oddly enough, Keith welcomed it. He didn’t want his daughter to see him.

And Tom hadn’t revealed all this to Joan. He had simply told her a white lie time and time again that her father was too ill to see her. He would pretend to make plans for them both to go only to sit her down and gently tell her they couldn’t go.

He wasn’t quite sure how to break the truth to her. 

“By the way,” Sarah’s face was serious; “We have something that concerns Joan that we need to address as soon as we can…..”

For Joan, tensions with Ebony was in the back of her mind as they and Sam raced to the Ferox common room.

She could hear her arch enemy’s voice even when they were two rooms away.

“Don’t talk to her.” Ebony ordered.

Sam looked a little too excited.

They entered the Ferox common room.

There she was. Gladys Portia Hailey Hillman.

With her very pointed chin, big owl like eyes and tall, large muscled structure, she was always intimidating. She never smiled. Or smiled happily anyway. Joan figured that if she had happy thoughts, she would have been much more prettier. 

Though she wouldn’t be happy with a name like “Gladys.”

She was bothering the press team and she was on her own which was unusual. Hillman usually had at least two or more students with her who acted as backup. She rarely went on a bully spree on her own.

Joan remembered that Daniel had also been one of Hillman’s targets before Madison and Simon recruited him on their team. It was clear she had followed the boy into the common room and now Madison and a few other Ferox students were trying to get her to leave. Sam got managed to sneak out to get the team members involved. But Gladys was no pushover even without her group. That was one reason why she was feared. She didn’t need people to help her intimidate anyone. Even three students who could use their pens against her.

Joan didn’t have time to think of what to do when the bully’s eyes saw her.

“Miller! Long-time no see!”

Shit. Shit. Shit……

The Ferox students all froze.

Everyone knew the history of these two girls.

“How is my _favourite_ Ferox student?”

Joan tried hard to ignore the overwhelming pain in her chest as the Hapus student approached her and the eyes of the room stared hard. She knew she had to do something. She was deputy head girl now. She had more power.

Ebony got between them quickly; “We’re not here for this Hillman. I want you out.”

Gladys smiled condescendingly at her former friend; “Head Girl? Is this a joke?”

She grabbed Joan’s can of lemonade from her pocket, poured it at Ebony’s feet and threw it down.

“You’re an idiot.” Ebony was disgusted.

“Well make me leave then.” Gladys taunted.

“Your Head Girl has given you an order.”

Gladys and Ebony both looked at Joan.

“Excuse me?” Gladys recovered her surprise quickly and took a step towards her younger enemy.

“You have one more minute before I send for Miss Ramsey.” Joan warned, “Get out.”

The students in the room were impressed Joan had said anything. Most of them had seen Hillman intimidate Joan before and usually, the younger girl took it all in silence.

Gladys snickered, “you hear that? Miller’s trying to be a tough one.”

She spat at Joan’s eye. It hit just above the right one.

“Jesus Christ Hillman.” Madison was disgusted.

Joan, a little shaken but keeping a firm face, wiped away it away with her sleeve.

“I told you to stay quiet” Ebony whispered at her deputy.

“Admit it Kostas. You were shocked when you found out this was the one who was going to represent your House.”

“She has the decency to give you a warning. If you’re not out in one minute, she’ll fetch-”

“How does it feel like working with a Dyke Joan?”

Joan was not going to give Gladys an answer to that stupid question; “If you trying to insult Ebony, it’s proof that your standard of intimidation and intelligence gets slower every year.”

Ebony reluctantly appreciated that.

“At least I’m not babysitting a retard”

Joan noticed that Ebony was offended that her ears had heard that word used.

She knew she should be offended too, but she’d heard that word from Hillman’s mouth so often, she didn’t care.

Still, she was picking on her Head Girl. And that wasn’t on.

“She is not babysitting anyone.”

Gladys smiled at her arch enemy; “You are fucking lucky I didn’t get made Head Girl.”

“Yeah I fucking know.”

Not many things got Joan swearing. Dealing with an idiot like Hillman was one.

“You hear that Ebony? Aren’t you supposed to discipline your deputy if she swears at another student?”

“Actually, she doesn’t.” Madison spoke up, “not unless it’s reported. And who’s going to believe you anyway Gladys? Everyone knows you pick on Joan when you can. Now get out of here and don’t try to hit her on the way out. Or else we will say something.”

Joan was being supported by the leader of the press team. She knew that was good. Very good even.

“Did you bribe Madison?” Gladys asked Joan.

“Gladys, please” Ebony was fed up, “you’ll get yourself into more trouble if -”

“If what? The retard starts crying?”

“You’ve never made her cry once.” Daniel pointed out.

“One day I will.” Hillman smiled again at the silent Joan, “like her Dad did when her mum beat him up.”

A hand suddenly struck her hard against her right cheek.

“Jesus, Joan!” Ebony was shocked. Everyone else watched with their mouths open.

Gladys recovered quickly; “You want to start something Miller?”

“One more word,” Joan’s voice was firm, “and I’ll hit you again.”

“I’ll be telling your House Mistress -”

She yelped as she felt her other cheek get a slap.

“Go on then,” a nervous but satisfied smile creeped on Joan’s face, “and you can tell Miss Ramsey why a Hapus student was in the Ferox Common Room when the same idiot got herself detention only last term for doing the -”

Gladys interrupted the deputy head girl by grabbing her collar.

“Hey!” Ebony got between them; “let go!”

Simon rushed forward and tried to pull Gladys’s wrist away from Joan.

“Fuck off!”

“She’s not worth it! I said let go!”

Hillman suddenly obeyed; “you heard that Miller? You’re not worth your Head Girl’s time.”

“You’re not worth mine or anyone else’s.” Joan dared to snap back.

“That’s enough.” Ebony told her deputy; “just go to your room or something.”

“Are you her mum now?” Gladys teased, “who’s her daddy now? Who do you beat up?”

Joan managed to restrain herself and not react. Though inside she was burning.

“You’re sick.” Simon was unimpressed.

“I thought the press team would like the gossip.” Gladys took a swing at Joan who dodged it. The older girl pushed her against the wall, “she may not cry but from experience, I’ve found you can beat anything out of this one.”

Joan calmly lashed out with a kick to Glady’s ankle. Again surprising her old enemy who groaned and even buckled a little.

The Ferox’s in the room now stared in awe. This was a different Joan to the one they were used to and often ignored.

Ebony, not hiding her surprise well, came forward, “Joan, for fuck’s sake. Quit acting like an idiot!”

Joan frowned but said nothing.

“Are you going to send for help or not?” Madison openly question Ebony.

“Good question.”

Mr Zimmerman.

Joan suddenly felt very sorry for her arch enemy.

“Why is a Hapus student in the Ferox common room? And why is she antagonising the Deputy Head Girl?”

“She hit me sir! She kicked my ankle!”

“Within reason no doubt?” He looked at Joan.

“Unfortunately, sir.”

Tom was secretly enjoying the astonishment around the room. This girl was proving a surprise. He knew she had it in her.

“Hillman, my office.”

Gladys was heard to swear as she left.

“Miss Vicker’s, I’ve warned you about your tongue.”

Ebony blushed; “Yes sir.”

“As much as your deputy’s head girl’s actions may surprise you, it is not wise to use the Lord’s name in vain.” He then turned to Joan; “So, despite being caned, getting detention and threatened with expulsion; Miss Hillman still insists on coming after you.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Well do you have anything to say?”

“No sir.”

“Care to explain your Head Girl’s involvement in this Miss Miller?”

“Sir?” Joan was confused.

“Involvement. I’m sure I heard her speak ill of you. Nor stick up for you. Care to tell me why?”

“No, I don’t.”

The room went still again.

Tom was both confused and rattled; “You don’t?”

“I don’t care to talk about it because I don’t believe she did anything wrong.”

Zimmerman turned to Ebony; “Miss Vicker’s, please come to my office as soon as you can.”

“Yes sir.”

“And you,” he turned back to Joan, “don’t get into a habit of striking your fellow students unless – like just now – it is needed.”

Joan was smart enough to know that what she had done was in fact very much against the rules – but Tom was being nice to her. After all, it was Hillman.

And maybe he was feeling a little bit sorry that her hand was still sore.

Tom was like that though. After every punishment – especially physical – he seemed to be very sorry about it afterwards.

It was very strange to Joan.

“And you three,” he acknowledged Madison, Simon and Daniel, “I don’t want to hear about this in your papers, blogs, whatever this House does.”

“We only have one paper, we mostly do blogs.” Simon said unhelpfully.

“We won’t sir.” Madison told Simon in sign language to shut up.

Tom didn’t forget to stop and have a second to look at Joan again. Then he shook his head and went out to deal with Gladys.

When Zimmerman left, there was a silence from her fellow students.

“I almost wish I had my phone or my camera.” Daniel said. “Just to watch that over and over.”

“That was Gladys Hillman?” Sarang was at the back with a group of firth years.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s an idiot.” Ivy Simmons, a prominent Fight’s Guild member said. “She’s done some bad things, but she always gets caught.”

“You ok?” Ebony asked her deputy.

“Yeah.”

“In all seriousness, what the hell were you thinking?”

Ebony’s impatient glare was back.

Joan wasn’t feeling patient either; “I don’t care to be called retarded really. Nor do I care for my private life to be brought up for a cheap laugh.”

“You could have got yourself in serious trouble.”

“You care about that? You made it quite clear the last time we talked that you did not.” Joan, her tone ever matter - of - fact ignored Ebony’s clear surprise; “the next time she tries to go for me, you leave me to deal with her.”

Ebony couldn’t help but stammer; “But what if she tries to hurt you again?”

“I think you know my fists are quite strong.” Joan smiled mischievously before making a hurried exit. It had been quite nice to see the astonishment surrounding her, but she was eager to be alone after a long day.

“Did you and Joan have a falling out or something?” Madison asked.

“It was a misunderstanding on my part” Ebony replied, “but I’ve yet to apologise to her.”

“I’d forgotten she hit you once”.

“She hit you?” Sam again seemed too excited.

“She has a strong arm.” Blair mumbled from his book.

“Thanks for helping me out” Daniel gave a polite smile to Ebony, “but you better get your interview with Mr Zimmerman over with.”

“What’s going to happen to Joan for lying?” Sarang suddenly asked, “Mr Zimmerman didn’t believe her, you could tell.”

She didn’t want to state the obvious – that Joan was awful at lying.

“She’ll be fine.” Ebony answered, though she wasn’t sure herself.

She felt very conflicted.

On one hand, Joan was an irritation but on the other, it was not pleasant seeing Hillman harass the younger girl. It was almost enjoyment seeing her former friend getting her face slapped.

It was just a shame Joan would never be a friend.

Even if she’d tried to get her out of trouble.

Ebony didn’t understand that.

She also didn’t understand why Miss Ramsey was in Mr Zimmerman’s office when Glady’s “appointment” was finished and she entered only to find the female teacher behind Zimmerman’s desk and her own House Master staring out his large windows. She had prepared for a scolding from Zimmerman, but not Ramsey.

Then she saw some aged papers that….

She understood immediately.

She was in deep shit.

“An eventful few weeks Miss Hillman.” Zimmerman spoke first, not turning his head.

“Yes sir.”

“How are you settling into your role?”

“It’s been easier than I expected. I’m used to arranging meetings for sport so that hasn’t been a shock to me.” She tried to pretend she hadn’t seen the letters Miss Ramsey had in her hands; “I am sorry for today sir. I was surprised.”

“Whilst you are aware that you must learn to hold your tongue, the real reason I’ve asked you to be here concerns your deputy head girl.”

“I don’t know why she lied to you sir -”

“So, you admit you instigated what happened between her and Hillman?”

“I didn’t tell her to hit Gladys sir, but I did make comments that annoyed her -”

“You didn’t stop her from trying to bully Miller.” Zimmerman had yet to turn his head; “and yet she tried to get you out of trouble.”

Miss Ramsey was quieter; “You recognise these letters.”

It was not a question.

“Yes Miss.” Ebony could feel a leg shake; “I’ve not sent anymore since-”

The door suddenly opened.

“What have I told you?” Zimmerman had turned around and he stormed over to the student who had let herself in.

It was Joan; “I-”

“I told you to knock before you enter my office!” Joan felt a light but sharp hit on her shoulder, “Can’t you remember one rule I set?”

“I only forgot one -”

“Mr Zimmerman.” Miss Ramsey stopped her colleague from shouting. “What do you want Miller?”

“I was just going to Tom’s rooms.”

“And who is Tom?”

“Tom is here.”

“Don’t play stupid.” Tom mumbled.

“What I mean,” Sarah shook her head at Tom’s impatience; “is that when another student is in the room, you call him Mr Zimmerman.”

Joan understood; “oh ok.” And then she just left. Straight through to the private rooms without another glance. She didn’t even acknowledge Ebony.

Miss Ramsey turned to the Head Girl; “I don’t know if you’re aware of this Miss Vicker’s, but when Miller got these letters, she was so frightened, she locked herself in her room. She was then caned for not going to class. I gave her two strokes when she collapsed because of the stress. Now your deputy head girl may talk about it as if the matter is behind her, but it is not with me.”

“I know Miss.”

“Why would you do such a thing?”

“I honestly don’t have an answer that you would like to hear Miss.”

“Any answer is better than silence Miss Vicker’s.”

“Gladys and I were still friends and when she beat the Hapus House in the chess comp I… I just thought I’d scare her. Gladys told me what to write.”

“So, Hillman was involved?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s hardly a surprise. It just surprises me that you’re the one she seems afraid of. Not Hillman.” Mr Zimmerman interrupted.

“She’s used to Gladys. She doesn’t quite know where I stand with her yet. I’ve been…. Not really nice to her but I did speak up for her when you gave the ruler.”

“I noticed. And once I was out the room, you started picking on her.”

“Yes sir.”

“So where do you stand with Joan?”

“Honestly…. I don’t know.” Ebony swallowed; “I expected my friend Susan to be deputy or even Head Girl. Joan I…. No one expected it.”

“Very true.”

“She doesn’t help herself with the way she acts.”

“That’s hardly her fault is it?” Miss Ramsey asked.

“No Miss.”

“Perhaps a little more patience from you. What about the boys, how do they treat her?”

“Dean’s been really friendly and Jim’s polite, but I would say he shares the same concerns I do.”

“Has she asked for help?”

“No.”

“Not from Morrison?”

“Not to my knowledge. He has been kind. He was supportive of her in the court meeting.”

“How did that go?”

“Besides Joan hitting Blair Stillman with a book, it went well.”

“My prefects came to me and said she’d done very well, including Mr Stillman.” Miss Ramsey folded her arms, “and if he can say so, why can’t you?”

Ebony didn’t know what to say.

“I think you still see her as the pathetic person you used to bully with Hillman and now you resent having to work with her. It’s not shared by her, considering she was willing to get herself in trouble to spare you a lecture.”

“Or worse.” Zimmerman muttered, pacing.

They heard a cough.

“God dahm it!” Zimmerman raced to the door and opened it; “Can you not just close this properly if you notice -?”

“Mr Zimmerman.”

The deputy head groaned; “excuse me.”

He went in the room and closed the door properly. His ward was on his sofa holding her knees.

“Now what?”

“I didn’t mean to get her in trouble.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.” Joan looked like she was in pain; “I don’t want to hear anything.”

Tom understood what she meant.

“You and me will have a long talk after she’s dealt with.”

“Fine. Make it quick.”

It was more of a plea than any cheek, but Tom still reached down and struck her head before he returned to his office.

The Deputy Head closed the door properly; “Apologies. Miss Vicker’s, I can sympathise that you may not have the patience but believe me, Miss Miller will work hard for you if you give her a chance and you are kinder.” He folded his arms; “She’s begged me that we don’t punish you physically but that’s of course up to you. You have a choice of five Saturday detentions or my cane after morning classes on Monday. I don’t have room for the other option.”

Ebony, whose sports guilds were on a Saturday, didn’t feel like she had much choice; “the cane sir.”

“That will be arranged. Miss Ramsey will witness. Any questions?”

Ebony couldn’t get Joan out of her mind; “Sir, about what she did today, you won’t…. Hurt her?”

“What I do with Miss Miller in private is none of your concern.”

“I felt you were excessive with the ruler yesterday sir. You gave her three strokes and then you gave her more just for talking. And she defended your actions, but it was very uncomfortable.”

Miss Ramsey shot a glare towards her colleague.

“So, you can speak up for your deputy.” Mr Zimmerman was impressed; “maybe there’s hope in your partnership.”

“Joan won’t be punished harshly for this will she?”

“I will give Miss Miller what she deserves.” Zimmerman folded his arms, “will we see a better understanding from you, or do we need a teacher to be in the room when you girls have to work together?”

“It will be fine sir.” Ebony looked to the door where Joan was; “I am sorry I did that to her.”

“You can tell her that yourself.” Said Miss Ramsey.

“She did kind of confront me about it-”

“And you have yet to apologise.”

Miss Ramsey noticed her colleague was searching through his “punishment cupboard”. Every teacher had one.

She bit her lip.

“Good day Miss Vicker’s.”

Ebony took her time to leave but as soon as she was out, she ran all the way to Susan Anderson’s room.

Tom pulled out a leather strap.

Sarah stood up; “Tom, must you really?”

He stopped. Then put the strap in one of the large pockets in his gown.

“That girl doesn’t know how much she’s lucky to have you on her side.” He muttered. He marched out to his private quarters with Sarah behind him.

Joan looked up from her knees to see her two teachers enter and wondered why Miss Ramsey was there.

Perhaps she was finally going to live with the man she loved.

Joan had thoughts about them being together. Form her experience, once a couple for together, the person was the most important thing in their life. Even with kids.

She wasn’t quite sure where that left her.

“Stand up when there’s a guest!” Tom ordered.

“It’s ok.” Said Miss Ramsey.

Joan wasn’t sure who to obey so sat as properly as she could; “We need a cleaner for the common room. Gladys emptied my can on Ebony’s shoes and the floor.”

“How did you work out it was her who sent the letters? Did she tell you?” Miss Ramsey asked, watching Tom pace in an effort to calm down.

The girl shrugged; “She didn’t really confess. That’s why she threw that pen at me. I told her that her handwriting was familiar.”

“You shouldn’t try to get someone in trouble because of a hunch.” He turned to Miss Ramsey; “I’d like the report before we talk alone.”

Really Tom?

Sarah made sure Joan wasn’t watching and she shook her head at him to show she thought this was stupid. Still she gave him the “report” – a diary he had asked her to do for the student;

“Miller’s done very well all things considering. A lot of things to get used too.”

“She didn’t tell me about the shoes.”

Sarah saw Joan flinch a little. She didn’t like that.

“Nor did she tell me about washing your own uniform.” He looked at his ward, “did you?”

Silence from Joan.

“Answer me.”

“No sir.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course, it’s important, why would you think it wouldn’t be?”

Joan didn’t respond.

“I want an answer.”

Miss Ramsey attempted to rescue Joan; “Mr Zimmerman it’s been settled. I’m sure she just didn’t want to be a bother did you Joan?”

“No Miss” Joan looked grateful but clearly stressed.

“She’s already in the bad books this one – throwing a book – striking Miss Hillman,” Zimmerman muttered as he quickly read his colleagues detail report. Most of it had praise for his ward but he skipped them.

“She struck Miss Hillman. Is that true?” Miss Ramsey asked as she watched her colleague carefully.

“I’ve spoken to her about that Miss Ramsey, it seems there was some misunderstanding – at the same time, it was Hillman.”

Miss Ramsey sighed; “Miller, don’t do that again. That girl has tried very hard to make your life a living hell here. I swear you and your problems take up most of my time.”

Joan was and looked too worn out to answer.

“Do you have any Prep?”

“No Miss” Joan answered, her voice weary.

“I would suggest an early bed now. You have a meeting at nine tomorrow, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately.”

Miss Ramsey hid her amusement; “off you go then”

Joan left, grateful to get some peace. In her room, she locked the door and buried herself in bed. She was asleep within seconds.

Sarah made sure she was gone before addressing her colleague;

“Tom, I know you’re her guardian, but I can’t stand by seeing her in that state.”

“What state?”

“She’s stressed – anxious so she’s not watching her tongue. I didn’t like the way you spoke to her in front of me, it was very degrading. Show some patience.”

“She’s fifteen years old-”

“So what? You needn’t react in that way when she’s being difficult. 90% of the time it’s because she can’t help it. You know this Tom.”

“And I know she’s also a teenager with a lot of spirit that needs to be tamed.”

“If we’re to believe our own suspicions, she’s been tamed enough by her parents. Either the one or both.”

The police who travelled to Mithridates to interview Joan had been blunt when talking to Tom about their findings and their interview with Joan’s parents and her Grandmother. Whilst there was no physical proof they could find, and Joan didn’t want to speak or be examined, they were very sure she had at least suffered from parental neglect. Being in the care of her Grandmother for a long time seemed to have their suspicions justified in their eyes. The phycologist they sent also couldn’t get much out of the girl, but she came back with certainty that whatever happened had a profound affect. The fact that Joan seemed to show little concern towards her parents or little surprise at what had happened was a major red flag. What had happened before was the real question.

One reason why Tom was struggling with his patience was Joan’s persistent silence on the matter. Joan didn’t want to talk about her life with her parents with anyone, not even Miss Ramsey who usually knew how to get information from her. As far as Joan was concerned, it was in the past and she didn’t understand why anyone would be curious of it. It was her business. Not theirs.

“The school is already hard on her with its rules.” Sarah said as they walked to her office; “I can only do so much as her teacher. You’re her guardian. Don’t make it worse for her.”

Sarah knew Tom meant well but she worried for Joan none the less. The child was difficult to read for the average teacher, but Miss Ramsey was no average teacher. She could tell if you were lying – and she could tell when Joan was anxious or frightened when the teenager hid the emotions well. The girl she saw in the office was clearly stressed and wanting to be alone. Tom admired that about Sarah, she would have made an excellent doctor or child councillor. She had made an excellent mother. Once.

Sarah and Tom had first met during the meeting with Chris who went through the health and safety and then instructions of how to discipline using corporal punishment. They were told the basics – make sure the child understands why they are being punished, do not strike the spine, kidney area, neck or any joints and most importantly, not to look or touch where deemed inappropriate.

Joan was Miss Ramsey’s first student where she felt corporal punishment as a form of discipline for the school’s violations really wasn’t working as it should. Joan’s attitude towards it – especially from an outsider – troubled her. Joan’s first detention had been a disaster and she had since always chosen “C.P” over it and “Odd Jobs” despite her teacher’s insistence. And Miss Ramsey always felt that this student treated these disciplinary sessions as more of a resilience test and learned nothing. Joan always insisted that she was sorry, yet she showed none of the usual behaviour all teachers expected from those who received the strength of their arms. It was almost as if she was used to worse. She dreaded to think that was true.

Her last punishment session with Joan was when the then third year had skipped a whole day of school on purpose just before the summer had begun. Six of the best with the slipper. As usual, no tears. It ended with nothing more than a shrug.

Knowing Tom’s method of punishment, she had “forgotten” to write what had happened in the report to spare Joan any more pain, her methods in vain when an innocent Joan had pointed out the “mistake” and was later struck with Tom’s ruler that night. And still she didn’t cry or complain.

And the reason why she didn’t go to her classes? She’d been feeling ill but didn’t want to bother the teachers about it. It turned out to be a virus which she recovered from quickly enough, but Sarah still felt awful about the whole situation.

“I know you don’t like me getting too much involved with Joan, but she’s one student I care very much for and I worry sometimes that we’re not doing enough to help her.”

“I know”.

He suddenly saw Blair Stillman walking in the corridor; “You! Boy! Follow us!”

Blair meekly obeyed until he was in his House Mistress’s office.

Miss Ramsey’s mood turned very soar; “Is it true you made things difficult for the deputy head girl?”

“Um….”

“And tell the truth.”

“I guess I did.”

“Mentioned her father in front of the committee?”

“Yes Miss….”

“I thought I made it quite clear to you and the other students that talking about her situation to mock her is an unacceptable and cruel act to do. Now either you resign from the committee or face my hand.”

Blair felt his stomach go in knots. How could he be so stupid!

“Your hand Miss.”

“Seeing as Mr Zimmerman is here with his strap, I think we should put it too good use.”

“I agree” Zimmerman answered. He may be harsh on Joan, but he was harsher on those who went out of their way to make things difficult for the girl.

Blair soon found himself with a wonderful view of the carpet in Miss Ramsey’s office as he was made to kneel on a chair and reach down to touch the floor. After eight strokes, he was howling and wriggling his rear. Anyone still in the common room could hear him. Gail and Titus guessed correctly who it was, and the gossip spread about Joan and the book.

“Maybe I ought to start using the strap more often” Miss Ramsey said to her colleague once Blair was made to stand in the corner – embarrassed at his lack of control.

“It’s a good tool.”

“Don’t use it too often.”

He looked at and realised what she was on about.

“I don’t. Not at all.”

Miss Ramsey nodded.

“There’s not been anything too serious to warrant it yet.”

Miss Ramsey made Blair stand for five minutes before telling him to make himself presentable.

“I have to be harsh on you students who are harsher on that girl. She has enough problems to deal with and you could help by making her feel safe in this school. If you do that again, your future at Clarifloors will be at risk.”

Blair went back to a common room that teased him about Joan and his punishment. He told them all to leave him alone and he ran back to his room, kicking the walls in frustration at it all.

Sarah turned to Tom; “Are you sure you’ve never used that on her?”

“No. I’ve been tempted to a few times but when I’m about too, it’s too much. It’s one thing if the child is a student but this…… This is my friends’ kid.”

“Just your friends’ kid?”

“I’m no parent Sarah, you know that. I don’t know how to show affection to…. Well let alone to an autistic child. I only know what they taught me in training college, and I find it hard not to be teacher to that girl.”

Sarah felt for him and for Joan.

“Call me if you need my help at any time.”

Tom nodded and got up. He nearly bumped into Matron Flavia as he left.

“Is this an emergency?” Miss Ramsey asked.

The Matron gave Miss Ramsey a newspaper; “I believe this is banned in school grounds?”

Yes. The Mithridates Gazette. That was very much banned.

It was the paper that was run by the local press that shared stories from the outside. It was the same paper that announced to the whole community about Joan’s parents. Joan had found out by reading it before anyone could tell her themselves. For that very reason – and because the locals who printed it had been busted for handing out cigarettes to students, it was banned with a penalty of the teacher choosing your punishment. Miss Ramsey had promised her students she wouldn’t hesitate to use her slipper on them if she found any.

“I found it when cleaning out the girl’s rooms.”

“Which one?”

She saw Matron Flavia hesitate; “Well….”

“Go on.”

“The deputy head girl had left it under her bed-”

“These were found in Miller’s Room?”

Silence.

Miss Ramsey sighed; “I will speak to this student.”

“Considering the goings on that happen in her room, I’m sure it may have been planted.”

“We will see what Miller says for herself.”

The Matron looked rather sorry; “yes Ma’am.”

Miss Ramsey cursed once she was left alone. Joan knew better than this!

She put the paper in her drawers.

She strangely forgot about it the very next day. Not that it helped poor Joan.


	14. Kiss

Ebony always went to Susan’s room when things didn’t go well for her. Susan was her best friend. An outsider who had been like a sister from the first time they met.

Susan was there for Ebony to have a shoulder to cry on when she did leave Zimmerman’s office on the Monday. Hearing about the girl’s ordeal, Jim kindly cancelled their planned “Head only” meeting for that day and Ebony spent her free time with Susan. She had got her note from Mr Zimmerman to give to her parents to sign. Her parents, having been made aware of her appointment had already planned to warm her backside further.

Susan had sixty lines to hand in, so she let Ebony lie on her bed while she went down to work.

“Why do I get so much bad luck?” Ebony moaned.

“Because you’re always looking to get yourself in trouble.” Susan responded, her mood a little dark as she tried to finish her lines – for failing to hand in prep on time. “Be grateful you didn’t suffer like Hillman did. Not only was she caught bullying your deputy head girl, Zimmerman caught her with cigarettes.”

“Gladys is an idiot. Even when we were friends, I told her before about going there. Those students give Mithridates a bad name, I bet she doesn’t even know who they are.”

It was a badly held secret that cigarettes and other contraband were smuggled in and then sold to students by the same smugglers. “The Smugglers” found ways to give you what you wanted yet still hide their faces, so no one would get caught. While the names weren’t wildly known, it was rumored that all the smugglers were from House Aprender. A rumor which their House Master had denied.

“Where are your parents anyway?” Ebony suddenly asked.

Susan was surprised by the question; “Belgium. For a wedding.”

“What is Belgium like?”

“Ebony, there’s such a thing as books and computers in this school.”

“You know what I mean.”

“It’s nothing special. I find it hard to communicate there as much as I struggle here – but at least some of you know a bit of sign language while I’m lucky to meet one person a year back home who does who isn’t my mum or dad.”

Clarifloors had a sign language class that was not compulsory, but it had quite a few attendees who hoped that it would be impressive in their final CV. Susan had met some new friends in that way and as Head Girl the year before, she had encouraged a lot of students to give it a go. That was how she had met Ebony and become friends, helping her ditch Gladys Hillman.

“My wedding will be the traditional white dress, but everyone could wear what they like. I’d like to maybe have it outside of this place.”

“You mean Mithridates?” Susan asked as she finished her lines, bringing her normal good mood back; “where would you go?”

“Maybe Florida – England. Scotland.”

“Scotland has these wonderful places, I went to see Loch Ness and I’ve been to Edinburgh.”

“I’ve never been anywhere. No one my age who lives here has.”

“Maybe you ought to think about getting work overseas. Like your brother and sister.”

“I don’t even know want I want to do Susan. Just be with someone first I guess.”

“Do they…. Do they allow same sex marriages here?”

“Of course, they do. It’s one of the biggest reasons we’re living on this Island. The founder wanted to marry a man and his own country wouldn’t let him.”

“I didn’t know that. It’ s just I’d like to marry here myself when I find the right girl.”

Silence.

“Would you go for Dean if he stayed as a girl?”

“Well no because he’s a boy” Susan replied, “and even if he stayed as a girl, he doesn’t think like one and he sees himself as a heterosexual. He’d probably date me if I’d let him.”

“He flirts with Joan a lot, but she doesn’t understand what he’s doing and think he’s just having fun. She’s clueless.”

“She came to one meeting actually.”

The “meeting” was the “Equality Guild” – its members consisted of third to older years who talked with younger members or ones who were unsure about their sexuality. Dean and Susan were well known members.

“She did?” Ebony somehow managed to sit up when she heard this new piece of news.

“Yes, she sat with us round the circle, didn’t say anything and left before I could catch her. I asked Daniel Serigo why she was there, but he didn’t know.”

“Maybe she’s questioning her sexuality.”

“I’m surprised she has the time – all those worries she has to deal with. But look, I doubt she’s gay. I saw the way her eyebrows frowned in confusion when Dean joked about girls-”

“She has autism.”

“She’s probably asexual. She’s certainly not taking care of herself for anyone, boy or girl.”

“Well that’s her business.”

Susan looked at her friend in the mirror; “you’re quite defensive considering you told me you didn’t care for her.”

“As you said, she has a lot going on.” Ebony throw herself back on the bed, “I’m sick of talking about her. I don’t care about her.”

“Now you’re being a terrible liar.” Susan smiled at her, “you want to see her do well, don’t you?”

“And so, what if I do?”

“You ought to tell her that yourself.”

Ebony sighed heavily; “I’m so miserable.”

Susan suddenly joined her; “you’ve suffered worse.”

“I didn’t want to get someone else in trouble. Even if it was only Joan.”

“So, you do care for others.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you put on an air sometimes where people aren’t sure if you’re going to help them. That’s one reason why Joan’s finding a lot of people coming to her when the boys are busy. Maybe you ought to stick around Joan and show you want to do your job.”

“Fine.” Ebony sighed again, “if I have to stick around Joan though, I’ll end up hanging myself.”

She suddenly found her head being grabbed and a wet kiss was planted.

“Jesus Susan!”

Susan chuckled, “it was going to happen sooner or later.”

Ebony went silent.

“You’re a good person Ebony, you just need to convince yourself that helping others won’t diminish what others think of you. You want to be an athlete or a doctor you once said. Athletes are expected to meet with fans and doctors are expected to help others. Your supposed to show some compassion in work one way or the other. Joan’s an alright kid, you’ll be asked to help worse people.”

“I hate that you always have the right thing to say.”

“That’s my gift.”

“Kiss me again, I’ll knock your teeth out.”

“And if I do it again?”

Ebony got up from her bed and grabbed Susan’s scissors that were lying seemingly in wait at her table.

Susan watched in silent astonishment and concern as her friend cut off her hair until it was a mess.

“Why?”

“I’ve been wanting to do it for ages. I want short hair.” Ebony checked in the mirror, “make it neat, will you?”

Susan was in the arts guild which also trained you in hairdressing. She took the scissors, “your parents are going to kill you.”

“They’re going to kill me anyway. I don’t care. Make it shorter.” Susan, still stunned, obeyed; “mum used to say my hair could scare a crow so make it look shaven at least.”

“I wish I had your guts.”

“And if you do this well, I’ll let you kiss me again.”

So, started Ebony and Susan’s relationship. 


	15. A Chess Game

Dr Brookes had his second meeting with all four students in his office with no issue. At first. The Deputy Head Girl had shoes on, and the Head Girl was no longer scowling. Everyone was polite and the Headmaster was pleased.

Except for one thing.

Ebony gave him the offending object; “I found this in the Hapus common room. I told Mr Zimmerman and he said to make sure you would see it for yourself.”

The others felt the tension rise in the air.

Dr Brookes gave himself a moment.

“Sir?” Jim dared to try to get his attention.

The Headmaster sighed; “forgive me, I hate this thing.”

It was the Mithridates Gazette.

He should have banned this _fucking_ paper since he got his job.

“Thank you anyway Miss Vicker’s.”

“What’s the problem with it?”

He glared up at where the innocent voice came from.

Joan. Again.

And she saw his eyes and her confidence disappeared.

The Headmaster could read everyone’s faces when Miller spoke up.

They were all saying “Dahm it Joan.”

“You really need me to answer that Miss Miller?” He answered, annoyed.

“Yes.”

Joan copied the tone he had used against her.

Brookes didn’t want to send the other three out again; “Miss Miller I’m going to say this just once. Watch your tone when you’re talking to me?”

Joan’s eyes glanced over to Jim. Bewildered at that response.

“Can you not hear yourself?”

“Um… yes?”

“Can you hear how you sound to me?”

That question clearly stumped her, and she bent down and held herself tightly; “I don’t know.”

Brookes changed his voice to be more condescending; “Yes or no Miller.”

Again, she copied his tone; “I don’t know.”

She clearly didn’t know what she sounded like. And Brookes knew he was only torturing Joan. He had to stop nit-picking.

Dr Brookes turned to Jim; “Doesn’t Miss Miller have a toy or something she can bring into these meetings?”

“She has this bear but….”

“But what?”

“We didn’t think it was appropriate meeting you.”

“I would rather my students were comfortable to be in the same room with me. Now if we’re going to keep having these meetings, I want to see you all calm and ready to talk to me.” He turned back to Joan; “Miller, if these three have asked you to be quiet, remember they are not teachers.”

Joan just wanted out.

“Both Deputies, you can go.”

Dean was puzzled; “Sir?”

“I wish to talk to the Head Boy and Girl alone. If they wish to tell you what it’s about, it’s up to them.”

“Want to practice some chess?” Dean asked Joan on the way out.

“Sure.”

Dean always seemed to know how to make things better.

Dr Brookes waited until the two students were long gone before he put the newspaper on the desk; “You two understand why this was banned?”

“Because of Joan.” Ebony answered; “Homolka was mean to her.”

“Putting it as simply as that, yes.”

“Homolka?” Jim was confused.

“He’s one of the council members.” Ebony explained; “but he also runs the _Gazette_. It ran an article saying Joan should be brought before our leader – Lord Cross – to explain herself.”

“For what?”

“Why an outside force got involved with our Island. Did you not read it?”

Jim was sure he did but he could barely remember what he was doing yesterday let along three or four years ago; “I don’t know if I did but that sounds awful.”

Brookes added; “And even if he didn’t write those words, he had a responsibility not to go after a then twelve-year child. I banned this paper because I saw it as an attack on a student. My duty as Headmaster is to protect the students.”

Jim decided to get on his good side; “Even if Miller did anything wrong, going after her in such a public way is unacceptable.”

“Lightly putting it.”

Roald Homolka was the man on the council Brookes had trouble with. This man disgusted him from the moment he accepted the position as Headmaster and then met the council who he would have to hear from. He thought Homolka’s speeches of “patriotism” were just boasts of his own self worth and the few times he had sat and watched a council meeting, he noticed the man wanted to talk over everyone including his Lordship Cross. Brookes did not like students who intimidated others by their “popularity” and “big mouths”. And he certainly detested Homolka.

“I don’t want a single newspaper seen in this school. If you find any, leave them in the desk in your office and report anyone seen reading or merely holding them. And I don’t want you or the deputies reading them in the office. Especially Miller. Homolka likes to run repeats of stories when nothing much is going on.”

“Maybe the council should stop the ban on the world media.” Ebony suggested; “All they did last time was say the child of the parents involved -”

“Miss Vicker’s, I agree with you, but you know yourself that Lord Cross and the council members like to hold grudges against the outside world. It ruins our image when they do that, but they won’t care. But please don’t let Miller see these papers when you find them. That’s an order from me. And a personal order from Mr Zimmerman, and you don’t want to get on his bad side.”

Ebony gulped.

After they left the office, Jim decided to do some prep while Ebony had to attend an open audition meeting for the new Rugby team – a team she had been a member of for the last three years. As Head Girl, she was expected to either remain in the team, be captain or coach. Having suffered injuries last year but still loved the sport, she still wasn’t sure.

“I’d coach but I’m lazy.” Jim joked.

“Celia wants me to coach but she’s right for that role.”

“But she’s also Head of the Fighter’s Guild.”

“True.” She sighed; “I don’t know.”

School life could be stressful.

Ebony went to Mrs Oliver’s office were the meeting was taken place, and Jim entered the office on his own.

Joan was in there with her chess board, on her own.

He tried to sneak in unnoticed, but her eyes caught his shoes and she looked up.

Caught.

“Hello” she smiled.

“Where’s Dean?” he asked, uncomfortable but trying to hide it with politeness.

“Dean had a practice. Want to play?”

Jim hesitated. But then he saw Joan could see his reluctance and in a way of an apology, sat down;

“I’m not very good.” He tried to explain.

“Sure.”

She was very quick to put the pieces in the right places. Jim thought he’d never seen this slightly overweight girl move so fast.

He knew that wasn’t a nice thing to think and chided himself. He knew better than that.

“I swear this won’t take long.” He said; “I really am bad at this.”

“Most of my games take about ten minutes.”

“Not one minute?”

“That was one time. Obair student in my second year. He was terrible.”

“43 seconds.”

Joan blinked; “I... Didn’t even know that.”

“That was the rumour anyway.”

“I think this school likes to gossip about me, even if the stories are a bit farfetched.”

Jim did not want to tell her she was right. He made the first move; “So you’re from England?”

“Northumberland. Born and raised.”

“Was it good?”

“Yes and no. A bit in between. I mean you know my mum’s a bit… mad.”

Jim got the hint that she didn’t want to talk about it; “I was actually born in Japan.”

He saw her face lit up; “I want to go there. Can you speak Japanese?”

“Afraid not. My mum was six weeks pregnant and on a business trip with my father. They actually live in Melbourne Florida. I was a surprise.”

“The Doors frontman was born there too.”

He sighed; “I know that well.”

She gave him a rather cheeky grin; “so you came out early?”

“Yeah. Stayed in hospital for well over a year. My parents are helicopter parents – well were. When I got my sister Sophie, I escaped most of the attention.”

“Helicopter…?”

“They want to know everything you’re doing and get anxious if you don’t call.”

Joan shook her head; “No, I couldn’t deal with that.”

“You like your privacy.”

“What’s left of it.” She tried to smile; “you could have got two of my pieces there.”

“Don’t play nice with me Joan.”

She obliged; “You don’t have an American accent.”

“No. My mother is American but brought up in England. My father’s English. I kept to myself growing up – America can be too loud. Also, uh…. I had a lot of health problems because of the early birth. I had terrible asthma for one. And when you have these problems…. No one else sees you as the same. I guess I’ve peaked in High School. This school uh…. It’s strange and it took a lot getting used to it but I found my friends here. People I can talk too.”

He noticed she hesitated before finally obliterating four of his pieces.

“Do you have family in America?”

“My Grandparents. Grandpa’s family kicked him out because my Grandma is white. Apparently, they sent my Mum here because of the no tolerance to race and LGTB discrimination. Mithridates is seen as strange but it’s admired for that at least.”

“So, you’re mixed?”

“Yeah. I mean I don’t identify with race. All I know is that I can’t tan.”

“I think my Dad is a racist.”

Jim looked up; “Huh?”

“Well you know…. When you’re little you have to wrap your head around the rules of the world and I’ve never really got a hold of it. My Dad said that we are on different teams – we are white. Our enemy team is black.”

Jim felt a little sick; “Yeah, that is racist. When did he tell you that?”

“I’d just turned four.”

“Did you believe him?”

“I kind of wanted too because you know, he’s my Dad. Dad’s don’t lie to their kids. I also knew what he said was bullshit. What confirmed it actually – a new neighbour came in and he said, “fuck the poles.” And I was like; “What?””

“Polish?”

“Yeah. So I assumed she was black but then I see her – she’s putting the clothes out on the line - she’s actually white. And I told him “she’s on our team””.

“And he said?”

““She’s mixed-race. Mix-breed.” Then mum kind of mumbles that her Grandfather was from Portugal and her own mother is from Sweden. Therefore, I’m half-breed. He told her that didn’t count. I realised he was making up the rules and I wasn’t going to play that game. Especially with someone who keeps changing the rules to suit him. I didn’t like those types of games where people get hurt.”

“So how have you managed to work out the rules of the world?”

“I just think everyone makes it up as they go along now. Including me. My game is to stay out of the way unless I have no choice but to strike.”

Jim suddenly lost three more pieces.

“You really are bad.” Joan looked disappointed. “I’m literally sparing you’re king, you still have a queen yet…..” She seemed to give up on hope; “You’re bloody terrible.”

“I don’t think anyone in the school is as good as you.”

“That’s true, but at least some are still quite good and offer a challenge. Still, at least you’re not hurling insults quietly at me.”

“They do that in the chess guild?”

“Most of them are Ferox students who can’t challenge me for the competition itself. Last year it was that Beau Clark in your house. He has a poor player. And even poorer loser.”

“Clark is an arsehole.”

“I got that impression.”

“He hangs around a guy in my year called Ron Wade and his sister.”

He saw her hands stop. He looked up and saw her face was chalk white.

“You ok?”

She swallowed; “I know him.”

“And….?”

“He’s a…. going out with Gladys…” She made a mistake on the board and cursed; “It’s ok, you’re still dead.”

“We can stop talking about it if it upsets you.”

“It’s not that it’s just…. Let’s just say since they’ve been going out, I’ve had some run ins with him as well. He creeps me out.”

“Did he do something to you?”

Joan didn’t respond. Instead she focussed on the game and before Jim knew it, she had slaughtered him and the board.

“I have prep. Thanks for playing with me.”

Jim thought she sounded ill; “You know I’m here to help?”

She just nodded, her eyes on her desk. And put her headphones on. Her bear under her arm.

Jim stared at her for a moment and realised he still hadn’t quite made up his mind about her.

They weren’t yet friends. She was too odd….

He lost his patience and went on with his prep. They didn’t talk again till the next day.


	16. A Mistake

“So, what will you do for the two weeks holiday?”

Ebony, Joan and Dean were doing Prep in their office. Joan was listing to music through her headphones while going through an advanced higher biology book and looked tired. Dean decided not to bother her and spoke to Ebony.

“I know Dad wants to go camping and we’ll have a barbecue.” She responded.

“In this weather?”

Outside was raining. A miserable October in its infancy.

“We’ve camped in worse places.” Ebony looked across at Joan, “she doesn’t look well, does she?”

At that moment, Joan’s head crashed against the table.

Ebony got up but then sat down; “She’s fast asleep. I don’t want to wake her.”

“Since when did you care for her welfare?” Dean half teased, half asked seriously.

To avoid answering, Ebony went over and tapped at Joan’s head to wake her up, “didn’t you sleep last night?”

“No” Joan admitted. She was dazed.

“You look like you’re going to die at any minute.”

“I feel like it.”

“You can sleep in here if you want” Dean suggested, “my jumper makes a good pillow when I’m doing geography.”

“Geography makes me want to purge my own soul.”

Suddenly, a first year Hapus student skidded in telling the team that there was an incident outside in the “gardens”. That woke up Joan who followed Dean and Ebony’s fast running to find Susan waiting for them.

Millie Smart, Rebecca Samson and Ruby Wade.

Joan knew these were "Hillman cultists".

Susan had caught them vandalizing one of the vegetable gardens that students studying biology or how were part of the small “Gardner’s Guild” looked after. Thankfully, the worst of the damage could be fixed quickly and there were already students sorting it out.

Dean turned to Joan; “You go back to the office. Me and Ebony will sort this out.”

Seeing there was no other reason to be there, Joan obeyed Dean’s kind order and went back to the office.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she remembered was a loud bang waking her up.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to wake up.”

Joan rubbed her eyes quickly blinked.

Dr Brookes

He had banged on the table to wake her up.

Rather rude, Joan thought.

“Get up and follow me.”

He was annoyed about something.

Shaken and confused, Joan obeyed.

“Not had a good sleep Miss Miller?” He asked as she followed him through the long dark corridors.

“No sir.”

“Have you told Miss Ramsey?”

“Not yet sir.”

“I would strongly advice that you talk to her or your Matron.”

“Yes I - I don’t feel very well sir. Can I go now?”

“Nice try Miller.”

He led her into his office. Ebony was there. She looked annoyed too.

“This shouldn’t take long Miller” Brookes promised; “Found your deputy asleep in the office. Do you usually allow that Vicker’s?”

“We don’t have a rule against it sir.”

“It’s not a good sight for the team.”

“Miller hasn’t been sleeping very well sir”.

“ok…” Joan muttered in annoyance.

“Early night tonight Miller.” The Headmaster cleared his throat, “now back to business.”

“Sir, please, I need to say this, but you are mistaken.”

Joan forced herself to pay attention.

Apparently, the situation in the gardens had escalated with the stupid Wade girl trying to pick a fight with Dean. As easily riled up as he could be, he didn’t take the bait but both he, Ebony and Susan had to restrain the student while Smart and Samson had run away.

Not that they would get away with it.

After Wade was dealt with, the two other girls were brought in. Now apparently after receiving detentions, Smart had rattled that the Head Girl had made some vulgar language.

A no-no thing to do when you were on the team.

“Your words were heard by both students when the accusation was bought to me Miss Vicker’s. They can’t both be wrong.”

“They must have decided to get back at one of us for getting caught!” Ebony argued; “and they’re both friends with Gladys Hillman – picking on Joan would have been obvious!”

“Apparently, this student wasn’t the only one who confirmed this. Anderson, the prefect who helped also made a comment telling you to watch your language.”

“No sir!”

Joan took a little fright as Ebony’s voice went higher than usual.

“I think this deserves six Miss Vicker’s. Hand or bottom?”

“Sir, I did not do this!”

“I’m waiting.”

Ebony gave up; “bottom sir.”

“Bend over.”

Ebony obeyed and the Head came at her side.

“Miller? You will watch.”

“ok.”

The Head looked up; “Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

“I’m uh – just unsure why you’re doing this.”

“Meaning?”

Joan swallowed the lump in her throat; “Personally, I think what you’re doing is unacceptable.”

Dr Brookes gave her a look; “Stand over there and be quiet.”

“Do it Joan.” Ebony said, sensing Joan was going to say something stupid.

Her concern for her friend quickly evaporated as Dr Brookes lay in on her with his cane. Six strokes. Well delivered.

Joan knew she had to stay calm. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her breathing start to struggle but she stayed still and stared ahead, trying to block out the sound of the cane and Ebony’s yelps. At least she didn’t cry. Ebony was brave.

“You may rise.”

Ebony did, rubbing the sting away as hard as she could.

“Let’s not have a repeat of this.”

Brookes heard Joan’s uncomfortable breathing and when he finally turned to the deputy head girl, he noticed the young girl was visibly pale. He hid his concern well;

“That is what happens when anyone from my selected team fail to live up to the expectations Miller.”

Joan said nothing. Her eyebrow was raised at him.

“What are you thinking girl? Don’t you think your Head Girl deserved that?”

“No sir.”

““No sir?” I’m sorry but am I hearing this?”

“Susan Anderson is deaf sir; I don’t think she’d hear a swear word.”

“Ever heard of lip-reading Miller?”

Joan wasn’t put off; “Did you actually ask Anderson about this before calling us both in here?”

Brookes was not going to admit he hadn’t, so he turned back to Ebony;

“Profanity is a serious problem in this school. Hopefully this will teach you not to do it again -”

“I can ask Susan myself if you want.”

Dr Brookes turned to Joan; “excuse me?”

“Susan happens to be Ebony’s best friend and I don’t think she’d say anything if she knew she’d get her in trouble. And to be honest sir, those two girls have been in trouble for lying before-”

“Do you pick your moments to be quiet Miller?”

Joan began to stammer; “I just feel this shouldn’t have happened without proper investigation and perhaps what we were originally looking into is more important than a so-called slip of the tongue from the Head Girl.”

Ebony usually would have something to say too, but hearing Joan defend both her, Susan and herself was always a time to stop and listen. This wasn’t Joan Miller who was usually quiet and easily scared. What was going on?

“I think you and I might need to have a word once I dismiss our Head Girl.” The Headmaster said to Joan after a pause. He too hadn’t been ready to hear Joan talk in this way.

Joan blinked; “can I have someone with me?”

“Certainly not. How old are you? Fifteen? Sixteen? And you need someone to hold your hand?”

Joan said nothing.

“And now you choose to be quiet. I see your game Miller; you’re not fooling everyone.”

“You’re not being very fair sir.”

There was no malice in the deputy head girls’ tone but that somehow made things worse.

“Just because you’re not getting your own way for once -”

“I don’t trust you’ll listen to me unless another member of staff is in here with us. You refused to listen to my Head Girl, so I don’t believe you’ll listen to me either.”

Ebony couldn’t stay quiet anymore; “Joan, leave it.”

Dr Brookes tapped the Head’s girl’s leg with his cane to silence her; “Has anyone other than me told you to watch your tone Miller or do you just want everyone to hear your voice?”

“I don’t know the difference between telling you as it is or saying anything rude. How are we supposed to tell you the truth if you’re not willing to listen to reason from any student even the ones you’ve picked for your team? Is it rude to tell you as it is? Don’t you want us to tell you the truth? Or will I get the same as my Head Girl did for supposedly “lying”?” Joan caught the Headmaster’s eyes but instantly looked elsewhere as she spoke; “we’ve been picked out of trust sir, if you don’t trust our word then how can we work together – you know? Can’t you listen next time?”

There was a silence.

Joan wondered how many seconds she had left of her life.

“Miss Vicker’s, can you leave the deputy head girl with me for a few minutes?”

Ebony was out of there in two seconds and she waited outside in anticipation, hoping she wouldn’t hear the dreaded cane. There was an image of Joan in her mind being like a fragile doll and no one except the worse of the student body wanted to know of the cane being used on their sensitive and vulnerable deputy head girl.

In the office, Dr Brookes noticed that the student was breathing heavily and looked distressed being alone with him. He gave her a minute a silence, putting his cane on his desk and he folded his arms;

“So, what’s your game Miller?” Joan looked him, confused. “What are you trying to do?”

“Do my job sir.”

“You’re not a very good job, are you?”

“You’re not letting me do it sir.”

Brookes couldn’t be bothered anymore; “hold out your hand.”

Joan didn’t move.

“Your hand Miss Miller!”

He was loud enough for Ebony and his secretary to hear him.

Joan put her hands behind her back and swallowed.

“if you don’t do as I say, I’ll bring in a teacher to hold you down over this desk.”

“Can you do that sir?” Joan asked, looking down on the ground at her right. Her breathing was irregular, but Dr Brookes didn’t care.

“Get a hold of yourself girl, if you’re that scared of taking it, you shouldn’t have opened your mouth.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you doing it sir.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not comfortable sir.”

“And your reason is?”

Joan eyes suddenly met his; “I don’t feel comfortable being alone in here with you, you’re in no mood to listen and that’s not fair for me. You told me in our first meeting I shouldn’t be scared to tell you the truth of how I feel – so why are you trying to scare me now?”

There was another silence.

“Get out.”

Joan looked surprised.

“I said get out!”

He didn’t soon forget the disappointment on her face.

He knew better than this. That’s what she was thinking.

And he knew she was right.

But he was not going to admit that right now; “Report to your House Mistress, Miller. I’ll find out if you have or not.”

Joan stopped at the door and said politely; “I feel confident she is willing to listen to me sir. I wouldn’t expect any results for yourself.” She quickly left before Dr Brookes could say anymore.

He already felt incredibly stupid.

He needed a moment to calm down and think.

“Are you ok? Did he strike you?” Ebony asked after both girls were safe in their own office with the door shut tight.

“No” Joan felt tired again. Being in that office had drained her.

“I thought he would for sure. You didn’t need to speak up, we could have left ages ago.”

“There’s a limit of stupidity I can take.”

“Joan, the thing I’ve learned when he’s in that mood, is to let him do what he thinks is right and keep quiet. If he doesn’t know the whole truth that doesn’t matter-”

Joan suddenly turned to her Head Girl; “What is he strikes someone innocent and it results in a heart attack or something? Or something as little as a broken finger? For what? Nothing. He needs to know the truth before he uses his hand and if he’s not prepared to listen, then why the hell is he running this school? Good teacher and all, but he needs to stop and listen.”

Ebony tried to hide her surprise by chuckling; “I don’t think anyone will get a beating if they have health problems.”

“But a lot of people don’t know they do until it’s too late.”

“Joan. Seriously. Get over it. I’m fine. Susan and I are still friends and we stopped that group from damaging anymore of the gardens. And I’m used to the cane. I’m fine.”

Unimpressed, Joan picked up a book and sighed heavily. Ebony stared at her for a good minute or two, trying to work her out. Strange girl.

“Can you do me a favour?” Joan suddenly looked up from her book; “don’t tell Jim about this.”

“Jim?” Ebony wondered if she couldn’t be more surprised; “why not?”

Joan rubbed her eyes but didn’t answer. Ebony decided not to press her. She looked too tired.

Meanwhile, Susan Anderson went to visit Dr Brookes. The ex-Head Girl was the only other student who had retired from her role on good terms with him and the school. The other of course being Jim Morrison. Without Ebony to sign for her, she had her dreaded earpiece in.

“I will send a merit to your House Master Anderson. Great job as always.”

“Thank you sir.”

“All girls involved have been dealt with including the Head Girl.”

“Head Girl sir?”

Dr Brookes knew it; “I was told she used vulgar language. Were you aware of this?”

“No sir. I didn’t see Ebony’s lips move and I had my earpiece in. I know Dean would have reprimanded her if he’d heard anything. The only vulgar that came out was from Miss Wade.”

Susan had other things to talk about – the level of other reported vandalism that she planned to tell the student team as well as more cases of banned sweets and yet more sights of the “Gazette” – but Dr Brookes knew he had made a mistake with one half of his student team and he’d have to swallow his pride for now.

He decided to get it out of the way and visited them both while they were getting ready for bed. Or Ebony was. Joan was still in her uniform studying.

After apologising to Ebony who was understandably annoyed but pleased she was vindicated, Dr Brookes found the deputy head girl in her room reading through a Higher English book at 8:24. She was visibly uncomfortable seeing him but thankfully, Miss Ramsey was doing her rounds and walked in at the right moment. For Dr Brookes at least.

“A bit of respect for the Headmaster, stand up and put that down.” She ordered in her firm but gentle way. Dr Brookes took note watching the student who had lectured him in his office, respectfully – and importantly, without looking like she was being told off - obey her House Mistress.

Miss Ramsey was keen to know what her student had done to deserve a meeting in her private room and when she listened, she betrayed little of her personal thoughts.

“I think Miller should appreciate the fact you were willing to come down and apologise. Is it accepted Miller?”

“I suppose so.”

“You suppose so? A simple yes would not cause people to raise their eyebrows at you.”

Joan was clearly not in the mood to be lectured; “Sure.”

“And what did I say would happen if I came down here again after 8pm and you hadn’t changed your clothes? Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Joan showed more shame than she had in the Headmaster’s office; “I didn’t remember Miss.”

“No, no don’t pull that one me, you have a very good memory. This is the third time Miller. I warned you I would give you four with the slipper as well as a trip over my knee.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Bit worried about today and so you forgot is that it?” Joan nodded. “Then I’ll leave this for now but the next time I come down and find you still in uniform, it won’t be four, it’ll be six. On the skin.”

Dr Brookes was surprised at how affected he was watching his deputy head girl getting lectured, even though Miss Ramsey’s tone was calm with little intimidation.

“I will not be requesting you for an appointment, I understand you were trying to defend Miss Vickers and I wasn’t prepared to listen which made you understandably distressed,” he said.

“Will you listen in future then?”

The Headmaster held his tongue as Miss Ramsey gave him a look to be careful. The student was not trying to be rude. He had to stop and realise that.

He sighed; “I can’t promise but I will try.”

“And he’ll do well to know how you often say things but don’t mean how they come out.” Miss Ramsey said to Joan with a look at the Head.

“Yes.” Chris did not appreciate Sarah telling him that. She was always very protective of her students, especially the “outsiders”. Especially Joan.

Joan waited until he was gone;

“Miss can’t I have my four now?”

Miss Ramsey looked at her in surprise; “Joan I told you I’ll let you off until-”

“I don’t trust myself to be able to keep this rule, I know I’ll break it anyway sometime in the future and I don’t want six on the skin. I’d rather have the four every time I forget.”

Sarah had gone above and beyond at taken care of Joan in the school since her first year so knew Joan’s quirks better than anyone but every now and then, she would be surprised by the girl. It took a while to learn this student’s way of thinking and it wasn’t easy but at least she was a genuinely well behaved one who wanted to please everyone.

“I’ll just give you the four the next time ok?”

Joan shook her head in response. Part of her felt relief, the other part felt she was a cheat.

“I am very proud of you today. You told Dr Brookes how you felt, you stood your ground and you were honest. It’s a shame Ebony still suffered, and I had to deal with this, but you should be proud too.”

“I don’t think he’s happy with me”

“No, but he’ll learn to respect what you did. The fact he apologised to you is a good sign.” She got up from the chair, “now what’s the time table tomorrow? Friday isn’t it?”

“I have English and Geography before lunch.”

“I think you need a day off after today.”

“Miss?”

“I doubt there’s anything you can’t catch up on. Have a lie in.”

Joan appreciated it; “thanks Miss.”

Miss Ramsey escaped back to her office and cried her eyes out for a long hour. Sometimes, she really hated her job.

The next morning, Joan woke up at ten and stayed in her room until the school hours were up. Ebony was in a great mood, having witnessed all four vandals get the cane and the one who had told a lie get double. Dean was not pleased that he had been in the dark about it but praised Joan for sticking up for the Head Girl.

Jim was not pleased to hear about it; “Joan, why do you feel the need to put yourself in harm’s way?”

“I don’t know, it wasn’t right that’s all.”

“Jim, lay off her” Dean was quick. “If it had been me or someone else, you’d have thanked us. You worry too much about her.”

Ebony and Joan agreed.

Jim showed his annoyance; “You know how to do it without getting hurt or anxious. Joan shouldn’t feel the need to stand up for any of us. I worry -”

“Dean’s asked you to lay off” Joan suddenly told him.

That shut up the Head Boy but the look he gave her made everyone’s mood drop.

“Jim has exams. He’s stressed” Dean told Joan after Jim finished his prep and went on to join up with the String Guild.

“We all have exams” said Ebony, “We haven’t picked on anyone and Joan’s only fallen asleep a few times. None of us have started arguments.”

“I guess the last year is worse than fifth or fourth year.”

“If I do well this year, I won’t need to do the usual six or seven next year and hopefully none by sixth year” said Joan. “I will be taking the exams during the week the fourth years take there.”

“I saw the books. So, you’re attending classes with other fourth years but your studying for fourth- and sixth-year exams?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t realize you were that smart” Dean was impressed.

“I’m not. I live here. I have the advantage.”

Both Dean and Ebony chuckled. Joan was pleased to see that.


	17. Claire

Like most of the Obair’s, Dean could be found in one of the school gyms. There was a workout gym, one used for classes or the one everyone could go in after school or even before breakfast. When he wasn’t busy – which was rare – that was where you could find him.

Being in many Guilds which required you stayed in shape, Dean did his best, but he preferred to be alone. Mostly because it was during exercise that he felt vulnerable. His chest felt uncomfortable and he sometimes struggled with his upper body strength. Mrs Oliver’s told him that it wasn’t his fault. He knew that. But he was still embarrassed to be around other students who performed better and worked out without worrying how stupid they looked.

His first year had been hard for him. He was “Claire” for a start. His parents were aware their child was no daughter by his mannerisms and protests of wearing a dress, so they tried to be open as possible for their son. Dean was comfortable talking to his parents but dealing with his new school was a different matter.

Clarifloors was a great school. Dean found the locals friendly and soon he found himself with a lot of friends who liked his humour and his friendly personality. He was however very insecure and down on himself to the point where Mrs Oliver’s became very concerned.

Dean remembered his talk with the “dragon” after he refused to go into the girl’s changing room. “Refuse” was probably too light of a word when it reduced him to tears as his request to use the toilets or the boy’s changing room met with some ridicule by some of the insensitive members of his class.

Mrs Oliver’s was not known for her cups of tea or her comfort but if a student in her House needed it, she let them see it. And Dean was a student she recognised needed her.

Dean admitted he felt he was in the wrong body and Mrs Oliver’s put the question in his mind that he probably was. She told him to speak to his parents and attend the “Equality Guild” and if he made a decision, she would help him through it.

It was an easy decision really.

Dean chose his name from an Uncle who died in a car crash who he was close too and whilst all his friends were amazingly supportive of his decision, that didn’t stop the bullying – mostly from other outsiders - that happened. He mostly shrugged it off since he was quick to avoid the usual tripping in corridors and anyone daft enough to yell at him was usually quickly murdered by other students or a teacher. Not that Dean, with his quick wit, couldn’t do it himself.

Gladys Hillman however…. She got under his skin.

She always called him “Claire” whenever they met in person and she and her little gang would giggle. Sometimes she openly talked about pubic hair, breasts, the list went on. She was smart enough to make sure he was alone when she taunted him.

It was through her that he had first met Joan. She was in third year, he fourth, and they were both at their lockers. Joan was hardly ever seen at her locker, but she kept some books and a water bottle that always seemed fill. She was reading through an advanced music book and looked bored to death.

Dean knew of her, everyone did but he didn’t care to talk to her. He had just got back from a sport’s Guild known as the “Bat Guild”, having played his very first baseball game. He wasn’t quite sure if he liked it and was eager to have a good shower. Or maybe a swim.

He pondered what to do.

Then he heard Glady’s voice from behind him.

“Hello Claire.”

Before he could walk away or say anything, Joan turned from her locker; “his name is Dean.”

Dean had never heard Joan speak before. And he was surprised that she knew him, let alone tried to stick up for him.

Gladys smiled at her; “and hello retard.”

Dean noticed that Hillman was alone. In fact, he and Joan were the only other ones at the lockers – minus a few Aprender first years eating apples a few rows down…

“Is Claire your new friend retard? You deserve each other. Good thing you mum won’t find out. She’ll just try to kill you.”

“That was uncalled for.” Dean wiped the sweet from his brow.

“Miller likes to attention, don’t you retard?”

Joan’s face answered for her.

“No?” Gladys scoffed, “I’ll make sure it stay that way. Just need to get Claire to realise -”

Dean punched her from the back. When she fell to the ground, he opened Joan’s locker, threw Gladys in, shut the door and kicked it several times.

He still didn’t understand how Joan just stood there and let him kick her locker in that way. Most students would have got very annoyed. Maybe even tried to stop him. But all she did was wait until he had stopped, then come forward and lock the door with her key. Gladys screamed from inside when she heard the lock.

“We should go,” she suggested to a stunned Dean.

Both students left running and escaped to the school greenhouse. It was a light jog for Dean, but Joan tired quickly and had to sit down.

“I’m sorry.” Dean awkwardly said, “About the locker. I lost it.”

“She has a talent for doing that.” Joan smiled, “it was worth it.”

To be fair, Dean thought the same.

“I hope you’re not in trouble-”

“Oh, questions will be asked,” Joan had shrugged, “but I’m sure you’ll say something?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you Dean.”

“How do you know me by the way? I don’t think you and I have talked before.”

“No, we haven’t.”

“So how to do you know me?”

“Everyone in Ferox talks about you being fast and a “problem” when competitions come. Yet you don’t go to the chess guild, so I haven’t seen it. No Obair student does.”

Dean saw the competitiveness in Joan’s eyes when she spoke about chess. He grinned;

“I’m no chess player but….”

“You could learn.”

She was challenging him.

“Well I know you’re the champ. I know about that. They say your unbeatable.”

Joan smiled; “It’s nice to know people think of me that way and not the one whose mum is in jail.”

“It’s better to be known for your talent and not what your parents do.”

“Thank you.”

Although they weren’t really best friends now, Dean did attend a few meetings and taught himself and got lessons from the guild how to play. Joan was his main teacher despite being his opponent and she was nice enough to explain a few tricks for him to try against her. She was a lot less gloomy than he was led to believe and they shared a strong competitiveness in their chosen sports.

Whilst it took more of his free time, he didn’t care. And his willingness to try new things gained him more respect. He was surprised to be cheered on by House Obair even when Joan brutally and politely crushed him at his first chess competition. Gladys stopped her nonsense and now seemed wary of him. She didn’t even go near the lockers when he was there and if Joan was near, she reluctantly only sneered and went on her way.

And no one had called him “Claire” since.


	18. Memorial Building

It was Dean who noticed the change in Ebony the day after the girls had gone to deal with Hillman. Not just her new haircut, but her attitude. She was humbled somewhat. She didn’t even make a face at Joan but mumbled a “hello” and sat down to do some prep.

He had to find out; “How did the Hillman thing go?”

“Never you mind” she threw a stray kick at him.

He turned to a very quiet Joan; “how did it go Joan? You and Hillman?”

“It wasn’t very pleasant.” Joan answered. She was reading a Charles Dickens book; “David Copperfield” for her English class and had just finished the part where the young David had come home to find him mother had married his abusive stepfather. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue.

In her opinion, Charles Dickens was overrated anyway.

His “comedy” books sucked, and he went too far with his “tragedies”. His description of the death of Nell just made her laugh.

She wished mum never threw out her “Winnie the Pooh” books before she came to this Island……

Dean brought her out of her thoughts; “Oh, we both know that. Did she cut off Ebony’s hair?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

Ebony gave up; “Hillman got her arse handed to her by Joan. Then Zimmerman decides I should be in trouble, tells Joan to tell on me but she won’t. I got the cane yesterday and now Susan and I are dating.”

She was quite pleased at the stunned silence from both deputies. Joan didn’t even flinch when her book crept away from her hand and fell on the floor.

“You what?”

She’d forgotten Jim was also there; “I’m dating Susan Anderson.”

“That’s…. good I guess….” Joan couldn’t hide her bewilderment, “happy for you both.”

“What are you surprised about?” Ebony was interested; “that girls date?”

“I’m just wondering where the hair cut came in.”

Dean ducked his head and snickered.

Ebony folded her arms; “I cut it off. And Susan fixed it.”

“oh.”

“And you both decided to date?” Dean shared Joan’s confusion though smiled in amusement.

“Yes. It doesn’t have to make sense you two. Not that the pair of you will get the chance.” Ebony grinned; “Joan might, she’s better looking than you Dean.”

Jim hid a smile at Dean’s mock shock.

“I’m not going to say anything.” Joan said to that, picking up the book. She looked at the cover and decided to just stop reading.

Charles Depressing Dickens.

“Joan, are you interested in Ebony?” Dean decided to turn his teasing to Joan.

“As in fancy? No.”

“You’re not into girls?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Believe me you’re not missing out much” Ebony said, “they whine more than the boys and they’re not cute to cuddle up to at night. Stick with the boys. You do like boys?”

“Yes.” Joan was horrified at how quickly she answered, “I mean…. Yeah.”

Despite the enjoyment he had, Dean wisely decided to stop; “I’m into girls but it’ll take a while for me to settle.”

“And me.” Jim said, busy with his Prep.

“You’re a worse liar than Joan.” Ebony said, “you were with Hiroyo Lane for a while.”

Hiroyo was a sore topic for Jim; “can we please see more work and less gossip?”

“You and me have Memorial duty” Joan said shyly.

Jim slammed his book down; “I’ll meet you outside.”

Joan left in a hurry.

Ebony suddenly felt very sorry; “Jim, I know I shouldn’t have brought Hiro up, but don’t make Joan uncomfortable.”

“Coming from the Head Girl who spent her first weeks doing so….” Jim sighed; “I’m behind in all my classes, I have a Latin verse to learn and say in front of the whole school -”

“Jim,” Dean stopped him, “It’s not even mid-term. You’ll catch up.”

Jim met his deputy Head girl just outside the main entrance and they walked out in the rain towards the memorial building. One of three buildings just outside the school. They didn’t need to do much – just walk round and not leave before twenty minutes and report on anything that made need looked at for the school’s staff to fix or clean.

For a school memorial building, it was huge. No, majestic. Just like the great Coleman Hall itself, the ceilings were covered in paintings reminiscent of the Renaissance period. The words; “What will you do to be remembered?” in Latin edged over the doors.

In fact, it should have been called a Mausoleum.

Inside was one long room, very much like the school chapel. A stained-glass window of Joseph Obair himself reigned down on everything. The walls were covered with names of former students and teachers who went on to join the armed forces or the resistance against General Selby and died, then there were a few parts dedicated to students who had suffered terminal conditions – most recently an Aprender student who had a fatal heart attack and a memorial for students who had succumbed to suicide.

In one small room was the displayed body of the famous artist Ruth Munro. One of the first celebrities Mithridates ever had. Her room - the oldest room in the building - showcased her original sketches she drew on the infamous “Black Lady” while she was a slave to its Quartermaster as well as the works she did at the school. The famous drawing of her mother was center piece.

Munro was said to be weak of mind, but her art showed that was not the case and students of the past mentioned that while she barley spoke, they respected her quick mind. Her story, written by the man named after the school hall – James Coleman – also brought good publicity to Obair’s country as he was credited for taking in a “dud” and helping “it” to be independent – if sadly only for a short while.

Joan couldn't help but feel jealous as she noticed that Munro's head - despite the closed eyes - was positioned to look towards the drawing of her mother. 

A second room was a memorial to all the Headmasters and Headmistress’s who had passed on. Their letters, belongings and others also showcased.

Then of course, in the third and final room, the final resting place of Disbar and Rewa Allana. Their bodies embalmed and - like Ruth Munro - viewable in a strong glass case, built on stone steps – kind of like a pyramid - that you were strictly prohibited from walking up on. Rewa’s Medal of Bravery and Disbar’s Head Boy Badge lay between them – both holding hands, their heads on white pillows. A red blanket covered them so they both looked like they were just asleep.

Often, locals would come and leave candles – some left toy cars for Rewa since it was her favorite toy and her brother would use them to calm her. They left these on each side of the siblings, and you were expected to bow in a sign of respect.

Joan couldn’t help noticing that Rewa’s side had the most flowers too. She wondered what Disbar’s favorite toy was. That was something to look up at – maybe even write an essay for History……

“This is just to waste our time,” Jim muttered as they entered. He hated getting wet.

“They won’t mind us being wet here?” Joan asked, worried.

“No, it’ll dry up. Just don’t climb over D and Re.”

“Who?”

“Disbar and Rewa.”

Joan thought “D and Re” was a little disrespectful but kept quiet and let her Head Boy continue;

“I knew a first year in Aprender who was caught. He actually climbed on the steps and onto the glass case itself. He also lowered his pants or trousers, whatever you call them. Headmaster himself came to the Aprender common room and told Read to cane him in front of us. He said it was a gross disrespect for the dead – especially heroes like them,” Jim replied as they stopped beside the said graves. “I admit, I have a funny relationship with corporal punishment but that was well deserved.”

Funny relationship? Joan thought that was an odd thing to say.

As usual, there was an elderly man “standing guard” who watched on as both students bowed to the bodies and then started to walk around the building, silently at first. Joan kept looking over at the bodies, their names on the ground and on the case and wondered how

Jim tried to think of a conversation; “What were you reading in the office?”

““David Copperfield.” For English”.

“Charles Dickens? He’s the only author I can think of off the top of my head. You like reading?”

“Not always. Sometimes I don’t understand them. The characters I mean. And I was thinking of just giving up on Dickens anyway and maybe pick something else. I don’t think he’s very good.”

“Controversial thought Joan.”

“Maybe at the time he was very good. I don’t know it’s just…. I prefer to read books that don’t require me to think too much.”

“So, you don’t like reading schoolwork?”

“No, I don’t. It’s probably why I’m ahead of people. I’m not smart you know; I just have a very good memory.”

“I could do with that superpower right now. I’m far behind in everything.”

“It’s not midterm yet Jim, but if you want help, I can -”

“It’s fine.”

Joan’s optimistic face fell a little.

Jim’s relationship with Joan was still rather…. off. But he had found talking to her was easier than he was led to believe. Joan was trying very hard to be sociable, he could see that, but he wasn’t sure how to encourage her and he wasn’t even sure if that should fall on him.

“I did my first caning on Friday by the way.” He broke the silence. “I found an Hapus and Aprender harassing this first-year girl. I got them in the office and called Read and Zimmerman and they told me I could deal with them myself. One of them was a girl so Ebony came to witness. It was bloody awkward.”

“David Collins Hamilton and Andrea Cerus – both 3rd years.”

“You know them?”

“They did that to me last year and the year before. Andrea is friendly with one of Hillman’s friends, but she hasn’t fallen completely to the dark side yet.”

“Did you not tell anyone?”

“No, they never got anything from me.”

“You should have told someone.”

“If I knew they were picking on others I would have.”

“But yourself?”

“Not important.”

Jim frowned; “You’ve got to look after yourself. You already had it hard at home-”

Joan’s voice suddenly went firm; “I’ve asked the committee not to talk about that. You may well follow that instruction.”

“I was only -”

“ _No_.”

Jim glared at her; “fine. Sorry. Just don’t keep quiet when something happens to you.”

Joan just shrugged and turned back to the two graves; “I wonder if Disbar liked teddy bears, someone from Northumberland gave one to Zimmerman for me but I already have one.”

Jim, still angry with her, tried to be the gentleman; “It’s your choice. Any respect for them is good.”

“Doesn’t seem fair if Rewa gets all these cars.”

“She’s a lot more famous than her brother.”

“Where’s the General buried?”

“He was buried in the big castle he made for himself. But when the Selbians were overthrown by the new resistance, I think they dug him up and threw him the sewer.”

“Kind of like the Romans?”

“Yes.”

“Dictator’s, Latin names – it’s a wonder I haven’t yet found evidence of crucifixion in this weird place.”

Jim grinned a little; “they used to crucify rabbits on Easter.”

“Oh for God’s sake….”

Jim hushed her. Using the Lord’s name in vain aloud in the memorial could get you the cane. They both checked to see if there were teachers but there were none.

“Sorry” Joan knew she messed up.

“It’s fine I just…. Yeah. Don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

Jim realised it was silly to get angry. Of course, he shouldn’t have talked about her home life – that was insensitive. And who knows what happened, it was none of his business.

He saw a figure coming over and the pair pretended to carry on with their duty.

Which was just as well. It was the Headmaster.

“I’m glad to see this building is in good hands.” He tipped his top hat at them, “no incidents so far?”

“I swore on God’s name.”

“It was an accident,” Jim quickly said.

Dr Brookes was silently amused by Jim’s horror; “I’m sure it was. What made you use his name?”

“We were talking about the old traditions they have in Mithridates. Jim mentioned that they used to crucify bunnies.”

“Yes” Dr Brookes nodded, “that was well over fifty years ago. The outside press took note and we found ourselves swapped by animal rights groups until it stopped. Now we just use dolls.”

Both students had forgotten Dr Chris Brookes was a local. It was quite rare for the outsiders to meet a local with a “normal” name.

“Why did they crucify animals anyway?” Jim asked.

“I suppose it was to show children and remind adults of the very real suffering of Jesus Christ. It’s morbid yes, and it’s something we’re not proud of. There’s been many things that have happened on this island that we locals aren’t proud off.” The Headmaster looked down at Disbar and Rewa’s graves, “we shouldn’t have just left the fight to children. We should never have given General Selby a voice when it was clear he planned a genocide against the vulnerable.” He looked at the students, “Actions speak to us all. Disbar spoke out and he was killed. Rewa acted on her intentions and rid the world of that evil man.”

“But she was killed too” Joan reminded him.

“She had a death wish” Dr Brookes replied, “she made it very clear in her last diary that she didn’t want to live without her brother. Her parents had all but abandoned them both. They were shamed by the community once all was calm. Their younger sister is still living but she left the island long ago.”

“Surely saying something is also an action itself?”

“I suppose it is.”

“The why isn’t Disbar held at the same regard as his sister?” Joan had her arms folded, “Disbar was more than just a speaker, he hid many of his sister’s friends within the school itself. I think he was brave to speak out when no one else would.”

“You can’t deny Rewa’s bravery too -”

“ _I’m not_.”

Jim flinched behind her.

“I just think they should be both viewed as both heroes and victims of that time. Just because Rewa ended up killing Selby doesn’t make what Disbar did any less brave. How come he doesn’t have a medal too?”

The Headmaster had a rather grim look on his face.

Joan finally noticed Jim’s nerves; “Are you ok?”

Jim silently nudged Joan to tell her not to ask any more questions; “our time is nearly up.”

“You may go Morrison.” Dr Brooke’s voice was low, “Miller, stay here.”

Jim left quickly.

Joan was confused, unsure what was going on.

“Now listen here.” Dr Brookes gestured with his finger for Joan to take a step towards him, “You need to be very careful with that tongue of yours Miller. It will get you in trouble with the wrong people. And you of all my students need to give a good impression from the locals.”

Joan frowned; “excuse me sir?”

“I think you understand my meaning. Just be careful.”

“Dr Brookes, if you mean that I need to make a good impression for the committee should they visit, Tom told me that it was impossible to do.”

Of course he did, Chris thought to himself.

“You can at least try young lady.”

“I do try sir.” Joan was earnest, “but it never works.”

“That’s the point in trying.”

“You’ve also said you don’t like it when I try.”

“I certainly don’t like it when a student thinks she can argue with her Headmaster.”

“I can. If I feel my teachers are not understanding what I’m trying to say, I have to speak up.”

“Another advice from Mr Zimmerman?”

“No sir, Miss Ramsey.”

“And what would she say if the person representing her House was arguing with the Headmaster?”

Joan thought about it; “I don’t really know what she would say really.” She then seemed confused; “ _are_ we arguing sir?”

“If I wasn’t made aware of your…. Eccentrics, I would yes. But I doubt you meant to, did you?”

“If you mean rudely, no. But I was debating with you.”

“I don’t think you quite know the difference between debating and arguing Miss Miller.”

“I think sometimes people accuse a person of arguing so they don’t need to listen to their opinions really. Gran told me that. She said her husband used to moan about her “complaining” and how it ruined his marriage with her, when all she was doing was asking to do his share of the cleaning. And of course, he didn’t want to, so he accused her of making his life hell.”

Chris was used to scaring young girls into apologies with his grim demeanor that he played up if he felt insulted but, in this case, his own deputy head girl clearly didn’t realize he was “insulted” by her tongue.

And to be fair to her, she had a point about how Disbar was viewed. It really wasn’t fair.

He wasn’t quite sure what to do now.

Well, he did.

“I will be having a chat with Mr Zimmerman and Miss Ramsey about your conduct Miss Miller.” He invited her under his umbrella; “you mean well but you must learn to be more careful.”

He was pleased that she seemed a little tentative now.

“I didn’t mean to confuse you, but I’ve been made aware that you have sometimes have problems doing as your told and since you represent me in the student body as well as your House, it is your job to try your hardest at obeying your teachers and showing more respect to them.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Do you understand me Miller?”

“Not really sir.”

They were at the school and he shook his umbrella dry; “What part don’t you understand?”

“I respect my teachers sir.”

“You have a funny way of showing it. And?”

“I’m not aware of any blatant disobedience on my part.”

“That’s your problem Miller. You’re not always aware of what you’re doing. I can understand that a part of that is no fault of your own – you think differently and that brings a lot of potential, but you can learn to control both your tongue and tone. And perhaps to keep your hands at your sides. Folding them does not suit you.”

Joan didn’t move her arms.

“Are you blatantly disobeying me now?”

Joan blinked; “No sir, I’m thinking.”

Her tone was timid.

Chris suddenly felt bad; “You’re not in trouble Miller, I just want you to have a successful year. Try and follow my instructions and I guarantee both you and everyone else will be happy and you’ll make your father proud.”

He saw a glint in her eye, but she wisely kept quiet.

“You may join your team members.”

If the Headmaster did talk to Tom, Joan never knew. Tom never mentioned any talk. Nor did Miss Ramsey.

And Jim didn’t even ask if she was ok when she returned to the office. Dean and even Ebony did.

That bothered her a little.

But then, Dean and Ebony were her friends now. Jim was not.

That was kind of sad really.


	19. Another Rehearsal

Jim was finding Head Boy really difficult.

As Deputy head Boy last year, he hadn’t had to work as hard. Harper, the Head Boy at the time, was useless but good at keeping up appearances for the sake of tradition. Jim discovered quickly that a lot of what he was expected to do was…. Weird.

He had to learn a twenty-minute speech in Latin. Latin. Jim had not taken any language lessons since his second year and now he was forced to have a one on one lesson just to say this stupid speech in front of everyone.

For “tradition”.

Dean and Ebony thought this was hilarious. Joan, who hated talking in public, was the only one who had any sympathy. 

“So why Latin?” she asked.

“Dr Brookes doesn’t even know why.” Jim replied, feeling very sorry for himself as he read and reread what he had to say.

“It makes me fall asleep every time.” Dean spoke up, “but you make me sleep every time you open your mouth.”

Jim had been rather surprised that his team was doing well at all. Ebony’s speaking skills had improved, she was leading other guilds and whipping up a lot of the girl’s teams while still having the time to deal with students who broke the rules. Dean had been worried about helping others, but he found he enjoyed it and Joan had been a pleasant surprise with a lot of younger students reaching out to her. Whilst she still had trouble talking to a large group, she was getting better on how to deal with unruly students when she was on her own. And now that he and the rest of the team knew her well, she was easy to work with.

His new role didn’t mean it got in the way of his student life, with revisions and guild meetings. He had decided to drop one or two but he still found himself with little breaks as his extra hours were filled with prep or other work. Then there was his violin and the rehearsals.

The next string guild meeting and rehearsal went on without any problems. Tarquin’s antics were not as annoying and Yve had found some new music that the group liked. They started to warm up when they heard Mr Read’s voice just outside their room;

“Miss Miller!”

Yve was the first to look over but tried to carry on with her conducting. Tarquin and the three Ferox students in the room stopped playing to look around. Jim wondered if his day was going to get any worse.

“Miller!”

Everyone stopped.

“Sir?” Joan’s voice was heard. Quieter, respectful but clearly surprised.

“Just what are you doing here?”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Answer me!”

“The rounds sir.”

Jim got up, unsure what to do.

“Why aren’t you doing Prep or in your office?”

“I’m doing rounds sir.”

Jim could hear Joan was unsure what was going on.

Then there was a bang.

“Without talking to me with that tone!”

“Sir, please give me some room.”

Yve looked at Jim who got in the hint. Hugh held his violin as Jim raced out. A few of the younger musicians were scared.

He found his House Master and deputy head girl just right outside. Read was in full teacher’s gown despite the fact the school hours were up. Jim guessed correctly he may have just finished a detention session.

And he looked tired and angry.

“Mr Read-”

The teacher looked up; “Ah James. Did we just interrupt your rehearsal?”

“You didn’t need to shout so loud sir-”

“Joan.” Jim have her a warning, she didn’t have to anger this man any further “sir I just wondered what was going on.”

Mr Read had come forward, forcing Joan into a wall. Joan was clearly uncomfortable and wanting to escape.

“I’m wondering why Miller is in the corridor and not doing something more constructive like prep.”

That was it?

Behind the teacher, Joan shrugged at Jim. She was just as confused.

“She’s just doing the rounds sir”

“Oh, is that it? Why does she need to give me lip over it?”

“I don’t think she gave you any lip sir, I heard everything.”

He was awarded with the “Read glare” that he all too familiar with.

“We take it turns to do so sir” Joan spoke up. “Vicker’s was supposed to do it but she’s at a Guild meeting. I have to go through here and then finish at the Obair House.”

A “round” was a patrol that a member of the team did. It was tedious and boring but again, tradition. And sometimes, bullies were unlucky to be caught by their leaders.

Jim wondered why Ebony – who apparently was now friends with Joan – asked the one team member who the bullies of the school loved to go for, to do a “round” on her own. Hillman wasn’t the only student who liked to single out Joan, this needed to be discussed.

And sometimes the bullies were not just students, Jim said to himself, looking at his House Master.

“You are aware of this rule sir?” Jim asked.

“No, I was not” Mr Read looked disappointed.

“Can I go?”

Jim saw the look Mr Read gave his deputy head girl. He didn’t like it.

“Go then!”

Usually, a student would have run in terror. Joan just returned a blank stare before quietly walking away.

She had always had a “funny” relationship with a few teachers but none so much as with Mr Read. Sometimes he was very nice to her. Joan was no musician, but she understood the basics and could make creative compositions. Sometimes Read would use them as examples to the younger students. At the same time however, Joan felt rather uncomfortable around him. She didn’t like the way he spoke or yelled at students he didn’t like and sometimes, he made it clear she wasn’t his favourite and so tried to stay out of his way. She didn’t know what she did to annoy him. Today wasn’t a good day either.

For Mr Read himself, he wasn’t sure what to think of Joan. She had stood out to him from her first year as a very quiet yet smart little girl. She was a model student even on her worse days and he admired her creativity and intelligence. She did her work; her prep was always fulfilled, and she gave him less headaches than the other less musical students. He had been shocked and horrified along with the staff when the news of her father came through. But at the same time, he had no patience for her shyness or her supposed lack of effort to talk to him or other students. It annoyed him. He also didn’t like the way she sometimes spoke to Zimmerman or Miss Ramsey – never mind that she was hardly rude to them. It was just – almost too “common-ground”. Sarah had told him she didn’t mind, and Tom was her guardian, but John threatened Joan not to forget to call him sir and not to play with her fingers. Joan remembered the former, but she still anxiously played with her fingers when talking to him.

And how on earth she was chosen to be deputy head girl, John Read couldn’t understand it. Why not someone like Gail Hampton who was possibly the most well-respected prefect in the school? Why did the rest of the team have to put up with…?

“You put up with that?” Read asked Jim.

“With what sir?”

“That attitude? Did you not see the way she talked to me and looked at me there?”

Jim took a deep breath; “to be frank sir, I’m confused why you needed to yell at her at all. Wondering the corridor is not a problem when you’re on the team.”

“I don’t need to put up with that attitude.”

“I don’t think she realised she was giving you attitude. Maybe I’m used to it now so I’m aware of how she is, but she was trying to be polite. She just has a… funny way of doing it.”

In truth, Jim didn’t know what Joan was thinking. Joan knew Read had a temper, she didn’t need to make things worse for herself.

“I commend you Morrison, I really do. I don’t have the patience for it.” And Mr Read walked away shaking his head.

Jim went back into the rehearsal room. Everyone had heard what had happened.

“Is she ok?” Yve asked about Joan.

“I don’t know” Jim replied, “I don’t think he scared her but she’s not his favourite team member, that’s for certain.”

He was hiding a lot of worry for his team member.

“Should we tell Miss Ramsey?” Sarang Rinder, the youngest Ferox student in the room asked. After her talk with Joan, she was one of the deputy head girl’s top supporters.

“Perhaps I mean,” Jim didn’t really know what to think, “if what you heard bothered you, sure, go ahead. What I saw though, Joan didn’t seem bothered and she wasn’t afraid to tell him what she was doing.”

“It sounded bad to us” said the oldest Ferox student, Kamnan Bowles who sat at the back with the bass’s.

“He sounds like a bully” Sarang spoke up again.

“Look, I know we’ve not always been kind to Miller, but she is our leader and Miss Ramsey had us all in her office at some point to say we need to tell her if something happens.”

“Well go ahead then”, Jim replied.

There was a sudden knock on the door.

“Yes?” Yve called. When the door didn’t open, she went over. She looked out, sighed and then turned to Jim;

“she’s outside again.”

Jim went back out.

“Now what?” he asked Joan, his voice coming out like she had disturbed his shower time. He bit his tongue in response. There was no need to be rude.

Joan ignored his rudeness; “One of the Aprender fifth years was marking the walls in the boy’s toilets. The door was open, so I saw them. I’ve sent them to Read’s office. Will you be free to deal with him after your rehearsal?”

Well at least that was a very good excuse to bother him, “sure. Where’s the mark?”

Joan led him to door of the boy’s toilets.

“He was writing something over that mirror,” she pointed.

Jim had a look.

“ _Susie’s f---- had nits a_ -”

Jim sighed. He knew who he was dealing with; “Ron Wade?”

“Yep”.

He noticed she was pale again; “Did he bother you?”

“I mean… A little.”

Jim felt worry: “You need to be careful then. Hillman won’t be happy you got her boyfriend in trouble.”

“If she’s smart, she won’t do anything.”

“You know she’ll do something.”

“I’m trying not to worry about it Jim. What’s wrong with Read?”

Jim still had to get used to his friend changing the subject; “I don’t really know. He’s always been a bit strict.”

“He grabbed my shoulders.”

Jim looked at her; “you what?”

“He grabbed my shoulders and put me against the wall. Does he do that to you?”

“Um… no. Look I’ll speak to Miss Ramsey ok? Why don’t you go and do some prep?”

Joan shrugged; “sure but I haven’t done the Obair House.”

“I’ll ask an Obair prefect to do it ok?” Joan looked uncertain; “go on, take a break.”

Jim went back into the rehearsal room. They had since done two pieces without him.

“Mindy,” he spoke to the sixth year Obair Prefect, “can you do a round at your House?”

Mindy Attmore nodded, “sure. Is Miller ok?”

“I think you ought to speak to your House Mistress” Jim said to the Ferox students. “She says she’s fine but – she’s a little shaken up. And she’s just got Hillman’s boyfriend in trouble.”

“Ron?” Yve guessed straight away.

Jim nodded.

Ferox students, regardless if they liked each other or not, always stuck up for each other. Without another word, Kamnan got up, packed his instrument and left to see Miss Ramsey.

Jim went back to Mr Read and showed him the picture.

“Him again?” Read sighed. “Tell him to come to my office. Send my regards to Miller for catching him.”

“Yes sir” and Jim left quickly and sent Ron Wade in.

Ron didn’t say anything to him, but his angry face told Jim that he possibly had to watch himself. Him and Joan.

Sarang and the other Ferox student, Edie Simmon had spread the word about what had happened between Joan and Mr Read – something Kamnan told them off about when he heard about it. Gossip was bad. Joan didn’t need it.

For her part, Joan went back to the office and did some prep on her own. Dean and Ebony were busy at other guilds and Jim had decided to retire to his room. It was the end of the day. Then Miss Ramsey appeared.

“At ease” she said after Joan saluted. “Just wanted to talk.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“Why do you always assume you’re in trouble every time I come to visit?”

“Usually….” Joan couldn’t really answer, “sorry Miss.”

“It’s been reported that Mr Read was hard on you.”

“That?” Joan had wondered if Jim would report it, “it’s fine Miss. Jim got worried.”

“I didn’t quite like the way he spoke about it Joan. Were you hurt?”

“No Miss.”

She was telling the truth.

“I was just a bit unsure and…. That was it. Jim helped me.”

Miss Ramsey didn’t know what to think. She had just had a word with Kamnan who told her the story.

Kamnan Bowles had been one of Joan’s main critics of her being in the new role so Miss Ramsey had been very surprised when he came into her office to report on what he’d seen.

“I’m surprised you came to tell me this to be honest.” She told him, “you told me to my face you would not report anything if Miller got herself into any trouble.”

“She does the job well Miss.” Kamnan replied, feeling a little ashamed of himself.

“Mr Bowles, do you still believe Miss Miller can do her job after what you heard?”

He shrugged; “The younger kids really like her. Sarang adores her. Some of the older girls are fond of her but they don’t see her as a leader. Mostly because she’s younger. I don’t personally see her as a leader at all.”

“She’s only a deputy and she represents our House for this year. I wouldn’t say she gives orders.”

“No Miss. I’ve been mostly focussed on myself to watch her in action. She did hit Hillman when she wouldn’t leave the common room and well – I guess she isn’t Amelia.”

“I guess that means she’s doing well”.

“Yes Miss.”

Sarah then went to visit John after her talk with Joan. A male student left the office in tears as she went in.

John knew immediately; “if it’s about your special student, I didn’t scare her.”

That peeved off Sarah; “do not call her that!”

“I didn’t hurt her Sarah.”

“You bashed her against the wall and held her on her shoulders.”

“So?”

““So?” John, I don’t care if she said anything that annoyed you, you can’t touch her in that way. She defended you to me, but I could tell she was shaken up. Tom will have some things to say to you when he finds out.”

John just felt defeated; “I know I went overboard, I’ve just had a bad day.”

“You’ve been having a lot of bad days since you got back from the holidays John. Why not just go home at Christmas? Spend some time with your wife and son? I know Shelia said she would be fine, but you don’t believe that, do you?”

“You’re not my family Councillor Sarah.”

That was the end of the conversation.

Joan went back to her room. Her chest suddenly felt very sore, but she ignored it at first. It got worse as she changed for bed so slipped out to see Matron Flavia.

“You look very pale” Matron said when Joan told her what was wrong, “are you having one of your panic attacks?”

“I don’t know,” Joan admitted. Then she found herself crying, unaware until the Matron gave her a tissue. She apologized for being a bother. Matron Flavia sent her to Tom who got her to sleep in his bed while he took the sofa, but not before watching over her to check she was ok.

He got word from Sarah about what had happened.

John Read received an angry phone call from Tom later that day, but he shrugged it off. Joan Miller was always going to be a problem student, even if her guardian was the deputy headmaster.

He was almost pleased when Joan didn’t appear in his class the next day, sending a note to Miss Ramsey, knowing full well what would happen. He was more disappointed when the note was sent straight back telling him she was ill and – in smaller writing at the bottom – to not try that again.


	20. Father Cameron

Mithridates was a mostly Catholic community with only one church. Because it was an “illegal” country, the Vatican had yet to recognise it. It didn’t help that this church was known to have had women priests and had happily married people who loved each other – not just man to women. Something that apparently was a bad thing. As stuck in “the old times” as Mithridates could be, the Island had to be admired for it’s forward thinking.

The church was open to everyone of faith so the whole community always found themselves there for meetings, religious or not. The committee even held their open meetings in there, though money talk was probably inappropriate for a church.

For the team, it was compulsory to go since they represented the school body with their presence. It was one task Dean was not pleased about since he hated being still in one place and he couldn’t sit with his friends who silently joked about. Instead he had to sit between Ebony and Joan who were ok, but never in any mood to joke around in church. Then there was Jim who was the model good student and wanted to be sure that remained.

Now that Ebony had been friendlier, it was Jim who both deputies found to be the prickliest of the team. Dean was disappointed in the older boys’ lack of humour while Joan felt he was a bit uncomfortable to be around her. Ebony herself told Jim he had to relax around them – yes, they were representing a famous school that the community was proud of – but he didn’t have to be uptight around her or the others. Jim had simply told her that that was how he was.

“It isn’t, Susan told me you were much nicer.”

“I’m not here to gossip, and anyway, the deputy role involves less work,” he had answered, stressed as he tried to revise. He wondered why he had chosen to study French again.

Sunday seemed to bring out the worse in him, so the other three kept out of his way. And when they sat together, they didn’t speak until the service was over and, away from the staring eyes of the public, he relaxed a little.

“I am sorry I’m like this.” He said to the rest of the team, “revision and shit.”

“Maybe you ought to quit on a few Guild’s,” Dean suggested. “Less of your time being used.”

“I have enough time to myself.”

“You do as much as me and Ebony and we’re in at least seven or eight. I was in ten last year, I had to quit a few so I could do this.”

“I’m fine.”

“At least quit the Language Guild, they’re not going to last long. Not with some of Hillman’s friends in there.”

Joan, who was listing quietly, wondered if Hillman’s “friends” really had aspirations at all, never mind learn another language.

Something was off there…..

“Dean’s right, you don’t need to commit to ten or more Guilds. Just do five. Or just be like Joan and do one,” said Ebony.

The look the Head Boy shot Joan’s way made Joan feel small.

“Honestly, I’m happy. I just need to get used to this.” He muttered, blowing his nose with an already wet tissue. He was not having a good day.

“How many Guild’s is he in?” Joan asked Ebony quietly.

“At least five or six.” The Head Girl then yawned; “Susan is in ten but she’s mental.”

Joan privately wondered how on earth anyone found time to themselves with that amount of commitments. Did these people not sleep? Did they not like free time? And she was supposed to be the weird one.

“It’s not as stressful as last year, surely?” Dean asked Jim, “You had Harper as your Head Boy and he did nothing.”

“It was Susan who did everything really. I didn’t realise how much she’d done until now.” Jim sighed, “I’ve even sent her a card apologising.”

“Susan likes to make everyone happy.”

“You would know Ebony”, Dean grinned, earning himself a friendly slap. He ran off and she chased him into a group of Obair’s.

Joan was left alone with Jim.

Jim allowed the awkward silence to linger a little before he spoke; “I’m surprised you haven’t quit yet.”

“Huh?”

Jim did not like repeating himself; “I’m surprised you haven’t quit the team.”

“Is that a good thing?” Joan was unsure.

Jim just shrugged in response.

Joan frowned; “Is it too hard for you? Being Head Boy?”

“No,” Jim’s voice changed, making Joan’s skin crawl, “as I’ve just said nice and clear to you and the others, I just need to get used to it.”

Joan bit her lip; “I was just asking.”

“Just shut up.” And Jim walked away. He knew Joan was confused and he knew he had probably upset her, but he didn’t care. Not right now.

“Miss Miller?”

Oh shit.

Joan tried to smile; “Father?”

Father Cameron was nice. One of the more pleasant locals who didn’t change the way he spoke to her when the scandal came about. But Tom didn’t like him for some reason, and that made Joan feel awkward. She glanced around to see if Tom was around, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“We haven’t spoken in a while. Shall we?”

Joan didn’t really want to, but she nodded. At least she could get away from the crowds. The students were a little loud and some of the people from the community had nasty looks in their eyes. Some, not all, but it was enough.

Father Cameron led her into a separate room where Joan knew people would pray with him. When the door closed, there was a welcoming quietness.

He gave her a small carton of apple juice; “I usually do confessions now but no one’s waiting today. A little odd but I welcome the break.” He waited until she was done with the drink; “I don’t hear your voice in the box anymore.”

“Tom doesn’t want me to go in there,” Joan said, apologetically.

“Do you know why?”

“I think he would rather I told my own problems to him first.”

“What would you rather do?”

“Not tell anyone really. Not even you. Even if you’re sworn to secrecy.”

Father Cameron gave her his typical sympathy look; “you’ve got to tell the people who care for you how you’re feeling. You won’t help yourself by being quiet.” He sat at the desk, “I know Mr Zimmerman and I have had our disagreements in the past, but he does want the best for you. He can’t give you that unless you tell him what he wants to know.”

Joan wasn’t stupid; “He’s asked you to talk to me.”

“He did.”

Joan hid her feelings well; “Are you and him friends now?”

“We’ve been friend’s all the time. All friends have disagreements. I’m sure you have people you like but have had fights with.”

“This year. Yes.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Joan put her now empty carton in her pocket; “Can I ask you something before I go?”

“Sure.”

“Is it a sin to wish for someone to go away?”

“In what way?”

“Not so much dead but – just to leave you alone? Get out of your life enterally? Not be worried they’ll come and get you?”

Father Cameron was also not an idiot; “You’ve been having nightmares about your parents?”

Joan went white; “yeah. You can tell Tom that if you want. I don’t want to talk about it now.”

Without waiting for another word, Joan left the priest alone and walked back to school alone, ignoring the usual stares she got from the local kids who were fascinated by the uniform and then by her face – instantly recognising her. Then there was the sympathetic ones from some local adults. And the scorns from the others. She hated it.

Dean and Ebony were on Memorial duty, so Joan found Jim in the office on his phone. He didn’t see her as he was speaking to his mum. Or Joan suspected he was. She could hear a woman’s voice and the sound of coughing. Very bad coughing. She also saw Jim’s teeth grit and his feet tap furiously on the ground. That was not a good sign. She also didn’t like what was being discussed.

Jim put the phone down and was startled when he saw Joan at the door; “Jesus Christ. You could have knocked.”

Joan’s curiosity got the better of her; “Who’s Sophie?”

Jim tried to ignore her as his pens furiously banged on the desk.

“Jim?”

His eyes flashed.

Joan saw what he was about to do so quickly dived under her desk. He leaped up and kicked as hard as he could again and again against her desk as she hid underneath.

Joan, her ears sore, waited until he stopped before she made a move to escape. She got up and saw he was bent over, exhausted and in tears.

“Is she your sister?” Joan asked as politely as she could.

“Yeah. She’s very sick.”

His voice was weak.

“oh.” Joan looked at her desk, “there’s a dent in it, Miss Ramsey will ask who did it.”

“Why do you do this?”

Joan looked at him; “Huh?”

“Why do you change the subject all the time?”

Joan didn’t have an answer.

“I was prepared to have some patience with it at the beginning but now you’re annoying everyone. Why don’t just get your head out or your own arse and look around at what people see in you?”

Joan was confused; “But there’s nothing to see in me.”

“Leave me alone.”

Joan didn’t hear him; “My Gran’s dying too but she’s taking ages – she has Alzheimer’s -”

Joan felt a pain in her cheek and doubled up, unable to stop a whimper escape.

Jim forgot his sorrow for a moment; “Shit…. I’m so sorry.”

The door opened.

Jim froze. Joan stood up straight.

It was Mrs Oliver’s: “What was that ruckus? I swear I heard someone trying to break something.”

Silence.

“Well?”

“I uh – wonder if it wasn’t just – just something outside? We had the window open.”

Jim turned to Joan, astonished.

“You’re on one floor, you have a view of the football pitch but there’s no one there, Miss Miller.” Mrs Oliver’s said, watching the deputy head girl carefully. “You seen awfully flustered as well.”

“Jim was…. Calming me down.”

“Your cheek seems to have magically turned red.”

“I had a bit of a fall earlier. I’m fine. Again he… was calming me down.”

“Good story” Mrs Oliver’s was unimpressed; “Miss Ramsey was right – you are awful at lying.”

Joan resented that; “we’re fine Miss.”

“I’m prepared to take your word for now. But if something did happen in here – and you’re not willing to tell me - you must tell your House Mistress. I’m sure Miss Ramsey – nor Mr Zimmerman - won’t like it if you’re hiding something. Understand me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Mrs Oliver’s gave Jim a warning look before she left the two students alone.

“Thanks” Jim meant it. “Are you hurt? Did I really hurt you?”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I – I don’t know why I cried out.”

“Your cheek is very red.”

Both her cheeks went a little pinker; “I’ve had worse”.

Jim felt awful, “I don’t hit girls. I’ve never hit a girl, I don’t know what came over me.”

“I think most people I know have raised their hands at me. Ebony has. Now you. Dean hasn’t yet, but he has a lot of patience.”

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

Joan shook her head; “I’m going to leave you alone. I’m going to lie down.”

“Joan” Jim stopped her, “I haven’t told Dean or Ebony about my sister. I plan to. Keep it to yourself ok?”

“Sure. I know how it is to have everyone know your family secrets” Joan tried to smile but left quickly before Jim could respond.

He felt terrible.

Ebony and Dean joined him for a meeting and were surprised and disappointed when he told them what he had done to Joan. They sympathised about his sister, but he had no excuse for what he did to the deputy head girl.

“I know I don’t. She turned around and lied to Oliver’s just as I was about to say what had happened.”

“Was she hurt badly?” Dean asked.

“She said she wasn’t. I frightened her more than hurt her.”

“Jesus Jim, you’re an idiot.”

“I know!”

Ebony sighed; “I can’t get mad at you since I’ve done worse, but we can’t allow her to be scared to work with us. We can’t.”

Joan, now alone and able to rub away the pain on her face, felt defeated as she sat at her window. She has having a lot of days where things were stressful or too much – and it wasn’t even November.

Sometimes she hated her life.

Because of the way the building was, Joan’s view from the window was mostly that of the rest of the school. Ferox tower wasn’t really a tower as such and Joan’s room was one of the nearest for those wanting to meet a Ferox school girl. It was also a good place to spy on those silly enough not to close their curtains. Madison and her team would have killed for this room.

Joan had a decent view of Tom’s office rom her angle. Sometimes, if she knew Hillman was being dealt with, she would watch. She would of course not hear anything, but Joan didn’t care for sounds. It was just nice to see her enemy being made an example of.

She looked over at Tom’s office. She could see Tom sitting at his desk. She wondered if he was thinking about her.

Then he got up. There was someone else in the room.

Joan forgot her own problems as again, curiosity got the better of her. She pressed herself against the window to get a better look.

Yes. That was Miss Ramsey.

Now they were holding each other.

She couldn’t see any kissing, but she could guess correctly what was going on.

She didn’t know how to feel about it.

Good for Tom.

Yet that meant Miss Ramsey was more important now than she was.

That’s just how it was. Mum was more important to Dad, Gran had told her that. Dad denied it but his actions didn’t reflect -

The door knocked.

Joan pulled away.

It was not Miss Ramsey or Tom. None of her “friends” ever visited her so that meant it was an enemy.

She tried not to breath too loudly and stayed still.

“Hey!”

That wasn’t Hillman….

And it wasn’t a girl which meant it probably wasn’t one of her cult members.

He sounded rather young too.

Joan was confused. She got up and went to the door.

“Won’t answer the door retard?”

Joan blinked.

“Retard?” The door knocked and knocked. “Retard!”

Joan could feel her sanity slip away.

“Are you scared of me retard?”

Joan couldn’t handle it anymore. She unlocked the door and dragged in the culprit – a now terrified second year Obair named Fraser Adam – and without a word, grabbed him by the hair, threw him down and kicked him over and over again until he ran out screaming that Joan was going to kill him.

She shut the door and locked it, trying hard to calm down.

That had felt good.

Too good.

That disturbed her.

Fraser ran into the office and fell on his knees. Winded.

“What happened to you?” Dean knew Fraser well. He had disciplined him five times already.

“Joan beat me up.” He looked up at their confused faces, “she pulled me in her room and beat me up!”

“What were you doing in the girl’s dormitory’s anyway?” Jim went close, “unless you’re a prefect, you do not go near any of the girl’s dormitory’s in any House let alone as an Obair student caught in the Ferox -”

“You were trying to tease her, weren’t you?” Ebony joined in, “trying to intimidate her and it backfired?”

“Gladys told me too.” Fraser sulked.

“And only now you tell us this?” Jim reached for his ear; “go to Mrs Oliver’s and tell her we sent you.”

“But she beat me up!”

“Do it!” Dean growled.

Once the boy left, the three remaining team members looked at each other. Stunned.

Ebony saw Joan’s bear and picked it up; “we better check she’s ok.”

Joan didn’t know how much time had passed when she heard the door knock again.

“Joan?” It was Ebony’s voice, “it’s us.”

The door was unlocked.

All three members noticed she was breathing deeply when they entered. They also noticed how plain the room was compared to their own. There were no cards, no pictures, nothing to remind Joan of home. Her desk was bare, and a chess board sat on a low table near the window. The window at least showed she liked to sit there to read a few books, but it was still a rather unadorned sight.

They weren’t there to give their opinions on her room; “We’ve had a student run in claiming you beat him up.” Ebony explained, giving her the bear.

“Uh, yeah, that happened.”

“We guessed he harassed you?”

“Yeah I just – Just one thing after another.” She scratched her ear, “I’ve been having some bad days.”

“Yeah. We know how it feels.” Jim said.

Joan didn’t respond to him. She suddenly felt tired and sank at her window, holding her bear tight.

Dean was concerned; “Is this normal? You feel tired when things like this happen?”

“Yeah”.

“We’ll leave you alone but Joan, don’t let that happen again ok?”

Joan was already asleep.

Ebony stayed with her while the boys left.

“Kind of wish I saw how she beat Fraser up” Dean admitted, “just so I can believe it.”


	21. Albert

Jim felt awful at what he’d done so when Halloween finally arrived, he offered to take her into town.

“I don’t go out for it,” she told him rather bluntly without meaning to.

“What do you do then?”

“Nothing much.”

“Doesn’t Mr Zimmerman take you out or something?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“The last time we went out, I think too many people were asking me about Dad. We’ve not done anything since. I just stay here.”

“That would drive me insane.”

“I’ve been there since I was born so I’m ok.” Jim gave her an odd look. “Insane.”

Jim pretended to appreciate the lame joke; “funny. But seriously, ask Mr Zimmerman and say I’ll look after you.”

Joan didn’t want to be looked after by anyone but nodded to end the conversation.

“Listen, that bear you have. Who made it?”

“My Gran.”

“The one with the Alzheimer’s?”

“Yeah.”

“why is it…. Why is different to other bears?”

“I don’t know really. She worked in a toy shop locally and I suspect he’s one of their mistakes. Maybe she thought it was a waste to throw him out so she gave him to me.”

“I can see you love him.”

“It’s not love really, it’s a necessary thing. Sometimes just squeezing him helps me.”

“With your anxiety?”

“Yeah. It helped more when I was little. Gran would leave me with him if she couldn’t calm me down.”

“I should have had your Gran. I used to get into a lot of tantrums when I was young.”

“I don’t think a tantrum and a meltdown are the same thing.”

Jim realised his mistake; “No. No of course not, sorry. What is his name?”

“Gran called him Albert. I never cared for it, but I couldn’t think of a better name.”

Jim bit his lip; “I know we’ve asked you not to bring him into the committee meetings but if you want to, you can.”

Joan visibly brightened up; “Thanks.”

“Sophie knits small animals in her spare time. She still does. I never cared to try it.”

“I wouldn’t. Gran tried to get me involved but it’s dull.”

“You play chess.”

Joan’s eyes got nasty; “Chess is not dull.” Then she softly giggled at his shocked face.

After a long conversation, Jim found he did like Joan. A lot. She was awkward to speak to but at least she tried hard not to be. She knew and understood things than most people gave her credit for and she was eager to learn more about him. She was also surprising very forgiving for what he had done.

“If you do want to try and look around Mithridates, I’ll take you.”

“ok.”

Joan didn’t dare tell him her big secret. She had already sneaked out to walk around Mithridates herself. More than once. It was a secret, because Tom didn’t know. She wore a hood over her head, so she wouldn’t be recognised by any students or – God forbid – locals who knew her.

Joan had enjoyed being alone in Mithridates. The old town which called itself “Knocklivet” was like walking into a history book. It was kind of magical. Although electricity was around, some houses had families that preferred to use candles, use fireplaces for their warmth, keep their own animals and there was hardly any cars to be seen. There were horse and carriages and a lot of kids playing in the street. Most would have thought they were in an open museum for mill workers or something. And Ravenhall was something else altogether. It was not a huge mansion, but it was impressive. She didn’t quite understand why this all fascinated her. Both her parents didn’t care to look around them and observe anything but themselves and Gran had little interest in history.

She wasn’t sure if Jim or the others would have the patience to deal with her and her interests. Most people had shown they hadn’t. Those that did earned her loyalty.

Would Jim be able to put up with her nonsense? She didn’t think so.

Meanwhile, Miss Ramsey was in the staff room when Mrs Oliver’s came up;

“Miss Miller been in any trouble recently?”

“No. Why?”

“Your girl beat up a second year of mine Sarah. Parks told me the boy was insulting her through her door when she pulled him in and used her foot on him before he could escape. Obviously, the team are on Joan’s side and frankly, so am I. But I thought I should let you know. Miller is not usually violent, is she?”

Sarah bit her lip. The problem was, Joan could be violent. It was a side to the girl she had seen and didn’t like. Joan was a gentle human being but when pushed too much, she could harm anyone. Especially herself. Ebony and Gladys had been her first victims and they certainly weren’t her last. Thankfully, all incidents were few and far between, but the shock of them happening was always high.

“Also, there was a situation that I think you ought to know….”

The teacher visited Joan in her room that night. It was 8pm. And the student wasn’t out of her school uniform. A violation.

She sighed; “Miller. How many times?”

Joan called herself an idiot; “sorry Miss.”

“Besides this – what is this about you causing injury to a second year?”

Joan had to think about it; “was this the Obair one?”

“Yes.”

“He was outside calling me a retard. I don’t know, I just saw red.”

“Mrs Oliver’s spoke to me and she says she’s on your side. The team were behind you. But why were you angry anyway? Did he do anything else to set you off?”

Joan wasn’t going to snitch on Jim; “I was in a bad mood all day Miss.”

“Can you think why?”

“Stress I suppose. I’ve a lot to do this year, a lot more people are talking to me too and I uh, am struggling to get used to it.”

Nice try Joan, Miss Ramsey had to admit that was a good response to a question she didn’t want to answer; “Nothing happened before hand?!

“No Miss.”

“Again with the lies Miller.”

Joan looked at her feet.

“You were attacked in your own office, weren’t you?”

Shit.

Joan tried to think what to say.

“I’m waiting Miller.”

Joan knew she couldn’t escape;

“Yes Miss.”

“Good job telling me the truth. Was it Mr Morrison?”

“We’ve talked about it today, we’re fine.”

“Even if you are, why did he attack you?”

“I walked in on him while he was on the phone to his mum. She told him his sister is very ill. I shouldn’t have been there really.”

“And he shouldn’t have attacked you.”

“Well….”

“I know people act out when they’re upset, but you know what he did was unacceptable. Is it right what he did?”

“No.”

“No. But you’ve both talked about it?”

“Yeah it’s fine. I’m fine to keep working….”

Miss Ramsey couldn’t see any hints of lies; “I’m impressed you managed to sort this out yourself Joan. Well done. But if he does that again, you let me know.”

“Shouldn’t you be punishing me for beating up the student? Or are you going to make an appointment?”

Miss Ramsey stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

“No, I think Morrison gave you more than enough stress. Leave it. But if I catch you in those clothes after 8 again, you will be over that desk. Understand?”

“Yes Miss.”

Miss Ramsey left, feeling a little more greyer than before.


	22. Building Bridges

Tom was looking through Joan’s new report when he noticed something odd.

He read; “Miller has truanted Music this week. Discipline. O.J. With Matron Flavia – Ferox Matron”

“Odd Jobs”.

For truanting her Music lessons.

Tom was too stunned that his ward had picked that particular punishment to even be angry that she had played truant. Joan always picked corporal punishment over Detentions. She had never experienced “Odd Jobs” till now.

Sarah must have worked her magic, he assumed.

For her part Joan had hated “Odd Jobs”. Like detention, it was pointless and Matron Flavia, while nice, was not interesting or showed any interest in talking to her. Two hours lost on an oddly sunny Saturday. A slippering would have been only five minutes or less. The added hours would be with her teacher who seemed to genuinely care for her. Joan called herself out for letting herself be talked into it. From now on, her hands or seat would pay for her own stupidity.

As with most students though, trouble at school meant trouble at home.

Aware that Tom was going to “murder” her, Joan felt a little on edge seeing him at his desk in his private rooms. She wasn’t afraid of what he was going to do, more that she felt bad letting him down again. It was a habit she wasn’t sure how to get out of.

Tom heard her come in but didn’t speak at first, allowing the tension in the room to rise.

“You don’t need to stand to attention Joan, I don’t have my gown on.”

Joan wasn’t sure what else to do so she stood still and watched him closely. It was a habit Tom hated but he stopped himself from yelling - yet.

“Miss Ramsey told me you took “Odd Jobs”. I’m pleased you tried something else.”

“I won’t pick it again.”

Oh no.

“It would please Miss Ramsey if you didn’t force her to use her arm all the time.”

“It’s only five minutes. I wasted two hours of my time that could have been for Prep or practice.”

“What did you do?”

“I had to make the nurse room spotless – the floor and the sink.”

Tom chuckled to himself; “For two hours?”

“Could have done it in fifteen minutes but they insisted I do it over and over. I don’t want to see another sink again.”

Tom had to laugh; “You’re not usually one for the dramatics.”

“I hate sinks. I didn’t know sinks were just for cleaning dishes and clothes till I came here.”

“What else would they be for?”

“Putting someone’s head in it when they’re bad.”

Tom stopped his work. Had he just heard what he thought he heard?

Three years of trying to get her to talk and yet she’d done it without his prompting.

He heard her cough a little, as if she realised she’d let something slip, and through the mirror on his desk, he saw the look of worry again.

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie. What was the sink used for?”

Joan closed her eyes; “Mum filled it up. I never saw the dishes go under but sometimes ice did.”

“And someone’s head?”

He meant Joan’s.

“Yeah”

Tom didn’t say anything for a minute.

“Was that the worst thing she did?”

Joan thought quickly; “Um – recurring yes.”

“Recurring? What are you talking about?”

Joan went quiet.

Tom thought of a different question; “Do you like me Joan?”

“In what way?”

That was a good question; “As a teacher.”

“Sometimes no.”

“What about as a person?”

“Yes.”

“And now?”

“I’m not sure. I probably won’t like you very much when you will discipline me for my bad report this month. But I’m sure I’ll get over myself.”

Honest as ever.

“Would you come to me if you had any problems?”

“No. I go to Miss Ramsey, that’s her job.”

“Except you wouldn’t.”

“No…. No, I’d probably wait until she’s not busy.”

“Which is never.”

“Sometimes she has time to practice chess with me. Or if I do something stupid and she comes in my room and-”

“I see”. Tom nodded, feeling a little sorry for himself. He was no good at chess and had no interest in it to even care for Joan’s fascination with the game.

Not used to Tom talking in this way but feeling slightly more comfortable, Joan, with an eye on him, quietly went and sat on the sofa. Tom noticed this, annoyed it was taking so long for her to relax.

“You know I don’t mean to make you frightened of me Joan?”

He saw Joan look at him, confused; “Sorry?”

“I said I don’t mean to make you frightened.”

“I’m not scared of you sir.”

“And yet I’m not quite sure you believe that.”

“I don’t like it when your angry with me.”

“It’s more out of worry child.”

Joan bit her lip to stop herself rolling her eyes. She disliked – hated it when he called her that.

“I fear what other students think of you and I fear what will happen if I don’t try and fix the problems coming your way. I’ve no intension fixing you, you’re not the real problem.”

Joan was now lost, unsure what he was on about.

“We have a lot to learn from each other Joan. I don’t want to think of me as someone you should fear. I want to be someone you feel safe to talk too.”

“ok”

It was a bit much for a fifteen-year-old girl with autism to take in, but Tom could see she was no longer tense. Finally.

“So, tell me, why did you pick “Odd Jobs”?”

“Miss Ramsey told me you’d probably do something, and she didn’t feel right adding to any pain. I got the feeling she would be in a very bad mood with me if I didn’t pick it.”

For God’s sake Sarah….

“Well I suppose she’s right.” He sighed, putting his ruler on the desk “come here.”

Joan always felt her stomach drop when she saw that ruler. But she came to his side with little fear.

“Do I really need to explain first?”

“No.”

At least there would be no lecture.

He took her arm and pulled her over his knees; “Right…” He pushed her skirt up; “Truanting.” He took a hold of the underwear and firmly pulled it down despite the exposed rears wriggling protests; “I told you if you did it again, you’d get a crisp lesson over my knee. Right?”

“Yes.”

He left her underwear just above her knees and readied himself; “Yes. So, you’re getting one.”

Her fists clenched as he started.

His hand was, as usual, quick and sharp. Crisp was the word he used. Joan thought that was a weird word to use. He was doing his best to live up to that word. Pretty easy to get through though. Even if she found herself kicking a little.

Then he picked up his ruler, sharper and a lot less tolerant. As usual. A lot harder to keep the yelps from escaping but just managing. A lot more squirming that betrayed her discomfort. Tom even had to stop and adjust so her legs couldn’t move. And he insisted that it land on her skin until it was practically glowing.

“Nearly sixteen years old,” he lightly scolded, “yet withering over my lap, your bare bottom getting a well-deserved round with my palm and ruler.” His next round with the ruler were heavier; “disgraceful.”

 _Humiliating_ …. But Joan guessed that was the point.

Still, at least it was quick. Quicker than “Odd Jobs”. And at least it wasn’t on her hands this time.

He didn’t even sound that angry when he finally made her stand up; “no more of it alright?”

“Alright.”

As usual, no tears. It had been close. But not today.

As usual, he did that strange thing where he kindly stroked her hair and kissed her forehead; “I’ve asked the staff to get us your fish and chips from the local shop. There’s tomato ketchup in the fridge and you can help yourself to as much drink as you want. There’s some chocolate I confiscated from a few first years if you want to steal it too.”

Behind the door, Tom Zimmerman’s butler had been quietly listening to everything and once he was dismissed, he gave one of the staff a note to take to Miss Ramsey. Whilst she wasn’t pleased that Tom had used his hand, she was very happy to hear he had spoken to her student as he should do when they were alone – as the child he was taken care of. Joan had to be treated with the affection she needed at this difficult time and it was not fair on her just to expect to carry on with her school life.

Despite her punishment, and Tom’s strong arm, Joan couldn’t stomach going back to music.

Mr Read had been very strange this term.

Ever since that incident outside the rehearsal room, he seemed to be a different person towards her.

Joan had never had much affection for him. She was aware Tom didn’t think much of him despite praising him as a teacher. And sure, he was a good teacher. A little unhelpful when someone asked for help and he thought they were wasting his time – but he knew how to make music interesting, even for someone who had never been exposed much to it like her.

He had also respected Joan. He knew she did not like being asked questions in front of people and he knew that sometimes she got confused with her lessons. He never used to try to embarrass her about it. She was very good at compositions, theory and understood and remembered each Italian word that needed to be taught but she played no instrument and didn’t care to.

And now suddenly, it was an issue.

Read had started calling her out in class to ask “hard” questions and seemed disappointed when she managed to answer correctly. He would make remarks that made her uncomfortable, such as that her ego was bigger now she was deputy Head Girl and that she should consider quitting the course since she clearly had no passion.

And then there was Blair Stillman – the prefect who had tried to embarrass her at the court meeting. He always had to comment every time Read said something to her. None of the other students seemed to care or at least, they never spoke up in defence.

It was now at a stage where Joan dreaded being in class.

And if Tom was going to have it out on her hide, so be it.

Of course, since they weren’t all horrible people, the other Ferox members of the class did in fact inform Miss Ramsey of this mistreatment which got back to Tom. But clearly a confrontation and a warning of a report to the Head had not worked.

So, when the report came back and he saw his ward had not returned to class, Tom went to see Miss Ramsey;

“She has been missing music again.”

Sarah felt her heart drop; “Maybe you should consider taking her out of that class?”

“Or maybe John needs to back off and let her be a student in peace.”

“And Joan? What’s your plan?”

“Same as I did before.”

Sarah stood up; “Tom, if she’s scared of going to class, obviously a beating won’t help.”

“She has to learn it’s not acceptable. Regardless what the teacher is like.”

“To be honest. I don’t think what you’re doing is working. Not for her.”

“Meaning?”

“From talking to her, it feels like she is punished enough when you tell her your disappointed.”

“If it’s to drive the lesson home -”

“That’s the problem. I just don’t think – for this particular child – that it’s ever worked. When I use it, it’s very much “let’s get it over with” and the only time I see any remorse is when I scold. And you know me, I’m very careful when I scold Joan. And from what I hear, she frets if you take away privileges like her fish and chips. That seems more effective.”

“She could easily buy her own though.”

“Well if you feel the need to use your arm again, take your time with it and see for yourself.”

Tom wiped his mouth and cleared his throat; “Can you stay with us? And watch?”

Sarah raised her eyebrows; “It’s between you and Joan -”

“You’re like her councillor as well as a teacher. Honestly, you’ve been a God sent for me and Joan. She wouldn’t be where she is without you. I – I’d rather not be alone. I’m scared I’ll go overboard. End up frightening her instead of – lesson learnt, done.”

It wasn’t even lunch time on a Friday and after reading her timetable, both teachers found the student in her office.

The Head Boy was the only other student there and he welcomed them in.

Jim noticed Joan’s shoulders rise up as she saw Mr Zimmerman and Miss Ramsey together.

Zimmerman got straight to the point; “Miss Ramsey and I noticed you still haven’t been in Mr Read’s classes. Despite taking Odd Jobs last week. And despite a talk with me.”

No response.

“I was very kind last week, I spared you a lecture because I was sure you understood my point, but this feels like your laughing in my face.”

“I’m not.” Joan managed to mumble.

“You know how I feel about this Joan. And what will Dr Brookes think when he sees the report that his deputy head girl hasn’t been attending classes?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Jim stood up; “Sir, can I ask that we not have private discussions in here? I don’t think Joan wants any of us to hear it.”

He didn’t notice Miss Ramsey was looking at him.

“What he said.” Joan mumbled, her hand on her neck and her head down.

“Look up and don’t mumble.” Zimmerman took Joan’s bear from her desk and looked at it in disdain; “You allow this in here Morrison?”

“Yes sir, I do.”

“Does it not occur to you about the image of the team? This bear could raise a few eyebrows.”

“I’d rather my deputy head girl felt relaxed and safe in here sir.”

He noticed Miss Ramsey had his attention, but he tried to ignore it. He hoped it wasn’t because of the incident a few days back.

“Well at least she’s made a friend. Are you a friend?”

“Yes sir.” He could feel Miss Ramsey’s eyes; “we had a… rough patch but we are friends.”

“Never the less, this bear needs to be thrown out sooner or later”

“No!”

The panic in Joan’s voice made Jim’s lip tremble.

Tom just scowled; “you can’t rely on that thing all your life. You know this.”

“Mr Zimmerman.” Sarah silently told him to leave her alone.

He understood; “If you’re not busy, I want to see you in my office. Miss Ramsey will be with you.”

He left, dropping Albert on the ground.

Joan picked her bear up and put him back on her desk.

Sarah couldn’t help but notice she was breathing in a strange way.

“You ok?”

Miss Ramsey’s head turned quickly to the Head Boy who had stood up and was walking carefully towards his female deputy.

“I’m fine,” Joan scratched her ear, “I don’t like it when Albert gets involved.”

“Do you have anything to do now Joan?” Miss Ramsey asked.

“No Miss.”

“You better come with me and end your misery.”

“In Joan’s defence -” Jim spoke up.

“I understand Mr Read has made things uncomfortable, but that does not excuse this behaviour I’m afraid.”

Joan had one question first; “you’re coming?”

“I will either be a witness or the person using their arm.”

Sarah sensed that wasn’t the answer to the question Joan was really asking, but Jim didn’t need to know anymore.

Joan seemed to agree as she waited until they had left the room to ask properly;

“Are you two together?”

“I hope so.”

“ok.”

She clearly wanted to talk more but wasn’t sure how to approach it.

Sarah decided to ask her something that had been bothering her; “Does Tom frighten you?”

Joan stopped; “I’m sorry?”

“I know it’s a personal question. But does he frighten you?”

“No.”

She wasn’t lying. But….

“but?”

“I get worried… uncomfortable when he’s angry and ashamed and I don’t like feeling that way. But I suppose that’s how I’m supposed to feel.”

“But you’re not afraid of him?”

“No.”

“Not even when he uses corporal punishment?”

“I think you know I can take it.”

Sarah still felt worried. Joan and Tom’s relationship was straining as the girl got older and while the younger one seemed content with Tom as her carer, Sarah did see some things she wasn’t pleased about. Mainly that Tom and Joan treated each other like teacher and student, even in private. It wasn’t healthy. Especially with Joan’s parents out of the picture. She needed someone who could offer her real comfort and trust.

And Tom was hiding a lot from Joan.

She worried about them both.

Tom was already waiting when Miss Ramsey and the student came in.

Tom just looked at the girl as she waited for him to speak.

This was his best friends’ kid – Keith had told him stories about her that were clearly untrue. She was supposed to have a temper, a disregard to rules and people’s empathy. He had learnt quickly that wasn’t the case.

And Sarah had been right. They both didn’t talk as much as they should to each other. But what was there to talk about?

“What do you think should be done with Mr Read?”

Joan blinked; “Uh….”

“What you say won’t be repeated outside of this room,” Miss Ramsey promised.

Joan felt her teeth gnaw at her lip; “Maybe report him to the Headmaster? If Chris – Dr Brookes doesn’t mind?”

“Oh, he’ll mind, but it won’t be you he’d be annoyed at” said Tom. “Sarah and I know Chris has a short fuse but he’ll put his students before anything else.”

““Sarah”?”

He realised his mistake; “Miss Ramsey yes.”

“Are you and Miss Ramsey together then?”

Tom looked at Sarah.

“She asked me this as well.”

“Yes we are.” Tom turned back to Joan; “so?”

“Does that mean…. She’s your priority now?”

The two teachers stared at her.

Joan tried to clarify; “I mean your obviously not married yet but you might be soon…. So….”

“You have always been my top priority. What makes you think our relationship would change that?” Tom asked.

Joan’s fingers began to tap together.

“Who gave you that idea?” Sarah tried.

“It was just something Gran once said about mum and Dad. When I was with her.”

“What did she say?”

“Mum is Dad’s priority since they wed. It’s just the way it is. I think I asked her why she took me to her house and why I couldn’t go home.”

“But why were you at your Grans anyway?” Tom asked.

Joan shrugged; “I suppose for that reason. Gran just didn’t think I should be home. She said Mum was ill.”

“Was she?”

Joan shook her head; “I don’t think so. Maybe stressed. Gran wanted them to divorce. So did I.”

“Did you want to go home?”

Joan’s face went a white; “I don’t know.”

Tom knew he couldn’t ask any more questions. Joan had been pushed enough.

“I’m always glad when you tell me these things ok? When you’re ready, I’m always ready to listen.”

Joan’s hands went to her ears.

“Stay here a moment.”

Sarah blinked as Tom left her with the student. Without thinking, she followed him to his private rooms, forgetting to shut the door.

“Tom?”

“Three years. Three years I’ve been trying to get her to talk about her life before…. And she does it when I’m not ready.”

“At least she’s doing it now. Keep encouraging it, even if she won’t tell you in another three years.”

Tom sighed; “to be honest Sarah, you were right to speak to me beforehand. I have been more of a teacher than a guardian. Girl is on edge when I’m being friendly, and I realised it was because she wasn’t used to it. She’s not used to people she’s supposed to be close to being friendly…” To his own surprise, Tom felt the tears come to his eyes, “she told me things last week that made my skin crawl. She thought sinks were for punishing children by putting them under water and….”

Sarah held him, that one story alone making her shake.

“What did I miss every time I went there? Why did I miss the signs? I could have saved that little girl. I could have paid attention – how did I miss all that?”

“You weren’t the only who didn’t know. Her school didn’t know, the neighbours didn’t know. You were away most of the time. I doubt even her Grandmother knew much of what could have gone on. You shouldn’t take that on yourself. She’s safe now Tom. She’s in a better place because of you.”

“Standing in there, waiting for me to use my arm……”

“Safer than she’s ever been. She knows she’s loved. If she doesn’t, you only need to show it more.”

“She believes I don’t care…”

“Tom. She’ll believe it if you tell her more.”

Sarah made Tom calm himself before they both prepared themselves to face the young girl.

“What do you plan to do?”

“I was going to use my small cane on her, but my hands are shaking and…” Tom shook his head.

“Just use your hand then. Whatever you do, she won’t make a fuss. She outright boasted about it.”

Tom told himself to grow up; “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

They weren’t prepared as they turned around to open to already open door and saw her.

Joan was staring at them both. Concerned.

“Joan?”

“I heard crying. Is something wrong?”

Dahm it.

“Sir?”

She was now staring at Tom’s wet eyes.

He didn’t like it.

Miss Ramsey spoke to the student; “Mr Zimmerman cares a lot for you Miller,” there was no point lying to the girl, “and it hurts him when he has to punish you because you’ve had it rough already.”

Tom was at his desk and pulling out his chair, so he ignored the girl staring at him and sat down, trying to get his composure back.

Sarah watched his shoulders shake where he sat as he bent down to cover his face. She wasn’t sure what to say to the student who continued to stare.

Joan wasn’t an idiot; “do you want me to wait till you feel ready to see me sir?”

“That would be a good idea” Sarah answered, using her hand to guide the girl to face the wall. She got herself a chair and placed it to Tom’s left, facing him but not directly.

“I have Matron sit here in the bedroom,” she said to stop the silence, “I hope that’s ok.”

Tom nodded, feeling better; “Yes.” He swallowed; “Joan. Over here and stand at my right.”

Usually he would have barked at her. This was odd.

Joan only turned around and stared, cautious, unsure; “are you feeling better?”

He tried to smile; “yes. You focus on this now.”

“You don’t have a ruler.”

“Please.”

Joan didn’t move.

“Joan.”

“You’re very upset. Maybe we should leave it till later-”

“Now!”

Joan backed up against the cold wall and looked at the door.

She could run…

But no. That would make things worse.

“Joan”.

That was Miss Ramsey’s voice. It was firm, calm yet oddly gentle and reassuring.

“If you’re afraid, you need to tell us.”

Joan wasn’t sure what she was feeling; “He’s not usually like this. He should be holding my arm. He should be holding something in his right hand – this – this isn’t normal.”

She noticed the teacher’s eyes turn to Tom; “Tom, she’s shaking. What do you do now?”

“I don’t know.” Tom was looking at his ward, “I don’t know what to do here.”

“Can I go?”

Joan knew she probably shouldn’t have spoken, but she had to try.

“You want to leave?” Miss Ramsey asked her.

Joan nodded. She’d asked, hadn’t she?

“What do you do now?” the teacher repeated her question at Tom.

Tom slowly turned around from the chair. Joan didn’t like the way he was looking at her and sunk to the ground. He got up as she did so, but his glare didn’t wither.

“Are you doing this because your teacher is here, and you want her to feel sorry for you? Is that it?”

Joan didn’t respond.

Sarah could see the girl’s confusion but stayed silent, wondering if Tom would notice for himself.

“Talk to me, why are you acting like this?” he said in frustration rather than anger.

“I don’t know.”

“Then stop this and get over here.”

Joan didn’t move. Her hands felt sticky, so she rubbed them together and wiped them on her knees.

“Joan-”

“Tom.”

He looked at Sarah.

“Look at her.”

He did. Joan didn’t move, bewildered at what was going on.

“Are you afraid of me?”

That was an easy question; “A little.”

“Why?”

“Present circumstances notwithstanding, I feel facing your temper is more than enough. Sometimes I mean.”

Silence.

“I agree.”

Tom was surprised at himself for saying that.

“You are a lucky girl Joan.”

“No.” Joan shook her head. “No that’s a lie. That’s a bigger lie than what I can come up with.”

“Tom”, Sarah gave him a warning when she saw his fist.

He put it behind his back; “Perhaps you should retire to your room, think about the good things in your life and count your blessings.”

“Maybe you should do the same. I don’t like it that you cried. I didn’t know you could cry.”

“Are you an idiot?” Tom sighed, “I cry every time I feel like I’ve let you down.”

“But… You don’t. You don’t make mistakes.” Joan was unsure if he was angry or not now; “I’m the one who always makes mistakes. I let everyone down – I don’t know why but I do. You said it yourself, I always let you and Dad down.”

Tom felt his heart sink.

“Do you wonder if perhaps Tom was easier on you, then things would be better between the two of you?” Sarah asked Joan.

“Things are better here.”

“In what way?”

Joan was thinking fast; “I know he has no intention of – really hurting me.”

“In what way? I would say a lot of people would think Tom is very strict on you.”

“He is. But it’s fine. He’s a teacher, that’s who he is. And he’s not even my parent and – I’ll need to figure out what I’m doing when I must leave and I… I don’t have much time. Two years isn’t long enough.”

“You’re not leaving here until I know you can look after yourself.” Tom said, “you’ve been through a lot. What you told me before Miss Ramsey came in, that’s not normal. I’ve been trying to talk to you about your mother, but you’ve always shut me out. Why?”

“You’d get angry. I don’t like it when you get angry.”

“What if I tried not to be?”

“You wouldn’t do a very good job at it.”

Sarah couldn’t help but shake her head. Joan picked her time to be honest at moments when it wasn’t appreciated.

“Well what about Miss Ramsey? Why not speak to her?”

“She’s a teacher. She’s not you.”

“She’s knows a lot about you through me. And what makes me any different if you won’t tell me what happened?”

“You knew Dad. He told you about me, he’s now hurt, you’re the only one who visits him. He won’t see me.”

Tom felt his stomach drop; “I never told you he didn’t want to see you.”

“You’re not a good liar either.” Joan got up; “I’m ready if you want to punish me now.”

Tom just looked at her; “go and get ready for school tomorrow.”

Joan looked at Miss Ramsey. Unsure what to do.

“Go on.”

Joan obeyed, a little shaken. She wasn’t quite sure what had happened.

Jim was right outside which spooked Joan.

“Sorry” he apologised, “I just wanted to check you’re ok.”

“Thanks” Joan meant it, “I’m fine I… I’m going to retire to my room.”

“If it’s ok,” Jim had an expression on his face that Joan had never seen before, “can we talk in your room?”

Joan nodded. She wanted to be alone, but if Jim needed her, then he probably couldn’t find help elsewhere.

Sarah waited for a moment before she spoke; “I honestly think you shouldn’t use your implements on her, it’s not doing the both of you any good.”

“I can’t speak to that kid like you can.”

“You did well there. She was sitting there frightened to death, but she realized you weren’t going to kill her. I’d have probably chosen better words, but you did well.”

“She looked surprised that I was being nice.” He sighed; “To be honest, if you weren’t here, things would have been different. More messy.”

“You’ve done well before Tom.”

“I don’t even know if I have.”

“What if I just send you a report that doesn’t involve how many times she’s in my office? Let her feel confident enough to tell you herself? She always tells me if she’s done something wrong even if she didn’t need to and I wouldn’t have cared.”

“What should I do if I get angry?”

“Don’t talk to her, walk away. If she follows you, let her follow but don’t talk until you know you can speak to her with some respect and – and able to talk as gently as possible. Joan doesn’t react well to harsh voices, I learned that the hard way as her teacher. When I do discipline her, I watch how I sound but I don’t sugar-coat when I’m feeling disappointed. I think if you want to learn more about her life before all this, she’s going to need you to work hard to help her and she’ll recognize that eventually and open up to you. It will take a long time, but I know the both of you can do it.”

Tom gave a painful sigh; “I want to be alone. Thank you for all this.”

Sarah went back to her office. Her breathing was heavy, so she had to rush.

She locked the door, went into her private bathroom and cried her eyes out. Why, she didn’t know.

Maybe it was for Tom. Joan even. Maybe for both.

Joan.

She felt an urge to go and find the girl. She’d looked so confused and frightened in that room.

She dried her eyes and went to the Ferox dormitories.


	23. The Cult

Ron Wade met up with his girlfriend in one of the fitness gym. She was with her new friend Juno Olwen, a Ferox student and he was pleased to see her more annoying younger friends – including his little sister – weren’t around.

“What do you want?” Gladys kept working out; “come to stare at me?”

“Yes.” He flinched as he sat down; “and I’m wondering when you’re going after Miller again.”

She stopped; “did she get you in trouble?”

“Sent me to Read and I got caned.”

“What were you doing?”

“I was writing stuff about Anderson on the walls-”

“Well then you’re an idiot.”

Typical compassion from Gladys Hillman. Even if she was right.

“Maybe, but I was in the boy’s toilets and she just walked right in.”

“You should have put her head in one of them.”

“I should have. I thought about it. But she is deputy head girl. Nothing I can do will not get noticed.”

“That’s why I can’t do much this year. Last year, I stole her clothes, money – caught her alone outside and had her strip in one of the huts while my girls covered her in hay, and I whipped her with one of the horse’s ones. I have to play it safe.”

The door closed suddenly. Beau entered:

“You did all that and she’s never cried?”

“No.” Gladys admitted. “that one I just told you about, that nearly got her to cry – if Millie didn’t think she saw Miss Ramsey coming and we let her go. Turns out we could have had her there for an hour, no one came to find her.”

“And now suddenly everyone acts like she needs to be protected.” Juno complained; “None of them have cared before. We’ve only cared when it’s the Chess comp coming because she’s our champion and it gives us our biggest points. We suck at sports.”

“Why not plan something for that then?” said Beau.

“Before or after?” Gladys asked.

“After” Juno said.

“Before” Ron said; “that way, if she doesn’t cry or just looks beaten up a little, she’ll have everyone staring at her.”

“It’s a good idea” Gladys nodded, “in the meantime, I’ve asked the younger guys to harass her when they can. She can’t be made to feel too safe.”

“I heard you have a second year in Obair and he failed miserably”.

Beau was one of the few students Gladys didn’t mind getting critiqued on. Ron and Juno were envious.

“Fraser was an idiot. And he paid for it” Gladys said. “But yes, we have him. And the usual crowd. Millie, Rebecca and of course Ruby.”

Millie Smart and Rebecca Samson were third year Hapus students who made the younger members of the House fear them. Ruby on the other hand was a second year Aprender who liked kicking people’s ankles and starting fights for no reason – even with her brother Ron.

“What about Annie?” he asked.

Annie Pevensie. An Obair student who had been friends with the “Hapus duo” before they befriended Hillman.

“After what happened, she won’t get involved. She’s just another face we can have fun with.”

Annie, who was known for being timid, was talked into an act of vandalism on a teacher’s car with Millie but both girls were caught red handed by Dr Brookes and were both caned. Millie shrugged it off but Annie had had enough and no longer hung out with her or Rebecca.

“I still want to so something to Miller before Christmas.” Ron admitted.

“To be honest, our House Master might beat us to it.” Said Beau.

Gladys smiled; “She’s in his bad books?”

Ron remembered; “Yeah, Miss Ramsey came in after my caning and Beau and I heard her mention Miller and Read seemed annoyed. After she left, we heard him mutter her name and hitting his desk with his pen.”

“Good.” She turned to Juno; “see if you can learn Miller’s timetable out of school hours. When she does her rounds, when she’s in the office or common room.”

“She never goes near the common room.”

“Well that’s one thing off your list. And if she suspects something, tell she’s paranoid. She knows who are mostly in… my “cult”. But she doesn’t know we’re friends yet.”

Juno agreed.

She had no real problems with Joan Miller, but she was a local girl from a family who believed she had “got off” punishment for not informing the Island on the police. She didn’t care if Miller had been a first year and had nearly lost her father, the protection of Mithridates security was also important. It affected more people than some outsider’s family.

Olwen’s father had even encouraged her to be cold towards the new deputy head girl and ignore her instructions. But that was hard to do when the House you were in now very much supported your enemy.

Befriending Hillman, Millers arch enemy, was at least something she could do to show her disdain. The other locals seemed to not care at all.

Miller was a walking threat to the Island. She had to made to feel unwelcome so – once the “ban” was lifted, she would go away.

Juno wondered if Miller even knew she had been banned from leaving the country.


	24. Clothes

Jim went straight to the point once Joan had locked her bedroom door; “It’s Sophie.”

_Oh God._

Leaning on her wall, he did a small defeated shrug and tore at his fringe; “Mum says it’s got worse.”

He noticed his deputy head girl was frozen.

“I had to tell someone, I’m sorry. And you knew about Sophie before any of my friends did.”

“Do you need a hug?”

Jim could have laughed. Joan sounded so unsure.

“No, I’m fine.”

He was lying.

“I’m really sorry.”

“I’ll uh…. Inform Ebony and Dean myself. The school already knows. But also, I – I know you get very sensitive to my uh…. Outbursts and I’ve not been very friendly towards you and I apologise for that.”

Joan noticed he was blushing and wondered why.

“And I’m sorry for what I did. Hitting you.”

“I think you apologised for that already but it’s ok.” Joan found her hands were sweaty; “Are you going home then?”

“Mum says she’ll organise it if Sophie ends up in the hospice.”

““If”. Then she has a chance right?”

“I wish I had your optimism.”

“Gran used to say if there’s an “if” there’s a way.”

“My Gran says these things as well.” Jim managed to smile, “she taught Sophie how to knit and make these creatures.”

“Sounds dull.”

“It is, but then she goes out and tries to learn how to skateboard with me. My Gran’s got a twenty-year-old body. She’s in her mid-sixties.”

He noticed that Joan was holding her chest.

“You ok?”

“Not really.”

Worry filled hi; “Should I get someone?”

Joan contemplated then nodded; “Miss Ramsey please.”

Jim unlocked the door and left.

Joan had felt strange when she went to her room and spoke with Jim. She had expected to be back, feeling sore, feeling ashamed with herself, the usual when Tom was upset.

Today was different. She felt…

….

She didn’t know.

The only thing that hurt was her chest. Yet she didn’t feel like an anxiety attack was coming. She was fine. She thought she was.

Tom had sounded gentle. He was angry, but he didn’t shout and that was him being gentle. That wasn’t normal. Was he ill? Was that why he didn’t use his ruler? And why did he cry? He never cried.

She sat at her window and took a few deep breaths to try and calm down.

Joan had three window arches in her room where she could sit on the ledge like a real seat and look out to the town. A tree covered most of the view, but she didn’t care. If she turned to her left, she had a unique view of Mr Zimmerman’s office window and from her angle, she could see at least 65% of what went on there. From her room, Joan’s view of the Mr Zimmerman’s office allowed her to watch many discipline’s going on. Often on Friday’s, she would sometimes go to her room early just to watch. Most of the students she saw, she didn’t know but sometimes she’d see someone she knew and watch how they behaved during their punishment.

Tom’s window had it’s curtains up. She didn’t want to see him anyway.

She heard a knock.

“Joan?”

It was Miss Ramsey.

That was alright.

Joan didn’t bother to give the salute. The teacher didn’t care about that;

“How are you?”

“My chest hurts a little.”

“How bad?”

“I’m not sure to be honest.”

Miss Ramsey could see the girl was white. That wasn’t good. She took a chair and sat near Joan who had retreated to her window. She listened carefully to the girls’ breathing. It wasn’t good.

Jim was just outside; “Should I get the Matron?”

“No, she’s not ill. Thank you, Morrison. Be on your way.”

Jim left slowly, concern on his face.

Miss Ramsey closed and locked the door; “Maybe you feel strange because you expected him to punish you?”

“Maybe.”

“Why do you think he didn’t do it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe because he listened to you?”

“I don’t know. He must be ill. I mean he was crying, and I heard you and him talking – I didn’t understand most of it but I heard him tell you about the sink. I didn’t mean to tell him that.”

She was rushing her words.

“Is it true what your mother did?”

“I’d rather not talk about her if you please.”

“Why?”

Joan’s voice suddenly shuddered, and she put her hand up; “I’ve asked politely Miss.”

“Take a moment,” the teacher didn’t like what she was seeing or hearing, “calm down, try not to shake.”

Joan did her best. Her chest felt heavier.

“Talk to me, are you sore?”

“Yeah.”

She was now struggling to talk through the pain. This wasn’t good.

“Then I can’t leave until you calm down ok? Ok?”

“Yeah.”

Miss Ramsey did well to hide her real worry. She hated seeing Joan like this.

“You were very brave to talk to Mr Zimmerman like that.”

“I didn’t mean to be rude-”

“You weren’t rude at all. I could tell you were afraid, but you still spoke up for yourself. You’re getting better at it. You won’t need to rely on me so much.”

“Wishful thinking” Joan tried to smile but then closed her eyes. Her chest was burning.

Miss Ramsey tried to distract her; “You are loved. Tom loves you. I know he struggles to show you that, but you must believe me.”

Joan’s eyes filled up with water and she felt herself shake more violently; “To be frank…my Dad has a… funnier way of showing his love.” She clenched her fists.

Miss Ramsey knew what was coming; “What about your Grandmother?”

Joan felt her chest give out.

It hurt.

Everything went red. The burn now went to her head.

She had to get it out.

It was drowning her.

Miss Ramsey reached out and grabbed Joan’s arms as the girl grabbed her hair and began to whimper and struggle against the woman’s strong hands.

“Joan, come on now, let go. Let go...”

The teacher, as gently as she could, pulled the girl away from the window and onto the floor, holding the arms tight as the girl’s hands pulled at her hair. There was little else Miss Ramsey could do but hold on, make sure that the student couldn’t harm herself elsewhere and wait until whatever it was that was causing Joan to act this way to subside.

“You’re ok. You’re ok.” She tried to make her voice smooth and calm as she tried to shake Joan’s hands away from her hair. Once Joan’s fingers started to loosen, Miss Ramsey pushed the girls arm well away from the face and held them there despite the struggling. The girl’s face was a mess and the whimpering had given way to loud groans.

“Let it out, come on, you’re ok.”

Miss Ramsey wondered if Tom knew what to do when Joan was like this. She remembered how he reacted that day they found out about Mr Miller’s attack. Joan’s meltdown had been awful, and he had been frightened. It was something they needed to talk about. Did he know what to do if she wasn’t around to help?

The groans started to die down, replaced by whimpers. Miss Ramsey relaxed her hold. Now all she had to do was wait till Joan spoke. Once she did, the worse was over.

Did Tom really know what to do when this happened when he was on his own? Did he really?

“I hate this…. I hate this, I hate this…”

The teacher sighed in relief, “I’m going to let go. You won’t try to reach for your hair or try to hurt yourself?” Joan managed to shake her head. Miss Ramsey let go and watched silently as the girl moved to her side and curled up. She breathed as if she’d just emerged from the sea. The teacher went to the bathroom and put a towel on the floor by the girl;

“Use this to wash your face with. You’ll feel better.”

Joan didn’t move. Too exhausted.

Miss Ramsey couldn’t handle it anymore. She dropped to her knees, took the towel and lifted the girl into a tender hug, drying the tired, young face of the student who wasn’t fully aware of herself.

As the teacher finished, she felt the weight of the girl slump onto her and knew she was asleep. She lifted the girl onto the bed and took her shoes off for her.

A thought suddenly came. Why was she in school uniform when it was late?

She wondered why that thought had popped into her head but now she was curious. She went through the drawers near the bathroom.

Joan’s pyjama bottoms had large holes in them, and her top had a tear. And clothes wise, she didn’t have much choice. A dress, two t-shirts and two trousers. She had wondered why Joan still sometimes wore uniform when she didn’t need to – it was because she didn’t have enough clothes.

Didn’t Tom know about this?

Joan woke up after a long five minutes to a headache. Miss Ramsey waited until the student managed to stir and sit up before she could talk;

“Welcome back.”

Joan felt her cheeks burn.

“Are we going to have any more silliness today?”

Joan’s breathing was still heavy; “No Miss”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m sorry I-”

Miss Ramsey’s voice went firm; “Don’t ever apologise for something you can’t control or isn’t even your fault.” She changed her tone; “You did your best, it got the better of you and I only hope it doesn’t come back to bother you for now – that’s all I’m concerned about. You’ve had a tough couple of weeks, it was bound to come and make you suffer. That isn’t your fault. Ok?”

“ok.”

The teacher pointed at the neatly piled clothes; “Does Mr Zimmerman know you barely have enough clothes?”

“I have enough.”

“I’ve just checked through your drawers, this isn’t nearly enough. I’ve been wondering why I hardly see you in other clothes.”

Joan wasn’t quite sure what the fuss was about; “Can you put those back for me Miss?”

“You can do it yourself once you’re feeling better. I can’t act like your mother for you. I’ve just had to wash your face for you and stop you from hurting yourself.”

Joan shook her head, confused; “Mum has never done that for me.”

Miss Ramsey bit her lip; “What does she do?”

Joan’s face told her she really didn’t want to discuss it.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t wish for mum back or anything. But I wouldn’t mind – like, say – because you and Tom see each other - I wouldn’t mind if you - wanted to be what she should have been to me.” Joan then shook her head, “forget it.”

Miss Ramsey didn’t like the way Joan’s shoulders continued to shake; “why are you so afraid to tell me or Tom what that woman did to you?”

“I’m not afraid, I just don’t like making people angry.”

“And should I be angry if you tell me?”

“I suppose you should. I mean I thought…. Gran always told me she was a bit funny but when she talked to Dad, I heard her call my mum “evil”. I’m not too sure myself but I guess it’s evil to deliberately put people in hospital. I think she did want to kill him.”

“What if you wrote it all down?”

“Someone will come in and take it. I nearly had my new shoes taken again.” Joan felt weak, “I want to be alone.”

Miss Ramsey felt useless; “You will do your best for Tom won’t you?”

“I don’t know how much harder I can do that Miss. I don’t believe I can meet his expectations, I’m useless at those things.”

“I believe you’re doing well.”

“I can’t even reach your expectations Miss, let alone his.”

“You’ve got to believe in yourself a lot more Joan.”

Joan just shook her head; “no. Nothing.”

Miss Ramsey didn’t say a word, so Joan got a small fright when she heard the door closed and found herself alone.

She got up, grabbed the towel and furiously threw it against the wall.

She was an idiot.

Dad was going to kill her if he ever got out.

Not for the first time. She prayed he’d never get out of hospital.

She didn’t hear Miss Ramsey was just outside with her face buried in her hands.


	25. A New Enemy

“Hillman hasn’t been after you in a while has she?”

An observation from Gail Hampton caught Joan by surprise.

She was at the Chess Guild and playing a game with the fifth year while a few newcomers watched on and took notes. Chess was funny that way. Conversations happened easily since the game could be long. Joan’s games were usually quick, but Gail had asked her to slow it down so the others could learn a little on how to play, so talking while trying to play was a new thing for Joan.

She certainly didn’t really want to talk about Hillman when everyone could hear but…

Well. Open secret.

“I think she’s backing off because I’m in the team” she answered.

“One of her henchmen isn’t in her group anymore.”

“Which one?”

“Annie.”

Annie Pevensie. Joan remembered she always seemed frightened around the other girls. It would have been funny to Joan if she didn’t feel sorry for her.

“She wasn’t a real problem. Except at the bike shed.”

“Bike shed?”

“It’s a bike shed now.”

“The old stable hut? What happened?”

“Let’s just say Annie – despite being terrified of everything – is also a very good actor. Called me over saying someone had broken their leg and asked if I could stay with the person. Hillman and her gang were there. It wasn’t pleasant.”

And it hadn’t even been her worst incident in that bike shed.

God, she hated that bike shed.

She wondered if Hillman planned on doing anything worse.

Or Ron Wade.

She tried to get both of them out of her head.

Right now, she had a game to win.

“After what happened in the library – I know Amelia wasn’t really a friend -”

“I-” Joan hated losing concentration; “I don’t want to talk about it in front of the others.”

“Sorry.”

“Who’s Amelia?” asked a first year Obair student.

“No one of importance.” Gail responded. “Not anymore.”

They heard the door behind Gail open. Gail noticed Joan’s expression change and she turned around to see a fellow Ferox student.

Juno Olwen.

Probably the tallest girl in the House. A sixth year who she knew had been friends with Amelia.

And Gail understood that in Joan’s mind, a friend of Amelia’s was an enemy.

“Hello Juno.” Alejandro, the only other fourth year Ferox student apart from Joan, welcomed the older girl; “What’s up?”

“I have a message for Miller.”

“No you don’t.”

Joan was not stupid.

“Don’t make it harder for us”. Olwen warned her.

Gail was confused; “Joan?”

Joan leaned forward and whispered; “Hillman’s sent her.”

Gail immediately got up and folded her arms; “What do you want Olwen? If it’s not important, don’t bother us.”

“It’s important to Joan.”

“Olwen.” Joan leaned back in her chair and also folded her arms; “What Hillman has to say is of no importance to me.”

“Don’t act smug because your deputy head girl.”

“Don’t act like your important because you’re a sixth year taking orders from a fifth-year thug.”

Gail and some of the other members were taken aback by Joan’s demeanour. Joan never argued or showed any dominance. She always did as she was told by whoever ran the chess guild and she hardly ever spoke. If she did, it was quiet. Yet here she was, her voice was strong, and she was given the sixth year her full attention.

The younger members were just confused on what was going on.

“I’ll make it quick.”

“Please do.”

“Hillman wants you to know that she’s only staying away from you because she knows people are watching out for you. But when no one’s around, you have to watch yourself.”

“Fine.”

“And-”

“You’re not done?”

Juno didn’t like being disrespected; “I can see why she hates you Miller. You must have some nerve acting like the big shot considering you jeopardised our Island safety.”

That clearly hit a nerve. Joan sat up straight and then said in a dangerous tone; “You are making a fool of yourself. I suggest you leave.”

“And Hillman told me how Ron stripped you in the bike shed -”

“You have five seconds before I ask Hampton here to escort you straight to Miss Ramsey.”

“Miller-”

“ _Five._ ”

“Get lost Juno” Gail stepped in; “you’ve wasted enough of our time.”

“Four.”

“Just don’t get comfortable Miller, we’re still going to make your life hell.”

Joan shook her head; “You know what, fuck it.” She turned to Gail; “Can you make sure she sees Miss Ramsey?”

Gail couldn’t help but smile at Joan’s slip of the tongue that clearly surprised Olwen and the others; “no problem Joan.”

Olwen still had the stunned face on as Gail patted her shoulder and she was forced to follow the prefect to Miss Ramsey’s office. Her stay there was not pleasant.

A first year Aprender spoke up; “Is it true what she said? About -”

The deputy head girl sat down, cleared her throat roughly and stared at the chess board.

The kid went quiet.

There was a silence as everyone stared at Joan who then took a Knight and made a move.

“You guys know how the Knight works right?”

The Guild ended as usual, though Joan noticed she was getting stared at. Some with admiration while others seemed unsure.

“Ignore them.” Gail read her mind; “They’re not used to seeing you stick up for yourself.”

“I don’t understand. I always do.”

“Not in front of that many people. It doesn’t surprise me, I know you – I’ve seen you talk back to Miss Ramsey as well. But everyone else thinks you’re so shy because they hardly ever hear you talk.”

“I don’t have much to say to people who don’t talk to me.”

Gail started to pack away everything; “Maybe by the end of the year, more people will speak to you. How does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know.” Joan hadn’t thought of it; “strange.”

Normally, she would have helped the others pack everything away but this time she left without a word. No one was offended, they knew she was tired.

Once sleep finally took her, Joan dreamed of clouds and train whistles.

Then thick smell of leather.

She felt fear. Everything went white and she flailed around helplessly.

Joan woke.

Her face was wet from cold sweat and she jumped out of bed and checked her alarm.

It was 5:30 in the morning. It was Friday. It was still dark outside but it was pouring with rain.

She didn’t want to go back to sleep so she had an early morning shower, played some chess by herself and then got dressed. She waited until half six to leave for breakfast – knowing hardly anyone would be there and she’d have something warm for once.

Gail Hampton was at the ferox dining table and waved her over; “I heard your shower this morning. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” Joan didn’t really lie; “just not a good night.”

“I am sorry about yesterday.”

Joan rubbed her eyes; “It’s fine.”

The school food was often average to Joan but she was pleasantly surprised by the breakfast. Once the room started to full up, she decided to leave.

Juno was at the trays and rushed at her.

Joan saw her coming and stepped aside.

Olwen fell flat on her face.

The students who saw it all laughed out loud.

Joan put her tray down and since she had her badge on, asked if Olwen needed the nurse.

Juno got up and pushed past her on the way out to jeers.

The prefects had a hard time getting everyone back in order so Joan decided to get out so the excitement would die quickly.

Juno was dumb, she decided once she started her first class of the day – Maths. With Tom. Who she had to call Mr Zimmerman – dumb but deadly. She would have to watch out for that one.

“You ok Miller?”

Joan looked up from her work; “Yes sir.”

It was unusual for Tom to speak to her in front of the class. He knew she found it uncomfortable.

“Ok.” He seemed to accept her answer.

Joan knew he hadn’t.


	26. Tarheel Blue

Whilst feeling an odd sense of fatherly pride, Tom was very worried about Joan.

The new role added more strain to an already demanding workload. Her timetable wasn’t as heavy as most fourth years, but she was taking subjects meant for fifth or sixth years and on top of that, her trouble with sleep still plagued her. Friday afternoons, she just came in and mostly slept till he woke her for tea. And that day, she did exactly that.

Sarah told him it was normal for someone who oversaw a child to worry – even if the child was of no relation. But even her words didn’t make him feel better.

Joan was a shy kid but she was stubborn. Even after the “incident” and taking care of her for four years, he knew little of her past life. Joan never liked to talk about it and when she did, it was by accident. And when she did reveal something, it was clear she did not want to elaborate. For all his training, Tom could not press the truth out of this student.

He wrote down as much as he could if anything came out. Sometimes he would look through his notes to refresh his mind.

One Saturday, he decided to try yet again to ask about her past. Book ready and waiting, he asked the question while they were eating at his sofa watching a documentary about Selby’s reign; “What is discipline like at home?”

The question took her by surprise; “I’m sorry?”

He didn’t give her time to change the subject; “Are you going to answer me or not?”

“That’s a weird question to ask is it not? I’m not supposed to like it.”

“You don’t have to answer with cheek girl.”

He expected her to become defiant at that. Even argue. He knew she hadn’t meant to be rude after all.

But Joan’s shoulders shivered, and she said nothing.

“Tell me something you did wrong and how your parents punished you.”

“Both of them?”

She was clearly mortified.

“Yes. I mean you said something about a sink.”

“Um….” Joan took a while to come up with an answer; “once mum went into my room and took my diary. She was three months back from a wrestling gig and I suppose she was curious what I thought of her.”

“She didn’t like what you wrote?”

“All I wrote was that I liked the quiet.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

“It was also a diary. Parents shouldn’t be reading them.”

“They can if they’re worried about you.”

“My mum only worries about Dad.”

Joan wasn’t arguing with him; Tom could see that.

“What did she do?”

“She removed my door. Ripped the page that she didn’t like and posted it on the fridge. She told Dad about it. He said she was crazy but if she wanted to just make me miserable, he wouldn’t stop her. She took me into the bathroom and made me sit on the toilet. I had uh….”

“Go on” Tom ordered.

“She was scolding about me being an ungrateful – I shouldn’t say the word and she was angry about other things from the tour she did. While yelling, she had turned on the tap in the sink until it was almost full. I had to stand at her side and she grabbed the back on my hair…..”

Tom frowned; “how old were you?”

“Five or six. Gran must have heard my crying because she opened the door and pulled Mum off me. Then she made her leave and I was locked in with Gran. She dried my face and hair and told me I was going to hers. And I did. Until I was nine and I came back home.” Joan fidgeted; “That one sticks out because Gran thought it was too much. And she was supposed to be the strict one.”

Tom hid his concern; “What about your father?”

“Told me to leave him and mum alone. Or he’d hit me sometimes.”

“And your Grandmother?”

“She never punished me straight away. She had this board where she kept a tally so I would know if I was doing something she didn’t like. Usually meant I couldn’t get pocket money, or I would not be allowed to play outside in her garden. Worst ones, she used a wooden spoon on me.”

“Sounds like your Grandmother.”

“Did she do that to you?”

“To your father.”

“She said she should have given him more as a child.”

He decided to change the subject; “What were you told about Clarifloors?”

“Dad said it was a place that like smart people like me. Mum said I could past entrance test easily so they wouldn’t have to pay so much.”

“Which you did. Well done.”

“But I have to stay here because its far away.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“I’m ok.”

“Not homesick?”

“I just miss Gran.” She turned up the volume; “they’re going to talk about when Rewa killed Selby.”

While she watched the rest of the documentary, Tom wrote down what had been said.

That night, he checked a date back when the girl was still new to the school and he still treated her like a troubled child. It had been a conversation about the school and homesickness;

“I’m not.” She had answered to the question of homesickness.

“Surely you feel something? Don’t you miss them?”

“No.”

He frowned again; “Not Mother or father?”

“No, not really. Not right now.”

“Perhaps it will kick in during the week. When it does, you can always come to me alright?”

She frowned back; “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Watch the way you look at me girl.” He warned; “back to my question about Clarifloors, are you aware of the school’s reputation?”

“Yes sir.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Dad said if I’m bad, they use a cane like back in the old days.”

“Old days of England, I’m sure he means?”

“I think so.”

“That is correct. The cane however is only used with the parents and students consent. Your parents have signed a paper telling me that they are happy for you to be disciplined that way should the school see fit. However, it is up to you as the student if we go through with it. The smaller crimes will get you lines. Stack them up, or do something very bad, then you will have a choice. You have three options. A Saturday detention, in which you will sit in a room from six o’clock in the morning to five o’clock in the afternoon and do lines, prep or other work. The second is what we call “Odd Jobs”. You will be given work to do with the staff. The staff are the ones how clean the school, your clothes and your room and you may find yourself helping with the laundry, helping in the garden or helping the Matron keep her study tidy. It will be up to them. The last option will be corporal punishment. And while you’ve immediately guessed the cane, it’s not as simple. Only the Head of Houses and the Headmaster are allowed to use corporal punishment and we all have our favourite implements. The Aprender House Master has his cane. The Obair House Mistress carries a board. The American students we get call it the paddle if that clears things up. The Ferox House Mistress is well known for her use of the slipper. A shoe made for discipline. I use the strap. Or straps but I have wielded the cane every now and then. You may also find yourself being struck by the hand, depending on the severity and there will always be a witness if you are ever punished by the opposite sex, which the school always tries to avoid.” He looked through his papers; “Looks like you’ll be in House Ferox. With Miss Ramsey. A good friend of mine. Very strict teacher.”

“That’s good.”

“Don’t interrupt.” He got up and went to his cupboard; “your parents also signed some papers for the school and the council to say that while you are in this school, you are also in my care. That means, during the weekends at least, you are free to enter my private quarters. I will show you around Mithridates and I will offer help in your studies.”

He pulled out a small nursery cane and placed it on the table, making sure the young girl was watching. He took out his ruler, hit himself lightly on the hand with it, and put it next to the cane.

“I will also be in charge of dealing with any misbehaviour in or out of school. If you receive punishment in school, you will find yourself being disciplined by me. I do not share the school’s generosity; you will suffer consequences on my terms only.”

He paused to let that sink in.

“Do you understand?”

Finally, a worried frown from the small girl; “Yes sir.”

“I am not a monster Miss Miller, but I have little patience for children who misbehave, have tempers or will bend the rules. Nor do I have patience for children with little respect for their parents.”

No response from the girl.

“You will watch your tongue around me, and you will listen when I tell you something. Agreed?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Let us hope I do not need to rise my hand as much as I’ve been warned that I will.”

He remembered that instead of an angry or defiant look he had expected, the eleven-year-old just looked rather sad and turned her attention to her shaky fingers.

“Are you cold Miss Miller?”

“No sir.”

“Then keep your fingers still.”

The girl fisted her hands and hid them under her legs.

He didn’t say anything.

Back in the present, he wiped his brow and cursed at himself. It was a memory he wasn’t proud of. Back then, he saw insolence. Now, he knew it was uneasiness.

Honestly, it was a wonder Joan did speak to him at all.

He flipped the pages to another conversation.

It was just before she was to begin second year. After the “incident” – as they called it – he and Joan had got much closer as he was the only one who could offer much comfort beyond what the school could give. Joan was even holding hands with him when they faced the public, perhaps sensing both sympathy and anger which made her uneasy.

He was helping her get ready for the next year when he asked how she put her clothes together in her drawers.

“That’s a weird question.” She bluntly said.

“I have to ask weird questions when someone under sixteen is stuck with me.”

“Gran likes my clothes to be arranged by colour, descending in order by shade.”

“Meaning….?”

“Midnight blue at one end of the blue section, tarheel blue at the other.”

“Tarheel?”

“Light blue.”

Tom couldn’t help but be impressed and amused; “are you quite sure you’re Keith’s daughter?”

“He sometimes wonders.”

He openly chuckled; “He often complained that his mother was too strict. How was it for you?”

“I liked living with Gran.”

“So it suited you?”

“Everything was in order. Everything made sense there. Except the cat.”

Tom closed the drawer; “And staying with your mother and father didn’t?”

“They’re very strange people.” Joan was serious; “And I know I’m strange to them but….”

“But?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

Tom could see she was very uncomfortable. Because he was cautious of upsetting her, he changed the subject to history, her mood a little better hearing the facts he knew. Tom had different ideas what Joan could achieve, but he was pretty sure she could be a Historian.

Finally, he went to the end where Sarah had left a written essay.

Sometimes, as her teacher, Sarah heard things from Joan that she knew Tom needed to know.

This was when Sarah had met Joan for the first time. Joan hadn’t even started her first “real” school day when she was paid a visit to her room by the Ferox House Mistress.

Joan herself remembered being startled by her door suddenly opening while she had just pulled out her chess board. The board and the pieces fell to the ground.

As she reached down to hastily gather them, the new person who had barged in tutted; “has no one told you how to greet the Head of Ferox?”

Joan looked up from the floor; “Not yet. Sorry.”

It was the first time she saw Miss Ramsey’s face.

Miss Ramsey was probably not yet fifty, but her hair was fashioned and tied back in such a way that she looked sixty. With her hair back, it highlighted her long face, long nose with thin cheek bones and rather pursed lips. She had very expressive eyes and Joan was pleased about that. She could read eyes if not a face.

The Teacher stood, her arms folded and staring at the young girl with a hard look.

“Stand up!”

Joan obeyed. She though she almost looked like a younger version of her grandmother.

“I will be kind to you this time. But the next time I come in here, you stop what you’re doing and salute. I will then say, “at ease” and you can relax.””

Tom had warned her that the traditions of each House would be odd to her, so Joan didn’t dare ask what she was on about.

For her part, Sarah was more than a little surprised when Joan just looked at her with curiosity rather than fear, leaning her hand on her palm and smiling politely.

“Is something funny Miss Miller?”

The nice smile faded; “No Miss. I was just thinking if you’re like this, the class will be quiet. I like it when it’s quiet.”

Very polite and quiet voice. Sarah wasn’t quite sure what to do; “you need to be careful not to pull faces like that. People will get the wrong idea of you.”

“I’m starting to think that’s already been done if I’m honest Miss.”

“And if you keep that habit of answering back, you’ll be feeling the slipper a lot sooner than most.”

The girl folded her arms and just looked sad.

“You’re my first “outsider” in my new first years to come. You are Mr Zimmerman’s ward?”

“Do you mean Tom?”

“You address him as Mr Zimmerman to me girl.”

“I suppose I am.”

“And you won’t forget to call me “Miss” when speaking to me.”

“I’m not good at forgetting things Miss.”

“Very good.” Miss Ramsey took the girl’s chin; “You do not like to wash your face, do you?”

“No Miss.”

“Why ever not?”

“Sinks are quite dangerous Miss.”

The teacher paused.

Joan noticed a small smile peaking in the corner of the mouth and wondered what was so funny.

The teacher was quick to pull herself together; “Dangerous?”

“I told Tom about this already Miss.” Joan felt herself sink into herself; “I don’t want to tell another stranger. My Dad will kill me.”

“According to him, you’re not a very pleasant girl.”

Joan looked up with wide eyes and then sighed; “Yes.” She bent down to pick up her chess pieces; “Yes….”

Miss Ramsey remembered how Tom’s message had prepared her to meet someone close to a little monster. That was what the parents had almost described her. Yet this young girl was very polite. Clearly overwhelmed and unsure but she was trying. And being called “unpleasant” had clearly hurt her feelings.

The teacher was always a good judge of character and she could see this eleven-year-old wanted to appear as a good person. To hide her bad side from her teacher? To show her that it was all exaggeration? Their first meeting made Miss Ramsey feel it was the later rather than the former.

“You like chess?” she asked, watching carefully for more info.

The girl looked up with very happy eyes; “Yes Miss. Do you play?”

“I’m afraid not.”

She was almost sad to see the happiness leave so quickly; “ok….”

“Do you know when the school hours start and where to go?”

“Mr Zimmerman has talked me through everything Miss.”

“If you’re lost, you know who I am now.”

Joan’s face looked exhausted as she just nodded as an answer and tried to pull out the pieces under the bed. When she looked back up, the teacher was gone.

Years later, remembering all this, Miss Ramsey always regretted how hard she must have come across to the sensitive Joan, but the girl never resented her for the early treatment and never brought it up to shame her teacher.

Tom looked up as he heard the soft snores from his sofa and sighed in relief. Usually he would hear whimpers or see the cover being thrashed around.

Tonight, she was having a decent dream for the first time in ages.

He now wished he could have that luck.


	27. November

Another duty for the team was to make sure prefects were patrolling the right corridors and rooms. Certain corridors were ought of bounds after a while and prefects were asked to check no student was around. The penalty was lines, but a repeated offence would result in “the DOC – Detention, Odd Jobs or corporal punishment”.

Rather controversially, the changing rooms in the P.E section of the school was off bounds after six pm even to prefects, a rule that Joan and Dean knew was abused since the bullies in the school went there with their victims. Both of them had since individually and in team meetings spoken to Dr Brookes about the rule, and he agreed to allow the team at least to check them each night.

The team privately agreed to challenge the rule the next time the Headmaster called a meeting. They all unanimously thought it was stupid. The school – like most boarding schools - had a problem with bullies and this rule did nothing to help.

It was late November when Ebony and Joan went down to check on the changing rooms. Both ex-bully and former victim knew where the bullies hid, and they were glad to see no one was around in the corridors and so far, not hiding in the lockers.

“Ebony” Joan suddenly whispered as they reached the final room.

“Yes?”

“Someone’s crying.”

Ebony listened hard. Joan was right.

Both girls rushed to the last room in the corridor and finding it locked, banged on the door until it was opened.

. It was a first year Ferox student. Sam Halop. His eyes were bruised and wet. He was relieved to see the girls.

“Sam? Where’d they go?” Ebony asked.

“I don’t know where they went but they’re not here. I thought they were you. I was just about to run when I heard….”

Joan scratched her face; “Do we really need to report this?”

Anyone found in the changing rooms was reported – victim or not.

“You know the rules Joan.”

Joan and Sam pleaded but Ebony, while sharing their grievances, didn’t back down. It really was a stupid rule, born from some stupid incident’s years and years ago that no one remembered happening.

Unfortunately for all three, Miss Ramsey had Mr Read with her as they both went over the prelims that had been finished.

“Take him to the common room and me or Mr Read will come and get you three” Miss Ramsey said, her desk full of papers. “I have the Headmaster coming too in a few minutes.”

“In all due respect Miss, the reasons -”

“Miller. Please.” She half nodded towards Mr Read who was grunting over some papers. Read had a temper far, far worse than all the teacher’s combined, so the students made a hasty retreat to the Ferox common room.

“Jim was saying you’ve been avoiding his classes.” Ebony said to Joan, “has it been sorted?”

“I’ve returned yes.” Joan didn’t want to talk about it, “but he never apologised.”

“He’s not a nice man” said Sam.

“I agree.”

“Sarang was in tears today because he didn’t like her playing and threw a chalk at her. It hit her near the eyes.”

“Is she ok?” Sarang, who had since joined the chess guild as well as the strings, was one of Joan’s favourite first years.

“I told her to report it, but she wouldn’t. I was actually going to see you or someone on the team on her behalf.”

“We’ll look into it” Ebony promised. Mr Read was never her favourite teacher.

Joan hadn’t been in the common room since her small fight with Hillman. She noticed it smelt of popcorn this time. It was nice.

For some reason, the room was quite full, and Sam’s friends were there to rather loudly fuss over his eyes, much to the annoyance of everyone else. Most were studying before they would be forced to go to bed and the noise was enough for one student to throw their pen at the small group.

“Can’t you tell them to shut up?” Madison joked to Joan. She noticed Joan’s uneasiness over the laughter and complaints; “Ebony the noise is too much for Joan.”

“I’ll be fine” Joan said. “I just need my bed once this is done.”

“Did you catch who did it?” Madison was always nicer when she wasn’t searching for a story.

“No” Ebony admitted, “Joan heard him crying but they were already gone. We need to get that rule lifted – a teacher could easily patrol those halls. There’s no cameras either.”

Before Madison could respond, Mr Read came into sudden silence as he barked for everyone to settle down.

“Don’t you put the student in disgrace at a wall when told to wait here?” he asked Joan.

“No sir.” Joan admitted rather too quietly.

“I can’t hear you.”

“She said no sir” Ebony responded.

“Was I talking to you Vicker’s?”

Ebony went silent. Stunned.

He turned back to Joan; “And don’t think I didn’t hear how you spoke to Miss Ramsey a few moments ago. It’s a disgrace. You should show more respect to her as your student.”

Joan wisely didn’t respond to that confusing statement.

“Halop, you’ve to come with me.”

“Why did you yell at Miller for sir?” Sam suddenly became defensive, “she can’t help how she behaves.”

Everyone else in the room suddenly felt small.

Read’s voice got even more dangerous; “She doesn’t need your opinion of her Halop.”

Joan privately agreed.

But something didn’t feel right.

“If I’m going to be punished for getting beaten up sir, I won’t go to the office.”

Gail, the most experienced prefect in the room, tried to get herself involved; “Sam -”

“Sit down Hampton!” Read yelled.

Gail obeyed.

“You’re coming.” Read said to Sam.

“No.”

Read picked up a book lying on one of the tables; “If you don’t come, I’ll use this on you right now. You’re choice.”

Anyone watching Joan saw her eyes change colour as her jaw shook.

“No.” Sam repeated, a little afraid now but determined.

Sam felt a nasty grab of his shoulder and a pull but he stood as still as he could, much stronger than he seemed.

Ebony tried to think quickly as she felt each student around her freeze in shock at what was happening.

“Sir.”

Joan’s voice was stronger now.

“Unless you have a cane ready for me Miller, you can stay quiet-”

“I am talking to you as the deputy head girl sir, you better listen to me.”

Ebony felt the colour in her face drain away. Sam forgot to struggle in his astonishment.

Read looked at the deputy head girl; “excuse me?”

Joan face was stern; “You know the rules. You don’t strike or touch a student not in your House and if I can be blunt, you seem to be in a bad mood. Please leave us alone if that’s the case, Vicker’s and I can deal with Halop together without your help.”

The other students felt themselves shrink. Sam went behind Ebony who couldn’t stop her mouth drop as she stared at Joan. What the hell was she doing?

Appearing to sense the other students fear, Joan looked both to her left and right with a frown before turning back to Mr Read; “Do you understand me sir?”

Read’s only response was to throw the book forcefully at the deputy head girl. Joan saw it coming and managed to catch it before it could strike her in the chest. She looked at it, her face and voice softened; “This is Anne of Green Gables. My Gran used to read it to me a lot….”

“And we should care because?”

“I don’t know.”

She was back.

“Maybe I don’t care for your attitude towards me either. I don’t need to be told the “rules” when a student disobeys a direct order.”

The frown went deeper; “I think if a teacher disobeys a rule, he or she should be told. Ebony and I can do it and should do without any problems.”

Ebony looked at all the Ferox’s, but no one knew what to do or say. Even Sam’s friends were silent – too scared to get involved.

“When did you get such a high opinion of yourself Miller? The only thing you’ve done of note is keep up on top in chess and help win one mundane knowledge quiz – Deputy Head Girl now and suddenly you think you know every rule in the school?”

Joan clearly didn’t register his tone; “I did read the actual rule book during my only “odd job” experience, that was a bad day-”

She suddenly felt Read’s grip as he pulled her towards him, making her drop the book as he –rather menacingly for an autistic girl - scolded her; “Don’t joke with me! You dare try to make a fool of me in front of your House just to show off your own ego is that it? Talk to me.”

Joan looked over at one of the first years and pointed at the book; “Someone’s going to trip over that book-”

Read gave her a shake, forcing her to look at him, “forget about the book!”

Joan’s tone turned firm again; “Sir, I have to ask you not to do that again.”

Daniel Serigo whispered to Gail Hampton who nodded. He quickly left the room. Gail gestured to Ebony silently telling her that Daniel was going to fetch Miss Ramsey. The Head Girl nodded her thanks. Madison was writing everything down in her notes as her own camera wasn’t working while there was a stillness from the other witnesses.

“I’ll do it again if you don’t focus and let me deal with you.”

“You have my attention, I just don’t want to be shaken again, it hurts.”

Joan was too calm for someone being shown this treatment. It was like she was used to this treatment. The Ferox students in the room were all thinking that.

Ebony just wondered why she of all people couldn’t tell Mr Read to stop. She was known for her cheek to teachers, she could handle Mr Read. Yet something was holding her back and so she stared helplessly at the music teacher torturing her vulnerable friend. She felt useless.

Read’s voice was quiet yet dangerous; “Why do you continue to speak like I’m the one at fault?”

“If I remember correctly from reading the rule book - you’re not supposed to administer discipline to a Ferox student. You’re the House Master of Aprender. If you have any complaints about me or Mr Halop, then all you need to do is go back to Miss Ramsey. You know this. I don’t know why I need to tell you this and I don’t know why you feel the need to hold me like this.”

Forgetting that this student wasn’t an Aprender, Read pulled at her sleeve and struck her in lightly but firmly on the cheek; “I didn’t need a lecture”.

He saw Gail get up; “Don’t get involved!”

Gail, frowning hard, went to Ebony’s side but didn’t move any closer.

Joan’s voice shook a little; “sir, you need to be told-”

He put his finger to her face; “Didn’t I say I didn’t need to hear it?”

Joan felt her teeth biting her gums but couldn’t stop herself.

This man’s grip was hurting.

Really badly.

This was worse than what anything Tom had done.

Worse than Miss Ramsey’s slipper.

Even the cane.

It reminded her….

_Jesus._

She felt herself sweat.

She couldn’t afford to think about it right now.

She rubbed the assaulted cheek against her shoulder and tried to calm down. Not easy with people watching.

Gail nudged Ebony. It somehow gave the Head Girl her courage;

“Sir.” Ebony’s voice was not its usual strong self, “she’s agitated.”

“Good.” Read either didn’t understand what was going on or didn’t care; “I now have two people to take to Miss Ramsey.” Read, still holding Joan’s, grabbed her arm, “this one and-”

He suddenly backed off a whimpering Joan fought back. Breathless, she seemed to calm down a little to observe what was going on.

“Sir I….” Joan finally appeared to share her fellow students shock and horror as she realised what she’d done, “I don’t – can’t be touched when I…” She looked around the room, her eyes pleading for help. “It, it hurts when you touch me-”

“It’s ok pal” Ebony tried to comfort her from across the room, “you’re ok, don’t be scared -”

“Vickers.” Read turned to her, “if I hear one more word from you….”

Ebony felt the fear of God in her.

He suddenly saw Madison; “And why are you scribbling away?”

Madison stopped, scared for her life.

“I need to see someone…” Joan found herself saying. Her hands were together, and her fingers wriggled.

“So, this is what you think you’re entitled to do to your teachers? Huh?” Read grabbed Joan by the shoulder, trying to stop her from swaying. She somehow managed to keep still despite the teacher’s touch feeling like a burn that only got stronger; “Answer me!”

He was rewarded with Joan’s eyes given him full attention. Ebony felt her breath leave her. If anyone could show fury, fear, defiance and confusion in one glance, Joan could do it.

Apparently, they made Read angrier; “why do you look at me like that?” Joan, holding her lips tight, didn’t respond, nor did she change the way she looked at him.

That was when Read pushed the student. It wasn’t as hard as he could have done but it was hard enough for a fifteen-year-old as small as Joan whose head smashed against the wall, causing her to reach back and collapse on the floor.

“Sir!” Ebony feebly defended her deputy.

Sam, who saw how the girl landed shouted; “that’s going to leave a bruise! That’ll leave a bruise! A big one! A concussion! She won’t know where she is!”

“Shut up,” Simon, muttered. No one wanted another student getting in Read’s way.

But Sam was right. Joan’s head had taken a bad knock and although the girl didn’t voice her discomfort, it was clear she was in pain.

At least he was no longer touching her. Joan felt much better for that.

She much preferred Tom’s ruler to this though….

“I would never let a student in my House look at me, talk to me or treat me the way Miss Ramsey seems to have allowed you to do,” Read spoke to Joan, rather breathlessly, “I will see to it that the Headmaster hears of this-”

“ _John!_ ”

Everyone turned to the door.

“ _What the hell do think you’re doing?”_

Daniel quietly walked back to Madison and Simon rather sheepishly as Miss Ramsey stared at Mr Read. The whole room was still and silent, minus Joan’s heavy breathing from where she had landed.

“Do my eyes deceive me or did you just throw that student to the ground?”

It was clear Miss Ramsey had watched for a quite a while and had been too shocked to move at first. Even her voice couldn’t hide her horror.

“He hit her Miss!” Sam shouted, eager to get the teacher in trouble. “Twice!”

“Miss Vicker’s?”

Ebony nodded silently.

“She put up a fight” Read responded to Miss Ramsey’s angry face.

“She’s autistic Mr Read. If you’re going to frighten her, of course she’ll fight back. I didn’t see any good reason for what you just did. I only hope for your sake there’s an explanation that will at least give our Headmaster a reason to sympathise.”

Miss Ramsey looked at the Deputy Head Girl who was sitting, clearly dazed, against the wall and muttering;

“Miller.”

Joan’s voice was barely audible; “ _Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it…. Yet_.”

“Miller!”

Joan finally looked up. She didn’t really seem to see the teacher – her eyes were lazy.

“Talk to me. Do you know where you are?”

Joan looked down at her side as the pain clearly got to her; “I don’t like this room. Things always happen to me in here.”

The Ferox students couldn’t help but agree with that statement.

“Where does it hurt? Are you in pain?”

Joan managed to gesture to the back of her head.

A new voice stopped everyone; “What happened here?”

It was Dr Brookes. He was looking at Ebony.

Ebony felt her mouth go dry, but she managed to tell the Headmaster what had happened. Gail, Madison, Simon and Daniel backed her up with Sam and two of his friends – who just so happened to be Sarang and Ivy - also voicing what they saw.

“I’m surprised at you Mr Read,” Dr Brookes said to the Aprender House Master, “you like to remind our staff of the rules all the time in my presence. Surely you can appreciate a student who shares that habit.”

John Read did that appreciate that statement. He went forward towards Joan whose eyes were misted.

“My student. I deal with it!” Miss Ramsey attempted to stop him.

Mr Read took Joan’s shoulder.

“ _John!_ ”

Joan felt her shoulder being tugged at. Her eyes all blurry, her head feeling like water, she couldn’t see who it was, and she then felt an unusual wave of fear and pain build up from the touch.

Ebony saw the look on Joan’s face and prayed she’d control herself.

“Miss Ramsey has asked politely that you allow her to deal with the student” Dr Brookes had the calmest voice.

“And what will she do with this one? Give her toast and jam at bed-time, tell her she can’t help who she is? Being-”

He was cut off by three slaps to his arm, forcing him to let go.

They weren’t hard, and they didn’t bring any pain, but it was enough to stop the man in his tracks and the students in the room to become frozen again in terror.

Sarah silently cursed as Chris took in what he’d just seen.

He took a step forward.

“Dr Brookes-” she tried but he ignored her. He went over and bent down to Joan’s level;

“Miller. Are you aware of what you just did?”

He observed her when she didn’t answer. He got up and turned to Mr Read; “Go to the door. Don’t touch anyone and don’t say a word.”

Mr Read obeyed, glaring at the student who had struck him.

“I can’t see…” Joan was heard to mutter as she sat there rocking while nursing her head. She blinked a few times which seemed to help.

“What do you say to that Miss Ramsey?” The Headmaster asked the Head of Ferox, “a student of yours just struck a teacher.”

Miss Ramsey looked as frightened as her students; “Dr Brookes, in my students defence she did not mean to harm Mr Read, he -”

“She retaliated. I’m sorry but that needs to be dealt with.” The Headmaster could feel the room’s angry and disgusted eyes on him; “You all know that it is unacceptable to strike a teacher and Miss Miller ought to be grateful that I’m allowing her to be dealt with by her House Mistress.” He looked over at Joan who was rubbing the back of her head, “am I right Miller?”

Joan looked at him. Her face was very pale.

“I’m waiting Miller.”

“I agree with you sir, but I do feel Mr Read needs to be reminded that he cannot raise his hands-on students not in his House. Especially the first years.” She gestured where Sam was; “especially…. Uh… when they’re already hurt.”

For someone so pale and on the floor in pain, Dr Brookes was impressed that Joan’s voice remained stoic when talking to him.

“I agree with you as well Miller. And as much as I shouldn’t say it, I applaud you for standing up for your fellow students,” He looked over at Ebony; “you’re not going to help your deputy Vicker’s?”

Ebony took the hint, nodding to Gail and Madison to help Joan up. Joan stumbled at the first attempt but managed to stand on her own. Ebony wanted to give her a hug, but knew that was out of the question for now.

“Vicker’s, I don’t want to see Miller in the office tomorrow or on Sunday. Agreed?”

“She’s not being side-lined is she sir?” Ebony asked.

“Look at her Vicker’s, she’s not well.” Dr Brookes answered impatiently. Then he turned to Mr Read; “And you sir will do well to listen to a student – practically one on the team who appears to know the rules better than you.”

Read glared at Joan who looked down at her feet in response, her hand still holding her head.

“I will ask the rest of you” Dr Brookes spoke to the students in the room, “to not view what you witnessed today as something you can use against both parties. Both the student and teacher were in the wrong. Both will be disciplined. That’s final.”

Sam didn’t buy it; “Joan’s going to be punished more than him sir. She didn’t start it-”

“You would do well not to argue with me Halop, you’re already going to serve two weeks of detention if not receive the slipper”.

Sam went silent.

“I sympathise with the girl – I understand she was frightened,” he turned to Miss Ramsey, “but I want to see her either in your classroom for detention or struggling to sit down for the next week. The student cannot get away with this. Your House will not and should not be known for students attacking members of staff even given the circumstances. I need to value my staff as well as my students. You’re lucky I’m not the one disciplining that girl for attacking a member of my staff, especially since she’s a member of my team and I’d be happy to cane her. I’m sure whatever you plan to do will be less severe.”

If he wasn’t her boss, Chris knew he would be terrified of the disgusted look Sarah was given him.

But what else could he say or do?

“I will say this in front of my student’s Dr Brookes” Miss Ramsey’s voice was low, a warning to her students that she was very angry; “I don’t tolerate staff or student – anyone - who puts their hands on my students. Mr Read and the staff have been told about this particular students’ condition, he should know not to agitate her -”

Ebony suddenly jumped forward to catch Joan who swayed, which grabbed Miss Ramsey’s attention.

“That’s good of you” Dr Brookes responded, “but we can’t make an exception. I’m sorry.”

He meant it as well.

Without another word to anyone, Miss Ramsey went towards a distracted Joan, put an arm around her and took her out of the room. The students noticed the glare she threw towards Mr Read who scowled in response.

Dr Brookes noticed; “Mr Read, I wouldn’t try anything with me in the room. Please return to your quarters and meet me at seven tomorrow.”

“Yes sir.”

The teachers left the silent common room.

“What the hell was she thinking?!” Simon broke the silence.

“She obviously wasn’t after he knocked her head in!” Madison retorted.

“Brooke’s was on her side till she hit him!”

“She was scared. You saw it, she didn’t know what was going on-” Gail noticed something she didn’t like; “is something funny?”

The room turned to Juno Olwen. She was smiling. Until of course, she saw the rest of the students were angry and ready to pounce on her.

“Is something funny?” Gail repeated herself, her voice dangerous.

Juno didn’t respond.

“If you find it funny, get out!”

Juno left.

“She’s become friends with Gladys Hillman,” Daniel said, nodding at the door where the sixth year had left, “Hillman’s gathering her men. Recruiting. I’ve already had a run in with the old faces.” He looked at Blair Stillman, “Don’t get any ideas.”

Blair, who was never a friend of Hillman, was offended.

“Olwen came in and threatened her at the Chess Guild last week” Gail said, “this happening and possibly….”

Ebony felt even more helpless.

“We’ll see how many of Ferox join her and out them in our paper” Madison responded to that, low key threatening those in the room.

“What will Miss Ramsey do to Joan?” Sarang asked.

“She’ll get a choice” Ebony finally spoke, her stomach in knots, “but Joan never picks detentions or Odd Jobs.”

That was news to some of the Ferox students. They had assumed, as a disabled student, Joan had never received corporal punishment. All that talk about the cane from Dr Brookes was not taken seriously by them. Until now.

That meant when The Headteacher talked about….

Ebony realised she probably shouldn’t have said anything as she noticed the stunned silence in the room.

“Guys” she addressed the room, “please don’t tease her about this ok? You saw it yourself, she was scared to death, but she took that with as much dignity as she could and the last thing I want is for people to ask more questions or to make fun of her over this. If Hillman is planning on something, we can’t make it worse.”

“I won’t be hearing anything” Gail said, with a warning to the rest.

“That includes you” Ebony said to Madison.

“I’m not going to bash Joan over it” Madison was a little insulted, “I won’t even mention her. Not that anyone can’t guess.” She showed her notes, “I wrote everything down. I’ll try and get them to change their mind, this isn’t fair.”

Ebony felt her eyes well up, so she nodded and left quickly.

She tried to go to her own room but soon exhaustion and stress overcame her, so she went straight to her Matron. Alarmed, Tom was called to check on his Head Girl.

That’s how he learned what happened to Joan.

Instead of taking her to her room, Miss Ramsey bought Joan to the office. They didn’t speak at first. The teacher wondered what to say while Joan, sitting on the sofa, was more than a little on edge.

A message popped up on her phone. She read it. Then looked at her student;

“The Headmaster has granted you three days off from school activities which includes your work on the team this weekend.”

Joan said nothing. She had a headache.

Miss Ramsey stood before her; “You know how much trouble this has caused?”

Joan looked up; “I’m I going to get slapped in the face?”

Sometimes the Head of House would give their students a small but sharp tap which did little damage but stung. It was the only form of C.P that was done publicly though it was rare and Dr Brookes didn’t approve. Miss Ramsey only did so in some occasions. Joan had yet to receive it from her teacher, but Miss Ramsey had already decided long ago that she could never touch Joan’s face.

Not that she was going to admit it; “I might.” She looked at the student closely. “It already looks like someone beat me to it didn’t they?”

Silence from the student.

“So, who was it? Your cheek is marked. Who did it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Without lying to me girl.”

Silence.

Miss Ramsey folded her arms; “I’m waiting”

Joan looked away; “I’m quite tired now.”

“Miller. I’m not in the mood to be patient when one of my students has clearly been attacked. Especially you.”

Silence.

“Was it Mr Read? Did he hit you too?”

The student squirmed a little but finally nodded; “When Daniel went out.”

Miss Ramsey made her tone a little gentler; “So Halop and Vicker’s were right. He struck you in the face. And this was before I came in?”

“He just….” Joan shrugged. It was no longer exciting. She just wanted to go to bed.

Miss Ramsey understood; “I see”.

“I don’t mind it Miss, but you would normally warn me before you do anything. He didn’t. He’s not my Head of House. That’s your job.” The student suddenly looked worried; “Have I got him in trouble?”

“He’s got himself in trouble,” there was no point denying it, “he was supposed to send Halop back to me but instead he tried to use corporal punishment on a student not in his House and in public. As you know, that’s against the rules. You were right to tell him that. The fact that he’s forgotten that means he needs re-evaluated. Making you anxious and grabbing you when he knows he is not allowed to touch you hasn’t helped his case. He should have known not to touch you when your aggravated or upset.”

“Maybe he needs a break. I heard you and Tom talking about his wife.”

Sarah forgot to watch her tone; “You’re not supposed to eavesdrop on our conversations.”

“You talked about it in-front of me.”

“And don’t argue!”

Joan gave up. She wasn’t going to win against Mrs Ramsey

“And for attacking a teacher, you know we have to deal with that. It’s worth six weekends of detentions or I fetch my slipper. And before you open your mouth, I will not be in a good mood if you choose the later.”

Joan bit her lip; “I don’t want the detentions Miss.”

“What about Odd Jobs?”

Joan shook her head.

“You like to see make me suffer, don’t you?” Miss Ramsey openly sighed; “Very well. Since tomorrow is Saturday, I’ll see you in your room between five and six and you will be dressed in uniform – shoes included. You will salute upon entry and after the punishment. Understand?”

Joan didn’t respond. Nor did she look at her teacher. She was tired and miserable.

She wondered if she could bare going to her music lessons to face him. Excusing herself would be painful but was it worth seeing his face again?

It had felt strange feeling that sense of helplessness when an adult……

No. She didn’t want to remember.

“Are you feeling ok?”

Stupid question, the teacher knew that.

“I’m fine Miss.”

Miss Ramsey could tell she was pushing the kid mentally so wisely lowered her voice; “You don’t need to feel guilty about this Miller, you made a mistake but if it wasn’t for that man’s behavior, you wouldn’t be in this situation. I’m just sorry you can’t be left alone. Now go to you room, you’ve had your excitement today.”

After Joan left her alone, Sarah dropped a curse word as she thought of John. What an idiot!

And why had she agreed to punish the girl when it wasn’t her fault?

Then she remembered something.

She looked in her drawers. Yes. There it was. The Mithridates Gazette.

She now had a better reason to discipline that girl. She sighed. Life was being too harsh on this child.

The House of Ferox retired in a foul mood that night.


	28. Playing Safe

Madison and her team had printed out the story already by the time Miss Ramsey went to check on her students the next morning. She was none too pleased to see the paper hanging up on the wall in the common room nor the students taking pictures of the article to share but said nothing. It was free press after all. And at least there were no rude words or silly jokes.

“We didn’t call Miller that word this time Miss, we didn’t even mention her by name,” Daniel said as he watched his House teacher read the story. Madison and Simon stared silently on edge.

“I can see that.” Ramsey answered impatiently; “Calling Mr Read abusive is slightly pushing it though.”

“He insulted her intelligence, hit her and then threw her on the ground.” Madison began to argue; “and he knows her disability -”

“Look you three, I’m very much aware of how you feel – and Mr Seirgo, I’m forever grateful that you came to get me - but if Mr Read complains about this and gets the Headmaster involved, you will be facing the cane again. I thought we agreed you’d be much more careful after your first time.”

“All the news teams in the past have been dull though Miss.” Simon pointed out. “They always played safe. Journalism isn’t about playing safe it’s about telling the truth.”

“I agree with you on that” Miss Ramsey nodded; “but I’m just warning you that there’s nothing I can do if he sees this. Have you sent this story to the other Houses?”

“No Miss,” Madison spoke; “but since the Head Girl was there, I think the Hapus press team tried to get some information from her. Apparently, she told them to “f- off” and slammed the door on them. They then came to us and we told them what we witnessed.”

“Not playing against each other this time?”

“Not when it’s this serious Miss.”

“And have you been outside Miller’s door?”

“No Miss”.

The three students knew doing so was suicide. Joan was not the weakling many thought and when pushed, stood up for herself as well as could – but it was no secret Miss Ramsey was extra hard on anyone caught harassing the student. What happened to the previous deputy head girl was a display of Ramsey’s commitment towards Miller’s welfare. It didn’t matter if the locals thought she was a security threat, she was first and utmost, a vulnerable student.

Some students had since speculated that Joan’s behaviour – taking what had happened in stride and winning House Ferox the Chess Champions Cup after Amelia’s attack had caught Dr Brooke’s eye and hence fourth, she now had Amelia’s responsibilities. It was quite the revenge to have a former victim take her place on the team.

Madison, Simon and Daniel wouldn’t admit it, but they were proud to have Joan Miller in the House. Most of the students now felt the same. She was an odd pick to represent them, but she had already shown her smarts at competitions and had stood her ground with teachers and students. Her response to Mr Read now meant she had her own admirers especially from the younger years. She was unique and had certainly made their school lives more interesting.

“You’re not going to discipline her are you Miss?” Daniel then dared to ask, “she wasn’t thinking straight, she was disorientated and scared -”

“You know I have no choice” Miss Ramsey answered him, “believe me, I have begged the Headmaster to drop it but he’s adamant that she be made an example.”

The press team felt defeated. Madison left her notes with the teacher as evidence but knew they couldn’t save Joan. At least they tried.

“All I can promise is that I will not be harsh. Please don’t write anything about this, it will just upset Miller.”

Miss Ramsey had not slept easily. Despite her efforts to hide it, the student did not fool Miss Ramsey when she said she was fine. Her head injury was certainly more painful than she was pretending it was and the experience had been nothing but torture for a girl who didn’t like to be the centre of attention.

One thing was perfectly clear – the rule regarding the issue with the changing rooms was not working and at least Chris had seen the disastrous consequences for himself. Two students had needlessly suffered and one of them was going to suffer even more. And he had finally seen why Sarah, Tom and Linda had often complained about John. And Sarah now truly understood why Joan had no longer wanted to take part in any music lessons with the man. What did he do to make her uncomfortable? Had he done something like this before? Was the school no longer as safe as it should be? She wondered if she should confront him again.

For now, though, she still wished for Joan to continue music. If only for the glory part. Joan had helped to win Ferox some victories in composition competitions since she first joined the school which had earned her a little respect among the music side. She was no musician – she knew the piano notes but that was about it – but she was very good at theory and had a good ear for notes that clashed or sounded right together and had helped teams in the past with their compositions. Miss Ramsey asked the musical lot of Ferox to make sure she was turning up to class and, eager to keep her on the team, they agreed. They needed her to have a fighting chance against Aprender.

Tom had had to deal with a very distressed Head Girl, and he was very upset to hear what had happened to Joan. He comforted Sarah, volunteering to deal with Joan himself but she insisted in doing it. Tom had disciplined Joan in Sarah’s place before, but he was secretly glad when his offer was dismissed by the Head of Ferox. No one liked to use corporal punishment really. Maybe except John Read. And Tom was certainly on Joan’s side on this matter. He made sure to check on her and reassure her that she would not be punished by him.

She was not bothered about that; “Do I really need to go to music class?”

Tom felt bad for her; “keep going. But if it becomes unbearable, let me know. Will you let me know?”

“I’ll try.”

Saturday’s were usually the best part of a weekend. Not for Joan or the rest of team. Saturday’s meant meetings and often or not, there wasn’t much to talk about except stupid, stupid and more stupid complaints. Today was no different – apart for the condolences on the Read incident for Joan - and Dean was already rocking in his chair and falling asleep. Ebony had to hit him over five times with a book and Jim just about gave up and let them mess around. Joan was lost in thought, holding her Albert tightly. Despite being told to have a break, she didn’t want to sit in her room alone. Ebony said nothing to her, unable to find the words to speak.

They quickly pretended to be busy when Miss Ramsey suddenly knocked on the door and entered. Joan felt a little uptight seeing her but saw that the teacher’s mood seemed much better than last night.

“We’re just about done Miss” Jim told her, silently telling the others to nod and stop yawning. Dean grabbed Ebony’s book to hid one and it took a lot of effort from her not to hit him again.

“When your all done, I would like Mr Morrison to stay here as I wish to speak to him.” She checked her watch; “it’s 4:32 – haven’t you finished?”

“Just now Miss” Ebony answered, “Dean and I are going to see Mrs Oliver’s about the Boy’s Croquet team. Since there’s only three boys in Obair who are interested, and we’ve heard nothing from the other Houses, we wondered if we should go ahead creating a team at all.”

“And yourself Miller?”

“I’ll probably read a book in my room now.”

Miss Ramsey knew Joan well enough to know that meant she was going to sit and wait for her punishment.

“Very well but I would advise you go outside for a little while to give yourself some fresh air. I thought Dr Brookes told you that you didn’t need to attend this meeting?”

“I thought he meant classes on Monday to Wednesday Miss.”

“He also meant these meetings. Haven’t you told your team members?”

“Dr Brookes told me” Ebony quickly spoke up; “but Joan didn’t want to leave.”

“So you did understand what he meant” Miss Ramsey turned to Joan.

“No Miss”.

Miss Ramsey decided not to scold Joan in front of the team any further. She had the evening to speak her mind.

“I honestly wonder if your meetings shouldn’t be on a Friday rather than a Saturday. Morrison are you ok for me to chat now?”

Jim nodded, and the three other students left quickly, Joan grabbing her bear on the way out, eager to be alone.

“Are you aware why the Headmaster has given Miller three days off?”

“Yes Miss.”

Ebony had told him a little of what she had seen, and he had read the school paper as well as spoken to Gail Hampton who was understandably still very upset at what she’d seen. In fact, a few Ferox students had been reported to him for bad mouthing Aprender student’s over the incident.

It was yet another embarrassment for House Aprender with Read’s temper making things awkward for his students, but Jim was more concerned that two Ferox students were harmed.

Especially Joan.

He didn’t quite know why he felt bothered at all. At the start of term, he hadn’t really cared about the girl but now….

Hearing what had happened had really upset him more than he expected.

And Joan had been too quiet that morning. Almost miserable.

He brushed those thoughts away as he focussed on Miss Ramsey’s words;

“Miller was very distressed last night but she refused to truly open up and allow herself any comfort from her teacher. Perhaps understandably so. She told me she was fine. She’s awful at lying so I know she’s not.”

“No Miss.”

“Is there any way you can talk to her about last night?”

Jim was surprised; “Me Miss? I could try Miss but she’s not one to talk about her feelings -”

“I’m asking you because I’ve seen the way you talk to her. You talk to and for her with respect and I appreciate you for that. Joan is still very much the child of your team – she has had no previous experience as a prefect, she’s very much jumped into the unknown – she’s also not one to voice her problems and she’s not very trusting of others.”

Jim moved to defend his deputy head girl; “Miss. Bearing in mind what other students and teachers have done to her -”

“Exactly. I probably would have fallen into a pattern that would have led to her self-destruction if I wasn’t made aware of how her condition affects her. Joan doesn’t think the way you and I do, she takes everything personally, believes she’s always at fault and what happened last night could have been avoided with a little understanding from others. Do you believe she was at fault?”

“No Miss.”

“Perhaps when she’s ready to talk to me she will but I’d like you to try yourself. Maybe you’ll get more out of her than I will and if there’s anything she says to you, Parks or Vicker’s that you feel needs to be addressed, you will speak to me, won’t you?”

Jim agreed but he was a little worried. Jim had never comforted any girl, not even his sick sister who always seemed strong, so he wasn’t sure how to approach the notoriously distant student.

And he hadn’t exactly been very friendly towards her in the past. He wondered if he was the right person. Dean and maybe Ebony would have been better.

“Catch her after the service tomorrow.” Miss Ramsey said; “I will make myself available if she says anything that needs my attention. You’ll be doing us both a favour Morrison.”

Before he left to retire, Jim went to search through his desk and noticed that all the _Gazette_ papers he had collected from students were missing. He wondered if he’d just forgotten he’d already taken them in or binned them and sighed at his own forgetfulness.

Joan stayed in her room and changed into her school uniform. It was nice to wear now that the staff had stopped being horrible and her clothes were now washed and ironed perfectly but she still felt the usual butterflies in her stomach. Surprisingly, Joan was not afraid of Miss Ramsey’s slipper but that didn’t mean she wasn’t always a little apprehensive of getting it.

At 5pm exactly, Miss Ramsey picked up one of her four slippers in her cupboard, met a reluctant Matron Flavia outside her office and both marched into Joan’s room where Miss Ramsey ordered the student quietly to stand up straight. Matron Flavia locked the door.

“At ease.”

Joan reached for her bed and sat down. She held her hands tight and looked down.

“Matron if you hear anything outside, please let me know.”

“Yes Miss Ramsey.”

“I don’t intend to keep you long,” She turned to Joan; “I want to make this clear first of all, this is not for failing your duty as deputy head girl. As far as I’m concerned, you rescued Sam by putting yourself in harm’s way. This is happening because in this school, attacking a teacher for any reason is unacceptable, no matter if you could not control yourself.”

That seemed reasonable to Joan.

“Something else has got my attention though young lady.” Miss Ramsey’s voice went a little colder and she took out the copy of “The Mithridates Gazette”, “you’re very much aware that this is banned from school premises. Aren’t you?”

Joan had wondered where that had got too. She looked over at the Matron and saw the guilty look.

Oh well. Should have made sure to hide it.

That reminded her – she had to throw out the other papers.

“Answer me Miller.”

Joan had forgotten her teacher was there.

“Yes Miss.”

Miss Ramsey silently asked why this wasn’t just a simple mistake.

“Dr Brookes has banned this paper. Why do you have it in your room?”

Joan thought quickly; “I like doing their crosswords.”

“And?”

“That’s it really.”

And Miss Ramsey could see that Joan was telling the truth. Just not all of it. In her frustration, she forgot about the Headmaster’s order;

“You’re unbelievable sometimes girl.” She shook her head, “You will not get this back and if you want to do crosswords there are other papers you can use. The school ones.”

“They’re a little too easier in comparison too-”

“I wouldn’t argue with me in your current situation girl.”

Joan went silent.

“I’m going to give you four for that paper, though really it ought to be six. Consider yourself lucky.”

Joan was confused; “What about Mr Read?”

“What about him?”

“You’re mainly here because of him. The Headmaster asked you to-”

“Miller.” Miss Ramsey couldn’t believe this girl; “You could have stayed quiet and let me forget. Why do you decide to be truthful at the worst time for yourself?”

Joan looked baffled; “Don’t you want me to tell the truth?”

“I mean….” Miss Ramsey gave up. “I just don’t know any other girl who tells lies to get other people out of trouble but is honest enough to receive more strokes.”

“There’s other newspapers somewhere but I need to throw them out-”

“Joan. Settle.”

Miss Ramsey waited until Joan appeared calm, silently wondering why she needed to make this kids life more or a misery than it already was.

“Four more for attacking Mr Read.”

Joan was surprised; “So – only eight?”

“Don’t push it.” She looked over at the Matron; “leave the room. If I need you, I’ll call you.”

“Don’t you need me in here?” Matron was confused. “As a witness -”

“Flavia, please.”

Joan didn’t need any more humiliation.

Matron obeyed, silently very happy that she wouldn’t witness what was to come.

Besides Joan was more likely to be apprehensive when someone was witnessing.

Miss Ramsey had more to say first; “I begged the Headmaster to not let this happen. You were punished enough.” She lowered her voice; “The only thing that’s made me feel a little bit ok with me doing this – is that newspaper. Why the hell do you have that rag in here?”

“You’re not supposed to swear-”

“ _Joan._ ”

“You brought it on Miss-”

“You know what I mean. You’ve only told me a little of the truth. Why is it here?”

Joan’s eyes wondered away.

“Joan. Talk to me.”

“You’re interrupting me a lot Miss.”

“You’re not going to listen to reason are you?”

Joan folded her arms; “I don’t see any reasoning for this.”

“Dr Brookes ordered it Joan. Don’t get mad at me over it.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Then why are you talking back?”

“I’m not the one who started this Miss. Please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not I….” Miss Ramsey turned away and then turned back; “Ok. So I am frustrated. And that’s not your fault. But you don’t need to throw cheek at me like that.”

Joan’s eyes hit her with the classic confused look Miss Ramsey was very used too.

She tried to remain patient; “you didn’t realise you were being rude?”

Joan grabbed her ears and shook her head.

The teacher sighed; “Maybe I didn’t realise you weren’t. Now let’s not waste time.”

Joan waited until the older woman’s back was turned to allow herself to shudder.

Miss Ramsey pulled Joan’s small desk out and put the few books she had on the bed; “You know the drill, don’t keep us both waiting.”

Matron was busy watching out for students so got a slight fright when she heard the first stroke coming from in the room. With most students you would have heard their cries or a loud moan at least, but she couldn’t here.

Joan was always silent. Too silent. Her resistance was more than a little disconcerting and uncomfortable. Today was no different. All Joan did was clench her fists and lower her head, withering only after the fifth stroke.

This was why Sarah really hated punishing Joan Miller.

Once the final stroke came, Joan’s hand went to her hair and Miss Ramsey quickly grabbed it and pulled her up, quickly saying; “No, no you don’t do that. We’ve talked about it.”

Joan had a bad habit of grabbing and pulling her hair when she experienced any sort of pain or discomfort.

Yet there were no tears despite the pale young face.

“Are you ok?” Miss Ramsey asked after a minute or two to give the student some time.

“Fine.”

Miss Ramsey shook her head; “you’re not.” She sighed; “if it were up to me, you’d have been left alone. It’s ok to be upset about it, you should be. You don’t need to act tough around me.”

Joan just stared at the wall and didn’t respond.

The teacher picked up the paper again; “This paper has the committee’s statement. Where did you get this?”

Joan blinked; “I’d rather not say Miss.”

“Did you buy this?”

“I found it.”

“ _Joan._ ”

Joan shook her head in panic. Miss Ramsey put the paper down and lowered her voice;

“Joan. Have you been collecting these from other students?”

“Sometimes.”

“Smugglers? Do you speak to them?”

Joan didn’t answer.

“Why would you do this to yourself? You’re almost…. Self-harming.”

“I figured about keeping around evidence in case….”

Miss Ramsey shook her head; “You really know how to dig yourself a deeper hole, don’t you?”

“The crosswords are very good actually.”

The teacher’s eyes went small; “one more word.”

Joan looked at her feet.

“When you’re done sulking, make sure that uniform is outside so it’s ready for Monday. You have your clothes for the service?”

“It’s in my drawers.”

Miss Ramsey checked for herself. There they were.

“Good.” The teacher’s tone became friendlier; “I am sorry for yesterday. I really am. Mr Read is going through a lot, he had a phone call, I was helping with marking some prelims and I was tired so…. If I’d known he’d do this to you – I’m very much to blame for this. Maybe this is my punishment.”

Joan didn’t answer.

“Do you understand me?”

“I think so.”

“Are you sure?”

No response.

Sarah could feel her eyes water, so she turned away, cleared her throat and turned back to the child;

“Joan, we need to know how you are – please don’t hide any secrets or hide how you are. We just want to help. Matron, myself, Tom. And your team members.”

Joan just nodded. She wanted to be alone. The teacher thankfully respected her wish and left with a kind word, forgetting that the student was supposed to salute her before she left.

Joan felt a cloud go over her head once she was alone. She let go of another shiver that had she had suppressed while the teacher was in the room and her back and shoulders groaned at her.

Usually, the slipper didn’t bother Joan. It hurt but it wasn’t unbearable. And honestly, what Read did to her head was much worse.

But today was just odd. It was nothing. Except it wasn’t.

She didn’t feel safe.

This school wasn’t safe. First the students and now the teachers. Joan knew she had made new enemies and she was afraid.

Joan didn’t know what to think.

She cautiously opened the door. Finding no one outside, she quickly grabbed her shoes and coat. Then she opened a floorboard under her bed and pulled out a mask.

She didn’t want to do this, but staying here was no option to her.

Miss Ramsey found Mr Read already in her office when – after a small cry with Matron Flavia - she went to put the slipper back;

“What do you want John?”

“Don’t be like that, I’m here to apologize,” he mumbled crossly.

“Chris told you too?”

“He said it was up to me but fine – I accept I shouldn’t have touched the boy.”

“You shouldn’t have touched the girl either.”

“Miller-”

“You deliberately agitated her. Tom and I have spoken to you, Linda and other colleagues that are in contact with her that you mustn’t raise your voice or your arm against her. You did both. I am the only one who deals with the discipline concerning her.”

Sarah let the slipper drop on her desk as she sat down.

John was surprised; “You did actually discipline her? With the slipper?”

“Satisfied?”

And Sarah gave John a look he wouldn’t soon forget.

He tried to glare back; “ _satisfied_.”

Sarah was not intimidated; “Apology accepted John, but if you do anything like that again, I’m taking her out of your classes. I’ll do what I can to make sure you stay away from my student. I’m sure Tom will have a few words with you too.”

It was John’s turn to turn white. Tom was an older, more respected member of staff who he knew he shouldn’t cross. That didn’t mean he was ready to apologise to Tom’s ward for his actions despite Miss Ramsey’s request.

He knew however that he would have to work hard to gain back the respect he had lost with the Ferox House Mistress. Her and all her students.


	29. Smugglers

There was quite a few banned Guilds that still seemed to crop up under the team’s and the Headmaster’s eyes.

The long forgotten "Beer Guild" was on the list as well as the "Locals Only" and "White's Only" for obvious reasons.

The most notorious, or well known to still be in operation was of course the Smoker’s Guild – made up of students who called themselves the “Smugglers.”

They usually met with their faces hidden or even painted over and they would smoke and chat together. They would also read banned books containing violence or pornography; or worse for a Clarifloors student – the Mithridates Gazette. Sometimes they experimented on drugs but that was very rare. Drugs were too easy to get caught with. And hard to get on the Island.

Eager to tell her new friends what had happened the day before, Juno Olwen went straight to the bike shed where the meetings that year took place. She didn’t bother to hide her face.

And indeed, the people she was meeting didn’t bother either.

“You look happy.” said Hillman, already having smoked through a packet and taken a reluctant Ron’s off of him.

“I saw something you’d wish you’d seen.”

Juno then gleefully told Hillman and the rest of the group what had happened.

Hillman sighed sadly; “You’re right, I wish I had seen it.”

“You are sick.”

There were three masked students in the room who had overheard them.

“Do you want me to rip that apart and report you?” Ron threatened. His sister jumped up and down excitedly as if ready to punch someone.

The masked students went quiet and then walked out of the shed, leaving Hillman with all her gang.

“I guess that means we can’t go after her then” said Beau, “the other students will be protective of her. Ferox students get very protective of their own.”

“True, but we can do something away from the Ferox tower. The other Houses don’t care so much.” Said Millie.

“Some in Hapus do” Rebecca argued.

“ _Some_.” Millie coughed; “who’s the package by the way?”

“No idea.”

“I’ll find out” Juno promised.

A blue-masked student entered and seeing the gang, gave a friendly wave but said nothing. Ron gave a grunt as a hello as the student lit up their cigarette and was heard to hum in a low tune.

“And Juno,” Hillman frowned at her new friend; “don’t think I’ve forgotten the fuck up you did at the chess guild.”

“She showed everyone her arrogance.”

“Don’t argue with me. Yes, that may be true, but you gave her a good reason for it to surface, so no one cared. Don’t go in looking for trouble.”

“You didn’t exactly do a good job yourself -”

“Shut up Ron!”

Ron obeyed.

“Look, just next time, be more careful.”

Juno nodded.

Ron went up to the masked student; “Are you a package by any chance?”

The student didn’t say anything but pulled out two boxes from they’re pockets.

“You’re a life saver.” Ron gave the student five vouchers – ten pounds in British money.

The student clicked their fingers at him. He sighed and gave them another five vouchers; “sorry. Got anymore?”

They shook their head, apologizing silently. The Packages never spoke to the clients.

“Tell whoever’s supplying you to be more careful. Dr Brookes threatened to start having random searches and knowing him, it might work.”

The student put a thumbs up to signal they understood. Then they disappeared.

“I swear that’s Dean Parks.” Juno said.

“Who cares. As long as they do their job and give us our packets.”

Joan returned to her room, locked the door and feeling a little better, went to sleep.

She did not have good dreams.


	30. Tears

Jim was the only student in the school who knew what had happened to Joan that night. After his talk with Miss Ramsey, he had decided “to get it over with” so he stopped prep early to visit Joan in her room. When he arrived in the corridor, he saw the Matron outside the door and faintly heard the unmistakable sounds of the slipper. But no tears, no grunts or yelps. Unusual for a girl. And a boy for that matter.

Jim had been a regular victim of the slipper in his first year. The slipper wasn’t like the cane, but it still hurt like hell. And Miss Ramsey’s arm was legendary. And despite who the student was, Jim could hear that she was not holding back, and he couldn’t help but flinch at every blow he heard.

It was more than six.

 _Eight_.

No doubt his deputy head girl was in a lot of pain.

He found himself getting angry.

Then he felt confused.

Why did he even care?

He remembered when he was younger trying hard not to cry out or even sigh but failing every time.

Yet he could hear nothing from Joan. Or perhaps the walls were thicker here than anywhere else.

Surely a girl would have more trouble?

He told himself off for being a little sexist.

He stayed hidden in the shadows as Miss Ramsey finally left the room, the Matron immediately asking how it went;

“Don’t ask me silly questions Flavia, you know how I feel about it,” the teacher responded furiously.

“Should I-”

“No. Leave her be.”

Jim noticed she was close to crying which stunned him. Miss Ramsey was always someone who could control her emotions. Not today apparently.

“I meant should I let Dr Brookes know it’s been done?”

“If it means I don’t have to see him fine. I have to face John and… I can’t see anyone right now I’m – I’m done with this. I don’t know why I had to do that.”

At least Miss Ramsey knew it was wrong. It was a shame she couldn’t overrule the Headmaster. It was like Read had won.

He wisely decided to leave his planned conversation until the next day as Miss Ramsey had asked. He knew Joan would want to be alone, or at least, not have him see her in a vulnerable state. He had a long night where he found himself worrying about her which surprised him even more. Why was he worrying like this so much? It was only Joan.

Usually after a slippering, a student – especially the Ferox students - would be hopping a little or showing discomfort when sitting on hard benches well into the next day. Joan showed none of that when the students walked to church and she sat next to Ebony in their seats. She was quieter than usual, but Joan was always quiet and no one else looked her way.

Or else they wouldn’t if news about her and Read hadn’t spread so fast and was one of the number things being gossiped about.

Jim did notice that she was very pale. And she didn’t sit up straight as she would usually.

Something was wrong.

“Why are you staring?” Dean whispered, catching Jim looking at Joan.

“Nothing.” Jim responded as Father Cameron started the service.

Dean scoffed; “you don’t stare at girls, it weirds them out. Take it from an expert.”

Ebony overheard him and threw a glare, but Joan didn’t seem to notice and simply played with her fingers. Jim then saw Miss Ramsey looking over at her student with clear concern.

Jim shook his head. It wasn’t fair.

And Read just sat there as if nothing had happened. He ignored the nasty glares of the Ferox students he had passed and seemed oblivious to the disproval from the rest of the staff. He had that usual smirk on his face when he caught some students talking, knowing he was going to discipline them – almost like he enjoyed making everyone miserable.

He even had the gall to stop the team and condescendingly tell Joan to smile more; “you look like a cloud has come over you. It’s not nice to see.”

Joan’s pale face somehow turned even whiter.

Jim hated him.

He wasn’t the only one who felt that way as Ebony whispered; “horrible man.”

Jim decided not to stay silent; “Sir. In all due respect, she’s had a difficult week.”

“I have difficult weeks all the time Morrison.” Mr Read replied with a hint of warning. Joan attempted to leave; “I haven’t finished talking to you girl.”

Joan stopped but didn’t look at him.

“Miller.”

Joan managed to mumble; “I don’t have anything to say to you sir.”

There was a pause.

Read opened the door to the same room Father Cameron had invited her in; “In this room. Now.”

He waited until she was close enough for him to take her shoulder and almost throw her in.

Jim was about to follow but the door closed quickly.

He heard Ebony swear in despair behind him.

Read took a despondent Joan’s hair, pulled it up and whispered; “So you still think you are entitled to speak to me in this way? A slippering and a public humiliation hasn’t even knocked your arrogance down?”

Joan’s face didn’t change expression.

“Do you just think I’m a bloody tyrant? I’ve read the Ferox paper, I’ve seen what’s been said. Are you being treated like some sort of martyr?”

Joan couldn’t help but flinch; “I don’t know.”

“Do you think I’m stupid is that it?” He gave her a shake; “look at me!”

“Mr Read.”

It was Father Cameron. He did not look happy.

Read let go of her hair; “I’m sorry Father. We’ve been having problems with this one.”

The priest was not impressed; “This room is for me and any member of my flock to talk to me privately. It is not for - and I use this word loosely - “disciplining” your students in. Please leave my church.”

The two Heads of the team were sitting on the ground when Read got out; “Don’t sit on the floor!” he scolded before leaving in a huff.

“Are you alright Joan?” Father Cameron asked, looking very concerned.

She shook her head.

Her lips were shaking.

The priest saw Ebony and Jim outside; “You two, best take this one home she….” He glared to where he knew Read had left, “she needs a rest. I’ll get a teacher” and he went.

“Joan?” Ebony noticed Joan was moving away from them, “we won’t ask pal.”

“Joan?” Jim tried.

Without a word, Joan shrinked away.

“What did he do to her?” Jim felt incensed. She was obviously eager to escape questions about Mr Read.

Mr Zimmerman came close, looking for his ward.

“She just left sir.” Ebony answered.

Zimmerman was worried; “If you find her, send her to me.”

“Yes sir.”

Dean appeared; “She literally just fled the church.”

“We’ll send her to you sir” Jim promised. He gestured to Dean and Ebony to follow him outside. They chatted quietly as they walked back to school;

“She’s been slippered. Miss Ramsey asked if I could speak to her today and I decided to do it that day instead. I went to her room….”

“And you heard it?” Ebony asked, barely hiding her anger.

“Yeah.”

“How many?”

“Eight.”

“Jesus Christ….”

“You didn’t go in did you?” Dean asked.

“I didn’t want to embarrass her any further.” Jim answered. “Now this….”

Dean paused in thought then said; “You better go and talk to her now.”

“What about the -”

“We can have a meeting some other time.”

“He’s right”. Ebony nodded. “Let’s just find Joan and see if she’s ok.”

“She’s not.”

“Then all the more reason to find her.”

Jim knew she had a point. If they didn’t find Joan, Hillman or some other bully who knew about the last few days would. And Joan was very vulnerable right now.

As he and team went back to the school, he found himself worrying what he was going to say and do.

Why did he need to be nervous around her? They were friends now. Why would he be nervous?

And Joan would simply brush him off. She wouldn’t show any weakness to him. All he had to do was ask if she was alright, and she would answer “fine”. The same as always.

And Ebony and Dean were with him.

It wasn’t hard.

Joan wasn’t difficult to find as the events of the night before meant several students were very much aware of where she was when he asked around. Guided by a few kind Obair students, the team went outside and saw their deputy head girl leaning against a stone wall watching two Hapus students working on a play they had set themselves for a drama test.

But when she suddenly noticed her teammates, she walked off quickly in a different direction.

She was trying to avoid them.

“Great”, Ebony sighed.

Jim felt his heart drop. This wasn’t good.

He found himself taking the lead as they followed her, making sure no one else did the same.

Joan made her way to a rather cluttered part of the school grounds which included a half built green house and an old shed with the roof falling to pieces. Joan ignored the stinging weeds that surrounded the area and went into the shed.

She’d been feeling odd since she woke up. Sad. The cloud that hoovered over her after Miss Ramsey had left her alone had returned that morning and had not yet gone away. It didn’t sit well with her. She’d avoided talking to anyone as she feared to sound as sad as she felt.

She wondered if lying down would help…

The team carefully and quietly avoided the same weeds, only for Dean to flinch a little when one caught his bare ankle. Ebony kept looking behind her to make sure no one was following them.

When they got to the shed, Jim turned to his friends; “Listen, when we find her, I’ll do the talking and you guys give us some space. Shoo away anyone that comes near.”

Jim wanted to be alone with Joan. It was the least she deserved.

Ebony and Dean understood and nodded, double checking again that no student was around.

Jim went in. Ebony and Dean both peeked in to see what was going on. The Head Boy put his hand out behind them, indicating he had found her and that they should stay outside. Dean nodded at him while Ebony stared with large eyes at the scene in front of her.

Jim found his deputy head girl on the wooden but unsteady floor in a feral position. He stared down at her in silence for a long minute as he tried to work out what to do. There was no sound from Joan, her breathing wasn’t heavy which should mean she was fine, yet he couldn’t just leave her like this.

The air was cold. So cold he could see his own breath. He crossed his arms and shivered. Even with his coat, he felt cold.

He noticed Joan wasn’t wearing hers. She had a cardigan on, but he could tell it was too thin for the chilly weather.

He’d seen her wear it to church, so she must have left it there.

He should have noticed before she took off.

She must be frozen.

After a quick peek back at Ebony and Dean, who mouthed at him to go on, he went nearer. His feet made the floor creak badly. And yet she didn’t move.

He stood over her, breathing heavily and thought that she looked like a frightened injured animal; too scared to move, aware he was there.

“What’s the matter pal?”

He tried to make sure his tone was as gentle as it could be.

“Nothing.”

Joan didn’t even look up or seemed surprised to hear his voice.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Nothing.”

Jim bent down with his hands on his knees; “No one leaves the school grounds and hides in an old shed to do nothing.”

“I’m just being silly that’s all.”

Jim wasn’t fooled; “I’m not here to tease. I just want to know if you’re alright after Friday. Everyone’s very worried. So am I. I know first-hand how scary it can be when Read is after you.”

The young girl began to shake where she lay so Jim quickly and carefully took one of her shoulders; “Can you sit up? This isn’t good for you to lie down here.” Joan, not caring to avoid the stones or pieces of glass, obeyed but she didn’t look at him.

“Why were you hiding here?” Jim tried again.

No response.

“You don’t need to hide, I won’t tease you, I promise.”

No response.

“I can’t leave you in here by yourself, I don’t want to leave you alone here.”

He then saw the tears start to flow from the girl’s face.

“Joan.”

Her face twitched as the unfamiliar touch of water flowed down her cheeks. Jim could see that Joan wasn’t used to crying. It surprised her just as much as it did him.

“Talk to me, what’s up?” he asked, pretending not to notice her tears.

Joan felt like she was dying. Of embarrassment.? Maybe? She wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, it hurt. But she knew how to pretend she was fine, why was she acting like an idiot in?

In front of Jim?

She felt helpless. She thought he must think she was stupid. That thought didn’t help her. Yet she didn’t have the willpower to run and hide or even wipe her face. All she could do was avoid his eyes.

Strangely, it felt nice in a way. They warmed her cold face at least.

Not that it was any less embarrassing. With Jim staring at her….

Oh God. He must think she was a baby.

Her face began to twitch again. She didn’t like this.

Why couldn’t she just stop?

“I’m sorry, I feel terrible.” She managed to mutter.

“I would be too” his voice was kind, “I would hide in here too.”

The tears just flowed silently.

“I know you don’t want too, but we can’t stay here. Let’s get you back in the school. We can go to your room and talk alone there. No one will bother us. Do you want me to help you up?”

Joan managed to smile in response but as he reached out, the slow warm tears went into uncontrollable sobs and she clutched his arm in a vain attempt to control herself.

“Joan?” Jim shook her gently but insistently, “Joan!”

She only sobbed harder.

He took her wrist as she let go and curled into herself; “Joan? It’s ok, I won’t tease.”

He quickly noticed that the wrist he was holding was ice cold. He quickly tore off his own coat and put it around her. Joan’s hand blindly tried to find him, taking his shirt. He reached down and pulled her close, pressing her into his chest like she was a small child, softening the sounds of her misery and he rocked her a little.

“Hey… it’s ok. It’s ok….”

Of all the things he’d imagined would happen, this was at the bottom of the list, but he hid his surprise and simply tried to sooth her.

Feeling his strong arms around her, Joan’s sobs slowly turned to soft sniffles as his hold and warm coat seemed to act as a balm to her sorrow.

Ebony and Dean were too stunned to run in and help so they just stared and listened to their friends’ tears in silence. They were used to seeing Joan be uncomfortable, even afraid. But this felt very different. A side of Joan which felt like a rare sight.

Before, she would have just walked up and ordered the younger girl to get up. Now, Ebony felt she couldn’t.

She had to admit Jim, as lost as he looked, was doing well on his own.

And honestly….

“I really shouldn’t say this,” Ebony whispered to Dean, “but it’s kind of adorable.”

Dean finally seemed to breath; “should we get a teacher?”

Ebony shook her head.

“We can’t stay here long, it’s too cold.”

Ebony shushed him.

“I wish I had your Tutor. Miss Ramsey seems strict but she’s always looking out for you.” Jim said to Joan, as he tried to work out a way to recede her misery quickly with words; “I know I shouldn’t envy you at all, but I do envy the fact she’s your Tutor. My Tutor’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

Joan managed to laugh feebly at that.

“You also got Ebony to cry. Dean’s been trying to do that for years. He’ll be jealous.”

Joan managed to look at him; “Will he?”

Jim relaxed his hold; “I hope so. It’s fun to watch him lose out to an underdog.”

Dean held back a snigger as Ebony pinched him.

Jim was relieved to see a feeble smile on the sad face of his deputy head girl. As he relaxed his hold more, she slumped back to the ground, this time on her stomach. His coat fell uselessly to the side.

He picked it up; “I can walk to your room if you want.”

Joan said nothing. It looked like fatigue had taken over.

Dean decided to get involved; “You two ok?”

Jim had forgotten he wasn’t alone with Joan; “we’re fine. We’re fine just….” He looked down at Joan; “We just needed to talk. That’s all.”

Joan didn’t even try to hide her wet face as she looked up.

Dean did his best to hide his own astonishment and handed out a tissue; “You alright pal? You shouldn’t be outside without a coat. It’s freezing.” He blew on his hands, “doesn’t it bother you?”

“I’m fine.” Joan was grateful for the tissue. Not so much that she had an audience. And another person who could see she had been crying.

“We’ll all get ill if we stay here. Why don’t we go somewhere else to talk?”

Joan managed to get up; “If it’s ok, I need to be away from this school for a bit.”

Ebony came in; “we’ll make sure Mr Read doesn’t bother you.”

“No, you can’t.” Joan wiped her face, “not without trouble.”

Ebony couldn’t respond to that. Joan was right.

Instead, she took off her own coat and with Jim’s help, dressed Joan in it.

“I’m ok-”

“No, you’re not.” Ebony stopped Joan’s lie; “if your going to stay out here, you need a coat.”

“You sound like your mother” Dean joked.

Ebony couldn’t help noticing that Joan – despite Jim’s efforts - was freezing to touch. And once out of her coat, she too was shaking a little.

“You’re going to get cold” Joan seemed bewildered by the kindness shown to her.

“I’m a local” Ebony shrugged, “and I’m not weak like these boys.”

“Shut up” Dean cheekily slapped Ebony’s thigh which earned him a kick. Then they both laughed and Dean let Ebony share his coat. It got a small grin from Joan. Dean was pleased to see it.

“Mr Zimmerman was looking for you if you want to go to his office, we can walk with you” Jim offered.

“If it’s all the same to you, I just want to be anywhere else but the school.”

“What about the sea?” Dean suddenly said; “I know the path that the smokers always go on about. There’s a spot where the wind never seems to bother anyone. We can go there for a minute if you want.”

Without a word, Joan, her hands to her ears, started to walk to said path. The others followed.

The path Dean spoke of was the “secret” way that led them safely to a small part of the beach area. It was covered in rubbish left by other students, but the sea’s beauty very much made both students forget about the smell. As Dean said, it was another favourite spot for the Smoker’s Guild, but since it was an open secret, it was hardly used for smoking and more for – as the evidence- showed – picnicking.

“I am sorry that happened to you.” Jim said, watching her carefully.

“It’s ok.”

It clearly wasn’t. Joan’s eyes were still wet, and her voice wasn’t strong.

“You won’t be punished again for helping Sam out of the changing rooms anyway – you made your point clear and Sam is out of trouble.” Said Ebony, hiding her hands in her armpits to keep the cold out.

“They told him not to bother going to detention so at least something good came out of that nonsense.” Dean added, his arms folded and jumping to keep out the cold. “Annoying little bugger that he is.”

Joan’s voice was a little stronger; “But why invent a rule that punishes both offenders and victims? Miss Ramsey was supposed to discipline a first year because we found him in the changing rooms – he had a black eye. He’d been taken there by other students. Why aren’t they in trouble?”

“It’s a stupid rule.” Ebony said.

“Bullshit rule.”

Dean let out a laugh; “Indeed. Just don’t let a teacher hear you say that. We don’t need more nonsense from them.”

Joan scratched an ear; “Jim?”

“Yes pal?” Jim made sure his tone was as kind as it was in the shed.

“I’m very scared of Mr Read.”

Ebony gestured to Dean to keep quiet for now.

Jim was feeling much more comfortable now; “I don’t blame you. He’s my House Master, I’ve seen him angry and uh... he scared me really badly when I first met him. I’m used to it now but… he still makes me nervous. What did he do in church? Father Cameron was pissed.”

“He had a hold of my hair and said some stuff. Father Cameron saw it, told him to leave.”

Ebony closed her eyes to stop herself from swearing.

Jim wished he’d just went in; “Read’s not worth it anyway Joan.”

“He doesn’t like me.”

“Can you think of a reason why?”

It was then Joan’s sensitive ears picked up a cry and the sudden worried expression made Jim go on high alert.

“Joan?”

She was looking out into the sea.

“Joan what is it?”

“Jim….” Joan couldn’t speak. She was panicking.

“What is it?” Ebony tried to help; “can you point?”

Joan did.

The Head Boy, following Joan’s gesture, turned to the sea.

Then he immediately jumped into the water once he saw what it was.

“Jesus Christ!” Dean ran forward; “Jim! What are you doing?!”

Ebony lost her patience; “Joan, talk to me, what’s going on?”

White as a sheet, Joan could only gesture again.

Ebony finally saw what Joan and Jim had seen; “Dean, there’s a kid in the water.”

“He can’t do this by himself.” Dean was panicking. He raced towards the beach followed by Ebony; “Jim! Jim, bring him here!” Both he and Ebony ran into the sea, stopping only to wave their friend over franticly.

Jim somehow managed to grab the screaming little boy and fight against the heavy currant. Both of them ended up under the water but Jim persevered.

Being unable to swim, Joan shook off her fear and stood ready on the sand. Her legs felt unsteady. She could see Jim had the boy, but he was struggling. Dean and Ebony could only wave and wait till he was near for them to help. She couldn’t even step into the sea.

But she knew what to do.

Jim was a strong swimmer but even he had trouble with the sea. As well as the cold, the sea had strong winds and the boy was heavy. And by the time they both reached shore, the boy was no longer crying.

Jim felt Dean and Ebony pull him and the boy out and feeling pain is his eyes, Jim groaned and buried his face into the grass.

“Joan, what are you doing?” He heard a surprised curse from Ebony, a shout of “Joan! What the hell are you doing?!” but he had no energy to move. He could feel Dean’s hand on his shoulder and hear the slightly older boy telling him the girls had the boy.

“Take your time,” Dean told him, “the girls have him.”

As he finally got up, he saw what had surprised Ebony.

Joan was doing CPR.

Of all people, Joan Miller.

The sight seemed to relieve him of his fatigue, and he got up and came at her side;

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Yeah” was all Joan said before putting her lips on the small boys.

The boy suddenly coughed up the water, coughed some more and then stared up the older girl with both horror and shock.

“You’re ok” Ebony spoke to him. “You’re safe now.”

“Yuck…” Joan groaned and spat at the grass before covering her face. The water had struck her in the eyes. Joan hated it.

Dean put his hand on Jim’s shoulder again and told him to rest before forcing another tissue onto Joan face; “Here.”

Joan took it; “thanks.”

“I wouldn’t have known you did CPR. We know who to go to if someone sinks in the swimming pool.”

“I don’t swim.” Joan responded swallowing to get a bitter taste out of her mouth.

“Leave her” Ebony warned him not to tease her any further.

“Yeah uh…” Dean now looked very concerned; “what do we do now?”

“I don’t have a phone to call someone.” Jim said apologetically. He shivered.

“Is your Dad near?” Ebony asked the boy.

He just nodded, still in shock.

Joan dried her eyes; “Jim will need someone-”

“I’m fine” Jim got up, “I’m fine, let’s get him home.”

“Ebony’s coat -”

“He’s fine. Keep it on” Ebony said, trying to figure out what to do.

“Constans!”

She felt relief she wouldn’t need to as a man appeared, and the young boy reached out to him; “steady!”

Jim, Dean and Joan shared a look.

Constans.

Seriously?

The names seemed to be getting weirder with each new local child they came across.

Dean wandered if this father even loved his son. He would certainly question his parents if they named him that.

Joan stayed still where she was, her hand covering her mouth and her eyes wide.

Sensing that the younger girl was ready to flee, Dean went behind, got down to her level and put his hands on her shoulders. She was tense.

“Who’s he?” he whispered to Ebony.

Before Ebony could answer, the man came forward and put his hand out to Jim;

“Thank you son. You were out there before we noticed where my son was.” He turned to Joan; “And you, thank God you were here.” He nodded at Dean and Ebony, “thank you both.”

There was a small crowd now. A lot of muttering and asking what had happened. Who were these students? Was Constans alright? Why was he in the sea to begin with?

Dean could feel Joan’s shoulders tense up even worse and gave Jim a look. He understood and went over, bending down to her level. She appeared to relax but only a little.

“Ebony!” The man knew the Head Girl well; “who do I have a pleasure of knowing my sons’ other heroes?”

Ebony tried to smile though she was on edge; “These are the other members of the Clarifloors team Mr Bell.”

Dean shared another look with Jim. “Constans Bell” was just too hilarious not to miss. It was a terrible anti-joke the Comedy Guild would have had fun with.

“Ah, I forget your Head Girl.” Mr Bell put his hand out to Dean; “you are?”

“Dean Parks, Deputy Head Boy” Dean shook his hand, his other still on Joan’s shoulder.

“And you’re James-John Morrison” Mr Bell turned to the Head Boy, “known as Jim?”

“Yes sir.”

“Dr Brookes spoke highly of you.”

Jim privately wondered who this man was. He could see Ebony was nervous which was worrying.

The man finally looked at Joan; “And this is…?”

Ebony quickly stepped in; “Mr Bell. This is Joan.”

“Joan?”

“Joan Miller” Dean decided to end the torment quickly, “she’s my fellow deputy.”

“Miller?” The gentleman’s kind face had changed.

Joan felt the excitement in the air die instantly.

Jim took her hand and spoke; “She isn’t good with stranger’s sir. Sorry.”

Joan looked down at his hand holding hers and felt something strange.

Safe.

She was able to look at the man straight in the face, wondering what was going to happen now.

“Mr Bell, we better get your son home” said a local woman. She did not have a kind eye when looking at Joan.

“We better go,” Ebony said, the others agreeing and quickly made a move.

“No. I’d like Miss Miller to come home with me. All of you. Come with us.”

Dean wasn’t sure; “We will get in trouble if-”

The kind face returned; “Nonsense. You all saved my sons life. Whatever you lot were up to; the Headmaster will overlook it. Or I’ll make sure he does.”

“That girl is trouble” they heard the local woman mutter.

“Mrs Farr, please” said another woman, clearly embarrassed.

Seeing no way out of this, the four students soon found themselves in an unfamiliar house. The outsiders of the foursome noticed that Ebony seemed more nervous than usual. Joan found that odd. The boy was fine. More in shock than ill and the doctor – a man called James Tucker who a lot of the sporty students were familiar with - put any more fears to rest.

Still a terrible name for the poor kid.

““Constans Bell”” Dean dared to chuckle, forcing both Ebony and even Jim to pinch him so his infectious humour didn’t disgrace them.

Joan could just imagine what the folk in her old school would have said about that name.

She had to admit the only reason no one made fun of hers was because there was a “Gertrude”, a “Wilbert” and a “Neville” in the same class.

She wondered if they would dare to take on Gladys Hillman.

God. Thinking about that girl just made her feel sick.

As if she wasn’t feeling bad enough.

Although Tom had told her that taking a seat in a Mithridates house without an invite was rude, Joan had to sit down. Her head was heavy, and she covered her face with her hands.

Mr Bell didn’t even seem to be bothered, much to Ebony’s relief.

Jim was given some new clothes while his uniform was sent to the dry cleaners. The Bell’s insisted that they’d pay for it and any more as a thank you. Dean and Ebony accepted Mithridates money for school equipment or “luxuries” but they refused to take off their wet clothes to also be sent to the dry cleaners.

“What about yourself Miss Miller? How can we repay you?”

“I’m fine.” Joan managed to answer despite the lump in her throat. “I don’t want anything that’ll cost you.”

“Are you aware of what I do?”

Joan didn’t respond.

“I’m a member of the committee here in Mithridates.”

Oh _shit_.

Jim saw his deputy head girl visibly freeze up.

So did Mr Bell; “Now, now. No need to be afraid. I can understand why you feel that way but I’m not one of the ones who voted to have you brought to trial. My colleagues may have gone after you, but I didn’t _._ ”

_“Trial?”_

This was the first time Joan had heard about this.

“I see Tom Zimmerman wished to keep that from you.” Mr Bell looked and sounded sorry, “I will be sure to send him a message on what you’ve done today and what I’ve said. I’m sure you’d want to talk about it with me-”

“No.” Joan was blunt, “I don’t.”

Jim got worried; “Joan-”

Joan grabbed her ears; “I don’t want to talk to him.”

Jim rushed forward and took her arms; “it’s ok, you’re ok.” He looked at the astonished Mr Bell; “we should go.”

“Is she…?”

Dean took a step forward; “She has autism sir. And it’s been a rough couple of days for her.”

“Understatement of the year.” Ebony dared to snark at him.

Joan, breathing rapidly, managed to put her arms down.

Bell seemed to be feeling rather sorry; “Good of you all to look after her. I can drive you -”

“No.” Jim became firm, “no it’s fine.”

“May I call Mr Zimmerman then?”

The students looked at each other.

“I suppose you have too to be honest” Ebony said, rather unsure.

“He has too.” Joan suddenly said, slowing her breath. Mr Bell quickly left the room.

“You ok?” Jim asked.

She shook her head but answered; “I’m fine, I’m tired.”

“What are we going to do with you?” Ebony sighed, making sure no one actually heard her voice.

Bell’s wife was already on the phone to the teacher, so he came back in;

“Are you sure there’s no way I can repay you? What I was meaning to say about me being in the committee – I have enough money if say it went to your education or even into some future trip?”

Joan seemed calmer; “I think you have to talk to Tom about that”.

“Tom? Mr Zimmerman?”

“He’s in charge of my pocket money. I don’t go to a bank.”

“Aren’t you a local?”

“I don’t know of the committee you serve accepts it, but I think I am.”

Jim and Dean raised their eyebrows at Joan’s bluntness. Even if they were quite used to it now, this man was important.

He didn’t seem to mind; “Unfortunately, we have some bad eggs on our board, yet the locals vote them in every time.”

Ebony had to agree; “My Dad says their best days are behind them. Including Lord Riando.”

“Oh, he’s a decent man. Just doesn’t use his brain. And he’s loyal to the more…. Conservative members. His oldest daughter – even his wife would make a better leader. But don’t go telling people what I’ve said.”

That earned a smile from three of the students.

“But I will say this Miss Miller. There’s a lot of locals who will respect you for what you’ve done today. I just hope we can show we’re better than… How you’ve been treated so far.”

Joan had a deadpan look on her face.

Mr Zimmerman was quick and rather clumsily thanked Mr Bell for holding the team at his house.

“The least I could do. My wife told you what they all did?”

“Yes uh….. well done.”

Ebony had never seen her House Master look so nervous.

“I’ll phone you later” Bell promised, “but just so you know now – I uh… Told the girl about the trial.”

He was rewarded with a glare.

“ok.” Zimmerman seemed to compose himself. He turned to the students; “my car. Now”

Outside at the car, Joan took one of the backseats to the left – furthest away from the driver. Ebony took the front while Dean and Jim sat with Joan.

Jim was in the middle. He could sense Joan – whose fingers were fidgeting wildly at the window - was close to losing it again, so he told her;

“If you want to talk again, I’ll be in the office.”

She managed to answer with a small smile when Zimmerman marched down to the car and entered the driver’s seat.

“You offered your Head Girl the front seat?” he asked.

“Yeah” Joan presumed correctly he was talking to her.

There was a silence as he drove to the school and into his parking station.

“You want to talk about what that man said?”

Jim noticed his friend’s shoulders go up as she looked at her feet.

Forgetting the other three students hadn’t yet left the car, Tom turned from his seat to look at Joan; “Can you answer me?”

“I-”

“When you look at the floor, your hair covers your face and I can’t hear you.”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

In contrast to Mr Zimmerman’s tone as he spoke to her, the students noticed Joan was very polite towards him. Even though she was clearly tired out from the day’s excitement and in no mood to be lectured in front of other students yet again.

“There’s a lot of things I wanted to tell you when you were older and not have the distraction of your education. Do you understand that?”

“I suppose so.”

“So why this mood?”

“I’m tired.” Joan showed a little frustration in her fists but kept her tone polite, “I got upset and then I helped stop a kid from drowning. And then meeting a committee member…. I’m tired.”

Tom suddenly remembered the others; “Why were these guys with you?”

“I don’t know. I think they got worried about me because of Read.”

“Morrison?”

“We uh….” Jim felt nervous, “we found her in the shed down there. Then we... decided to take a walk -”

“The same path Dr Brookes has ordered never to be used.”

“It was my idea sir” Dean got involved, “Joan didn’t want to go into the school, so I suggested going near the sea. And then it just happened.”

“You’re all lucky there was a kid drowning or your badges would be at risk.” He turned to Joan, “why were you in the shed?”

“I don’t want to talk about this in front of them.”

“I know you’ve told them a lot about me in my private life Joan. More importantly, I want to know how your feeling. You’ve had a couple of bad days and you won’t even open up to Miss Ramsey-”

“We had a talk.” Jim tried to end the lecture.

“Did you? What happened.”

Jim felt Joan’s panic; “We talked about Read. She’s scared of him.”

He felt Joan calm down a little.

He guessed she didn’t want Zimmerman to know she had been crying.

Why?

“I’m glad you have friends to talk to. I just wish you’d open up to me.”

“Why should I? I have enough trouble talking about schoolwork with you.”

The three students didn’t know they could feel anymore awkward.

Zimmerman looked crushed; “Aren’t I a friend?”

“No.”

Joan, keeping a polite but firm tone, opened the car door;

“No, you’re not.”

And Joan made a speedy exit out of the car but walked into the school as if nothing had happened.

A silence filled the car.

“Miss Vicker’s, if you behaved like that, what would happen to you?”

Ebony was careful; “My mum is a child phycologist so they would ask what was wrong first.”

“And if nothing was wrong?”

“I suppose I would be punished.”

“And what if there was something wrong? Like a teacher bullying you and then being told a group of old men wanted to see you on the dock?”

“I can’t put myself in Joan’s shoes sir.”

“Am I unreasonable?” Mr Zimmerman folded his arms to prevent them from punching the wheel; “I don’t know what to do for this girl.”

“We’re not the best people to ask sir” Dean said, “but we will look out for her when you can’t.”

“I appreciate that you three have made friends with Joan, but you’re going to need a lot of patience.”

“Between as three, we’ll be fine. Jim’s the best, Jim gave her a hug in the garden shed.”

It was out before he could stop himself. He felt Jim’s glare roast his face. Ebony’s own glare reflected in the car mirror towards him.

Mr Zimmerman turned around from his car seat; “care to explain?”

The three students had to tell him the whole story. Ebony about Read’s attack, Jim when he overheard the slipper being used and finally Dean told him what he didn’t already know - about their friend’s tearful breakdown in the shed, the rescue of Constans Bell and the chat in the man’s house.

“She cried?” was all he asked after Dean was finished.

“Pretty badly” Jim admitted. “My clothes would have been sent to the dry cleaners even if I didn’t go for a swim.”

“Joan never cries.” Zimmerman sunk in his car, “not even when I scold her. Odd….”

“I don’t think she wanted you to know she cried.”

“Odd…”

“Can we go sir?” Ebony dared to ask. 

“Yes. And Jim? Maybe go and check on her for me.”

Jim was the first out and forgetting the rules about running, raced to where he knew Joan would be.

Zimmerman stayed in the car. Defeated and depressed.

Ebony and Dean struggled to keep up with the long-legged Jim but soon, they were outside the office.

And sure enough, Joan was there. Her head folded in her arms as if asleep.

“You go in and talk” Dean said, “we’ll keep guard.”

“Thanks guys.” Jim slowly entered; “Joan?” He tried again; “Joan?”

She really was asleep. He gently patted her until she woke with a start.

“You ok?” He asked first.

She nodded. The sleep had helped clear her head a little.

“Well that was fun wasn’t it? An adventure.”

“I hate adventures.” Joan reached for a lemonade. It was warm but she didn’t care. Her throat thanked and praised her.

“I hate swimming.” Jim groaned as he sat down, “remind me never to follow you into a garden shed again. Mad things happen.”

Joan didn’t pick up his attempt at humour; “I’m afraid things seem to happen to or around me in some places. It’s why I don’t like the Ferox common room. Before that, the bike shed. And before that, the changing -”

“The bike shed?”

“Forget it.”

He gave her Albert; “I was making a joke pal. I’d go anywhere just to make sure you’re ok.”

He noticed she seemed rather uncomfortable that someone was being nice to her.

“You have people in the school who look out for you, you know. Gail Hampton – Susan. Ebony and Dean. And me. And you have those first years -”

“I uh…. I don’t cry in front of them.” Joan bit her lip; “I’m sorry I did that.”

“No need to be.”

Silence.

“You’re not sad are you pal?”

Joan tried to smile; “I’m fine. I’ve just had a long day.”

“A long weekend” Jim nodded. “I’m surprised you’ve only cried like that once really. I mean like how you were in the shed.”

“Sometimes I cry in my room. I get tired.”

“How often does it happen?”

“Four or five times a month. I’ve never…. I’ve not done it like today. Lost it like that I - I don’t cry in front of people. Not ever.”

Jim smiled kindly at her; “it’s a good job you did. We saved someone’s life because you opened up to me. I don’t know how you and Zimmerman talk but…. Have you told Miss Ramsey about these episodes?”

“She’s seen me cry – but it’s not like what happened today. It’s like now. My eyes are letting the water out, but I can still talk normally.”

He hadn’t even noticed till now.

“But you want to curl up into a ball and let it out, don’t you?”

Joan couldn’t deny it, “Yeah….”

“You’ve had a tough time of it. You started this term with very few people willing to believe you could do this job, but you’ve proved everyone wrong, including me. You’re a strong girl Joan, you’ve earned the respect from the students. I just want to make sure my deputy head girl is happy. Or at least not afraid to wake up in the morning and face the day.” He saw Joan’s face start to break, “And it’s ok to tell me if you’re not feeling great ok? It’s more than ok to feel sad some days. You don’t need to feel ashamed about it.”

Joan had to look down when she felt her mouth tremble and she covered her face with her hands. Albert fell to the ground. Without another word, Jim sat in the seat next to hers and held her as he had done in the shed. He knew he didn’t need to say anything else. He just had to be there. He didn’t mind it as much as he thought.

“So, she has a best friend?”

Dean and Ebony jumped from their spying to see Zimmerman behind them.

“Jim’s pretty good at consoling people” Ebony explained, stammering a little.

“I see.” He sighed; “whatever she says, I do try hard for her.”

And he went in.

“She’s not scared of him.” Dean remarked.

“No but he hasn’t made it easy for her to talk to him. He still used a ruler on her, remember? He probably does more than we know.”

Dean wasn’t really sure what to think.

Jim looked up to see the deputy head almost meekly walk to the other side of the room; “can I help you sir?”

“I’d like to talk to Miller. Once you’re both ready.”

“Can he stay?”

Joan’s face was hidden by her hair, so her voice was quiet.

“I suppose.” Tom wasn’t pleased; “Father Cameron told me…. John hurt you again. He grabbed your hair?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Joan turned on her eyes; “Why the are you asking me what’s going on in that’s man mind? I didn’t do anything.”

Jim felt himself holding her tighter; “She didn’t sir.”

Tom wasn’t even angry; “He’s a menace. First Hillman, now this….”

“Must I go in that class?”

“You have too. If you want to keep your role -”

“This role isn’t worth _this_ Tom. There’s only so much bullshit I can take, and I’ve reached my limit.”

“And you’re tired. We can talk about it some other time -”

“I’m not going regardless.”

His voice finally went firm; “Have you learned nothing?”

“Haven’t you?”

“Fine” He sighed; “I’ll speak to Dr Brookes. Until you hear from him, just go. He’s not worth being afraid of and you’ve bounced back from worse.”

“Fair point.”

Tom blinked; “I’m sorry?”

“Nothing.”

He looked at Jim who also looked confused.

“You’re something Joan. Meet me in my office later ok?”

She just nodded.

Jim waited until he was gone; “don’t go. If he’s going to be like this -”

“Hillman is worse to be honest” Joan got up; “If I can handle her, I can handle him.”

“He’s a grown man Joan. He has more friends than Gladys.”

“He doesn’t actually.”

“How do you know?”

“I know too much about what’s going on in the staff room. Let’s just leave it at that.” Joan pointed to the door; “He’s acting like it’s no big deal but to him, it is. He’ll say one thing to me, but he’ll do or say something else. It’s supposed to keep me out of the bad business.”

“Because he feels you’ve suffered enough in your first year?”

“Yeah.”

Ebony opened the door; “can we come in?”

Jim gestured both her and Dean in; “I worry you’ll get hurt again if you do go back.”

“Back to class?” Dean asked.

“She has to just to keep the badge” Ebony said, “and she’s missed enough that Dr Brookes will reconsider. She can’t afford to keep doing it.”

“But Read -”

“I can handle it” Joan interrupted. Then she put her hands to her head as a headache took over; “I don’t want this day spoken about again.”

“Go and take the rest of the day off” said Jim, taking his place at the desk.

“Jim.”

Ebony’s voice got his attention.

Joan was muttering.

He got up quickly; “Joan?”

She seemed startled; “Um…. So….”

“Yeah?”

“Why have you been so nice to me today?”

Dean hid his smile by looking down.

“I’m your friend pal. Me, Ebony and Dean are your friends. We wanted to know you were ok.”

Joan rubbed her neck, still bewildered.

“We wanted to look out for you” Ebony came into the conversation; “you’ve shown you care about all of us in your own way, so we’ll do the same to you.”

“Exactly” Dean nodded, “you don’t need to hide in you room and keep things to yourself anymore alright? We’ll help you.”

“See?” Jim said.

Joan’s lips trembled; “ok….”

Ebony made a sigh, but she put her arm around Joan. Jim and Dean joined them.

Anyone passing the team’s room would have been quite startled had they peeked in the window to see this sight.


	31. Tarquin

Now that he felt he had Joan’s trust; Jim had again tried to ask her why the bike shed bothered her.

All she could say was that it involved Ron Wade and a certain “Tarquin Raybould” was involved, and she’d asked him to be quiet.

That idiot from the Strings Guild?

That guy couldn’t keep a secret.

Tarquin Raybould had been leader of the Comedy Guild for the last three years. Now a sixth year, his pranks and jokes had to be set aside for study and planning. A hard change. He was very good friends with fellow Obair, Dean, but he had no close friends and seemed content with that. He had no enemies to speak of and people liked him, so he had little to complain about. Except his studies. And the occasional paddling Mrs Oliver’s would ask Read or Zimmerman to give him. He was too lazy for detention or Odd Jobs.

He was certainly an odd choice for Jim to be friendly with – he had never liked lazy people. But Tarquin was almost impossible to hate, even if his antics could annoy you.

Finishing the String Guild rehearsal, Tarquin started to tease him; “You know there’s a rumour that your banging Miller.”

Jim glared at him; “Excuse me?”

To his credit, Tarquin always knew when he took things too far; “Hey, hey, I’m not going to say anything bad about Joan. And to be honest, all I’ve heard is that you have a crush on her.”

“There’s always rumours about the Head Boy or Girl dating the deputies.”

“I was kind of hoping it was true. That girl needs a little spice, even if it has to be you. Bland”.

“That’s the worse joke I’ve heard from you.”

“Good job I’m retiring.” Tarquin finally packed his violin; “I need to plan one last prank before graduation.”

“You know you shouldn’t really be telling me this.”

“It won’t be at the expense of the team. I had planned to – but then you have Parks and Miller. Miller, strictly off limits in the guild while Parks is a member and he knows my tricks.”

“Joan is off limits?”

“Yeah, we have a small list on who is off limits. There’s always been a list. We ask everyone to write a name on who we cannot target that year. One or two teachers who we know have had a bereavement – this year only has three students and Miller has been on it since the beginning. We weren’t going to play pranks on a kid with autism. Certainly not after what happened. And certainly not while Hillman and Wade don’t like her.”

“Joan told me you were involved with something to do with the bike shed. With Wade.”

Tarquin was surprised; “Um, yeah. We promised each other not to speak of it.”

Really?

“You can tell me.”

It was strange to see the large, confident sixth year squirm; “I was kinda… Doing something against the rules. And I caught Ron when he was doing some things that she didn’t…. It was embarrassing for her.” He looked around; “It’s probably best we talk somewhere so no one can hear.”

He booked a rehearsal booth for them both and they went in.

“Do you promise not to rat me out to Oliver’s or the Head for this?” He asked.

“ _Fine_.”

“Basically, the bike shed is where I used to smoke – and it was…. Roughly six in the afternoon and I thought I’d smoke before settling in. I walk nearer and I hear shouting from Ron, and I assume he’s arguing with a friend. He smokes, still does – and I go in and he’s sitting on Joan and unbuttoning her shirt.”

Jim felt his chest close in; “ _He what_?!”

Tarquin covered the door; “Hey, hey calm down-”

“He did _what_ to Joan?!”

“Will you let me finish? Calm down.”

Jim sat by the piano. Sweating.

“She fought back but his pal Beau was there, and he was holding her down. Two on one. Beau held her while Ron was threatening, spitting all over her – she’d kicked him hard and he was pissed, and he said something about wanting to check underneath and I come in and tell them to stop and leave. They do but her shirt was undone so I saw her bra and her scar.”

“Scar?”

“She has a nasty scar on the left side of her tummy. She gets up and thanks me – embarrassed obviously. Mortified. I take a quick smoke, turn away and let her fix herself before I offer to walk her back to school – in case he jumps her and she agreed. I asked her not to tell anyone about me smoking and she asked me not to tell anyone what I saw and we agreed.”

“Didn’t you say anything about what those two did?”

“I heard from Annie that most of the Hillman gang later got the cane and I assumed it was about that. I found her having a small cry. She’s left them, smart.”

“When was this?”

“Just last year.”

“And you swear you haven’t told anyone but me?”

“I swear. I’m not going to tease Miller over that. Fuck.” He shuddered. “Listen… There’s only one Obair in the gang – Fraser Adams. He’s a second year so he doesn’t keep his mouth shut. We have another second year in the Guild who is kind of friends with him. If I hear anything that might get Miller in trouble, you’ll be the first one to know.”

Jim went to his room for privacy and to calm down.

He grabbed a pillow and beat it until his fists hurt and his energy left him.

Last year must have been a fucking nightmare for Joan.

He saw what Amelia and Harper did. Now this.

Could that poor girl not get a break?

He wasn’t sure if he could face Ron Wade in the common room – in any room – after what he’d heard.

He couldn’t just keep this to himself.

Tom Zimmerman was surprised when he found the Head Boy requesting an urgent meeting with him. His surprise turned to anger and disgust when Jim told him what he had learned.

“Ron Wade.” Zimmerman said the name of his new enemy slowly; “Hillman and he are acquainted?”

“They’ve been going out for a while.”

“Was Hillman involved in this attack?”

“Tarquin didn’t say. Just mentioned another boy.”

“And he didn’t report this because…...?”

“He and Joan promised each other to keep it quiet.”

“Why? _Why?_ ”

Jim felt his toes curl; “I doubt she wanted more trouble -”

“But him? Why didn’t he just promise and come to a teacher?”

“He was smoking and didn’t want to get caught.”

“Selfish….” Zimmerman swallowed; “I’m sorry Jim, I get worked up about… Anything to do with Joan.”

“I don’t think Wade went any further. Tarquin stopped it before he could.”

“I suppose I should thank him for that at least.”

“I doubt he’ll come forward. He’s on his last warning if he’s caught again and Joan…. I don’t think she wants this getting out. Maybe you shouldn’t say you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Joan will know I had something to do with this sir. I want her to keep trusting me.”

“You mean she told you?”

“Only parts of it. I went straight to Tarquin and he did voluntary tell me what I’ve told you.”

Zimmerman gave himself a moment to think; “I won’t tell Joan that I know what happened. I will make those it concerns know that this was reported, and they will keep an eye on Wade. I’m sure you’ll be doing the same.”

“I’m nervous about the group he is with Hillman.”

“They’re idiots Jim.”

“Joan always seems to run into them.”

“Tell her to avoid them at all costs. Report anything that happens to me or Miss Ramsey.”

The door opened.

“Haven’t I told you to knock when you come in?”

Jim tried to smile; “Hi Joan.”

Joan was pleasantly surprised; “Hi.”

“Reporting on a student.” He said quickly. It wasn’t a lie after all. “I’ll see you around.”

He did notice her smile fade as he left.

“How have you been?” Tom asked his ward.

“Better.” Joan answered. “Mr Read came into the office and told me my assessment I had done was almost perfect.”

“Was he polite at least?”

“Yeah. Dean even said he seemed ashamed of himself.”

“Let’s just say Chris had a word with the wife.”

“Chris?”

“Dr Brookes. He called Read’s wife about getting him down for Christmas. She was pleased – but not about what happened. Gave him quite the earful.”

Joan looked towards the door Jim had left and then back at Tom; “Is something wrong?”

Tom didn’t really lie; “I asked him about a student’s involvement with Hillman.”

Joan did not want to talk about _that_ ; “ok.”

Tom noticed her reaction and felt helpless; “If…. If somethings bothering you-”

“I’m fine.”

She really didn’t want to talk about it.

“Ok” Tom let it go for now.


	32. Music

Dr Brookes was troubled when Tom told him about Father Cameron’s accusation. A call to the priest and a talk with the Head Boy made it clear that the accusation was indeed serious.

“Joan hasn’t had the easiest ride in the deputy role” he said to Jim; “and I thought you and Susan had it rough.”

Jim still had his conversation with Joan on his mind; “Zimmerman mentioned she had to attend Mr Read’s music lessons-”

“All students must attend their classes.”

“Even if the student feels threatened sir?”

“Mr Read will be spoken to” Dr Brookes promised. “One more incident, and he will be suspended. The worse thing Miller can do is – from my records – play truant again without a good explanation.”

“It’s a good explanation if the teacher throws you against the wall in front of other students and then grabs your hair in front of the local priest. Surely that isn’t a good image for the school?”

Jim didn’t care if his tone was “rude”. Joan’s welfare was on the line.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Miss Miller haven’t you Morrison?”

“She is one of my deputy’s sir.”

“Miss Ramsey told me she had sought you out to speak with Miller after the incident with Read. You’ve developed a friendship with her?”

What was he implying?

“Joan comforted me about my sister sir, I feel obliged to make sure she feels safe in a place where she is expected to live. I don’t think she feels safe right now. Can it not be arranged that she studies music but not in the same class?”

“To be honest, that was an arrangement I was thinking about.”

Dr Brookes was a good liar.

“But I need to talk to Zimmerman and Miller herself. With Read in the same room.”

“Can I be in the room as well? For support?”

“Very well.”

Privately, Chris was very, very angry with John.

John knew better than this. Other schools who had recommended him mentioned that he was hard on staffers he felt punished students for no reason.

And of all the students he had decided to pick on, why was it Joan Miller? The disabled student with an undeserved notoriety? The same one that Tom was acting as guardian?

And now possibly the outspoken Head Boy’s best friend? Maybe more?

As Headmaster, he publicly could not take sides but privately, he was on the students. Even if that did mean Tom was right again.

The meeting was rather hastily arranged in the morning. Both he, John and Tom had still to feel the effects of their morning coffee while the Head boy and deputy head girl still had sleepy eyes though they were alert and more awake than the adults.

Jim noticed that Joan was giving him a strange look every time their eyes met but he pretended not to notice.

“Before you put that badge on this girl, she was a model student.” Read said; “Now she causes disruption with the little power you’ve given her.”

Dr Brookes turned to Joan; “Do you cause disruptions in class Miller?”

Jim prayed Joan would have a sensible answer;

“Not to my knowledge sir.”

Jim felt relief.

“Have you or have you not?”

“If you mean deliberately, no.”

“Story of your life isn’t it?”

“ _Thank you sir_.” Tom did not appreciate that.

“I suppose so” Joan decided to answer anyway.

“What disruptions have you caused unintentionally?”

“Mostly getting confused in class and then not admitting it until it’s too late.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I used to hear snickers in my first year whenever I asked for help, so I’ve stopped doing it until I really need to. And it’s not just in Mr Read’s class, I do it all the time. Mr Read isn’t the only one with little patience for it but he’s the first to complain in front of other students.”

“You need to grow a backbone” Mr Read muttered.

Jim bit his lip to stay silent.

Dr Brookes turned to him; “she is showing a lot of backbone right now Mr Read. Until it’s your turn to speak, please offer the student a chance.”

“I don’t have much time sir, I have a class to teach in five minutes.”

“Perhaps it would be best you get it started and then come back once they’re settled.”

“Will Miller be joining us?”

“Of course not.”

Mr Read got up and left the room. The door was shut too hard.

“Temper, temper” Dr Brookes tutted. He saw Joan looked a little troubled, “no need to worry about him Miss Miller. Mr Read has always been the difficult one of my House teachers. He’s a very…. Strict man. But he means you no harm.”

Both Head Boy and Deputy Head Girl did not look impressed at that remark. Tom just rolled his eyes.

“Now.” He made himself comfortable on his chair and his foot tapped on the floor; “How well do you do prep Miss Miller?”

“I don’t forget to do it sir.”

“If the work you miss is class was sent to you, could you do it by yourself in your own time?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then that’s all we need. And with Mr Zimmerman watching over you, I don’t you’ll risk forgetting it.”

“You would think” said Tom, “but you’d be surprised.”

Joan resented that.

The door knocked.

Dr Brookes turned; “Come in.”

Blair Stillman walked sheepishly in; “Mr Read says he’ll accept.”

“Accept what?”

“I’m not sure sir, he just said to tell you that. And that no one but me has turned up for his class…” Blair cleared his throat; “I also forgot my homework for the fourth time.”

“Ah, so you’ve to receive the cane?”

“Yes sir.”

Joan felt very sorry for her sometimes enemy.

“What do you mean no one’s turned up?” Zimmerman asked.

“They’re all in the library sir.”

“Ah” Dr Brookes understood; “a traditional student rebellion I take it?”

In the past, Clarifloors students who had grievances against a teacher or even a student would abandon the class and do prep in the library. In Dr Brooke’s short time as Headmaster, he’d only had one huge one against a history teacher who was later fired. And then there were at least six or seven smaller “protests” over last year’s team. As a student, he had participated in a few himself, resulting in memorable canings.

Jim and Joan knew about these “revolts” but neither had participated in one yet. The ones that came to mind were last year’s many revolts against the Head Boy and Deputy Head Girl that Jim knew was suicide to be part of while Joan avoided large crowds even if she agreed with the grievances.

“And you’re not involved because…...?”

“I’m behind in my work sir.”

“Yet you can catch up with prep with your fellow students. I’d just like to know what their grievances are and why you haven’t joined them?”

Blair’s cheeks went a little pinker; “It’s over what happened in the Ferox common room sir.”

“Don’t you Ferox students stick up for each other?”

“I assumed it had been settled with sir.”

Dr Brookes turned to Joan; “are you friends with Mr Stillman?”

“No sir, but I don’t really mind what he does or care what he thinks about me.”

Blair felt his cheeks go crimson and looked at his feet.

Jim, Zimmerman and Joan were dismissed, and Zimmerman ordered her to his office.

“See you later” Jim said.

Joan nodded before entering Tom’s office.

“Well you’ve got what you want. Happy now?”

Joan felt tension in her wrists; “Are you mad?”

“I’ve had a long day.” He stretched; “how did you manage to get Morrison into the room?”

“Room?”

“The office.”

“He asked.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Tom smiled to himself; “don’t break things off with him ok?”

“Huh?”

He chuckled; “You better get yourself ready for school tomorrow.”


	33. Tape

“Jim, what are you trying to do?”

Joan asked this while everyone in the office was deep in prep, including her.

“Um…. Prep.” He answered.

He heard his Deputy Head Girl sigh in annoyance at him and with herself; “You know what I mean.”

“If it’s about the music lessons, I’m sorry if you miss them. I just didn’t feel comfortable knowing you were to go back to lessons with that jerk.”

“What about before?”

“Before?”

Ebony and Dean had switched off the music in their headphones and were now listening.

“You were in Zimmerman’s office. He told me you were talking about people being with Hillman.”

“And….?”

“I know it was because of me.”

“I’m just trying to help pal.”

“But why?” She was not offended; “What do you care?”

“I like to think as Head Boy-”

“This is personal, not school related.”

“No offence.” Ebony spoke up; “Can you two deal with this in another room?”

Joan looked scared; “I feel more comfortable with you both here.”

“Jim’s not going to hurt you pal.” Dean responded.

“He might if he gets upset-”

“Joan.” Jim didn’t want to remember; “please. Leave it for now.”

As if on cue, the door knocked and some of the prefects requested both the Head Boy and Head Girl. There had been a fight in the playground, and they needed help getting names.

Alone with Joan, Dean decided to talk to her; “What’s your real worry?”

Joan was reluctant to talk; “It’s private but….”

“I won’t tease.”

“I’m starting to worry if he’s caring for me.”

“Jim?”

“Yeah.”

Dean pretended not to judge; “A lot of girls would be happy.”

“People who care about me worry and worry makes them ill. Being Head Boy is stressful enough.”

“You’re too compassionate sometimes Joan.” Dean shook his head; “Didn’t you try to get Blair Stillman out of a detention the other day?”

“It was for something he’d already been caned for.”

“It’s only Blair.”

“Still not right.”

“And he’s not been very pleasant to you during Court.”

Dean had a point. Blair had started acting up, complaining about the team’s rather laid-back approach and outright insulting Joan’s lack of experience in the often hostile and competitive Prefect environment.

But still; “I mean he has a point.”

“He’s still a douche bag and you don’t need to put up with it.”

The door opened again, and a first-year outsider Obair student named Francis Henry entered.

“Knock next time.” Dean firmly said; “Do they need my help?”

“Two Obairs were involved.”

“Any Ferox?” Joan asked.

“No Miller.”

“You got lucky.” Dean sighed. “Who was it?”

“Fraser Adams and one of the girl’s in first year – I can’t say her name but she’s local. I think.”

Dean sighed again; “Ok. Show me where to go….”

Joan was now alone.

She cracked her knuckles and regretted it as the noise made her ears vibrate.

She was worried. Worried that people were worrying about her. Especially these three people. All of them had exams and other commitments. She should not be one -

The door opened.

Joan looked up and felt her stomach drop.

Ron, Gladys, Beau, Ruby and Fraser entered. Fraser looked nervous.

_Shit._

Gladys shut the door; “Now!”

Ron and Beau ran at Joan before she could move and had her on the ground.

“Check the door.” Gladys calmly ordered Ruby.

“But I want to help!” Ruby pleaded.

“Maybe if we have time.”

Beau had some tape; “I forgot the scissors.”

“Just find the end!” Ron responded impatiently.

Gladys noticed something; “Having trouble holding that fat piece of shit down Ron?”

“She’s stronger than she looks!”

“Pathetic.”

Beau found the end; “So mouth?”

“No, she never speaks when she doesn’t have a crowd watching. Just tape her wrist to the desk. Put leftovers on her face and pull quickly.”

“Is this a lesson you’re doing?” Joan asked, unimpressed.

Gladys aimed at the eye with her fist.

Fraser turned away.

“Say anything else, and I may tape your mouth and let Ron finish what he started.”

“May I?” Ron joked.

“Not fucking funny.” Gladys glared at him; “There’s “not enough”, then there’s “too far””.

“It’s alright. I was already hesitating when I saw her chest hairs.”

Both boys laughed.

Joan kept her eyes down.

“Ron…” Ruby looked a little disgusted.

Gladys spun around; “Don’t talk unless someone’s coming!” She turned back to Ron; “But she’s right. I don’t want to hear about her fat belly or her chest. She’s a whale. I can see it.”

_“Fat Jokes. Original.”_

Joan wasn’t quiet enough for Ron who also gave her a taste of his own fist.

Her head landed against the desk leg that Beau had bound her wrist too.

“Better.” Gladys smiled. “Beau, check E’s desk, see if she has anything in there.” She bent down to Joan; “You know why we haven’t done so much this year? Read pretty much satisfied our want to make you miserable. But since all that drama’s over, let’s give you our gift for not yet getting yourself fired from the team.”

Joan didn’t look at her.

Gladys was satisfied; “You’re not even going to tell your new sweetheart this happened are you?” She patted her head; “dear me Miller. Now playing the tragic love heroine.”

Beau had pulled out a few “ _Gazette_ ” papers Ebony had confiscated and then a metal ruler.

“That’ll do.” Gladys said when she finally checked.

Ron picked it up and raised it –

“Not on the head.” Gladys warned him; “It’s more obvious.” She grabbed Joan’s free hand; “At least protect your neck!”

“ _This is fucking ridiculous_ …”

Gladys slapped her; “Shut up!” And to Ron; “Go on then!”

She turned away while Ron went to work and noticed Fraser was in tears.

He wiped them away quickly; “This is good.”

“You’re worse at lying than Miller is. What’s the matter?”

“I thought we… We, we were just going to tease her.”

“She attacked you, didn’t she?”

“I mean…. I did call her a retard….”

“She needs to know who you are and who protects you. She doesn’t act like it in front of you all but she’s terrified of me. And of the people who I call my friends. Don’t you want to be a friend?”

Behind her Ron stopped and breathed heavily.

Joan motivated herself not to show the pain she was in.

“That wasn’t even a minute and you’re out of breath?” Gladys couldn’t believe it.

Ron tried to ignore her; “How does that feel Miller?” He hit her again. “Huh? You make my girlfriend’s life a misery.” Another strike. “You make everyone around you depressed. Your whole existence is one hole sucking the life out of everything.”

“You sound like your trying too hard.” Gladys said, her arms folded.

Joan thought that was hypocritical; Ron’s arm was pretty strong and if he kept his mouth shut, he could be taken seriously. If anything Gladys herself couldn’t be taken seriously.

Ron grabbed under her chin; “Say it after me. “I make a lot of trouble for everyone. So, I should do everyone a favour and just kill myself.” Go on, say it!”

Beau now looked uncomfortable.

Gladys noticed; “Gone soft?”

He shook his head but turned away, humming quietly.

Ron struck Joan again; “Say it!” Another strike; “Say it!”

He got a response. Joan lashed out, scratching his leg. He dropped the ruler and she took it and hit him over and over until she couldn’t reach him.

The tape was strong, and Joan struggled with it until she felt a sharp ache and stopped. Ruler still in hand and panting badly, she waited for Ron’s next move.

Ron swore and easily overpowered her free arm. The ruler snapped in half as he tried to pull it off and the splinters made his fingers bleed. Enraged, he blindly struck her with his fist and spat.

Gladys chuckled: “With that embarrassing performance, I’m almost rooting for her.”

“I’m bleeding!” Ron was furious.

“You’re useless” Gladys said as she stomped on Joan’s free wrist; “Useless.”

“I’ve only just started!”

“You gave her an opening to fight back!”

Another stamp.

Joan hid her face. She was never ready for Hillman’s boots.

“They’re coming back into the building.” Ruby had looked out the window.

“They?”

“Some of the students.”

Gladys sighed; “great. We could have done more.”

Another stamp.

“But that means we get to come back. Au Revoir _freak_.”

Joan clenched her fists and looked up only to find she was on her own again.

Except Fraser who was staring down at her.

Joan pulled herself up as far as she could; “Scissors are in Dean’s drawer in his desk.”

It took Fraser more than a minute to free Joan’s wrist. The tape was very thick, and they left some of it still sticking to the leg while Joan grit her teeth and pulled off what was stuck to her wrist.

“What do we do?”

Joan looked at the mess Beau had made of Ebony’s desk.

How in the hell could she fix this?

“Miller?”

Joan remembered Fraser; “I’m going to lie down.”

“You should report this.”

Joan didn’t respond.

“Miller?” Fraser nervously went on his tiptoes; “I can report it if you don’t want to.”

“Why are you hanging around those lunatics?”

“Um….”

“You can give a stupid answer.”

Fraser went red; “I’m lonely.”

_Jesus Christ._

“Join the chess Guild. Most of us are lonely” Joan joked, “but seriously, you keep hanging around those guys, no one will give you a chance.”

“Do you want me there?”

“I’d rather you were anywhere but with them pal.”

Fraser felt a little uneasy but grateful; “thank you.”

The door opened again.

Jim, Ebony and Dean saw Fraser and then looked at Joan.

“I’ve been telling him about the chess guild.” Joan said. Her voice, calm and collected.

Fraser played along; “Yeah uh… see you on…. Thursday?”

“4:30.”

“Ok” and the second year left.

“I hope he apologised.” Jim responded as he went back to his desk.

“In his own way I guess.” Joan sat back down and covered the marks on her wrist; “What happened down there?”

“Huge fight between Millie Smart and a few girls. It’s always the girls fighting.”

Joan put on her headphones on and went back to prep.

Ebony finally saw the mess; “What the hell?!” She furiously put as much as she could back in her drawer and then saw the snapper ruler on the floors; “Has someone been going through my drawers?”

“My scissors are gone.” Dean suddenly said.

“This it?” Ebony picked them up from the floor then stopped and looked down again; “Is that tape?”

Jim’s brain suddenly went into shock; “wait….”

All three stared at Joan.

She pretended to be oblivious.

“You can’t even act.” Ebony had no patience for this.

Joan stayed still.

Jim tried to think of what to do.

Dean silently pleaded with him to do something before Ebony -

“Joan?” Ebony marched over and roughly pulled the headphones off; “Joan-!”

Joan stood up suddenly and clenched a fist. Both Dean and Jim rushed forward but Joan appeared to stop herself and put her hand down.

“I need to go for a lie down.”

“You’re still going to tell us what happened here.” Said Ebony, with a mixture of worry and anger.

Joan started to pack; “I don’t think so.”

“Can you at least tell me?” Jim pleaded.

Joan looked at him; “Weird stuff happens to me all the time Jim. That’s why I don’t want you worrying about me.”

Dean got involved; “It’s ok for him to be worried pal. Friend’s worry about each other all the time, it’s just something you have to get used to.”

Joan kept her eyes on the ground as she put her bag on; “Please…. Just stop.”

She was gone.

“Helpful.” Ebony said to Dean.

“What were you trying to do? Pick a fight?” Dean spat back.

“Enough.” Jim shut them both down; “Where is that kid, Fraser?”

“I’ll get him” Dean promised and left.

Ebony wiped away some sweat on her forehead; “Jim, I’m sorry but…”

“Yeah I know.”

“Why can’t anyone just leave her alone?”

Joan was in her bathroom in her quarters. With the door firmly locked, she had taken off her shirt and examined the new bruises.

Ron had a strong arm.

But it was never as strong….

Joan cursed. Why in the hell was she thinking these thoughts when a sink was right there?

Next door, Gail got a text from Jim and immediately left her room and knocked on Joan’s door.

“Yeah?” Joan called as she went back into her main bedroom.

Gail respected Joan’s privacy; “It’s Gail. Jim text me to ask if I could check on you.”

He wasn’t going to drop it was he?

“I’m fine.” She called as she started to change into her dressing gown.

“You don’t sound convincing. No disrespect.”

Joan tutted at herself. Why couldn’t she lie at all?

“I’ve had a bad day and-”

“Can you let me in at least? I don’t want people hearing our voices.”

She heard the door unlock and went in. She saw what Joan was wearing;

“Joan it isn’t even the end of school hours. What’s wrong?”

Joan didn’t understand; “Why are you bothering me?”

“I want to know if you’re ok?”

“Are we friends?”

“I can be if you want.”

Gail heard the air leave Joan’s lungs.

“I think you should sit down.” Gail took Joan’s arms and saw her tense up; “Are you hurt?”

“I don’t mean to be a bother.” Joan mumbled.

“Gladys?”

Joan nodded.

“You know how to handle her though?”

“When she’s on her own.”

Gail realised; “Ron was with her? _Shit._ ”

“I’ll get used to it.”

“No, you won’t. You shouldn’t.”

“I have to.”

Gail sent a quick text to Jim; “Keep your door locked.”

Joan didn’t respond.

She waited until Gail was gone, went into her bathroom, stood on the toilet, opened the small window high above and lit a cigarette.

She felt her chest relax and any aches she had leave her.

Life was good again.

Gail met Jim and Ebony in the office; “Where’s Dean?”

Ebony spoke; “Searching for a kid we found talking to her. Joan’s invited him to the Chess Guild -”

“So, you want me to talk to him if Dean can’t find him?”

“Could you?”

Gail was unsure; “What exactly happened?”

Ebony told Gail about the mess they had found the office in, and that Joan had refused to explain it – and her strange behaviour.

“Well she wouldn’t.” Gail responded; “One time I heard these girls in her room, and I shooed them out. She locked herself in her toilet and just shrugged the whole thing off. Wouldn’t eve respond.”

“What were they doing?” Jim asked, frowning.

“Same as that kid – calling her names and banging on the door. Only they managed to get in.”

Jim felt dismay; “Why isn’t anyone punished for bothering her?”

“They are.” Ebony said; “I was anyway.”

“Then why doesn’t Hillman and her cult not back off?”

“Because Joan’s an easy target.” Gail responded; “she was before she joined the team anyway. It’s hard for them to take her seriously.”

“But she has people like you watching her!”

“Jim, at the beginning of the year, no one even spoke to her outside the Chess Guild. In fact I was the only one who asked how she was that day. She isn’t used to people caring about her – that’s probably why she’s feels uncomfortable now that there’s a new interest in her and suddenly she has friends. She isn’t used to that.”

“Especially since last time, the interest was over… What happened with her Dad.” Said Ebony.

“And the council.” Gail added, “And I don’t wish to insult the people you locals got in power-”

“My father says they’re all idiots. Except Mr Bell. Bell at least took the school’s side. Dr Brookes side.”

The students knew a little too much of the politics of the situation.

“Why did they even call a twelve-year-old girl – and outsider and with autism to get permission to come?” He asked; “that doesn’t make sense.”

“They claimed the police on our Island didn’t pick up their call. But my Dad was in the station and they never received it.”

“You’re Dad’s in the police force here?” Gail didn’t know that.

Dean finally arrived; “I got him.”

“And?” Jim was anxious.

Dean told them what Fraser had witnessed.

“Millie Smart was one of the girls in the fight.” Ebony spoke up; “It wouldn’t surprise me if she started it to get them in here.”

“Then we can’t leave her alone in here.” Jim decided.

“Joan won’t like that.” Said Gail.

“What choice do we have?” Dean responded rather angrily; “She doesn’t even want us to deal with it but if we catch them doing anything -”

“She won’t like it and she’ll do anything for some peace. I don’t think she wants to be another bother for you all.”

“But she’s our friend.”

“Joan isn’t used to having a friend.”

As she said it, Gail felt a punch to the stomach.

“I… I should have made it clear that I was one….”

Jim wrote down on a sheet of paper; “Dean can you make a report?”

“Sure.”

“And we won’t tell Joan we’ve done it. Gail, I understand you’re just worried for her wellbeing but so are we. She’s our team member and after our term is up, we have to make sure she feels safe and is safe.”

“With any luck, Hillman will be expelled.” Ebony said; “but I doubt it.”

“Why?”

“Her uncle is one the council. His name is Roald Homolka. He also runs the “Mithridates Gazette.””

Silence.

“Basically, if Gladys gets expelled on account of Joan, Homolka will create a fuss and claim Dr Brookes cares for an outsider over a local.”

“But if she arranged for her boyfriend to beat a vulnerable student with -”

“He has it in for Brookes. And Brookes has to be careful – Homolka has a lot of friends in high places.”

“This is stupid!”

Everyone agreed.

Alone in her room, Joan was reading the paper. She highlighted a paragraph, cut it out and then hid it in the floorboards. Then she ripped up the remains and drowned them in the toilet.

Then she heard another knock.

She was dressed for bed, so she kept quiet until she heard; “It’s Jim.”

She opened the door.

Jim invited himself in; “I need to quickly talk to you and then I’ll be gone.”

“Ok.”

She seemed disappointed.

“Um….” Jim felt nervous; “About today. Fraser told us what happened in the office.”

He saw her face turn red; “Yeah…..”

“We know you don’t want to talk about it but we have reported it. That’s all we can do. But we feel that if an incident happens, we can’t keep you in the office alone.”

“I could just lock the door.”

“But they’ll get in. Don’t other students get in here despite the lock?”

Joan didn’t respond.

“I… I know you don’t want me to but I worry what might happen the next day. And that’s not you being a bother, I just – I just want you to have a normal school life. And I don’t know how to do that.”

Why was he stuttering? Joan must think he was nervous.

And why did that bother him?

“You’ve treated me as a member of the team and expected me to carry out duties without help. That’s fine with me.”

“But it’s not enough.”

“Compared to the last three years Jim, this year has been the closest I’ve felt to the school community. And that’s thanks to you, Ebony and Dean. Gail did what she could and so did Miss Ramsey and Mr Zimmerman – but everyone else wanted nothing to do with me.”

“What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. But it’s hard to tell idiots they’re wrong. How is your sister?”

“Um….”

Jim swallowed to control the tears that threatened to come out. The last thing he needed was for Joan to see him like this; “Much the same.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

Joan looked sad. He didn’t like it; “I mean Mum hasn’t called me since uh – so there’s not much news.”

“There was a kid in my primary school who got cancer, but she survived. She had very bad depression though. My last phone call, my mother told me the girl had thrown herself off the balcony of her house. As far as I know, she’s still in a coma.”

“Sophie’s a Pollyanna.”

“I’ve read that book.”

“I’ve seen a film. I uh…. I’m not fond of people who keep looking at the bright side when the reality isn’t going to solve itself like that.”

His voice was a lot calmer and he felt better.

“Do you read?” Joan asked him.

“When I have the time. Dean mentioned you were reading “David Copperfield.””

“I might just stop.”

“You don’t like Dickens?”

“He’s very melodramatic. I bet if I was a character of his, he’s be writing paragraphs of my “mental deficient” and how tragic and – fuck off.”

Jim chuckled at the sudden f-bomb; “Yeah.” He decided to leave; “listen, you have friends now. It’s ok for us to worry about you the same why you worry about all of us.”

“I’m sorry about how I’ve acted these past few weeks Jim I’m…. I don’t know, I’m not used to people taking an interest-”

The door opened.

Jim froze when he saw who it was.

“Mr Morrison.”

“Miss Ramsey.”

“You didn’t knock.” Joan was quick to point out.

“Miller.” The teacher ordered Joan to be quiet; “Mr Morrison. When I go in and see that my student is in bed clothes and you are in the room -”

“He’s trying to help me Miss Ramsey.”

Miss Ramsey frowned; “Watch your tone with me.”

“We’re talking in private. You’re not supposed to come in till after eight to make sure I’m ready to retire.”

“Joan.” Jim told her to stop. He did not want her in trouble; “Sorry Miss I uh – was checking she was ok.”

“Why is she wearing those clothes?”

“I don’t know Miss.”

“Wait outside.”

Jim silently apologised to his Deputy Head Girl before he left the room and waited anxiously by the door.

“I wasn’t trying to argue-”

Miss Ramsey hushed her firmly; “I just want to see for myself that you’re ok.”

“But now he’s in trouble-”

“He was trying to help. But remember that he hurt you before.”

“ _He is not a danger._ ”

“Again. Watch your tone.”

“Not if you’re going to make a problem out of nothing.” Joan picked up a book; “I appreciate the gesture but I’m fine.”

Nice people were so annoying.

“Even after you were ganged up on and mistreated by Hillman and her group?”

“I’m not in the mood to talk about this Miss.”

“Well I don’t care Miss Miller. As long as a student of mine is in danger-”

“I’ve been in danger since first year Miss. Things have happened to me that you don’t know about and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“You don’t trust me to help?”

“You can’t help. And if you knew, you’d worry even more. You have over a hundred students to worry about, don’t use what free time you have worrying about me and then telling Tom your worries and making him worried.”

“When I’m in my gown, you do not bring up my private life.”

“Does that matter with me? No one else is around.”

“Your honest to a fault Joan, but you’re not honest with yourself. When other students treat you like this, you need my help and your friends -”

“It is something I have to deal with on my own.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“I wish I could agree.” Joan turned a page; “I’d like to be alone.”

“Dismissing this won’t stop everyone worrying.”

“You’ll forget. So will they.”

Miss Ramsey had to leave before she could explode.

Jim saw she was red in the face and cautiously came up to her; “She’s quite a stubborn person.”

That seemed to open the gates; “Jim, that girl perplexes me every year. Tells truths that she shouldn’t, won’t talk about anything or anyone that bullies…. She didn’t even want to give evidence when Amelia and Harper were caught -” She buried her head in her hands; “Honestly, I wonder what will become of her after her time here is up.”

“Won’t Zimmerman and you be taking care of her?”

Miss Ramsey glared at him; “She told you that much?”

“Uh – rumour.”

“I should not have made you listen to my concerns. Forgive me and forget about it.”

“Miss, what will be done about the tape incident?”

“I’ll be emailing Read and Zimmerman. At the moment, I don’t know if Read cares very much for Miller, but he will do his duty. And Hillman is foolish to be on the wrong side of Zimmerman.”

“But is that enough?”

“It never is Morrison. I can only hope they follow Miss Vicker’s example eventually. And that you and the others can continue to be a friend.”

That night, Joan left her room and sneaked into the empty dining room where she found what was called a “dead drop” – a spot for the “packages” to collect the contraband – cigarettes, Gazette papers etc – she only collected the cigarettes and went back to her room. She put one box under the floorboards and the six other boxes in the pocket of her overlarge coat. Her mask was in the other pocket. She put it on and went out again.


	34. The Spy

For some reason, Joan found the Cigarette Guild in the bike shed again. She wondered if perhaps the staff had stopped checking the area anymore as they were supposed too.

It was something she would have to work out.

For now, though, she was no better than those waiting for their smokes.

She found the usual crowd – Hillman’s cult. They didn’t pay any attention. She gave away three boxes to other students who left quickly after three or four and soon the cult and her were alone.

“I think he’s bailed on us.”

Joan had to move her mask a little to see that she had heard Ruby’s voice.

“Then he’s just made another enemy.” A recently bruised faced Millie Smart said.

“He was never worth it.” Gladys declared; “Well done by the way.”

Millie smiled; “I hope at least getting Miller on her knees was worth it.”

“I had her on the floor” Ron boasted.

“She still managed to fight you and you backed off like a little baby.” Said his girlfriend; “It was embarrassing.”

“I wish I could have seen it.” Said Juno.

“Aren’t you staying for the Christmas term?”

“Yeah. I can do something.”

“You better. But be careful, she might not leave Zimmerman’s quarters and when she does, you’ll have to catch her quick.”

Joan saw Beau go up to her and he asked for two boxes. She gave them him and he gave her some vouchers, thanking her rather nicely;

“Listen, it’ll be just be us now. You don’t need to stay out if you don’t want to – don’t want you getting caught. I think you’re the only package working for this particular guild now and I don’t want to get anyone else in trouble.” He had a smoke; “The rest have buggered off to hide the “Gazette” around the school. I suppose it’s safer. Just a waste of time.”

“That’s my uncle’s paper” Gladys overheard him.

“Yeah but it means we only get the one package.” He gave a strange little bow; “respect. But if you don’t come back, we’ll understand.”

Good to know, Joan thought. She would keep that in mind the next time she thought about quitting.

Joan had got into “packaging” by accident but had since continued because she could at least watch Hillman and her cult as they were and learn things about them. Despite what they did to her, she found them and their conversations very interesting. Also helped that sometimes they let slip what they planned to do and if it involved her, she knew what to do.

“Why’s Brookes not allowing your uncle’s paper anyway?” Ruby asked.

“Because Brookes doesn’t like her Uncle.” Rebecca answered.

“Also, because he believes Miller is innocent about that phone call.” Said Juno; “My main beef with that - is that the police don’t lie, and it was a kid’s voice they heard. The council panicked. My Dad said Miller should have been hauled to the cells.”

“Maybe.” Gladys puffed; “but both her parents messed up and that’s not her fault. My uncle says her father had several complaints against him – you know he beat the mother? The mother was a wrestler who called herself “Tammie Tiger” or “The Tigress” – but the guy would throw bottles and punches. Then he did in front of some other wrestlers and they followed him home and beat him up. My opinion, the arsehole deserved it – but if it was my Mum and Dad, I would struggle and feel sorry for myself.”

“Shit….” Juno hadn’t heard this, “but…. If you do feel she was wronged, what’s your beef with her?”

“My “beef” with Miller is that she ought to be humbled by all that, but she’s made it bloody difficult for anyone to sympathise with her.”

Joan thought that was a weird reasoning.

“Or that she punched you as a first year and you almost broke your nose.” Ron said. “You lost to a first year and you never got over it.”

Gladys didn’t respond.

“Or that she just doesn’t give a shit about you.” Ron decided to add.

“Meaning?” Gladys gave him a warning look.

“Miller isn’t afraid of people like you. Maybe with her Dad and all – it taught her to face intimidation in the worst way. And you can’t handle that.”

“What are you, a therapist?” Millie asked.

“He gets like this after six or seven.” Beau said.

Joan showed off her last box – meaning it was free.

Rebecca grabbed it from her and walked away.

“At least thank them!” Ron suddenly scolded.

Rebecca mumbled a “thank you.”

“Well this will be out last night out before Christmas term.” Gladys declared, “meet in January here?”

Millie shrugged; “I mean I can get some more beer up here for the janitor.”

Ah….

Joan knew she had something.

She started to walk out as the cult finished their smokes and gave each other awkward hugs around.

As she sneaked closer to the school, she noticed Zimmerman’s light in his office was off.

Strange.

Then she heard some mumbling and so jumped behind the nearest bush and watched as a large man walked past.

That was Tom.

And he was heading towards the bike shed.

A part of her wanted to stay to watch what was going to happen but the sensible part told her to run.

She got in, got her mask off and went to her room. She took her coat off and was ready to go to bed when -

The door suddenly opened.

“Had a good night?”

Miss Ramsey.

“Miss,” Joan didn’t make eye contact; “Sorry about my rudeness earlier.”

“What were you wearing?”

“My coat Miss. It’s cold outside.”

Joan had long decided to tell a part of the truth if she was ever caught.

“Why were you outside?”

“I felt imprisoned Miss. Sometimes I go outside to breath.”

“Go outside to breath when it’s light Miller.”

Joan prayed she wouldn’t smell her breath. Going outside was bad enough but smoking was a sure death sentence.

“Normally this would get you across the desk or at least four detentions – but I doubt you want the latter and I don’t wish to wake Miss Hampton next door -”

“Look I…. I don’t want Tom to worry about me doing this Miss, I only wanted some air.”

“You should be worrying for yourself right now Miller.”

“Can you just call me Joan just now?”

Sarah took her gown off; “What happened today Joan?”

“Too many things Miss. Not as bad as Mr Read but…. I’d hoped things would get better.”

“Why was that so hard to tell me before?”

“I don’t like worrying people and this place…. Sometimes makes me feel unsafe.”

“Ok.” Sarah put a hand on her shoulder; “Do you think you need to talk to someone who can help you?”

“I already do.” Joan then scratched her head; “I don’t want Ebony to see me get corporal punishment.”

“Then pick Odd Jobs or Detentions.”

Joan shook her head.

Sarah sighed; “I can be kind as a teacher and just give you a warning, but as Tom trusts me to watch out for you, I will have to either tell him or punish you myself.”

“Please just do that.”

“I was a mother once Joan, my daughter thought my method was harsh.”

Sarah realised what she’s just slipped out.

“I didn’t know teachers were parents. Doesn’t work make things difficult?”

“I did.” Sarah admitted.

“Where is she?”

“Joan. My daughter is dead.”

Silence.

“Christ….” Joan scolded herself; “Sorry Miss.”

“It’s ok. She died more than a decade ago, I was a young mum. She was fourteen and very ill. It was peaceful.”

Joan was more careful; “Does Tom want you to be my guardian as well?”

“I’m not sure Tom wants me to talk about this to you on my own -”

“Cause I wouldn’t mind.”

“It’ll be harder for you to get away with things Joan.”

“Then Tom has nothing to worry about then does he?”

A phone buzzed. Sarah picked it up;

“Hillman gang caught smoking. Will cane them all myself.”

Sarah decided not to text him to say his own ward had been outside.

“I think I’ll give you a few slaps on the back on your legs for now. But if I catch you doing this again, I will be talking to Tom.”

Joan was made to stand facing the wall with her hands at the front. She was pleased that Miss Ramsey pretty much only gave her three slaps on each leg while she was wearing her clothes. She was not even making it hard for her to stay quiet.

“You have a large bruise on your ankle. Was that from today?”

Joan looked down and saw the large grey bruise.

That was pretty big.

No point denying it; “...yes…”

They were not the same marks left by Amelia’s cane, but it was clear someone had used some force which disturbed Sarah.

Even the teachers were instructed to not use much force when disciplining a student. Many locals had said they were surprised how “quick” and “almost tender” the punishments were though they all agreed it was still never pleasant affairs.

It was one of many reasons why John Read was not popular at the moment. He seemed to forget that the cane did not need a forceful hand to be effective.

“May I see where the other bruises are?”

“…It’s mostly on my back…”

Sarah, aware Joan was feeling vulnerable, was gentle; “Please Joan.”

Joan stayed still while the teacher checked her back and she heard the woman tut and sigh.

“I will have to tell Tom about the assault.”

“It was Hillman’s boyfriend.” Joan decided to be truthful now rather than later.

“And why didn’t you tell me this until now? Is it that hard?”

“Yes it is.”

“But why?”

Joan didn’t respond. She felt tired.

Once alone, she burrowed her head in the pillow and had yet another dreamless night.


	35. Christmas

Jim, Ebony and Dean noticed a change in Joan following the attack in the office. She was calmer, more focused and seemed to be regaining the confidence she lost. She was even talking more about things that before; she would be concerned would “worry” her friends.

She still had a rather strained relationship with Dr Brookes. Joan’s rather blunt tongue always seemed loose around him despite showing the level of respect he expected from her. So meetings with the Headmaster were kept short and if he only wanted one or two of them, Joan was often excluded.

In the last week of term before the Christmas break, Ebony openly challenged him; “We feel you could be softer with Miller.”

“Softer?” The Headmaster seemed confused.

“We feel like you pick on every small thing she does wrong.”

“When problems are nipped in the bud, it won’t cause a problem.”

Jim spoke up; “We understand that sir, but Miller is a different kind of -”

“Morrison. Look….” He gave a sigh; “I understand she’s vulnerable and has had to endure many problems but at the end of the day, I cannot treat her any different. She is a student in my school first and foremost. Has she voiced issues with me?”

“She doesn’t voice any issues involving herself.”

“That’s not good,” Dr Brookes admitted; “I can perhaps try not to nit pick too much but at the same time, I think she appreciates it when I treat her as just another student.”

That was the end of the matter for Brookes for that meeting and he changed the subject.

Dean and Joan were in the office doing some prep while waiting for their Head’s to return. Or at least they were supposed to. Both of them were in no mood to study.

“When is the Chess Guild Competition happening by the way?” Dean asked.

“Gail was talking about it being on the third week of the next term. Before Easter anyway.”

“I’ve been studying by the way-”

“Dean. Don’t waste your time.”

Dean laughed; “Pride comes before a fall.”

“What I call delusions, you call dreaming.”

Dean was still laughing when Sam appeared.

“Letter for you Joan.” The first year skipped to her desk.

“Odd Jobs again?” Dean asked him. First years “Odd Job” punishments was often delivering letters if they weren’t washing each other’s clothes.

“Yeah. Mr Read hates me. How come Joan gets to leave his class?”

Joan looked worried; “Has he touched you again?”

“No but he’s always in a bad mood. Miss Ramsey thinks he’s looking for someone new to use as his chew toy. Well that’s what I heard her mumble-”

“You shouldn’t repeat stuff you know you’re not supposed to hear.” Dean scolded before sending Sam on his way; “nice kid. But annoying.”

“Oh.”

“Something wrong?”

Joan had opened her letter; “Gran’s dead.”

There was a pause.

Dean wished Jim was there.

“I’m sorry, anything I can do?”

Joan shrugged; “No it’s fine.”

He felt relief; “You were expecting it?”

“She should have been dead ages ago really. Alzheimer’s.”

Joan had obviously expected the news for some time. A long time. Still, Dean felt the need to inform Ebony and Jim, so he texted his Head Girl under the desk. Jim’s phone was in repair.

“My Grandpa had that”, he said as his phone informed him the text had been sent.

“Sorry?” Joan hadn’t been listening.

“My Grandpa had that. It’s not a way I want to go. Forgetting everyone. He was a military man.”

“Army?”

“Yeah. He had PTSD so he didn’t last long. The last time I saw him, he was having a panic attack over what he thought was an attack. It was just the curtains moving in the breeze. Kind of a… Relief almost when he passed away. Even my Gran is happy he’s no longer suffering.”

“I’m going to need to talk to Mr Zimmerman.” Joan started to pack her stuff.

“What do I tell Jim and Ebony?”

“My Gran’s dead.”

“You don’t mind them knowing?”

Joan shook her head and left.

Tom had received a phone call and had planned to tell Joan himself, so he was not happy to know a letter had been sent.

“Who is it from?” he asked, taking it from her.

“Mum’s lawyer I think.”

Tom sighed. Tammie’s Lawyer had his number but for some reason, they would try and contact Joan first despite his and Tammie’s insistence that Tom was not kept in the dark. As hard as it was to care for Tammie, she did see Tom as her friend and often wrote to him thank you letters for taking care of her daughter. He would have shared them with Joan if Tammie hadn’t then insisted that he keep them from her. Her reasoning being that Joan was probably still very angry at what she had done and didn’t care to hear from her.

“We’ll have to leave the Island for the funeral, right?

Joan had disturbed his thoughts; “Huh?”

“We’ll have to go to the funeral. When are we going?”

“Uh…” Tom thought quickly; “let me make some calls to find out what is going on and who’s actually organising it.”

“Dad might be.”

“Exactly.” He looked up, “would you like to talk to him if I get him on the phone?”

“No.”

It was a predictable answer.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“You always say no. It’s your father. Why don’t you ever want to talk to him?”

“Don’t do this to me Tom.” Joan left the room.

Tom made a call to Dr Brookes. Then to Mr Bell.

After the calls, he looked at the door where Joan had left.

He didn’t know what to do.

Joan Grandmother- Keith’s mother – was the one family member Joan seemed to miss. And she’d been ill for so long that both he and Joan knew she would die soon.

But he had not even thought of Joan wanting to go to the funeral.

There was one time he had taken her out to town when they saw a funeral procession for one of the locals. Joan had told him she had been to only one funeral and after that, she never wanted to go to one again.

That was when she was eleven. Tom knew he should have known she would change her mind. Especially for her Grandmother.

The real problem? The council had banned the poor girl from even leaving the micronation until she was eighteen. Either she couldn’t leave just for the funeral or…..

He got Miss Ramsey and Dr Brookes together and told them the predicament.

“I can be with you” Chris promised; “But I doubt they’ll change their minds. Riando and the others are stubborn.”

“But what about Michael?” Tom was desperate.

“Michael is one man.”

“But surely he told them what Joan did?”

“They won’t care. As far as their concerned, it’s a sentence for a criminal.” Chris was very sorry; “I will speak on both you’re and the child’s behalf, but if or when it’s the bad news, you’re going to have to explain to her why she can’t go.”

“Do you want me to do that?” Sarah asked.

“No, I will. But I’d like you to be available if it is the bad news.”

A request was sent but they were denied an audience. Another request and again, the same response. Even Michael Bell couldn’t get the committee’s attention when he himself explained why the child should be allowed to leave.

“They don’t bloody care!” Tom exclaimed in Chris’s office.

“Tom.” Sarah warned him to calm down.

“Heartless! Uncaring – What am I going to tell Joan?” He felt tears in his eyes; ““I should have told you this, but yes, they do hold you responsible for your own parents actions – and now you can’t even say goodbye to the one family member you love…..”” He sat down to try and calm himself; “And it’s fucking December!”

Chris has stayed silent. He too felt sick with anger.

But there was nothing they could do.

“I’ll figure something out” Tom seemed to have calmed; “But uh…. I’ll watch her over the holiday, and I’ll let you both know what kind of student you’re getting. And unless it’s a serious reason, no CP.”

Three days went past, and soon it was the Christmas holidays.

Ever since she arrived, Joan spent the holidays in the school with only a few other outsiders. To her disappointment, Jim and Dean had gone home and Ebony was of course spending her free time with her family just down the road.

At least she wouldn’t be seeing Gladys for a while. Or Ron. Even if she did see Juno Olwen hanging around the dinning hall giving her a look that meant she was an enemy.

What an idiot.

But Joan didn’t care for Olwen or anyone for that matter. She was waiting to find out when she would be going home.

Tom had said he’d sort it out.

And yet she’d heard nothing.

Finally, she decided to go to his office. Only to be told he wasn’t there. The lady at the desk gave her a letter and rather coldly reminded her that students weren’t supposed to be near the vacant offices after school hours.

Joan went to her room and read the letter.

No one saw her or Tom the next day or part of the next.

Staff members entered and took apart her sheets while she sat at her window, staring out. The maids tried to talk to her but they got nothing.

But they did find the Ferox Matron and told her some of their concerns.

Matron Flavia was a slightly annoying woman to Joan. She was harmless and professional, but she tried too hard to be a “mum”. That’s how she described herself to Joan in her first year. A “mum” for those leaving home to be at the school. That was a big mistake.

She came in and found Joan exactly where she was; “Miss Miller, I just want to talk to you.”

The Matron noticed straight away that Joan’s hair was very dry.

“Yes Matron?”

“Now I don’t want to embarrass you, but it’s come to my attention that you’re not keeping yourself clean.”

“No, not at the moment.”

“When did you last shower?”

“Just before the holiday started.”

“That was last week.”

“Yeah.”

“And you haven’t been wiping yourself properly either, have you?”

That finally got Joan to look at the Matron; “I’m sorry?”

“Your underwear has been coming to the washroom with stains. Both blood and you know what. You need to be more careful with that.”

Matron was frank but she had found in her career that being frank lessoned the embarrassment of the situation.

Joan just looked baffled; “You’re checking my underwear?”

“Yes. We do to check each student who stays in our care is looking after themselves.”

Still no embarrassment; “Do you mind not checking my underwear in the future?”

“As Matron -”

“You will not check my underwear. I know Miss Ramsey gets you to check my room and I can put up with that invasion of privacy. But this is too far. Tell the staff to mind their own business.”

“You will need to clean yourself more-”

“I can’t.”

“Miss Miller-”

“There’s no fucking toilet paper anywhere.” Joan let out some frustration; “Everyone has left me alone, I have no keys to use other bathrooms, all my shampoo has run out, there’s no soap, there’s no staff to help me with my clothes because apparently they’re only there to check there’s no trespassers – and you just arrive and expect me to be clean?”

“I thought Mr Zimmerman -”

“He’s gone.”

“Well Miss Ramsey is back tomorrow.”

Joan finally had enough; “who gives a shit anymore….”

“Miss Miller, I must report on your swearing at me. Now I will clean your clothes and treat you as another student – and I will not stand here and accept your abuse.”

Joan went back to reading.

“Just because your guardian is the deputy head, does not mean you are any different to the others. My job is to make sure your healthy and-”

“Can I use your bathroom?”

“That’s against the rules. If you need more shampoo and soap, I’m afraid you have to buy it yourself.”

“But Tom’s not here.”

“And you can’t go into town?”

“I can’t deal with getting stared at-”

Matron’s sigh interrupted her; “Well I suppose I can do it just this once. Why didn’t Mr Zimmerman warn me you would be alone this year?”

“I didn’t know myself.”

“That’s very strange.” Matron opened the door; “come with me.”

The next half an hour was torture for Joan. Whilst it was nice to have a shower and use shampoo and conditioner that didn’t feel like dry paper covering her head, Matron insisted in inspecting her while in the shower and while she was trying to get back in her clothes.

But it wasn’t because Matron was seeing her semi-named.

“That’s a terrible looking scar on your stomach” she observed.

Joan felt herself freeze and mumbled a “yes” uncomfortably.

She didn’t want to think about it. And thankfully, the Matron seemed to get the hint and carried on showing her how to properly shave her armpits. Then she made the student sit down, so she could cut her over long toe nails despite Joan’s instance that she could do it herself;

“Have you been eaten well while you’ve been in this situation?”

“No” Joan admitted.

“I have to report that as well Joan” Matron said apologetically; “at least we got you into a shower.”

“I didn’t know what to do Miss.”

Matron felt some sympathy; “Maybe some better communication with Mr Zimmerman and this won’t happen again.”

“Do you need to tell him about – this?”

“I have to. I also have to speak to Miss Ramsey since she is your Head of House.”

“I don’t want them to know about the scar, _please_.”

Matron was surprised; “oh well…… sure Miller.”

What an odd girl.

Joan returned to her room, feeling fresher but a little sicker.

Her neck rash was now more irritating, and her toenails felt uneven after the Matron’s forced trim.

She wished Miss Ramsey to hurry up.

A knock.

Not a friendly one either.

She heard her lock move and quickly hid under her bed.

Her door opened and three pairs of feet came into Joan’s line of sight.

“Miller?”

Joan recognised the voices and the shoes.

Millie Smart and Rebecca Samson.

And then there was Juno Olwen. The new one.

Juno had tried to intimidate her. Gail, Ebony and even Madison had sent warnings about her. She was the one only student who enjoyed seeing Mr Read hurt the deputy head girl. Gail had caught her smiling. That meant she was an enemy.

And with her were the two usual minions of Gladys Hillman.

And just because Hillman wasn’t there, didn’t mean they were any less dangerous. Even if all three were stupid people.

Joan figured if Olwen was alone, she could have handled her. Right now wasn’t a good time.

“Fucking smells in here” Juno complained; “Has she kept a dead rat in here or something?”

“So where is she then?” Rebecca asked.

Millie shrugged; “Maybe at Mr Zimmerman’s. This room smells of fish.”

“It makes me hungry.”

“She doesn’t have any pictures on the walls” Juno observed.

“Gladys used to tear them down the first time Joan pissed her off so maybe she just gave up trying to make it look nice.” Millie opened the bathroom door, “she keeps this so clean, I wonder if she uses it.”

“Not much by the looks of her,” Rebecca responded.

Juno entered the bathroom and Joan heard her turning all the taps in the room. She gritted her teeth as the other girls giggled and splashed, marking the carpet.

Joan didn’t mind a bit of mess. But a wet carpet made her skin crawl.

“We should come in and check in every day” Millie said. “Or I could.”

“I’m staying for the holidays” Juno told her. She sounded bored. “I’m going to Stillman’s room.”

Blair?

Blair was being targeted now?

That didn’t set well with Joan, but the girls were already gone as she crawled out from her hiding place. She rushed into the bathroom and turned off the taps.

The once dry floors were damp, and the water had entered her bedroom.

Joan could feel her shoulders shake.

Even with her key, those girls could still get in.

And if they planned on coming back….

Joan grabbed a book and ran away.

Miss Ramsey was quite surprised to find Matron Flavia waiting for her outside with a rather urgent face.

“It’s Miller.”

“Again?” Miss Ramsey sighed; “What happened now?”

“I was told by the staff that her clothes were unusually filthy including her underwear.”

“Why didn’t you report this to Mr Zimmerman?”

“Mr Zimmerman isn’t here Sarah.”

Sarah had to pause; “what?”

_What?_

“Miller has been left alone and no one knew she was there. There was nothing for her to use to clean herself – I had to take her to my office to make her wash herself.”

“But surely Mr Zimmerman would have warned you or someone?”

“No one Ma’am.”

“That doesn’t make sense….”

But Sarah guessed exactly what had happened.

And she was appalled.

“I need to unpack and get settled, but as soon as I’m done, I’ll find her” Miss Ramsey promised.

“The odd thing was, she was adamant I didn’t tell you about the scar on her stomach.”

Matron Flavia was never good at keeping secrets if she felt a teacher ought to know them.

“Scar, what scar?”

Her phone ran and she answered.

It was Tom’s butler, Adams, who confirmed Tom had been out of the country.

“Why wasn’t Joan with him?” she asked.

“He never said. He just told my colleague to give her a letter.”

It was a complicated mess.

She returned to her office and put her suitcase aside; “I swear Miller takes up half my time and it’s not even what she does, it’s what others do to her.”

“Miller’s a heat magnet.” A maid said as she helped both Matron and Miss Ramsey with another suitcase.

“Mind your manners” the Matron said, “oh, Sarah. I don’t want to say it, but when I tried to speak to Miller about her health, she was rather hostile and verbally abused me.”

“Probably very stressed but no excuse.” Then she mumbled; “Though I can’t blame her….”

“I mean if Mr Zimmerman left without telling her-”

“I will talk to her Matron. I’m pleased your willing for me to overlook it but the staff are not there to be abused.” She sat down; “thank you ladies. Matron, if you see Miller, send her to me.”

The door was left open and she heard the maid talk;

“No disciplinary action then? That retard always makes things difficult for everything.”

“Excuse me?” The Matron growled.

Miss Ramsey peaked through her door:

“Did you just call my student a “retard”?”

The maid’s face went red as Matron Flavia glared at her along with the teacher;

“Flavia. Dismiss that maid.”

Quite a few students had returned after Christmas with a few days to spare before the term officially started. The Obair House already had a quarter of its students back but the Ferox House only had about ten or twelve – one of them being Joan.

Another Ferox student who had returned early was the committee member, Blair Stillman. Miss Ramsey had noticed that he seemed down, but he assured her that he was fine. He was a much better liar than Joan was, but Miss Ramsey still saw something that worried her;

“Are you sure you’re alright Blair?”

“I always miss my family when I come back Miss. I wasn’t expecting to come home early.”

There was no reason to suspect anything else, so Miss Ramsey reluctantly dismissed him.

Joan was glad to see some normality return to the school. There was still no sign of Tom or a note to say where he was. And more importantly why he hadn’t told her.

She also missed Jim. She wasn’t quite sure why.

Joan didn’t like how she was feeling and tried to walk it off by wondering everywhere. She caught a first year Aprender smoking and confiscated his packet. He tried to mock her for Read’s treatment only for Read himself to find them together and order the boy to his office. He muttered a thanks to Joan but still no apology.

Feeling stressed, Joan took a cigarette. She was not an addict by any means but if a cigarette was there and she was stressed, she would use it. Her father had allowed her to smoke, something which was odd even to her. Her Grandmother had had a fit when she saw her with one at ten.

And hell, if it gave you cancer so be it, she thought. She needed that smoke.

Keeping the rest hidden, Joan decided to go to the common room. She hadn’t stepped in it since the Read incident. She hoped “Anne of Green Gables” was still lying somewhere for her to read.

There was a strange silence as she entered, and Sam, who had just arrived that morning, ran up to her and whispered that the “Blair-boy” was doing something “weird”.

Sam pointed at one of the corners then watched closely for a reaction.

But Joan didn’t say anything. Not at first.

Blair suddenly noticed her; “something I can do for you – _deputy head girl_?”

“Can you please put that down?”

“The knife?”

The girl nodded. Once he did, she walked over, staring at the dead bird he had on the table. The bloodied knife lay next to it, feathers slowly drifting to the floor. Blair couldn’t tell if she was fascinated or horrified.

It was a pigeon. Dead. And Blair had been cutting it open with a knife and pulling out it’s organs and such. It was a gruesome site, but at least he had the decency to have a sheet over the table and all the feathers he bothered to pick up were being put in a box so there wouldn’t be too much of a mess.

This wasn’t the first time Blair had been caught doing something…. Odd. But it was the first time Joan knew she had to do something.

But what?

“You didn’t kill that did you?” she finally asked.

“No it was just outside the window.” Blair didn’t look up.

Joan didn’t scold him; “Why are you cutting it up?”

“I don’t know, it just interests me.”

Joan stared at him as did the students in the room, though theirs were more judging and horrified while she just waited for him to carry on talking.

“I want to be a veterinarian,” he explained. “And there’s only so much the books in the library can tell me. And they don’t let you cut up the animals in the science department.”

“Yeah….”

“I’ll clean it up afterwards.”

Joan sat down with him but moved a few inches away from the knife.

“How did it die?”

It was Blair’s turn to stare at her; “what kind of question is that?”

“Kind of have to ask so I’m quite sure no one killed it.”

“It got caught on the spike’s against the windows there. It’s been rotting there for a day or two so I thought why waste the opportunity.”

“What kind of reasoning is that?” Joan asked.

“I don’t know. I mean I didn’t kill it and it was outside our window. The Service won’t call the window cleaners out till the last day before the rest come back.”

“Are you in pain?”

Blair stopped; “Huh?”

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.”

Joan didn’t believe him; “This is all too weird even for me.”

“Well fuck you.” He suddenly looked up; “you won’t tell a soul, will you?”

Joan went silent. Her eyes on the bird.

“Joan?”

A small sigh escaped Joan; “It’s face looks like it was in pain. I wouldn’t want to die like that.”

Blair didn’t know how to respond.

“You ever been in so much pain that you think you’re going to die?”

“Jesus Joan, now you’re being weird.”

“Pain doesn’t always start with a punch or anything outside – sometimes it starts within. Some people hurt themselves to take the pain out.”

“What are you getting at?”

“If you don’t want anyone knowing you cut yourself, you better start putting your sleeves down.”

The other students hadn’t noticed. Blair’s scars were little but yes, Joan was right. Blair huffed at her; “Mind your business.”

Joan voice was dead; “You need help.”

“I don’t need help from you.”

“You need help from someone -”

“Go to hell!”

A sudden smash of glass echoed around the common room. Joan’s sensitive ears began to ring heavily.

“What the devil are you doing?!”

The whole room froze as they saw Mr Zimmerman, surrounded by broken glass, staring furiously at Blair and Joan.

“Can we help?”

Trust Joan to be the only one unable to see his mood. She was more concerned that there was glass on the floor. What if someone walked in with bare feet?

Then she remembered that he had left her at school without telling her. Why -

“Hands on your head! Both of you get up and hands on your head!”

Both students obeyed as Zimmerman checked to see if his eyes were deceiving him; “This is a corpse! You were pulling apart a corpse? What the hell is wrong with the pair of you?”

“Sir, it was dead already,” Blair said rather bluntly. Even Joan gave him an odd look when she heard him speak.

“But why tear it apart like this and in your common room?”

“We were going to throw it out.”

“We?” He turned to Joan, “Miller?”

Joan hid her disappointment; “I assumed Blair would throw it out before a teacher came in sir-”

“What was your part in this?” He turned to Blair, “what was her part in this?”

“She was…..” Blair swallowed; “she was just playing along.” Ignoring the horrified looks he was getting from his peers, Blair pointed at Joan; “she asked me questions about the bird and why it was there, but she didn’t say I couldn’t do it.”

Zimmerman turned to Joan for her explanation. Joan, who had let her arms drop, took her time to give Blair a rather blank but telling look before she responded; “Sir – in all due respect – this boy is being a prick.”

Everyone braced themselves for Zimmerman to explode when suddenly and to the watching student’s relief; Miss Ramsey appeared;

“Mr Zimmerman? What happened to the vase?”

She then saw the dead bird.

“All animals from biology, stay in biology – not the common room.” She said, in a rather deadpan voice; “Someone send the staff to clear this mess up. They don’t need an explanation – but I do.”

“I just walked in and that boy was touching its wings.” Zimmerman responded.

“Mr Stillman? Is this true?”

Blair couldn’t deny it; “Yes Miss. But it was already dead I swear!”

“And you,” Zimmerman turned back to Joan; “you just let him do it.”

“All of you just let him do this?” Miss Ramsey included the room.

Sam put his hand up; “We didn’t know what to do Miss.”

“And that’s your excuse too?” Zimmerman yelled at Joan.

“I uh – didn’t want to go near it.”

Joan hadn’t expected Tom to continue berating her, at least not in front of Miss Ramsey or the other students.

“You could have talked with him to stop what he was doing.”

“I did talk-”

“Mr Zimmerman-” Miss Ramsey could see Joan was getting agitated.

“You could have got the staff if there was no teachers – instead you just stood there like an idiot and you didn’t even tell him to remove the bird?”

“I-”

“And then he tells me your playing along and what did you say to that?”

Joan didn’t respond. What was the point if he wasn’t going to let her answer?

“Answer me!”

“Mr Zimmerman, I want to know why _no-one_ in this room wanted to stop him.” Miss Ramsey turned to Blair; “And as for you, you’re going to have a hard time explaining this.”

Blair knew he had no chance escaping punishment – but he felt determined to bring Joan with him; “She let me Miss!”

“Did you?” Zimmerman asked for the Ferox Tutor, who didn’t appreciate it.

Joan scratched the back of her ear; “I don’t like talking to the staff about these things – it should be with a teacher-”

“It’s supposed to be you! As deputy head girl, you are supposed to set an example!”

Miss Ramsey could see how uncomfortable the other Ferox students were getting; “Mr Zimmerman sir-”

“The correct thing to do child-”

“Don’t call me child” Miss Ramsey heard Joan mutter through her teeth.

“Is to have ordered the offender to stop and take him to so Miss Ramsey. We have a carcass that has been torn apart, there’s feathers on the ground, this room will need cleared out and yet you allowed this boy to continue-”

Miss Ramsey tried again; “Sir-”

“Don’t you realise every action you do or don’t do will be seen and discussed? Child, if you’re not careful-”

“Call me child one more time-” Joan’s fingers tapped at her side.

“they will find reasons to harm you. Every time I hear that something happened which involved you I know for a fact it could have been avoided if you stopped acting like a naïve child and just-” Joan started to walk away. Tom, with both hands, grabbed her arm; “- listen to what I and your teacher tell you!”

Now even Blair looked sorry for what was happening.

Joan could feel her toes curl in her shoes as she tried hard not to cry in front of both teachers and the students. His grip was too hard and his voice too harsh.

Too much like Dad.

Dad…..

“Look at me!”

Joan did. It was easier than she expected. It wasn’t Dad. It was only Tom. He didn’t scare her. He looked stupid. It was kind of funny.

She suddenly didn’t feel any fear. Just pain. So she tried to shake him off. Then his grip got tighter and she had to look down to try and control herself.

What did this bastard want from her anyway? He was the one who lied to her. She was supposed to see Dad. Why didn’t he tell her he was leaving without her?

She felt herself try to pull herself away, but his grip was too strong. She reached back to try and escape, her eyes closed so she didn’t have to see everyone staring.

“You try and fight this, it’ll only get worse for you.”

Joan felt her feet go numb.

“Do you want me to deal with you in front of these students right here?” She felt him shake her, “do you want me tell your father about this?”

He suddenly stopped and let go as a swift but hard slap struck him.

Everyone froze.

Joan leaned in close; “ _Don’t EVER use Dad to threaten me_.”

Tom felt…. Fear.

Joan felt a strange urge to outright murder everyone in the room. She suddenly felt sick. What kind of monster was she?

But then she remembered Dad. Tom had said they could see him. He’d left without telling her. He brought the man up in front of people who had no business in her personal life. She had every right to be angry. At least she was controlled this time.

And he looked so pathetic now. It was almost comical.

“Miller”, Sarah tried to take charge, “you need to-”

Joan’s finger rose at her; “before you start, no that was not an altercation between student and teacher. I’m very much aware I should have found a teacher, maybe stopped Blair myself, but then he had to make it personal and that’s not professional and nor was that even an altercation. Nor do I care for these guys to know anything more about me, they all know _too much_.” Her hand went to her head, “I hate this room….”

Joan wisely left the common room, ignoring Zimmerman’s glance and step to hold her back.

“Mr Zimmerman just let her go.” Tom noticed Miss Ramsey had her classic stern look on him; “let her calm down.” She then turned to Blair; “What do you have in your pocket?”

Blair sheepishly showed his knife. It was covered in blood and feathers.

Miss Ramsey hid her disgust; “You were using that?”

“I was cutting it up, I wouldn’t have hurt her.”

“Mr Zimmerman, my student has a fear of knifes – I think you can understand why she may have hesitated to try and confront Mr Stillman and perhaps leave him alone with a weapon just to find a teacher.”

Tom felt like an idiot; “We should expect the student with the most authority to deal with this.”

Miss Ramsey’s look grew darker; “Alright everyone, leave the room. Stillman, your room.” She then stopped him with; “and don’t think for one second I believed you when you said Miller allowed this.”

“She didn’t stop me Miss.”

“But she didn’t say you could do it did she?”

“No Miss.”

“Trying to get her in trouble?”

“…. Yes.”

“Congratulations.”

“She called me a prick Miss-”

“I don’t want to hear anymore from you. Your room! Now!”

Blair made his escape quickly. As he tried to get to his room, a small group of Ferox students – three boys and a girl - were lying in wait and they threw their used plastic cups at him while a giant sixth year called Remus Sindram poured tomato sauce on his head. The girl – who just so happened to be Juno Olwen - laughed the loudest and kicked the younger boy. Blair threw one of the cups back at them but found he had to cover himself.

He closed his eyes and prayed for them to stop.

He didn’t see Joan – still reeling from her outburst - watching from the distance, appalled at what she was seeing.

Forgetting her own pain, she ran up;

“What in the darkest verses of the Old Testament are you doing?!”

The students stopped.

Olwen tried to chuckle; “Joan. You look like someone -”

“Take five steps away from him” Joan gestured to Blair, “now!”

Blair was just as surprised as the others, so he stayed where he was.

The boys started to sheepishly walk away.

“You could tidy the mess you know” Joan firmly told them, just barely keeping herself together.

Surprised that the normally shy deputy head girl was clearly furious, the group mildly began cleaning up the mess. Juno however, stood and folded her arms, daring Joan to tell her off. To her disappointment, Joan ignored her.

Joan waited until everything was cleared before she tried to speak;

“What’s the story then, what was the point in that?”

“Blair’s a moaner” a fourth-year boy called Adrian Baechle said.

Joan gave up trying to control her voice; “I asked what the _point_ was!”

The boy flinched and dropped his head.

“It was just a bit of fun, Miller. Something you’ve not had much experience in” Juno spoke up, trying to tease the younger girl.

“A bit of fucking fun? Fun to make someone hate themselves much further than they already do?”

“It was-”

“Is it fucking fun to hide in your room because you’re afraid some idiots will jump on you and laugh at your inadequacies, so you lie there and say the things you imagine them going to say?” She included the others; “It’s people like you lot who are going to end up with someone dead on your hands.”

Silence.

“Fucking losers all of you. Go and find a different hobby. If I wasn’t on my own and not in the middle of a break down, you’d all be in our office. For now, your safe. But I will be speaking to Miss Ramsey about this and you’re all on the teams official “shit list”. That means anymore of this, your dead. Got it? Fifty points off for each student here. Go on, dismissed.”

The group slowly started to move.

“Olwen.”

Juno looked at the younger girl. The boys hung back, curious.

“I don’t know what your problem is with me, but if you’re smart, you’ll stay away from me.”

Juno tried to smirk, pretending not to be intimidated; “You know, I’m friends with Hillman -”

“Who fucking cares?”

“You should Miller. The only reason she hasn’t gone after you as much as wants, is because Read made your life hell last term.”

“ _Get lost_.”

“And-”

“Another ten points if you _don’t move it_!”

Juno did her best to smirk before leaving the deputy head girl and the fourth-year prefect alone together.

Blair felt terrified; “Jesus, your scary when your angry.”

“Five points and lines for using the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Joan-”

“Don’t talk to me.” Her voice was hard, but she didn’t shout at him, “you will talk to your parents or Miss Ramsey. Not to me.” Her angry eyes met his, “In case you can’t tell, I’m in a bad fucking mood. So talk to someone who can help you. I can’t right now. My arm hurts.”

“I am getting better.” Blair pleaded, sounding like a much younger boy.

Joan gave a few heavy breaths to calm herself down.

“Joan?”

“I’m worried.” Joan was earnest. “Get some rest. We can talk some other time when feelings aren’t so high.”

“Thanks for what you did.”

“I’ve been in your place more than I care to admit.”

“Listen, I didn’t mean to put you in that situation with Zimmerman I only-”

Joan shut him up with a look. Blair took the hint and left her alone.

Joan wasn’t sure what to do once left alone. Yelling at those idiots – especially Juno - helped in some way. She rubbed her eyes. Then she remembered the cigarettes.

“Joan!”

Thankfully, Joan hadn’t taken the small box out, so she rubbed her eyes again and looked to see who had shouted to her.

It was Sam.

Joan sighed. Sam was nice but he was becoming an annoyance lately.

“Miss Ramsey’s telling off Mr Zimmerman.”

That was a surprise.

“Why?”

“He shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

“Who’s “he”?”

“Mr Zimmerman. Well Blair was horrible-”

“Considering he walked into a room, got something he’d bought that was no doubt expensive smashed because of a dead bird, he had every right to be angry.”

He didn’t need to hold her arm like that though.

“But who do you report to when everyone is on holiday?”

“I guess I’m supposed to sort it out.” Joan was unsure, “But I’ve not done it on my own before. Ebony or one of the prefects has helped me. Mostly Gail.”

“Why not start with us? We should have stopped him.”

“I’d rather wait till things calm down pal.”

“You were very brave to stand up to him.” Sam looked at her curiously, “you look very angry.”

“Saw a bunch of them attack Blair just now.”

“He deserved it.”

“No one deserves that. Sam – I don’t care what the other students think of him, I don’t want Blair feeling afraid to be in school.”

“Is he getting bullied?” Sam could understand that. He’d been left alone after the Read incident, but his tormentors hadn’t been found.

“Yes.” Joan was firm, “so we need to think first before yelling at him too. I’m going to tell Miss Ramsey about what happened just now but I want Blair to feel safe again. You seem to know everyone in the first year so try and make sure people watch out for him.”

“I’ll do my best Joan.”

Satisfied but still feeling rotten inside, Joan waited until Sam skipped away merrily before deciding to rest in Miss Ramsey’s office. It wasn’t locked but the place smelt of new flowers which was odd. She didn’t care. She needn’t a moment away from it all.

“What’s happened to her since I’ve been gone?”

Those were Tom’s first words when he and Sarah were alone.

Sarah was not impressed; “are you serious? Adams hasn’t told you what she’s had to go through? While you just left her without telling her where you were going?”

“Adams called you?”

“She wasn’t sleeping or eating well, and you don’t answer your phone, so the best bet was to call me.”

“No.” Tom shook his head, “the girl is my responsibility.”

“Why did you try to frighten her like that? I was talking to her and she was answering – as soon as you got in front of me, she got frustrated and angry.”

“She shouldn’t be left alone with anyone dangerous.”

“No, she shouldn’t but I’ve never punished her for being near Gladys Hillman.”

“She could have walked away.”

“Tom, she’s a fifteen-year-old girl whose just spend Christmas alone. And she doesn’t know why.”

“You know I’m coming for her” Tom warned. His face still stung.

“Can’t say you didn’t deserve it.” Sarah got up, “I know where she’ll be heading so you can follow me if you want, but I don’t think she’ll be happy to see you for a while.”

Tom resented that but he knew she was right so made no comment.

Sarah knew where Joan went. Whenever she felt unsafe or upset during school hours, she would be in Miss Ramsey’s office and sit on a soft chair in the corner of the room which the only window in the room stood awkwardly at a strange angle. You could see the teacher’s car park but not much else. The teacher thought it was a rotten view. Zimmerman and Read had wonderful views of the town and Mrs Oliver’s had the grounds. Joan seemed to like it though.

Before she had sat down though, Joan wrote down everything she had seen and done. Miss Ramsey took the note and read it. She looked at Joan.

This. Girl.

Joan had taken on a group of bullies. She confessed to swearing at the students which she was aware would get her disciplinary action. Yet she also wrote down her concerns for Blair and what he told her while they sat at that table.

Now wasn’t the time to be praising though;

“A bit of an explosion back there, Miss Miller. You certainly gave Mr Zimmerman a bit of a shock.”

Joan stayed still, unable to look at her teacher.

“Just what in the hell has gotten into you? First Matron comes running to my car telling me you disrespected her, and you’ve not been looking after yourself. And then this.”

Didn’t she know?

Joan let her arms down and then took Tom’s letter out of her pocket. Then she handed it to Miss Ramsey.

“What is this?”

Joan didn’t answer.

Miss Ramsey opened and looked at it.

Joan used the silence to control her nerves.

Then she heard a bang and looked up.

The teacher had slammed the letter on her desk.

Joan waited until the teacher’s eyes were on her: “Am I hard to talk to?”

 _You coward Tom_.

Sarah felt sick to her stomach.

“I’m so sorry Joan.”

“You knew about this didn’t you?” Joan’s eyes were small, “about the ban?”

“Yes. Mr Zimmerman told me he would tell you. But if I knew he would do it this way – I…. I should have got more involved in this.”

Confusion overtook Joan; “Mr Bell said something about a trial I should have gone to. He said it never happened so…...?”

Sarah decided not to sugar coat it; “Dr Brookes and Tom said they would not hand you over, so the committee had a meeting without informing us. They wanted to show the locals that they felt you were responsible for the ill prepared arrival and they would not stand by it and so that was the punishment they decided on.”

She did not like the look on Joan’s face.

“Tom did try to get it lifted for this occasion and before he…. Left you with this note, he, Dr Brookes and Mr Bell tried to get permission for you to leave for your Grandmother’s funeral.”

“And they said no.”

Sarah nodded.

Joan, distraught, sunk in her seat; “ _Bastards…._ ”

Sarah didn’t bother to scold the swearing; “It’s ok to be angry, I won’t scold you.”

“Both of you were gone. No students and no staff either. And Matron…. She just got on my nerves.”

“You have to apologise to her -”

“Tell her to stop looking through my knickers first.”

“Her job is to make sure your healthy.”

“In my country, that’s looked at as pervertation.”

“You mean perverting-”

Joan finally lost her temper; “I’ve lost my Gran! And I couldn’t say goodbye. So yes, I forgot to wash, yes I’m angry – can I at least be angry and be left alone to be so?”

She felt some pressure on her shoulders and realised the teacher was holding them. She struggled but then gave up as her energy left her.

“Anymore silliness?” Miss Ramsey asked sternly.

“No.”

“Good.” She let go; “I know this is all complicated Joan, but it won’t help with that type of behaviour. Even if you have every right to be angry.”

“What should I do?”

“I only want you to apologise to Matron. And once all this drama is sorted, make sure your room has shampoo and other things you’ve run out of.”

“Toilet paper.” Joan changed the subject; “A maid was packing things in a car and when she saw me she gave me the finger. Then she drove away.”

“A maid was dismissed today. That was probably her. Good riddance I say.”

Joan wasn’t stupid; “You caught her insulting me?”

“Haven’t we already lost a member of staff because they were rude to you? How long has this went on?”

Joan was in no mood to discuss it; “I don’t know.”

“We’ll find them ourselves. Hopefully these two dismissals will send the message. No one treats our students like their nothing.”

Joan squirmed a little though her voice was calm; “I was told by an adult that I’d grow up to be like them, and I remember thinking “I hope not”. It always seemed odd to me when adults around me smoked yet I was being told how dangerous they were. I also noticed how petty they could be. Over money, over girlfriends, over each other. I didn’t understand it, I didn’t want to understand it. I just wanted to play.”

“Who was that adult?”

Joan went silent. Her right thumb began to rub viciously against the nearest finger on her hand.

“You know I’m here to talk to ok? If you don’t want to tell Tom something you can tell me.”

“I know.”

“What’s wrong?”

Joan took her time but bit her lip to let herself talk; “I just wanted to say goodbye properly.”

Dahm it Tom.

Miss Ramsey swallowed her anger; “Yes that’s disappointing.”

“I might have also called Blair a prick Miss.”

That brought out a smile; “That was very wicked.”

“Some of Hillman’s gang came into my room. I hid under my bed, so they didn’t see me.”

“Millie and Rebecca?”

“Juno too.”

Sarah felt hopeless; “I wish they’d leave you alone Miller.”

“It would be less stress on your job.”

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t like the idea of you being targeted by other students.”

Joan decided to keep quiet.

“For the swearing, I’ll just ask you to give me evidence of the prep I expect you to do tomorrow. Now as for that outburst… I’m going to ask him to decide what to do with you about that.”

Joan felt her stomach drop; “I don’t feel brave for anything today.”

Joan knew Tom was going to kill her.

 _Really_ kill her.

Miss Ramsey read her mind; “You don’t need to be brave all the time. Bravery exhausts you if you feel you have to be that all the time. You know that.” Sarah broke character; “Tom really cares about you Joan. He has fought for you tirelessly so you wouldn’t be targeted-”

“I know.”

“So where’s the gratitude towards him?”

“I don’t know how to show that to him. Except abide to his rules and try not to make him angry.”

Sarah shook her head; “I wish this term would have been easier for you Joan. I just hope things get better from today. It’s been an awful term.”

“Will Blair get the help he needs?”

“We will try” Miss Ramsey promised.

Tom opened the door without knocking and went in.

“I asked you to wait,” Sarah said impatiently.

Joan didn’t dare look at him.

“You do well to avoid looking at me,” his voice was low, “of all the stupid things you’ve done -”

“Mr Zimmerman -”

“In front of your own peers-”

“Tom!”

They glared at each other.

Then they both turned as the young girl started making strange noises.

Joan felt her body tremble and to her horror, tears fell from her eyes.

She grabbed her ears in despair; “God……”

Tom felt his anger die.

Sarah shot him another glare before going over and holding the young girl;

“Listen to me, my rooms are through there. Have a shower, you can use my towels. I’ll put your clothes in the washing machine and you can use my dressing gown. I’ll make sure your clothes are dry before you leave ok?”

The simple hug seemed to calm Joan whose hands went back down, and she looked at Tom.

He did his best to hide his shame; “I will not and cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour Miss Ramsey. Miller knows this,” he glared at Joan, “don’t you?”

Joan didn’t cower; “Why didn’t you let me know you were going?”

“I left a note.”

“Why not to my face?”

“Watch your tone.”

Joan could feel herself losing her patience; “Are you going to let me talk or not?”

“No. Not if you intend to lecture me.”

“In Miller’s defence,” Miss Ramsey suddenly spoke up, “she has every right to feel disappointed.”

Tom did not appreciate that; “If you were my-”

“The girl spent Christmas alone Mr Zimmerman. You didn’t tell her or me you would be gone. I believe that’s unacceptable and whilst I don’t disregard Miller’s behaviour, I can understand her frustration and her actions. I’m sure you would discipline her severely if she did what you’ve done to her.”

Joan was a little taken aback by Miss Ramsey’s words. Miss Ramsey often had her back, but never against Tom. Not that she was aware of.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the ban?” she broke the silence, “I’d have understood if you’d tell me.”

“I can never know with you Joan.”

“If you don’t mind me saying-”

Tom was already impatient; “go ahead and say something stupid”.

“I find it a little hypocritical that you oppose me lying yet you’ve been lying and hiding facts from me for years.”

“Shut up.”

“The least you can tell me is that she was looked after.”

“You know she was.”

“I’m talking about the funeral. The one I missed.”

This was probably the most Joan had behaved like an angry teenager towards Tom. Her usually polite voice was not there, being replaced with a tone that sounded high opinionated which didn’t really fit with Joan at all.

Tom was put off by her tone; “She was. I promise. I did wrong. I’m sorry. I really am.”

There was no glee that she had won the argument; “I don’t understand…. What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“If you believe me, why don’t they?”

“Because they’re horrible people. Not Mr Bell, not some of them but the majority -”

“They made a mistake” Sarah interrupted; “and they don’t want to admit it. That’s politicians for you. Like Tom said, they are being horrible and he, Mr Bell and Dr Brookes tried to get them to see sense.”

“My Gran’s gone.” Joan now sounded like a confused and upset little girl. “I wanted to see her again.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you why you couldn’t” Tom found his chest was hurting; “I’m sorry.”

“If it’s ok, I don’t really want to talk to you.”

There was no anger in her tone, but her eyes showed the betrayal she was feeling.

Tom felt like a monster; “Ok.”

“Later if that’s alright.” Joan scratched her head; “I should not have hit you in front of the others sorry.”

“We’ll deal with that on a later date” said Sarah, “Now do as I say, shower.”

As she left, they heard her mutter; “I’ve always hated Christmas.”

“Don’t” Tom said to Sarah once they were alone together.

Sarah ignored him; “You’re a coward.”

He didn’t defend himself.

Joan didn’t go to Tom’s rooms for the next few days. She didn’t even attend the annual New Year’s Party that was held for students still in school and for the locals and their parents to attend. Ebony searched for her friend but soon the company of Susan made her forget about Joan.

It wasn’t until Jim and Dean returned that they found out through word of mouth what had happened in the Ferox common room and the committee and Joan found herself in an awkward position of dispelling some of the rumours but admitting that she was indeed, trapped and unable to leave the Island.

“I didn’t know about this” Ebony was shocked; “not about the ban. That’s outrageous!”

“I’ve kind of avoided Tom until now.” Joan admitted; “I suppose I can stop now-”

“You have every right to be angry with him” said Jim, “and them.”

“Oh, I am, but I don’t want to go around talking about it all the time if that’s ok.”

Ebony spoke up; “I can talk to my Dad-”

“Leave it. _Please_.”

They respected her decision, but once she was out of the room, Ebony muttered out loud; “Why can’t they all just leave her alone?”


End file.
